Useless Writing

My First Foray Into Fandom

2009-11-12T14:47:00.000-08:00

In the world of Daria Fandom Fanfition they have challenges for writing called Iron Chefs.

The topic came over from another discuss, but was turned into an Iron Chef and goes liked this:

Mack visits Jodie at the soup kitchen, Jodie is angry instead of disappointed, upset that Mack gets to take the last few weeks off while she works the most grueling weeks of her schedule. Mack's reasons for quitting, including paying his father off, fall on deaf ears, and he never gets the chance to invite her to Chez Pierre. She breaks it off, and Mack is kicked to the Curb. By the time school starts, everyone knows that Mack is available.

Let the games begin.

My first thought was more along this line, but without the clever ending.

I wanted to one-up the insanity level in my ficlit:

Michael practically stumbled into Mr. O'Neill's empty classroom. Lunch wouldn't be over for another fifteen minutes, but he couldn't take it anymore. All those girls trying to throw themselves at him, it was flattering, but also disgusting and exhausting.

He dropped into his usual desk and put his head down. He tried not to think about it, about anything.

He heard the door open and sighed. Who tracked him down here? Who, besides himself, would voluntarily come into a classroom during lunch? Of course, if the stall in the bathroom wasn't a safe place, why should this be any different?

"Mack," said Mr. O'Neill, "what are you doing here?"

Michael looked up and said, "Nothing. Just relaxing before class."

"So you'll be in here until class starts?"

"If it's okay with you?"

"Of course," said Mr. O'Neill, smiling. "I'll be right back."

Michael thought he heard an "Oh, boy!" come from his teacher as he hurried out the door. It must have been his imagination, though.

He put his head back on the desk.

A minute or so later, the door opened and closed again. The dead bolt snapped into place.

He jerked his head up and saw Ms. Barch leaning on Mr. O'Neill's desk, pulling her blouse out of her skirt. "Skinny," she said, slapping her hand on the desk, "let's get this party started."

"Oh, my," said Mr. O'Neill.

What's in a Name? People Edition

2009-11-10T07:23:00.000-08:00

There's a doctor who sends many medical reports to my work. His last name is Guinney.

I just can't keep myself from wondering about his ancestry.

Some Music of My Life

2009-11-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

I've spent a lot of time recently wondering when people stop searching for new music to listen to.

At what point do people stop tuning into radio stations that play new, or newish, music and start listening for station that play the music they listened to between junior high and, say, 27?

I don't listen to music on the radio, much. Stations piss me off with all their commercials and intros and traffic updates and inane DJ chatter, so I tend to listen to NPR because the major commercials only come twice a year and the chatter is is less inane. Still, there are those moments when I just don't want to consider anything and I'll flip through the radio. And, like most everyone else, I'll stop on songs that I recognize, songs that I can sing along with.

A few months ago, during all this overtime stuff, I started listening to Last.FM when I could. It's great fun because you put in the name of an artist you like and then it plays music by people who are similar. Without it I'd never have experienced the joys of listening to Moxy Früvous and Julia Nunes, among others. (Although the damn radio keeps trying to slip in Hootie & the Blowfish songs, which sucks seahorse scrōt.) So, in that way I've started to move out of what I know and into finding other things, even if I don't buy any CDs or songs from iTunes or wherever, I'm getting to know some new, to me at least, artists.

Still, though I wonder when people stop listening for new things. When driving through the valley on my way to the airport a few weeks ago, there were a bunch of stations claiming to play the best of the '80s and '90s, stuff for my generation. Have we, or many of us at least, already shut off our desire for new music and only want to listen to what we already know? We're only in our thirties, for Xusia's sake!

Anyway, thinking along that line led me to start thinking about my dad. He used to be a pretty big music guy. Lots of records from the '60s and '70s, but not much of anything, if anything at all, from the three decades following. Seems like he sort of quit buying, and maybe listening, to new music between the time my mom got pregnant with me and when they got married. When he discovered modern day record clubs, he bought stuff from his youth. The radio in the house was, except for days when snow was on the ground, tuned to stations claiming to play "the best of the '60s and '70s." and eventually branched out to include the '80s.

I decided to make a mix for him of artists he may have heard coming from my room when I was younger or never heard at all.

