Question

 Last week, a California Parole Agent was shot and killed at his place of work.

Flags are being flown at half-staff and some departments have suspended posting to social media out of respect.

I have to ask though, if it had been an office clerk -- someone who greeted the public, answered phone, filed documents -- would there be this much pomp? Would there? Honestly?

Lots 'O Questions

I think I answer these series of questions to keep myself honest to myself about me.

1: Full name
I'm not going to actually give my full name, but I'll let you work it out for yourself:
Jehovah is generous
Yogurt brand
Son of the stuff in ponds
2: Age
The first six prime numbers minus the first prime number
3: 3 Fears
That all the bad stuff I think about myself is true. Roaming packs of people. The possibility of an after life.
4: 3 things I love
I'm loathe to answer questions about this when people, including myself, say they love a movie or a hamburger. Does that really compare with love for family or a spouse or your friends? It also doesn't help that I don't know if I really experience this emotion anymore or if I ever did at all. I care for my family and want them to be well, but is that love? There are people who I've like being near because I felt comfort and at ease, but is that love? Dictionaries define love as feeling deep affection or feeling romantic or sexual attachment. Does that mean love is a feeling of other feelings? I know that I'm totally overthinking this silly question, but when confronted with "What do you love?" my mind's a blank. Nothing. I love nothing. Maybe that's why all the rationalization.
5: 4 turns on
Wit, Intelligence, Enthuse, Eyes (Which is strange because I don't like looking at eyes when eyes are looking back at me.)
6: 4 turns off
Willful Ignorance, Hate, Dismissiveness, Poop
7: My best friend
None of the above
8: Sexual orientation
Asexual and I think I'm becoming more biromatic as I get older. Hooray for fluidity!
9: My best first date
I have never had a good first date and I'd rather not choose best out of bad.
10: How tall am I
About 175 CM
11: What do I miss
Being able to fully trust.
12: What time were I born
About 10:30ish AM.
13: Favourite color
Blue
14: Do I have a crush
Like an orange soda? No. Like on a person I know? No. Like on a celebrity? No.
15: Favourite quote
I've been thinking about this one recently because I'm going there later this week: "The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco." It's attributed to Mark Twain, but there's no actual evidence that it was his.
16: Favourite place
I haven't been there yet.
17: Favourite food
18: Do I use sarcasm
This question seems like a set-up to be sarcastic, but it's hard to hear the inflection in my voice when it's written on the page.
19: What am I listening to right now
The sounds of my office
20: First thing I notice in new person
That really depends on how I meet the person. If I'm looking down when I meet them, usually their shoes. If I'm working, usually their voice. If I'm introduced to them by someone then their hands because almost everyone wants to shake hands or, great celery god forbid, hug and I watch their hands to figure out their move.
21: Shoe size
Honest answer is that I don't know because it depends on how wide the shoes are. I have fat feet, which can add a lot of lenght to a shoe if the shoe is very narrow. I start with American size 9 most often.
22: Eye color
Greenish
23: Hair color
Brownish with some red mixed in.
24: Favourite style of clothing
T-shirt and underwear
25: Ever done a prank call?
Not that I remember.
27: Meaning behind my URL
The handle I choose for myself more than 20 years ago based on my favorite superhero duo
28: Favourite movie
I don't have a single favorite movie. I saw 2001: A Space Odyssey on the big screen for the first time and it blew my mind, again. Fantasia is still the most exciting and interesting animated feature I've seen. Superman: The Movie makes me feel like a kid, lost in wonder. Please Stand By hit me in all the feels and the feels well up when I think about the movie. Young Frankenstein may be the funniest movie of all time (unless it's The Producers or maybe Blazing Saddles). The Pirate Movie is the best bad movie/musical ever made. What do you want from me? There's too much good stuff to just have one favorite anything.
29: Favourite song
I can't even choose a favorite Beatles song. How could I choose one song from all the music I've every heard and enjoyed.
30: Favourite band
They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, "Weird" Al, Amanda Palmer. I've sort of limited to this to people currently making music. I mean, I mentioned The Beatles above and all.
31: How I feel right now
Hungry. It's lunch time.
32: Someone I love
Nope
33: My current relationship status
Single. I assume this is about romantic relationships and not my relationship to co-worker, or the homeless guys by the creek, or the stray cats by my apartments, or with television. Wow, there sure are a lot of different types of relationships.
34: My relationship with my parents
As a grown child
35: Favourite holiday
Easter, but that'll probably change from here on out.
36: Tattoos and piercing i have
None
37: Tattoos and piercing i want
Sometimes I like the idea of the Chinese symbol for penis on my inside left wrist and vagina on right. It's a set. I'd have to get both.
38: The reason I joined Tumblr
Sorry, this isn't tumblr
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?
