Burrito?

I'm an idealist who wraps himself in a tortilla of cynicism. I'm a burrito that's sour on the outside, but sweet on the inside.

I believe that people want to help people more than themselves. I believe that people are more full of love and compassion than they are of fear and jealousy. I believe that, whether you believe in a form or creationism or evolution, humankind all comes from the same place and is therefore the same with only superficial differences. These are some of the things that a deep inside me, things that I'm pretty sure I Know. (Yeah, I used the big "K" there, and I think I meant it.)

The problem is that every time I see a person spit on the homeless or say how much he or she hates another person because of a new cell phone or throw trash out of a car I'm afraid that I'm getting a real view of the world. A world where it's everyone for his or herself. A world where killing for dirt is acceptable. A world where fear is the main motivator.

Sure, the idea of fear being the main motivator for everything is funny when it comes from Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner, but in the real world, it's horrible. If it's all fear, then there really isn't love, love is what we claim we have because we're afraid of being alone or afraid that we can't protect our young. Maybe love is just a joke we play on ourselves to keep the species going. If it's all fear, then what's the reason to go on?

Fear is one of the main reasons that I didn't like either of the two main candidates for President. Both used it. Both wanted us afraid of how it is out there. Both wanted us too afraid to vote for the other person. Both claimed to be carrying a message of hope, but, despite what other's will say, the only hope that they're offering is to back off on the fear, a little, but not enough to make us feel really safe. All either had to say was "Remember September eleventh" and we all slid back into the fear we experienced that day, and both invoked that fear too much.

I went into this election expecting my guy to lose (read this post). I'm not proud of this type of negativity, but I was just being honest. And to continue with that honesty, even if my guy had won, I don't think much would change after he and his crew of white folk moved in. (Hell, I don't think it would change if any of the guys had been elected, and that includes a guy like Michael Badnarik, he had so many stars in his eyes he has no idea how it all works.) Middle class taxes wouldn't have been cut, seeing the other party is in control of the branch that really makes money decisions. Jobs still would have flowed over seas. Other nations wouldn't respect us, only fear and pity us. There would still be problems with Iraq, even if the elections in that nation happened on time. North Korea would still be brandishing it's nukes to show that it shouldn't be ignored. Iran would still be enriching Uranium and Plutonium to build weapons (I don't care what they say, any nation with any kind of nuclear program is attempting to make weapons right along with the development for energy). Israel would still be imposing its own special form of apartheid. Palestine would still be firing rockets and sending in the bombers. The genocide would continue in Africa. And here in the U.S., we'll be afraid of a threat that we can't see, but know is there because that's what we're told.

Even, maybe especially, if my guy had been elected this so called "War on Terror" would continue. There's finally the perfect threat, one that remains undefined but can be proved to exist based on what happens elsewhere. Unlike the Soviet Union, this threat won't go away. We can't out spend it and force it into bankruptcy. Napalm can be made with gasoline and concentrated orange juice, two fairly cheap things we're not likely to run out of here or in any "first world" country, right? The local grocery store is a breeding ground for terrorism. The hardware store sells black powder. Manure can be turned into a bomb. Every day I hear about the insurgents in Iraq using homemade weapons against civilians and troops. (And I rather save a civilian's life first because the troops are supposed to be there to help and protect the weak and innocent, right?) Couldn't that happen right here? Wasn't that supposed to have happened when the Federal Building in Oklahoma City was bombed (by only one guy, right)? Couldn't it happen again? Not just again, but here in the U.S.? Are we ever going to be safe again?

This is the kind of fear that's being used to control us. Vague threats: "The Terror Level is being raised from yellow to orange." "We have reason to believe that there is a plot out there." "The holidays are the perfect time for an attack to happen." "It is imperative that we protect ourselves from them." But these sentences instill fear every time they're heard. Why?

The day after those planes crashed into those towers, my aunt was afraid to let her children go to school. She lives in a county three thousand miles from New York, New York. This county has about 60,000 people in it, less people that the city I'm not living in. The sign that announces entry into the town she lives in says it has 190 (I think)people. She shouldn't have been afraid, but she was. She was afraid because all over it could be heard that no one was safe, that we're all at risk, that any of us could be next. Now, that's the way to instill fear into a population. And that sort of fear is still being used.

I know fear. I fight it each time talk to a person I've just met. I fight it when I drive my car. I fight it all the time. The thing is, I do my best not to let it rule me. I didn't want to get out of bed today, but I did. I didn't want to go to work, but I did. I didn't want to go to school, but I did. I didn't think it was a good idea to write this, but I did.

I fear that the universe is a dark, uncaring place where it doesn't really matter what you do, but I hope that the meaning we bring to it can really make it better.

I don't know if that's true and I can't promise that I'm doing my part to make it true, but I hope I am.

And with all that out of my system, I'm going to announce a small hiatus on this blog thing. I'm still going to post the comics twice a week and interesting links and, hopefully, the occasional story (Ada's getting sick of dancing with Derrick), but I'm not going to do this personal stuff. I'm just not feeling it at the moment.

I'm not really feeling much of anything at the moment.

Good night.