I have a few questions, though, that maybe someone out in bland (you know, blog land) might be able to help me with:

1. I have to include The Dresden Dolls. Finding this band was one of my happiest musical moments in recent years. Right now I'm planning on putting "Coin-Operated Boy" on the CD because it's the most accessible song, I think. It's fun, but not my favorite. It's not like "Dear Jenny" or "Girl Anachronism" or "Dirty Business," but are those too outrageous for my dad? Should I play it safe, or throw him into the deep end?
2. I choose Cake's "Love You Madly" because it's a fun song, but I also thought about "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" and "Going the Distance" and "Building A Religion." Maybe something else? Cake has a lot of great songs, so it's hard for me to choose. The only reason I chose "Love You Madly" is because it was the first song that popped into my head when I thought about putting Cake on the CD.
3. Semisonic's "Closing Time" was choosen because it's a good, catchy song. Hell, it was a single for a reason. (It also has a real bad ass video.) The song's excellent, there's no way for me to deny it, but it's not my favorite. My favorite is "Gone to the Movies." So do I pick my favorite song or a recognized great song?
4. The song I'm most unsure of is "Six Different Ways" from The Cure. I just really enjoy the song, but don't think it really represents The Cure. Any suggestions?

Reach for the Stars, Until You Pass Out From Lack Of Atmosphere and Tumble Back to Earth

2009-11-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

Gettin' quite a spike in traffic thanks to this post and this link.

It won't last, but it's nice seeing lots of visitors on my Sitemeter stats.

Thanks for stopping by! I'll miss your numbers when you stop visitin'.

Also, favorite Google search, in recent days, that turned up my blog. HA!

An Observation

2009-11-05T13:39:00.000-08:00

TMSV's laugh is lecherous, but not in that being-silly-lecherous way.

She laughs more like an old man sitting in a seedy strip club watching a 14-year old cry as she pulls her top over her head.

Handwritin'

2009-11-04T09:55:00.001-08:00

First, she did it. Today, her husband did it. I say everyone should do it.

I did it:

As usual, click for biggers, if you need to, or, for some odd reason, want to.

Also, you should know, this is me, especially in the beginning, trying to write more clearly. Usually it's small and cramped because I think words faster than I can write and drop small words and letters and then have to go and cram them in to make for complete(ish) sentences. It happened in this bit of writing where I wrote "because, to the best of my." What it looks to me like I originally wrote was "because, th best o my."

Also, I write just as straight even when there are lines on the page. I guess I see the lines more as barriers not to cross, too much, rather than what I'm supposed to write on.

A list of some others:

From So The Fish Said's comments:

How Should I Picture This?

2009-11-02T15:08:00.000-08:00

They wore "coats dark and sober except for bright horizontal slashes of ... color across the chest."

Robert Jordan does this a lot. (That's part of a sentence for Lord of Chaos.) He describes the clothes of characters and says that they have slashes of color (or specific colors) across the front or in the skirt or somewhere and I have no idea how to properly picture "slashes" in clothing.

Does it mean the coat, or whatever, is sliced through to show a color beneath? Is it thin strips of color sewn onto the coat? Is it like, say, those military stripe things (see all that gear on left side McCrystal's coat)?

What does it look like?

Please tell me. It's been bothering me for years and I've only now had the courage to admit my problem.

Help!

Once Again...

2009-10-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

Trying is something, right?

2009-10-29T17:39:00.000-07:00

Another day, another post where I don't want to say much. Why write then?

Why not?

Just because I don't want to write about the things that are on my mind doesn't mean that I don't want to write something. Hell, there was a time when I posted n...

You know what, fuck it. I'm sick of complaining, right now.

So, this is what you get and it's what I get for today.

Perhaps better stuff tomorrow, but I doubt it. I've caught up with all the work at my desk up through the stuff that came in on Monday and the stuff that's left in the in-basket looks to be about 1/3rd the size of the stuff I just finished and that covered 6 work-days and took me 2 1/2 days to finish.

Bollocks.

More Good News!

2009-10-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

Subject: 2009 California State Tax Withholding Rate Changes

This is to advise you of changes in California State Tax Withholding rates. The rate changes are for both the percentage method of withholding and the supplemental/flat method of withholding. The supplemental/flat method of withholding rate has increased from 6.0% to 6.6%. The changes will be effective beginning with payments issue dated November 1, 2009.

You may view the changes by going online to the following website and inputting your personal information:

www.sco.ca.gov/ppsd_se_paycheck_calc.html

Part of me hopes that this only affects people working for the state, but another part of me wants to share the misery with everyone.

Edit@Noon: One of the ladies in the office came over to me about this and got a little... peevish with me because I didn't get all angry over it. It's not that I'm not angry, it's just that I'm so tired being angry over this sort of crap.

Something happens so we get less money each paycheck and I get angry and lots of other people get angry and nothing happens.

I'm just tired of all this crap.