I have no "ex"
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?
No
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?
Well, it was my mother, so yeah.
42: When did I last hold hands?
I hold my hands at night as I fall asleep.
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?
If I rush, 10 minutes.
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?
No
45: Where am I right now?
Work
46: If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?
Me
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
Reasonable level to soft.
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?
Not at the moment
49: Am I excited for anything?
No
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
No
51: How often do I wear a fake smile?
Most of the time.
52: When was the last time I hugged someone?
Saturday, probably. I saw my parents and brother. I try not to hug if I can help it and try to forget it if I do.
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?
Meh
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?
I don't feel like I really TRUST anyone. At least when it's important.
55: What is something I disliked about today?
Work
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
On this Earth, like still alive? Maybe Mel Brooks? Although, "don't meet your heroes" seems to be a pretty good rule.
57: What do I think about most?
Pop culture.
58: What’s my strangest talent?
First I'd have to have a talent.
59: Do I have any strange phobias?
Not that I've come across, but the future is wide open.
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Behind. Like waaaaaaay behind.
61: What was the last lie I told?
That I am having a good day.
62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
Crisco! Neither. I prefer my communication like during the California Gold Rush: every couple of months when I go into town for groceries.
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
I believe in the possibility of ghost, but am doubtful of their existence. I think the universe would be full of wasted space (HA, pun) if there aren't other beings out there.
64: Do I believe in magic?
I've seen Penn and Teller on TV.
65: Do I believe in luck?
When I think about it, I'm not exactly sure what luck is. Is it lucky that a person is born into a rich family when their parent's were trying to have kids or is it biology? Is it lucky that I wasn't seriously injured when the police car ran over my toe or was it me having awareness enough to stop walking? Is finding a penny on the street lucky or is it someone being careless? I guess not.
66: What’s the weather like right now?
Clear and warm. Not nearly as hot as late August days normally are for this part of the world.
67: What was the last book I’ve read?
Dragon Wing
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?
My, no.
69: Do I have any nicknames?
Technically the name I go by is a nickname because it's the shortened version of my full name.
70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?
Probably road burn from riding my bicycle down a too steep hill while wearing shorts.
71: Do I spend money or save it?
Both? I mean, I have rent and enjoy eating.
72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?
Nope.
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?
I'm fairly pink.
74: Favourite animal?
Walruses, Sea Turtles, Cats (big and small)
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?
Sleeping.
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?
God
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?
I've been so severely depressed in my life that there were times when no song could make me happy. So, there is no song that ALWAYS makes me happy.
78: How can you win my heart?
You can kill all the other competitors and cut through my breast bone, and finally remove my heart. Victory!
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
"Fuck Off!"
80: What is my favorite word?
Whampum is a great word to say.
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr
That would require access to my tumblr account and I don't have access to that while I'm at work.
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?
"Fuck Off!"
83: Do I have any relatives in jail?
To the best of my knowledge, no. However, if you believe that all mankind is related through a single ancestor, then I have lots of relatives in jail.
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?
Safe teleportation over short and massive distances.
85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
What would make you feel better?
86: What is my current desktop picture?
The moon Titan.
87: Had sex?
Nope
88: Bought condoms?
Yup
89: Gotten pregnant?
That would be a miracle of science!
90: Failed a class?
No
91: Kissed a boy?
I've kissed family on the cheek.
92: Kissed a girl?
Yes, but no tongue.
93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?
No
94: Had job?
Currently, in fact.
95: Left the house without my wallet?
Yes, but I find it much worse to forget my keys. Especially if I locked the door on the way out.
96: Bullied someone on the internet?
No, but I used to troll an economics forum.
97: Had sex in public?
No. Not even with myself. I'm so repressed.
98: Played on a sports team?
When I was much younger.
99: Smoked weed?
I tell people I have, but I haven't. With the right story it keeps people from offering it to me when they want to go smoke.
100: Did drugs?
Like ibuprofen? Yes. Like meth? No.
101: Smoked cigarettes?
