Thursday, June 30, 2005

Thanks, but...

I want to thank those of you who offered up advice, but you have to understand that I'm just a worrier.

Here's an example: During the brief time that Heels and Johnny Logic lived in Cowtown and I lived here too, I was invited to their house to go to dinner and then watch The Office. Before getting into my car I started to wonder why I was invited. Did they not have any better plans? Am I just comic relief in the TV show of their life together? Why not someone else? Isn't there someone better than me they can hang out with?

As I got in the car, I knew I was being silly, but my stomach was still moving in funny ways.

Then I started to think about ways that I could be entertaining. Stupid stories about stupid people at work. Some of the crazy things my mother has said during my life. Monkeys going to heaven. You know, things that I thought would make them laugh.

Then I started in with the horrible questions again. All the while, my stomach flipped and flopped.

When I got there, though, everything was fine. My stomach settled and I was who I am. I think it was a fun night and I doubt that either one knew what I thought on my way to see them.

And this isn't an isolated incident.

When I went to Cowcity a couple of weeks ago and headed over to the 'Bucks I used to work I got the horribles. Every time I go to The Bay to see friends and brothers. Trips into Mooville for comics. Practically every time I go anywhere.

My worrying about what did happen and what will happen in deeply ingrained and probably won't go away soon.

Thanks, though. It's nice to know you care.


About a month ago, while I was house sitting, I re-met this girl from highschool. I didn’t really know her then because we didn’t have any classes together, maybe one, but I had my own little corner with friends that I wasn’t about to leave. She came into ‘Bucks and we talked for a while and then she gave me her number and e-mail on a napkin.

After she left, I started to freak out. I didn’t know what to do.

That night, I woke up, still freaked out, but decided that I should e-mail her. I figured it’d be nice to have someone around who I could do things with, who’s near my age.

In the morning, I couldn’t find the napkin. Instead of writing her, I wrote to someone I trusted to get some advice that could help me stop freaking out. It did. A couple of days later, doing laundry, I found the napkin in a pocket, big surprise. I e-mailed her right away and we set up a trip to Mooville to see a movie.

We went and I think I wasn’t the only one who had fun talking on the trip there and back. I liked hearing her thoughts on the movie. It had been a long time since I’d been to a movie with someone who would say more than whether or not she liked it. This girl had actual opinions and was willing to support them. Finally.

During the movie, I thought, at one point, about taking her hand. I didn’t.

After the drive back, we walked from my grandparent’s house and went to dinner on the main street in the Town of Jim. It was so-so Mexican. I wasn’t really hungry, probably because I was nervous. I didn’t finish all of my food, which is odd for me.

We walked back and stood near her car talking for a while. We said our good-byes. She stood in a way that seemed odd to me at the time. I started walking backward toward the house, waving. She got in the car and drove away. I suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe, the way she was standing meant she wanted a hug. Then I started to obsess over it, which is never good. I’m still obsessing over it, which is why I’m up so early in the morning writing this before I go to work.

I don’t initiate the touching thing. To the best of my recollection, I never have. I do my best to slide around people in tight places without touching them (a hard feat with a belly). I learn new peoples’ names at work right away so I don’t have to touch them to get their attention (Hell, I’m not comfortable with people at work touching me to get my attention.). I don’t start the handshakes when I meet, others do (but I will grab with my left hand to make it awkward). I hate it when people feel the need to kiss hello; I let them do it to me, but don’t do it back. When family says good-bye, I never initiate the hug, they do with arms spread and a step toward me.

I’m not sure why I’m this way, I just am. Only my parents can say if I’ve always been this way.

Anyway, we’re going to see a play tonight, A Comedy of Errors, and tomorrow night, Hamlet. It’s an outdoor theater and we’re picnicking before.

My stomach is churning.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005


Been tagged by green apron monkey (even though he hasn’t been a green apron monkey for nine or ten months). The tagging involves me listing six songs and six albums that mean something to me and why. So, in the order in which I type them, here goes.