Mixed

2009-10-27T17:07:00.000-07:00

Figured out today that after this Friday I will not be at work on a Friday until January 29. That's twelve weeks.

One the one hand, that's a lot of time where I come into work only four days a week and at least three weeks where I only have to come for three days.

On the other hand, most of that time off is because my pay was cut nearly 15%.

People around here keep saying how surprising it was to adjust to Fridays off and how hard it is to work on those days where we come in for five days. I say that's nuts. Of course it's easy to adjust to NOT doing something you dislike.

Christ.

Been Trying to Catch-Up

2009-10-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

So, there's been no reporting on my trip. To start to make it up to you, here's the bizarre statue of Bush Sr. at Houston International Airport.

For those who doubted, I told you it existed.

To Clarify, sort of

2009-10-22T15:45:00.000-07:00

It's not so much about being back at work after being away for a while.

Yes, I have a lot of work to catch up with, but it's mindless and simple. It's more about the amazingly high stress level in the place. (I think mostly because everyone hates everyone else but tries to keep it down to a mild simmer of loathing that no one is willing to acknowledge.) The stress sort of shed itself in layers, slowly falling away, while I was gone. The moment the clock passed 8:30, and everyone was finally here, all the stress was dumped back on me.

And, so, life is not like a box of chocolates because even if you don't like the filling, at least you always get a little bit of chocolate first and can lick the chocolate to help get rid of the nasty taste.

2009-10-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

Life *sigh* is not like a box of chocolates.

Zombie Limericks!

2009-10-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

Sort of like that Zombie Haiku! post. (Oh, and thanks to RhymeZone for helping when I got stuck.)

He said that he wanted my brain.
Not those girls exceedingly vain.
'Til he munched on a chick
Who was built like a brick.
They just won't eat one who's so plain.

Being dead doesn't mean being rude.
Ripping flesh with your teeth is so crude.
So, use knife and fork
To eat human pork.
It's the civilized way to eat food.

It's hard to remember having fun
When worried about your gun.
We see all we kill.
There are more on the hill.
Soon everyone will have to run.

The safest, they said, would be malls,
With barricaded doors and thick walls.
Well, now we're surrounded
And constantly hounded,
With nothing to eat but baseballs.

I shuffle and groan every day.
For my people, it's just our way.
When we're in luck,
We chow down on Chuck,
Or that grizzled old bat, Aunt May.

Please do your own and if you post it to your blog let me know in the comments.

Developing Artist

2009-10-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

Watched Capitalism: A Love Story this weekend.

While I think that he'll never have a better subject than a past film, his filmmaking keeps getting better.

Don't take my word for it, though, let's go to a person who dislikes Michael Moore:

Most interesting is the way he positions black citizens in the Obama theme. An interview is interrupted by the news that the election is won, and we see black folk leap and cheer -- a common image during that news cycle, but (as I mentioned about the portrayal of Republicans tumbling out of the closet in Republican Gomorrah) newly piquant in a narrative context: The most traditionally despised and debased people in the country suddenly filled with optimism. The payoff comes near the end, when Moore reproduces FDR's 1944 call for a new Bill of Rights-- a late New Deal legacy that presaged Moore's own hopes for the nation. We may be aware without reminding that Roosevelt's vision -- including that of "every family to a decent home.. to adequate medical care... to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age and sickness and accident" -- went unrealized after his death.

Next we see the crowds weeping at FDR's funeral procession -- many of them African-American. Then Moore avails a stealth-shock cut -- it takes a few moments to realize that the helicopters we are next shown are hovering over the flooded homes in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, and that the terrified citizens begging for rescue are black.

I'm a terrible cynic, but the sorrow and anger at injustice I felt at what I saw, I am convinced, were not drawn by a gimp-string, nor by a clever concatenation of my own prejudices, but by the craft of a real filmmaker turning bare facts and images into art. It's political, certainly. But sometimes, if rarely, a political gesture is sufficiently inspired to cross the line.

Today is Fall

2009-09-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

The temperature while walking to work was in the mid-40s. The breeze was heavier than gentle. The air smelled fresh. Fall has finally arrived.

Some will get into work later this morning and complain that it's soooooo cold out. I find it refreshing.

Dear CBS,

2009-09-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

Please rearrange your Monday night schedule to put How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory back-to-back again.

I tried the new Jenna Elfman show, I really did, but it's not good. And I like Jenna Elfman, but she's one of the two good things about it and let me tell you the other good thing isn't the plot, the writing, the "comedy," the male lead, or anything else that'd make me want to stick around.

Also, I've never like Two and a Half Men. Many others do, but I don't.