Yuck, not.
102: Drank alcohol?
Not really.
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
Never even seriously considered it.
104: Been overweight?
Since the day I was born.
105: Been underweight?
Not one day in my life.
106: Been to a wedding?
Too many.
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
Five hours is nothing!
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?
Five hours is nothing!
109: Been outside my home country?
I've been just over the boarder to Mexico.
110: Gotten my heart broken?
No, but I fully expect my arteries to harden enough and get covered in plaque to have it broken, eventually.
111: Been to a professional sports game?
Yes.
112: Broken a bone?
Chicken, turkey, cow, pig, lamb. Never a human bone, though.
113: Cut myself?
Only on accident. Never on purpose.
114: Been to prom?
Did not go to prom.
115: Been in airplane?
Big and little ones.
116: Fly by helicopter?
I remember flying past a helicopter in one of the little airplanes I rode in.
117: What concerts have I been to?
"Weird" Al, They Might Be Giants, The Dead Hensons, Australian Pink Floyd, The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Amanda Palmer, others that I don't remember. Oh, Alanis Morissette. (There were these two hardcore guys sitting in front of me singing along with each song. They were so excited when she sang "You Oughta Know.")
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
Briefly, but he had a girlfriend that I crushed on at the same time, too.
119: Learned another language?
I'm still trying to learn this one.
120: Wore make up?
Hasn't almost everyone in the USA worn makeup on Halloween?
121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?
It's too late for that. Also, 18 what?
122: Had oral sex?
No.
123: Dyed my hair?
Temporary dye.
124: Voted in a presidential election?
For many years now.
125: Rode in an ambulance?
"Ridden" in an ambulance, and no.
126: Had a surgery?
They pulled my tonsils out when I was eight years old.
127: Met someone famous?
Who decides who famous? Also, no.
128: Stalked someone on a social network?
I've looked for certain people on social media and it took me a long time, but I don't visit their stuff much after that.
129: Peed outside?
Many, many times.
130: Been fishing?
In a lake and along a river.
131: Helped with charity?
No, and sometimes I feel bad about that.
132: Been rejected by a crush?
You can't be rejected if you don't try. You don't try because there are plenty of things worse than a person saying no.
133: Broken a mirror?
Probably, but I can't remember any specific times.
134: What do I want for birthday?
Enough money so that I can live fairly comfortably and never have to work again.
135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?
I want zero kids. As for names, I always thought it would be funny to have a girl named Clara and a boy named Phil. Only for the joke, or course.
136: Was I named after anyone?
I mean, my name's been used for centuries, but I wasn't named after anyone specifically.
--OR--
Of course I was named after someone. A lot of someones. There are billions of years of history here on Earth.
137: Do I like my handwriting?
I like the way I write certain letters.
138: What was my favourite toy as a child?
If I were to go for the easy joke, I'd say my ding-a-ling.
139: Favourite Tv Show?
I'm excited that The Good Place will be back soon.
140: Where do I want to live when older?
A house I own.
141: Play any musical instrument?
I sort of played the saxophone in elementary school. I played the trumpet in high school. I learned to sort of play the piano in college. I can currently nail a few chords on my uke, but I can't strum the darned thing correctly.
142: One of my scars, how did I get it?
Whacked in the head, on the same spot, with an oar five or six times one day.
143: Favourite pizza toping?
Just about anything is good on a pizza. I'm mostly always happy. Pepperoni is pretty safe for everyone. Or is the answer cheese. I don't like to eat pizza without cheese on it.
144: Am I afraid of the dark?
Only of stubbing my toe or banging my shin.
145: Am I afraid of heights?
I'm more afraid that the bridge I'm walking across will collapse, not so much how high up I am.
146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?
I don't do things that bad. I was a boring teen and as I approach middle age I'll be boring at my mid-life crisis.
147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?
Yes. Hasn't everyone?
148: What I’m really bad at
Pooping while standing up.
149: What my greatest achievements are
I don't have enough self-esteem to think I've had any good achievements, let alone great.
150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me
I don't remember. If someone says something mean to me, I usually say something even meaner back to them. Also, I'm much meaner to myself than anyone has ever been to me.
151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery
That really depends on how much I win. Can't even pay for a movie ticked if I only win $5.
152: What do I like about myself
Nothing much.
153: My closest Tumblr friend
I don't have any friends on tumblr. Barely have followers. I'm not good at being part of a community. (Or is that taking part in a community? Probably both.)
154: Something I fantasise about
Walking on the Moon and looking up at a crescent Earth.
155: Any question you’d like?
Well, this is silly since I'm not following the rules as originally posted.

