I think that I'm close to a mental breakdown. It's getting harder and harder for me to fake it at work and I've never been good at lying to myself. I'm afraid of how I might be this weekend when Heels and Johnny Logic and their family come South and have a bbq. Just thinking about it is making my stomach flutter. All those people. Christ.
But I have to keep it together through the 8th of July. I'm going South myself to visit my brother and sister-in-law for that weekend. See some fireworks. Go to Anime Expo. Now my stomach feels worse and my heart is beating too fast.
I've been in a dark place for a while now, but I can feel it affecting me in a bigger way. Sometimes it scares me. Sometimes it makes me want to cry, but no tears come. And I'm not sure what's causing it. And I'm not sure what to do about it either.