One Year Later

It's been a year since I was given a ASD diagnosis and I still don't know what to think about it.

I've switched therapists in that time to one who has more experience with autism. Although, I think most of her experience is with autistic children and their parents, rather than autistic adults. Also, even though it's been a few months, we're still feeling each other out. It's not bad, but please let it get better.

I wrote about my experience getting the assessment in March. I didn't know how to think about the diagnosis then, either. I thought six more months would help.

I've only officially told seven people about my diagnosis.

My mother and my father were all up in my business about why I was out of town two weekends in a row and the only way to get them to stop bothering me was to tell them.

I told my direct supervisor because I had noticed some behaviors that were called out in the past were, at least, partially driven by my autism and I wanted to explain to her. She also had a very kind reaction to the news.

Both of my therapists were told because I'm still trying to work on the whole depression and longing to be in Utah thing.

Finally, I told my brother and his son as we drove to a comic convention.

I don't feel ashamed by the diagnosis, but I don't want to put up with weird or shitty reactions.

Like, this summer I was at a birthday party for my cousin's three sons. (Two are twins who were born the day before their older brother's birthday.) I wasn't sure if the party was going to be indoors or out, so I brought my earplugs, just in case. At the party, other cousins were talking about their children and ADHD. One of the kids is twelve and the other is six. Eventually, they started talking about noise sensitivities. The cousin with the other child mentioned Loop earplugs and then tried to explain how they are different from normal foam earplugs, and the explanation did not go well. So, I pulled out my earplugs and handed the over telling my cousin to take a look.

I was being helpful.

The looks on my cousins' faces, and my mother's face (she was sitting next to me at the table), were not... good. Sort of questioning and angry and uncomfortable. My mom looked especially angry. There were no follow-up questions after they looked at and returned the earplugs. Still, the looks made me very uncomfortable.

So, yeah, there's all that.

My other brother, sister-in-law, and their son are visiting in a couple of weeks. My nephew was very curious about autism when I told them all about the assessment back when I visited them during the assessment. I may tell them when they're up. Maybe.

2014/2015 Saga Reader Survey

1. Who was President (or your nation’s political equivalent) when you were born?

President Peanut. Jimmy Carter.

2. And if it’s not prying, what is your gender identity?

None of the above fits me best.

3. Have you ever personally ignited a road flare, and if so, what were the circumstances?

I think I did, once, to light a bonfire on a beach, but I might be confusing something I saw on TV with a memory.

4. What was the first comic book that got you hooked on this medium?

The funnies in the newspaper were the beginning. Then my mom gave the Richie Rich and other Harvey comics she got as a kid to me and my brothers. But finding Justice League America and Justice League Europe on the spinner rack in the grocery store is what really pulled me in.

5. Approximately how many countries have you visited in your life?

2. The USA, where I live, and Mexico, which I visited for about 2 hours when my Uncle and his *not* girlfriend went to buy weight loss drugs while I was staying with him as a babysitter for a month. He lived near the boarder at the time.

6. Sexting: hot or absurd?

I think sexting is silly for me, but I can understand why others think it’s hot.

7. Where do you fall in the birth order? Oldest, youngest, middle? Or no siblings at all, you unfairly stigmatized only child?

I was the first child for my parents and the first grandchild for my grandparents, but the second great-grandchild for the great-grandparents who were alive at the time.

8. What was the last great novel (without illustrations) that you read?

The last novel I read was Carl's Doomsday Scenario, which was a lot of fun. The last GREAT novel I read was To Kill a Mockingbird, which I used to read every spring and I hope to start that tradition back up next spring.

9. How much would you say that you support Israel’s actions in Gaza on a scale of 1 (not at all) to 10 (completely)?

Back when the survey was written it was probably a 2 or 3, now it’s a 1. I wish the whole world would admit that Israel is never going to allow a second state, so they need to enfranchise all the Palestinians with minimum guarantees of representation in the Knesset and international security to protect the newly enfranchised people.

10. What are your ideal movie theater snacks?

Whichever snack I’m currently popping is my mouth while at the movie theater is the ideal snack.

11. Do you think your parents are proud of you?

I don’t think that they’re disappointed in me, but I don’t know if they are proud. I’m sure if I asked, they would say they are, even if they weren’t.

12. Have you ever gone hunting?

No, I have not.

13. What is your kryptonite?

I don’t think people often answer this question correctly. Kryptonite is something that causes Superman pain and can kill him. People will answer with a “tee hee, frappuccinos.” Superman does not go out seeking kryptonite without serious personal protection. People pay way too much money for the honor of ingesting frappuccinos. So, my kryptonite should be something I know harms me that I wouldn’t choose to interact with unless I protected myself. I guess a gas leak is my kryptonite.