More Questions Found on Tumblr

1: Marvel or DC?
DC. I like the idea of heroes for the sake of good, rather than because of personal tragedy. Also, they have better TV show, live action or cartoons.

2: Do you have any siblings?
Yes.

3: Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed?
On occasion.

4: How old are you?
Old enough to know better.

5: What is your favorite sport?
None of the above.

6: Favorite soda/beverage?
Iced tea.

7: What is your favorite tv show?
It depends on the day of the week and what you consider TV. Here's a small list of current shows that I currently enjoy: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The Detour, Bob's Burgers, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisle, The Good Place, Star vs the Forces of Evil, Blackish, Alone Together.

8: Do you marathon shows or watch a few episodes at a time?
Both. It depends on the show. If it's new to me it tends to be a marathon. If I've watched it before then a few at a time. (FYI, I recently rewatched Chuck. It's still great.)

9: How often do you exercise?
I ride my stationary bike five days a week. I'm still fat, though.

10: Do you wear makeup? How often?
Only on Halloween. Although I've been known to let my faced be used for makeup practice.

11: Favorite Disney movie?
Fantasia

12: Would you rather watch a movie or a tv show?
I don't want to make a choice. There are good and crappy movies and there are good and crappy TV shows.

13: Do you have your driver’s license?
Yes.

14: What is your favorite animal?
Kiwis.

15: Black widow or Catwoman?
Uh, how about Batgirl or Invisible Woman. I like good girls far more that bad ones.

16: favorite youtuber?
Lindsay Ellis.

17: What is your earliest memory?
Throwing a glass bottle onto the kitchen floor.

18: Favorite video game?
Mario Kart. All of them.

19: What is your biggest pet peeve?
I don't keep peeves as pets.

20: Dinosaurs or dragons?
Which kind of dragons? D&D dragons are different from Pern dragons are different from Scottish dragons are different from Chinese dragons and so on. Or is it just dragons in general? The answer is dragons.

21: What is the worst injury you have ever had?
I scraped up my whole leg once skidding on my bike on a gravel driveway. It wasn't that bad, though.

22: What piercings do you have/want?
No and none.

23: Any tattoos? if not, would you get any?
Have none, but if I were to get some I'd tattoo the Chinese symbol for vagina on my right wrist and penis on my left.

24: Sexual orientation?
Asexual.

25: What is your best subject in school?
I did well in all subjects in school. Except PE.

26: What is your favorite book series?
I've read a whole bunch of series and none are perfect, but are still good. Uh, maybe The Dark is Rising Sequence? I keep coming back to those. But I keep going back to The Wheel of Time series, too.