So, please, move How I Met Your Mother to nine or The Big Bang Theory to 8:30 and make my Monday night viewing more pleasurable.

*hugs*

ticknart

Very Tired

2009-09-28T17:52:00.000-07:00

Totally pooped and it's just the first day of the work week.

Crap.

Another God damned post about fan ficiton!?

2009-09-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

Yeah, but this one's about me, too.

To say that I've been reading a lot of fan fiction recently is like saying that people breathe. I've been through lots of bad stuff and found a few pretty good things, but I've read way more than some may want to believe.

As I read a question crept into my mind: Why haven't I been writing fan fiction? I've been reading it off and on since 1997, why haven't I created my own? I sit and think "what if?" about nearly everything I enjoy. I wonder about the life of characters after then end or at an age that the original never went to and I think up arcs and stories, why haven't I ever put them down in writing?

(Okay, so technically, I have. There's that Voyager thing I did and a short Sliders story (Both of which need some massive editing. Like and embarrassing amount of editing.), but I haven't done any regular fan fiction writing, ever.)

In the beginning I think it was because I saw fan fiction as a fun diversion. I was in school and busy with my school work and what not. It was there for me to read and enjoy, but it wasn't something that I wanted to create myself.

When school ended I kept reading, but I had delusions of being a "real" writer. Of writing short stories and novels and having them published on paper that people paid money for. Of hundreds, sometimes thousands, of people enjoying a tale spun from my thoughts. I didn't write anything much beyond a paragraph, though. Eventually, I knew I wouldn't do anything more than that and did my best to stop thinking.

Still the hope was there and I started that Fiction Friday experiment. I think there's some strong stuff in there. Good ideas and plenty of okay writing. (Also, poor editing, but that's only because I'd post 'em right after I wrote 'em. So, really, that's a different problem. Procrastination.) If wishes were ponies, I'd still be posting those on a regular basis an have more than two years worth of short stories on here.

The main problem was that I just didn't write. There were, and are, plenty of ideas in my head, but I didn't, and don't, write. I can't say why, but I don't. I guess that just not enough of me wants to.

Ce qui a été, est.

Which, pretty much, brings us up to this latest run in with fan fiction and me still not writing it.

Why not?

It's hard to suppress the belief that fan fiction isn't real writing.
You don't make money from it.
Only a niche group is going to read it.
I want to play in the sandbox, but play with my own toys more than the creator's toys.
Fandom is insanity, even if there are a bunch of decent people.
Copyright infringement.
I'd have to join a community.
I'm better than fan fiction.

It's the last one that really pisses me off, but I'm going to go down that list one at a time:
1. I know this one isn't true, a lot of the stuff is crap, but I've read some stuff by people who can really write. They know how to craft a sentence to support a paragraph to build a story. I even found one today that had writing in the good-to-great range.

It is real writing. There are creative plots and intriguing ideas. The writers may not create the character and too many don't know how to keep the characters in character, but they're still putting one word next to another (except for the ones written in 1337 or txtese) to create an (hopefully) original story.

2. Well, that's true, but really how often to "real" writers make money from their first several short stories. Pretty damn rare for a new writer to get published in The New Yorker.

Plus, if money was made off of fan fiction (aside from the company approved stuff) we'd see the publishers and movie/TV studios and authors come swooping in with their lawyer to crush the folks who write the stuff.

3. Also true, but at least you know that they're there because they like the characters, right?

4. What I mean by this is that I'm far more interested in putting in new characters to explore the universe without ever necessarily going near the original characters.

To better explain, hopefully: How are young wizards, in the Harry Potter-verse, in the USA trained? There are some boarding schools in the USA, but there's very few and very far between. Even the ones that do exist don't really do the whole different-houses-that-compete thing. Would there be one or two or three big schools for wizarding children for the USA or maybe all of North America that all the magical children go to? Or would it be more like a local after school program for those certain special individuals? And how did Voldemort causing trouble in England effect the wizards in the US and Canada?

That's something that I'd be more interested in exploring than what happened to Ron after he ditched Harry and Hermione in Deathly Hallows and then coming back to them or Peter Pettigrew's adventures with the Weasley family or redeeming Draco Malfoy. But is it really a Harry Potter fan fiction if it never mentions Harry Potter?

5. Whatever you write, even if people like it, you won't ever get any constructive criticism, which I think is important for any writer.

Also, once you start writing under any fandom they, or a vocal number of them, think they own the characters and therefore should be able to tell you exactly what you should have done while they call what you, probably, worked hard on a horrible piece of shit.