14. If you were on Celebrity Jeopardy, which charity would you be playing for?

I don’t have any specific charities in mind, but it’d be for foster kids.

15. What is the worst thing you’ve ever been called?

I don’t know. Most of the things that I’ve been called to my face are either true (I’ve been fat for as long as I remember.) or never felt like insults to me. I assume the worst things I’ve been called were said when I couldn’t hear.

16. Favorite Saturday morning cartoon when you were a kid?

I always watched The Smurfs on Saturday mornings. I’d force my brothers to change the channel when it came on, even if they were enjoying something different.

17. What is the most embarrassing thing about your current browser history?

I think when I accidently opened a link to ChatGTP is probably still in my history.

18. If you were trapped on a desert island, what one video game would you want with you?

I think a The Legend of Zelda game. Either The Wind Waker or A Link Between Worlds.

19. When was the last time you needed to be brave?

I can’t remember ever feeling brave.

20. How many tattoos do you have.

None. Sometimes I think it would be funny to get the hanzi for penis on one inside wrist and the hanzi for vagina on the other. I’m in on the joke that way.

21. Have you ever seen someone die with your own eyes?

I have not.

22. What is the last music you actually paid for?

I bought the cast album for the two seasons of Galavant for my birthday this year. It’s delightful.

23. How many alcoholic beverages do you normally consume in a week? Truthfully?

Zero. I don’t like the taste of alcohol.

24. Do you think college is important?

Yes, but I want to acknowledge that college isn’t for everyone and it shouldn’t have to be, but so many jobs out there just expect someone to have some sort of a degree and the way high school counselors push college on everyone without a thought on what the student wants or needs almost makes it required. Ultimately, you may earn a degree, but you only really get out of college what you are willing to work for.

25. What do you hope your legacy will be?

I’m uncomfortable thinking that I might leave a legacy. The best I can muster is that I hope the people I knew remember me as being kind.

2013 Saga Reader Survey

1. In the parlance of these newfangled “chat rooms,” what is your A/S/L?

Moving into mid 30s when the survey was written/No thanks/Living room

2. And if you don’t mind us asking, where do you buy your comical books?

Mostly eBay. If I’m in a city or town with a shop, I try to drop in and spend a little bit o’ cash. Every little bit helps, right?

3. Okay, but when was the last time you climbed a rope or used a rope to aid in your ascent?

I’ve never climbed a rope. Not ever.

I seem to remember going on a hike and there was a rope you could hold on to as you walked up a hill. But that would have been decades ago.

4. Do you believe in any kind of an afterlife?

I don’t believe in an afterlife. I’m very afraid that there may be one, though. I hope there isn’t.

5. Who is the most famous person you went to school with?

The most famous person I went to school with, and actually knew, would be either the kid who give Marty McFly his gun back after the shootout in Back to the Future III or the guy who played the drums in the band in the 2003 version of Freaky Friday. I know that a failed NFL player and a woman who did adult films went to my high school at the same time as me, but I don’t think I ever met them.

6. In adolescent sex talk, what does “third base” represent to you?

In general terms, third base is when one gets to play with another’s crotchal area. Third base minus is over the pants. Third base is over the underwear. Third base plus is flesh touching flesh.

7. President Obama probably hasn’t had too much free time since he was elected, so which (non-Saga) comics that have released in the past five years would you most recommend to him?

My gut says go with something funny but also has intense moments to help the funny hit harder,  like the Giffen/DeMatteis/Maguire Justice League. He may not be in office, anymore, but I’m sure he needs to laugh more.

8. It’s your final meal; what would you like to drink with that?

I’m assuming you mean something alcoholic. I don’t like the flavor of alcohol and I’ve yet to have a drink with alcohol where the alcohol wasn’t the most prominent flavor. I remember being given a mudslide in college, sipping it, and asking if it had booze in it. The person who gave me the drink laughed and said yeah, but no one could taste it. I could. And it tasted bad.

9. On Star Trek: The Next Generation, which two character had a never-acknowledged love affair that only you know about?

I think Worf and Dr. Pulaski fooled around a little after sharing the tea ceremony, but she didn’t want a relationship and he didn’t want to be a booty call.

10. What is the best thing you’ve ever stolen?

Never stolen a heart, that I know about, which must be the best thing to steal. So, I guess it’s an off-brand Tootsie Roll from one of those barrels the grocery stores used to have. It wasn’t very good, because it’s almost a Tootsie Roll, but it’s the best thing I’ve stolen.

11. Who or what do you miss?

I miss being able to needing to laugh when something’s funny. I miss feeling that tickle in my chest at a good joke.

12. Have you ever had a possible supernatural experience and if so, what was it?

Not that I can think of.