27: Do you have a crush on anyone currently?
No one that I actually know.

28: Single or in a relationship?
Single, but I have non-romantical relationships with a few people.

29: What character would you most like to cosplay?
Smaug?

30: Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Introvert, like to dangerous levels.

31: Cats or dogs?
Cats.

32: What is the most embarasing thing to ever happen to you?
I don't know. I mean, I used to be very embarrassed reading out loud in school, but I got over it.

33: Tell me a story.
No, thanks. I'll wait.

34: What is the strangest thing you've ever seen someone wear?
Duct tape.

35: Where in the world would you most like to travel?
The bottom of the sea.

36: Favorite Pokemon?
Psyduck.

37: favorite color?
Blue.

38: Are you religious?
No.

39: Post a selfie
No.

40: Have you ever left your home country/state?
Yes.

41: Do you prefer to travel by car or airplane?
Airplane.

42: Are you a fan of rollercoasters?
Yes.

43: What is your favorite OTP?
Daria and Jane's friendship.

44: Who is your favorite Disney princess?
My gut says Belle.

45: Who is your favorite Disney prince?
They all suck. Unless I can choose Flint Rider.

46: Who is your favorite Disney villain?
I waiver between Maleficent and Ursula.

47: Do you sing along to the radio?
Oh, yes.

48: Who is your favorite Harry Potter character?
Luna Lovegood.

49: Any headcanons?
Yes, lots of them.

50: If you could have one of the Deathly Hallows (cloak of invisibility, Elder Wand, or Resurrection Stone), which would it be?
The wand.

51: What house would you be in Hogwarts?
Ravenclaw.

52: When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Like said the actual word? I can't remember.

53: Do you have any weird habits?
Probably, but they must not seem weird to me.

54: What do you do when you're bored?
Watch TV. Eat. Read. Worry.

55: What is the strangest thing you've seen at Walmart?
A dog in a stroller being pushed by a three-year old.

56: What color are your eyes?
Green.

57: What is your natural hair color?
Brown with hints of red.

58: Have you ever broken a bone? How?
No.

59: What is your favorite food?
Too many to write because it depend on mood and time of day and what I've eaten recenly.

60: What do you look for in a relationship?
Another person who I can talk to without feeling like I want to crawl inside myself.

61: If you could live in any era, which would it be and why?
I'm cool with this one because it's probably the best for all types of people. I'd like to visit Moorish Spain, though.

62: How late do you usually stay up?
I usually go to sleep by 8:30 PM, but I also get up at 4 AM-ish.

63: What is your favorite website?
I don't have a favorite.

64: Have you been to any concerts?
Yes.

65: Are you involved in any extracurriculars at school?
I don't go to school anymore.

66: If you could be the opposite gender for a day, what would you do?
Things that would make people blush.

67: What are you most proud of?
I'm not.

68: Do you have any big regrets?
Not that I can think of.

69: What was the best day of your life?
I don't think I had it, yet.

70: Do you crack your knuckles?
On occasion.

71: Do you play any instruments?
Not well.

72: First kiss story?
It was a game and chaste and unimpressive.

73: Do you like hot or cold weather?
I prefer cold. It keeps the people away.

74: What is your favorite song of all time?
How can anyone decide?

75: Any weird talents?
I don't think so.

Just Wondering

Do people with normal brain chemistry sit and think about reasons to continue on tomorrow?

A Play Question

The part of the play that comes after the intermission is almost always shorter than the part before. Is this because everything used to be written in a three act structure and we keep trying to force that structure into two acts?

"V" is for Peace?

During World War Two, holding your first two fingers up and spread apart stood for victory.

By Vietnam, the same gesture meant peace.

When and how did the come to be?

A Mild Case of Turmoil

Today some people in the department where I work were notified that they will be laid-off as of Wednesday.

I wasn't there when they were told, that would have been inappropriate, but I was told that some people were taken into the head supervisor's office and were in a closed door meeting. (There aren't many closed door meetings, so this was unusual.)