Light Up My Room---Barenaked Ladies---Stunt
There’s something about melancholy songs with weird imagery that I can’t get enough of and this is one of the best. I think a large part of why I like so much was my surprise at when I heard it. I had only heard the songs that were played on the radio, which I liked so I bought the album. The first two songs were constantly played on the radio, so I knew them well, and then this one came on. It sounded so different and the wistful sound just pulled me in. I had to play it again right away and when I was done listening to the album, this was the song I was hearing.

A Self Called Nowhere---They Might Be Giants---John Henry
Sort of in the same category as the one above, but musically different. The words are sung pretty softly and that’s the way the music starts, but it changes, gets harder, then goes back. It also talks about that obsessive nature that people (me) can get. So obsessed by one thing that we forget other things that may have been important and may be important.

Kiss Off---Violent Femmes---Violent Femmes
There are three reasons this song gets me: 1) The first Violent Femmes I ever heard. Acoustic punk, amazing. 2) The list of reasons. 3) The fact that their best song uses a phrase that I heard for ten minutes back in the fourth or fifth grade.

I’m Going To Go Back There Someday---The Great Gonzo (Dave Goelz)---The Muppet Movie Soundtrack
Not the remixed/revamped version from Muppets From Space, but the good, simple one from The Muppet Movie. Most people would probably pick Kermit singing Rainbow connection, and that would be a great choice, but fast forward to about fifteen/twenty minutes before the end, just before (I think) Kermit talks with himself and listen to the emotion. He says, “I’ve never been there but I know the way / I’m going to go back there someday.” I feel like that every day.

We Used to be Friends---The Dandy Warhols---Welcome to the Monkey House
It reminds me of the one who was my best friend (read this post for all the info on her). I miss the goofiness of being with her. Every time I’ve seen her in the last couple of years I feel like she wants to forget how fun it was to be the weird ones. She’s not like this with her brother, but I suppose that’s a different relationship altogether. I don’t know what happened, but we’re not the friends we used to be.

3 AM---Matchbox 20---Yourself of Someone Like You
Probably the most embarrassing song on this list, but it helped me to get through my first year of college. Jane, from the show Daria and to the character, once said, “You didn’t make any friends at that camp, did you.” That was my first year at school. I went there thinking that there would be lots more people like my friends. People who were willing to talk about anything (And I mean anything, we once talked, on a bus headed to Disneyland surrounded by our classmates, about turning breast milk into cheese and how it could be sold as an aphrodisiac. We weren’t the most popular, but we had the most fun.), but there weren’t any that I could find. People there, except for many in the Christian club for some odd reason, were just as concerned with their surface as most people in highschool were. This song described how I felt at the time and still makes my insides crinkle when I hear it.


Flood---They Might Be Giants
My brother gave me a copy of the cassette when I was in eighth grade. I wanted it for the songs that were on Tiny Toons, but found something special. I’d listen to it everyday, on my cheap-o walkman, at least two times. My obsession started with the slippery lyrics and the strange staccato sounds, but the more I listened to it the more I thought I was hearing something new, something that was all for me. I kept it my secret until I discovered that they had made other albums, better albums, but this was the first I knew. Hell, I can still sing almost the entire album without any help.

Rubber Soul---The Beatles
I can’t remember when my Beatles obsession began, but the summer after my freshman year, it came to a head. When the family was gone, I’d play all the records he had (nearly all of them, I think) and sing along with them. One day, as I listened to this, I noticed that here was their transition point. This album was The Beatles moving away from the pop of With the Beatles into the stranger sounds of Magical Mystery Tour. It’s a strange balance of both sticking to the old and trying to find the new. I really like hearing the most popular band of the sixties searching for something new, maybe better, rather than sticking to the old stuff because it works.

Violent Femmes---Violent Femmes (Special Edition or whatever it’s called)
I owned the compilation album (Add It Up) that everyone seems to own first, but then got this one and was blown away by the magnitude of it. It has demos and live versions and all sorts of extra things that made it stand out. If I hadn’t bought this one, Add It Up would be on the list. Acoustic punk kicks ass, what else can I say?