13. Do you know anyone currently in prison?

I work in the HR department of a prison. I know lots of people there. Some of us get to go home each day.

14. Which field or fields do you consider yourself an expert in?

I’m not an expert in anything.

15. Have you ever been given an award?

I got some academic awards in school. I guess that counts.

16. Has Twitter made you a happier person?

No. I’ve never had a Twitter account and, like everyone else in the world, it’s made my life worse.

17. What did your parents almost name you?

My parents claim that they did not have another name selected for me. I think it’s unlikely, but if they had another name they’ve been unwilling to tell me.

18. Did you watch any of those videos that Chelsea Manning helped leak, especially that one?

Chances are that I did, but I don’t remember.

19. If you had to fight in any war in human history, which would you choose?

I don’t know. Something that was pretty short with a low death toll like the Greek Civil War.

20. Isn’t there someone you should finally apologize to this week?

I think I need to apologize to my youngest brother, but I’m going to wait until I see him in person in October.

21. What is the most important article of clothing you own?

T-shirts. They are comfortable and if they’re long enough you don’t need underwear and they can provide some warmth if the material is thicker.

22. Are you happily addicted to anything?

I’m not happy about anything and I don’t think I’m addicted to anything.

23. We’re having a dance! Would you like to come to our dance?

Are more than six people going to be there? If yes, then I will not attend.
Will it be loud or loud-loud? If loud-loud, then I will not attend.

24. You have to permanently give up either movies or television, so what’s it gonna be?

If it’s giving up things that were originally released in movie theater vs. things that were originally released on television, I’d keep TV. Large variety of genres and larger number of hours of stuff to experience. Also, I’d rather keep the Star Trek TV shows over the movies.

25. Finally, please draw a quick doodle of yourself, especially if you’re not an artist.

2012 Saga Reader Survey

1. If you don’t mind my asking, how old are you?

I was in my early 30s when this survey was released.

2. And where are you from?

The United States. California. Sierra foothills.

3. What are your reading these days?

I’ve recently started reading again after brain problems. I’m reading stuff that I bought while I was healing, but couldn’t focus on reading. So, clearly I’ve recently read Saga. I also read all of John Allison’s books, including Giant Days, The Great British Bump Off, Steeple, and By Night. Dan Jurgen’s The Mighty Thor from ‘97. I also read the first two Dungeon Crawler Carl books. All were good and I recommend.

4. Do you buy your funny books from your friendly neighborhood retailer, or from an online site like Comixology?

At the time this survey was released, I had moved back to the town I grew up in and there was no comic store. Shortly after, I went to a store in the valley that used to mail me stuff and set up with them. They closed two or so years later. I spent some time with Comixology, but developed brain problems and lost track of everything. As my brain has recovered, I’ve bought from eBay. I tried to go to another store in the valley, but they said that they would send me a list of comics each moths that they were going to order and I could select what I wanted. They would not order The Knights of the Dinner Table for me. Don’t know why.

5. Important: who would win in a fight, the Hulk or Rorschach?

I don’t know (or care) who would win, but the readers and comics industry as a whole would lose.

6. If a member of the Saga team were on the run from the authorities, would he or she be able to crash on your couch for a bit?

Probably, if they seemed safe to be around.

7. What is the worst recreational drug?

Meth seems pretty bad, but that only comes from observation.

8. Why won’t more people accept that Haywire is Stephen Soderbergh’s very best film?

Maybe they’re like me and don’t have an extensive knowledge of Stephen Soderbergh’s filmography.

9. What is your second greatest regret in life? Giving up on those piano lessons?

I didn’t take formal piano lessons and I have a hard time practicing music because I’ve been unable to learn to sightread music all my life. I guess my second greatest regret would be not going to see Cake in concert while I was in college. I only had like $37 at the time and it was a few week before my financial aid would be released.

10. Seriously, what is wrong with my eye?

It’s too beautiful and casts a spell of lust on all who see it?

11. What is the only truly excellent Mexican restaurant in New York City?

I’ve only been in New York City once for two nights. I was more interested in going to deli’s for corned beef and/or pastrami sammiches.

12. Ian Fleming once wrote that James Bond liked sex best when it had “the sweet tang of rape.” Does this change the way you feel about the character and/or life on this planet?

James Bond is a control freak, so it makes sense that seizing a woman and forcing her to do what he wants would appeal to him. I assume lots of people like to exercise control over their partners during sex. So, it doesn’t change my view of the character and life on the planet. I just hope it’s always consensual.

13. If you had to permanent give up chocolate of cheese (in each of their infinite varieties), which would you choose?

I’d give up chocolate. Chocolate tends to be only sweet. Cheese is used in way more savory and sweet applications. Cheese is more versatile.