Then, on my way out, there were many tears and hugs and red eyes among the women.

I just walked through, signed out, and left for the day. It was awkward. At least for me, I really wasn't noticed during the eye wiping.

The thing I started wondering, as I drove away, was how am I supposed to feel about all of this? The losing co-workers, I mean. I've been with this group of people for three-and-a-half months now. Mostly I sit at my desk in the little office tucked behind the inmate bathroom (There's a vent, I hear the pissing, pooping, and singing. There's a surprising amount of singing in that bathroom.) with the two women who are the same classification as I am. I don't really deal with anyone else. And, being me, I don't go out of my way, ever, to try to get to know them. Yes, I brought corn biscuits (outstanding) and honey butter (too much vanilla) to the potluck, but I just slipped in for a plate then back to my desk. I barely know these people by name. (Although the cute one, who I thought was cute when I first saw her last year, I learned her name pretty quick.) I recognize all their faces now, and I smile and greet them in the mornings, but that's it.

So, how am I supposed to feel about the lay-offs?

Yes, I'm angry and sad that people are losing their jobs when The State has no fucking clue how this "re-alignment" is actually going to shake out. (I have predictions, but now's not the time.) But I'm not sad or angry about the individuals who are leaving. In fact, one of my first thoughts was maybe I can be moved to the desk in the clinic so I'm not trapped in the hole behind the toilet. Of course that mean's I'd be in the clinic and I'd actually have to deal with all these co-workers and a regular basis. That's a plus and a minus.

And then I thought that wasn't how I was supposed to react. Which led me to the question I keep asking.

How am I supposed to feel about the people who are losing their jobs?

Je pense, donc je suis? Vraiment?

A while ago, I read a piece of a story (yeah, it was fan fiction and it has a lot of parts, but they feel too short to be called chapters) where a character, who has isolated herself because she's been teased a bullied for years, loses something that is important to her. After she spends the day searching for it, ditching all her classes, which makes her more depressed and anxious, she climbs several flights of stairs into a room where she knows she can be alone. She enters the room, walks over to a window, pushes the window open, steps up, and steps out. She falls, of course. She survives because she's the kind of character who isn't really allowed to accomplish what she sets out to do. (Also, she's not a main character. She's used to push the main character into a new situation and build that character more.)

That's where that part of the story ends. With her on the ground.

The story didn't bother me. In fact, I found it very honest. What bothered me was a lot of the discussion that came after it was posted.

The character was hated by nearly everyone who has been reading the story as it's been serialized. She was passive. She let things happen to her. She didn't take stands or push back. Her response was to run away and hide if she could. If she couldn't hide, she took what was thrown at her then moved on knowing it, or something similar, was going to happen to her again.

So, when she tried to kill herself, many of the people wrote comments saying good riddance. They didn't like her. They didn't want her around. They thought she took time away from the main characters.

One person tried to defend the character I've been writing about. This person wrote very passionately about people being bullied and how it destroys self-esteem and what it's like to live in constant fear.

Of course the defense was brushed aside. She would have been a better character if she'd stood up for herself. Bullies back off when confronted. She was a drag on the story. She didn't do anything to help the plot. And so on.

The defender continued to try to write about what led the character to step out the window. The defender wrote that this character just got tired of being noticed and wanted to end it and went the only way she could.

To that, one of the other people who hated the character wrote that if she hadn't wanted to be noticed that she wouldn't have tried to kill herself in such a spectacular and public way and that if she hadn't wanted to be noticed, she should have stood up for herself so she'd be left alone.

The defender quit trying to defend here. There was no point in the defender continuing on. The others didn't want to understand. So the conversation stopped online, but not in my head.

(For the record, I am not the one who was defending the character. All of this was written between the time I moved from North Bay to Cowtown and I started getting online regularly. It took a long time for me to catch up on the reading that I wanted to do. I can't say I would have gotten involved. I'm not so good at being part of a "community," even if it is a virtual one.)