Oh, sure, fuck 'em, right? It's not that simple, though. As seen by 3, those are the only people who are going to be reading what you wrote. Fan fiction does not expand beyond the small part of the fanbase that reads and writes it.

6. Always a concern. Some of the original creators support fan fiction, some ignore it (or pretend to ignore it), some ask for it to be removed when they find out it's been done. Lots of the properties aren't owned by the original creators, or at least not totally, and who can tell when Viacom or Universal or Warner Bros. or Disney will have their attorneys send out cease and desist letters to the massive fan fiction websites.

7. Once you write it and put it on a fan fiction site, your part of that community. Whether it's a site that's about all fan fiction or a site dedicated to one certain character/show/book/whatever your part of a community and there are certain expectations that I'm uncomfortable with, like conversations with people. Even knowing it's via message board it makes my stomach flop.

8. I'm not. I know I'm not.

To be better than fan fiction I'd at least have to be writing something. I'm not though.

To actually be better than fan fiction I'd have to be published or filmed and have people writing fan fiction based on my stuff.

And it really bugs me that floating around in my brain is that damn thought because at least those guys and girls are writing something creative. I'm not even doing that. I'm just sitting and thinking about ideas. Nothing goes down on paper or takes up bits on the hard drive, nothing. Still, the thought is there.

I feel like I should be wrapping this up, but I don't know how. Will I continue to not write fan fiction? Will I start writing fan fiction? Will I quit the fan fiction thing altogether? I really can't say.

I have ideas. Like the one mentioned above. Hell, I even have ideas for a couple of series of stories for several different fandoms, for lack of a better word. As I wrote earlier, I just don't write. (And, yes, I realize the irony in that sentence.) I don't. I think I should, but... you know.

I Figured It Out

2009-09-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

For a long time, at least while the show was on TV, my brothers and I have been trying to figure out the first name of the first officer on the starship Voyager.

His name: Charles "Chuck" O'Tay.

Turns out the guy is Irish. I'm not sure why everyone calls him by his full name, though. Weird crew.

This Week's Obsessive Songs

2009-09-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

"Paper Bag," Fiona Apple, from When the Pawn...

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void," he said
"It's all in your head," and I said, "So's everything"
But he didn't get it I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

"Call and Answer," Barenaked Ladies, from Stunt

I think it's getting to the point
Where I can be myself again
I think it's getting to the point
Where we have almost made amends
I think it's the getting to the point
That is the hardest part.

And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I'll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I'll point you home

You think I only think about you
When were both in the same room
You think I'm only here to witness
The remains of love exhumed
You think we're here to play
A game of who loves more than whom

And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I'll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I'll point you home

You think it's only fair to do whats
Best for you and you alone
You think it's only fair to do the same
To me when you're not home
I think it's time to make this something that is
More than only fair

So if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I'll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I'll point you home.

But I'm warning you, dont ever do
Those crazy, messed up things that you do
If you ever do
I promise you I'll be the first to crucity you
Now it's time to prove that youve come back
Here to rebuild.

Rebuild...

Rebuild...

Rebuild...

Rebuild...

Are these offensive?

2009-09-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

I ask because a woman at work put an image similar to the last one on her desktop and some think it's inappropriate and at least one is offended by it. But are they offensive and/or inappropriate?

If they are, are they only offensive and/or inappropriate in a work environment or anywhere?

Also, it was all fine until the woman with the picture announced to staff what was going on in the picture because most people in the office had no clue what it was. So, if she hadn't announced it, would the picture still be offensive and/or inappropriate?

I'm probably the only one who cares, but...

2009-09-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

There's a Daria fan fiction series called "John Lane". Basically it's a Daria/Jane 'shipping story that decided to dodge the lesbian issue by re-imagining Jane as a guy, who has a much rougher life, and then rewriting most episodes with the new status quo.

Anyway, in the one I'm reading now, based around "Write Where it Hurts," Helen and Jake are concerned about the potential of Daria and John having sex and decide to talk to the two. Helen tells Daria that it's time for The Pill and Jake talks to John. Helen gets concerned that Jake... uh... instability may hurt the talk and goes in to... mediate, which leads to this:

Helen knocked on the door and opened it.

John and Jake's laughter followed the faint "thwap" of something hitting Helen's forehead. John said, "You're right. They do stretch."

Sometimes it's really hard to laugh silently here at work.

The more I think about it...

2009-09-16T08:21:00.001-07:00

...the more I realize that if "Come Together" had been written in the past 5 years the more likely it would have been about bukkake.

Not that it would stop my enjoyment of the song.