14. When was the last time you watched a stage play, and what was it?

It was a few months ago. My niece was in a school production of 13, which is a musical. The school did a good job with what they had, but the play has … problems.

15. What do you think Image publisher Eric Stephenson’s darkest secret really is?

I don’t know if it’s dark, but maybe co-writing Wolverine with Rob Liefeld?

16. Which of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is most assuredly an atheist?

Venus de Milo

17. Have we dated?

I haven’t dated anyone.

18. Would you rather be trapped on the island from Lost with your mom or dad, and why?

I think my mom because we can easily amuse each other.

19. When was the last time you were naked in front of someone in a nonsexual context?

I assume I was naked in front a medical professional while I was going through lithium poisoning. There are weeks worth of time that I can’t remember from back then.

20. Are you Banksy, and if so, can we do anything to help?

If I were, I wouldn’t tell you. You can help by going out and doing some are yourself.

21. What had a greater impact on your upbringing, your favorite librarian or your favorite coach?

No good coaches were good for/with me. I had lots of good librarians.

22. What are you working on these days, anything creative?

I’m working on experiencing emotions again.

23. Wait, why did you abandon it?

I only abandon it when I’m too tired for anything.

24. Relax, I’m sure it’s great. Listen, why not put down this comic and work on your thing RIGHT NOW?

Emotions first. Creative pursuits come later.

25. Cool, but before you do, but if you were reincarnated as an inanimate object, what would it be?

A novelty flash drive people get free off a table from a convention or trade show that gets lost in luggage and never serves its purpose.

Parking Spot

 This has been a relatively shitty week AND other people have been parking in my usual parking spot. Coincidence?

...

Yes. Absolutely. It's a coincidence.

But it feels like these things should be connected.

Thank goodness for a long weekend and a "Weird" Al concert at the end of next week.

Compressed

 I've been on vacation for the past week. Well, "vacation" as in not being at work. Haven't been more than twenty minutes away from the house this week and that was for an appointment on Tuesday and then for breakfast with family on Thursday.

Aside from those things, I didn't really do anything. Okay, I did some chores -- swept up the house, washed and changed bedding, sharpened knives -- but I mostly watched TV shows and movies. (Got all the Thin Man movies on Blu-ray. So great.) (Also, yeah, I still buy physical media when I can. I can watch it when the inderbluts goes out and I can loan it to people, who still have players.)

What I wanted to do was write. Fiction. Uh, fanfiction. I couldn't, though. My brain wasn't decompressed enough to even seriously consider writing fiction until Saturday night. I even broke out notes I have for a story at around 10PM and didn't write a word. I skimmed the notes. I opened my preferred word processing program. I titled and saved the document. I looked at the notes again. I closed the document. And I went to bed.

Part of it is that writing fiction stretches brain muscles that I haven't used in a while. I forced it over a year ago, and it exhausted me. In bad and good ways. But I don't want to feel that way again. It wearied my brain for a long, long time.

Part of it is also that the notes I brought out -- the fic I most want to write -- are for a story from the point of view from a character I find detestable. Sandy Griffin. Oh, how I want to finish those last two parts, though. And Quinn has to be the final one. Begin with the one I like the best and end with the one who showed growth before the post canon's came around.

My brain is much better than it was a year ago or even six month ago. The fact that I have a want to write fiction is proof of that. Further proof is that I'm reading before I go to sleep again. Not a lot. One or two issues of a comic book or a dozen or so pages of a novel. I used to read a larger volume, but the fact that I pretty much didn't read anything for seven or eight years makes me... content that I'm able to read something again. Maybe I'll even be able to get back to my annual reading of To Kill a Mockingbird next spring. That would be nice.

And there are so many fics that I want to write. I have the notes I listed above. I have notes for more post canon Gravity Falls stories that are connected to the others I've written; one is an almost New Year's date between Dipper and Zia, a character of my own creation. I have notes and ideas for so many Daria fics, including the continuation of the crossover with The Tick, a Mack and Jane story based inspired by an Iron Chef from forever ago at PPMB (which is where I did my first non-lurk on that forum) that's been in my brain for more than 15 years, a Daria/Defending Your Life crossover only I asked for,and a series of stories inspired by the songs from the Semisonic album Feeling Strangely Fine. And then there's that The Good Place fic I want to write to challenge a couple of things presented in the show, but really I want it to be a comedic/depressing self-insert story.

As for today? Today was about preparing for next week. Five lunches are packed. Dishes are scrubbed. Laundry is folded and put away. My brain is preparing for all the people I'll have to deal with again. No, writing fiction was not in the cards for today.

Maybe I'll be able to decompress from work faster when my next vacation comes around in December.

Until then...

Be well.

A Painting My Brother Did

 

It now belongs to me.