What bothered me was the person saying that she tried to kill herself in a spectacular and public way and the implication that there's a way for a person to kill him/herself that wouldn't be spectacular or public.

In this world where (nearly) everyone believes that their life is precious, one taking his/her own life will always seem spectacular, once it's discovered. People are always shocked, whether it's someone quietly hanging him/herself in the garage or if he/she puts a pistol to his/her head in a crowded mall and pulls a trigger. One is reacted to more strongly than the other, but it all comes down to the average person asking why a person would kill him/herself. Because they can't fathom that someone wouldn't want to live. And once the death is discovered, even the quiet, private one, it becomes spectacular and public.

So, how do you explain to the average person that someone may not value his/her life like most people do? Can the average person understand the feelings of self-hatred, or worthlessness, or simple exhaustion others may have? Or will it just bounce off them because they simply believe that humans are simply animals and the first thing all animals try to do is survive?

Are humans simply animals? Do we simply want to survive as a species, if not as an individual? Are those who don't want to survive then wrong? Is it part of "je pense, donc je suis"?

Is this story at all interesting?

It's one a coworker's been telling all day. Feel free to be brutal, if it so inspires you. Name has been changed because that's what I do.

Last night I ran Lulu at Safeway. There she was with her list and there I was with mine.

(laughs)

I mean, I was pushing pushing my cart around the store and I turned the corner and there she was, hanging over a cart, her list in hand. And there I was with my cart and my list.

(laughs)

I don't even usually go to that Safeway, you know? But the girls were down town getting their nails done and I thought, what the hell, I need to get some shopping done. And there was Lulu. At the Safeway I never use.

(laughs)

I just can't believe I saw Lulu at Safeway. With her list.

(laughs)

I've heard her tell that story at least four times today to four different people and I don't understand why it was worth telling the first time.

Here's the background: Lulu's a part-time retired secretary. Lulu hasn't been in much for the last month-and-a-half because her judge went in for surgery at the beginning of January.

And that's it!

Is the story worth telling, let alone worth listening to?

GAH!

On My Mind

Why is it so much easier to figure out all the things you are not as opposed to the things you are?

2010?

Do you pronounce that number "twenty ten" or "two thousand ten"?
Why do you think that is?

A Qusetion

Is it horribly racist of me to see the first name "D`Mitria" and assume that this person is black?

How Should I Picture This?

They wore "coats dark and sober except for bright horizontal slashes of ... color across the chest."

Robert Jordan does this a lot. (That's part of a sentence for Lord of Chaos.) He describes the clothes of characters and says that they have slashes of color (or specific colors) across the front or in the skirt or somewhere and I have no idea how to properly picture "slashes" in clothing.

Does it mean the coat, or whatever, is sliced through to show a color beneath? Is it thin strips of color sewn onto the coat? Is it like, say, those military stripe things (see all that gear on left side McCrystal's coat)?

What does it look like?

Please tell me. It's been bothering me for years and I've only now had the courage to admit my problem.

Help!

Are these offensive?

I ask because a woman at work put an image similar to the last one on her desktop and some think it's inappropriate and at least one is offended by it. But are they offensive and/or inappropriate?

If they are, are they only offensive and/or inappropriate in a work environment or anywhere?

Also, it was all fine until the woman with the picture announced to staff what was going on in the picture because most people in the office had no clue what it was. So, if she hadn't announced it, would the picture still be offensive and/or inappropriate?

Just Wondering...

Which house, at Hogwarts, would you want to be in?
Which house, if different, do you think you'd end up in?

A Question

Do you think that there are more cases of autism because we recognize it better or because there isn't as much natural selection of the human race anymore?

Trans-lash

Like most geeks out there, I've been following the online bitch fest that's come out of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I haven't seen the movie, and I don't plan to. (I saw the first and after watching it I decided that if movies called "Transformers" focuses on a human rather than the robots, what's the point?)