Okay, that’s only three albums, but it’s all I can think of right now.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Fat or Thin

The other day, at work, The Manager and Some Customer were talking about clothes and The Manager said, "I don't like shopping there. I can never find something that fits."

"I know what you mean," said Some Customer. "Some things are just too small."

"I know," said The Manager.

And I was confused. The Manager may not be as thin as she once was, but she must be a size five or six. Some Customer was even thinner than The Manager.

Where are they shopping that they can't find clothes big enough to fit? The kids department?

I've never heard a conversation like that one. Skinny girls on the verge of saying they're too fat.

As a fat person, I find it very disturbing.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Many Questions

I just wanted you to have to scroll for a long time.

I pulled this off of Heels's blog and then saw the one Slackbastard did. Go, tell her her baby is beautiful, but don't tell her I told you to.

Smoked a cigarette? Yeah, but barfed right afterward. Nothing like vomit to turn yourself off of something.
Smoked a cigar? If it’s really like smoking 3 cigarettes at once, I’ll need more stomachs.
Made out with a member of the same sex? Nope
Crashed a friend’s car? I’ve never even driven a friend’s car.
Stolen a car? No.

Been in love? I’m pretty sure, but she didn’t know about it.
Been dumped? To be dumped would mean I’ve dated someone more than once.
Shoplifted? A Tootsie Roll.
Been fired? No, I quit.
Been in a fist fight? Nope, I make a confusing remark then run.

Snuck out of my parents house? To go where, the creek?
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? All the time.
Been arrested? No.
Made out with a stranger? No.
Gone on a blind date? No.

Lied to a friend? Who hasn’t?
Had a crush on a teacher? No.
Skipped school? Yes.
Slept with a co-worker? No.
Seen someone die? No, but I think I’d like to be there with a sleeping old person and just watch then slip away, all peaceful like.

Been to Canada? No, but saw it from the top of a roller coaster.
Been to Mexico? Calexico, yuck.
Been on a plane? Yes.
Thrown up in a bar? No.

Purposely set a part of myself on fire? Yes, it’s main reason I have rubbing alcohol.
Eaten sushi? Once. I wish I had tried the white tuna.
Been snowboarding? No.

Taken painkillers? Yes, but mostly aspirin.
Love someone or miss someone right now? Of course.
Laid on your back and watched the cloud shapes go by? Yes.
Made a snow angel? Yup, even when there wasn’t any snow.

Had a tea party? Had cookie parties, not tea.
Flown a kite? Yes.
Built a sand castle? Yes, mostly those turd looking ones.
Gone puddle jumping? Yes, this morning at work when the ice machine flooded the back room.
Played dress up? My favorite part of Halloween.

Jumped into a pile of leaves? Yes.
Gone sledding? Yes.
Cheated while playing a game? Yes, but I’m usually caught, unless it’s Risk and I get the others into fights.
Been lonely? Mostly at parties.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Nope.

Used a fake ID? No.
Watched the sun set? Yes. Fire season sunsets are the best. So are fire season sunrises.
Felt an earthquake? Yup.
Touched a snake? Yes.

Been tickled? Yes.
Been robbed? Yeah.
Robbed someone? No.
Been misunderstood? I think I have, but that’s really a question for others to answer, but they’d probably lie to me.
Pet a reindeer/goat? Reindeer: no. Goat: yes. Homosexual Goat: yes.

Won a contest? Only if auctions are contests.
Run a red light? Yes. It was early in the morning and I just blew through it without thinking. Thank goodness it didn’t have one of those cameras.
Been suspended from school? No.
Had a detention? Yup, for reading a newspaper.
Been in a car accident? A tappy one where there was no damage caused to anyone and I wasn’t driving.

Had braces? Nope. A few crooked teeth give character, right?
Felt like an outcast? I’m going with Heel’s answer, “I was in High School.”
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night? More than a pint.
Had deja-vu? Not like Neo had deja-vu.
Danced in the moonlight? Alone.

Witnessed a crime? Only the ones politicians commit.
Pole danced? No, but made up stories about a horrible teacher pole dancing with dyes.
Questioned your heart? Yes.
Been obsessed with post-it notes? Oddly enough, I always end up losing post-its.

Squished barefoot through the mud? Oh yeah.
Been lost? In freakin’ SF while trying to drive in the city.
Been to the opposite side of the country? No, but hope to get there soon.
Swam in the ocean? Only one of them.
Felt like dying? Recently?

Cried yourself to sleep? No, I’m usually done crying and into the deep self loathing part.
Played cops and robbers? Yes.
Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers? Yes.
Sung karaoke? Nope.
Paid for a meal with only coins? Yes, and the bitch deserved it.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Not yet.
Made prank phone calls? No.
Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? Not yet.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.
Kissed in the rain? No.

Written a letter to Santa Claus? Yes.
Been kissed under mistletoe? By relatives.
Watched the sunset with someone you care about? It depends on what you mean by "someone you care about."
Blown bubbles? With my spit.
Made a bonfire on the beach? No, but I hear about them all the time from my brother.

Crashed a party and took their tap? No.
Gone roller-skating? Yes.
Had a wish come true? Never.
Humped a monkey? She wasn’t that hairy.

Worn pearls? No.
Jumped off a bridge? No.
Screamed penis in class? Yes, and vagina.
Eaten dog/cat food? A dog biscuit, once. It was the thing to do. Don’t judge by just one question.
Told a complete stranger you loved/hated them? I reserve those words people I actually care about.

Sang in the shower? Show tunes. Cabaret is a favorite.
Have a little black dress? No.
Fucked in the park? No.
Had a dream that you married someone? Yes.
Glued your hand to something? Yes.
Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No, the metal thing in the freezer.
Kissed a fish? No.
Worn the opposite sexes clothes? For Halloween. And I was pregnant.
Been a cheerleader? If I had, I’d be dead, or visiting a camp that has Ru Paul without his wig.
Sat on a roof top? Yes.

Had sex in church? Nope.
Screamed at the top of your lungs? No.
Done a one-handed cartwheel? Let’s get through the two-handed cartwheel first.
Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours? No, I like the letter thing or face-to-face thing too much.
Stayed up all night? Yes, see the post from a couple of days ago.

Haven’t take a shower for a week? Yeah, but there were probably baths during that week.
Pick and ate an apple right off the tree? Yes.
Climbed a tree? Yes.
Had a tree house? No, because the trees around here suck.
Are scared to watch scary movies alone? No.

Believe in ghosts? Only the ones of my past and future and present.
Have more than 30 pairs of shoes? In my lifetime?
Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say? I've worn ugly outfits to school, but I didn’t care what others would say. They probably didn’t even notice since I wore the same type of clothes the day before.
Gone streaking? No
Played ding-dong-ditch? Is this a game that involves a doorbell? We don’t have doorbells where I come from.
Played monster in the bucket? Not that I know of. And I hope I haven't.

Played chicken fight? I couldn’t find two chickens that would fight.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? I jumped.
Been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? I’ve never even imagined that scenario.
Broken a bone? No.
Been easily amused? It’s my whole life so far.

Caught a fish and ate it? I’ve caught fish, but I think they were always thrown back.
Made porn? Only in my mind, and even there I get performance anxiety.
Caught a butterfly? Yes.
Laughed so hard you cried? Yes, I usually gets hiccups.
Cried so hard you laughed? No, but it made others laugh.

Mooned/flashed someone? No one wants to see that.
Had someone moon/flash you? Why would they want to?
Cheated on a test? Yes, but it was the ASFAB and that doesn’t count.
Forgotten someone’s name? Yeah, all those people who come into ‘Buck day after day.

Slept naked? On occasion, but it’s not as fun, or interesting, when you’re alone.
French braided someone’s hair? No, but I think I could.
Gone skinny dipping in a pool? 12 hours by myself.