Anyway, lots of people don't like the movie. Lots of people who do like the movie seem to being assholes and using the age-old line, "Well, it's making a lot of money, so we must be right, it's good," to defend their position. (Less often used is the "That's just you're opinion" line, which, when reading a review of anything, is like a huge DUH.)

Because of so many people only reading the first paragraph, or looking at the number of stars, of the negative reviews, Jim Emmerson, of Scanners, wrote about the fallacy of the majority of reactions to what critics have been writing. He should know all about this stuff, he's editor-in-chief of RogerEbert.com, so he gets to see all the bullshit comments, as well as the few good ones. (Last year, he wrote that he didn't think The Dark Knight was great, only kind of okay. Here'sa link to all his posts on the subject, but you should start with Under Cover of The Dark Knight to see that sometimes real discussion can take place. I recommend it all, though.)

Which leads me to why I'm getting into this:

Over at The Moviefile Blog, in a post about things the writer enjoyed about the movie, some commenter named damage wrote: "The movie was awsom who cares if it jump around the world it not reality so just enjoy it if your a true fane of the transformers this movie was about the bots." The comment bugs me, not just because of the bad spelling and grammar.

Really, I want to know what a true fan of Transformers is? Seriously, what is it? Is it someone who watches or reads or plays with anything that has the word "Transformers" on it and automatically loves it? Would this damage person enjoy Kiss Players? And if he (I assume it's a he.) didn't, would that mean he isn't a "true" Transformers fan?

Is that the only way to be considered a "true" fan of anything? Just shut up and "enjoy"? So, those SF Giants fans who sit and bitch about the line-up, but watch and cheer at every game, aren't "true" fans? Can a "true" fan never criticize the thing they enjoy?

I'm a fan of The Transformers, but there's a lot of it that I don't like.

The (North) American shows are what I really enjoy. I grew up watching the original cartoon. Beast Wars was a giant step forward in plot an pacing for animated shows. And Animated is just pure fun while keeping characters pretty true to their beginnings.

The ones from Japan that I tried watching, just didn't click for me. Robots in Disguise's "humor" just rubbed me the wrong way and made it hard to watch the show. (Plus, a flying shark, really?) And Transformers: Pokémon really irked me, and that irked-ness spread into it's two successors.

Like I wrote before, I really didn't care for the murky movie that came out in 2007 and, given the opportunity/motivation, can say exactly why I didn't want to see the new one in the theater. If I were to see it, I promise I'd be one of the complainers, too.

I don't collect the toys. I only occasionally buy the comics, but that's very rare. I don't keep up with any of the news and gossip surrounding the franchise. I can only name a few actors and who they played in the original and have no clue about who plays whom in later shows.

Does that make me less of fan of Transformers that this damage guy?

I still drool over the box set that's coming out. (The GI Joe one, too.) I assume he does, too.

So, why aren't I a "true" fan because I didn't enjoy the first movie and don't think I'd enjoy the second movie?

Maybe it's just because I won't accept something as good just because it tickles my nostalgia.

Question

What is a human being supposed to feel like, anyway?

Independent Voting

The local Democratic Party headquarters for this last election is across the street from where I work. The office is now closed, but they still have posters and banners and such up in the windows declaring that they tow the party line. One of the signs in the windows says, "Democrats register to vote here."

That got me thinking this morning: Would a no pressure, non-partisan, independent voter place be useful and wanted during major elections?

People would be allowed to register however they want.
There'd be information on the candidates and the state and local measures.
Have some expert information from the left and right side as well as middle-of-the-road statistical analysis.

Also t-shirts and bumper sticker would be sold to help support the place. (You know, we'd aim for a non-profit status.) The shirts and stickers would be both positive ("If You Want Choice, Then Vote") and apathetic/negative ("The Lesser of Two Evils is Still Evil").

Would people go for this sort of thing? Or do they mostly want to flock to a flag so they can be on the "winning" team?

A Question

How does one tell a guy that, no, his cousin didn't just say "kite" while talking about Jewish people, in a polite way in a work environment?