It's "That" Time

Hope it's funny.

Free Image Hosting at

Tuesday, June 21, 2005


Of course it has to happen when I have to be at work by 4:15 in the morning.

I should really be sleeping right now. In fact, up until about fifteen minutes ago, I had been in bed for over three hours trying to sleep. There were some times that I think I drifted off, but they must have been short because I would look at the clock and it would only be a few minutes after I last looked.

Ninish, I tried reading a bit. That usually helps me to fall asleep because my usual routine is get in bed, read for fifteen/twenty minutes, sleep. Not tonight, apparently.

I've, sort of, had this problem other nights, but usually I get to sleep and then wake up at one or two to pee and then can't sleep.

The problem, or one problem, is that an idea pops into my head that wants to get out. Tonight's was an idea of how to actually start that novel I started jotting ideas down for a long time ago. (I mention it at the bottom of this post.) Getting up and putting it down is a double edged sword, you know? On the one hand, I don't lose the idea that I think is great. On the other hand, I'm going to have to be at work at 4:15. Usually, I just stay in bed and drift in and out, but never really fall asleep. Tonight, apparently, I won't even get a couple of hours of real sleep.

Maybe part if it is stress. I don't want to go to work. I walk through the door feeling fine, sometimes I'm even up-beat, but within the first hour, my head starts throbbing. I think that last week I took more aspirin than I had in the whole year leading up to it. Not a good sign. At one point the headache got so bad I thought I was gonna barf. I didn't, but I was afraid I would. Tonight, I have a headache. Not the barfy kind, but the same kind I get at work. They seem to start at my eyeballs and swoop up under my skull, then split into two near my brain stem, and flows down the sides of my neck.

On another note, I finished a book today. This time I read Primary Colors. I've always like the movie and when I found the book at some used bookstore, I snatched it. Like most good books turned into movies, it seemed so full, more rich. Two things surprised me though. The first is that my favorite scene in the movie isn't in the book. In the movie, when everyone meets Henry (a black man and grandson to a civil rights leader) they all say that they knew his grandfather, or admired his grandfather, or something like that. But when Susan Stanton meets she says (to the best of my memory), "I met you once. It was at your grandfathers and you were running around in the sprinkler in your underwear." One of my favorite movie moments. The second surprise is how Kathy Bates owned her roll as Libby Holden in the movie. Even before I knew who was speaking, I heard Kathy Bates's voice in my head and couldn't get it out for the rest of the novel.

Okay, I'm off to try sleep again.


Oh Yeah

I forgot to mention that today's the summer solstace. The days only get darker from here on out.

Of Mice

So, The Manager told me, yesterday, that Fuckburger is going to be our DM. Then she asked me not to quit. Then she promised that I'd never be scheduled when Fuckburger is coming to the store. Then she asked me not to quit again. Then she asked me to promise not to quit. I told her that I won't quit unless I have another job lined up. (I never told her the reason for the test I took in Cow City.) She asked me to promise not to quit. I told her I couldn't make promises that I couldn't keep and walked out of the back room.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Effin' Late

Work sucks. Two people, both closers, called in sick. From nine until 11:30, there were only two of us. PSBG kicked everyone out thirty minutes early, so it only took us ninety minutes to get the store closed.

The old manager will become our District Manager July 1st.

I really want to quit.

Saturday, June 18, 2005


I'm sitting here waiting for the fire to catch enough for me to close it all the way down and pondering the people I have to close with.

Tonight, I realized why I don't really like closing. It's the people I close with. They're not bad people, their just night people. And their friends are night people. That means that the employees stop and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and... well, you get the idea. The drinks line up. The people in the drive-thru start getting angry and I'm the one who has to face angry customers.

I have two more days of this to face. Oy.

On another note, I saw the new Batman today. It was pretty good. I had three major problems with it. Several not so major problems. And lots of suggestions that could have cleaned it up nicely, but I'm not important enough because those Hollywood people know I'll see whatever crap they put out and slap the word Batman to it.

One thing it did was really made me appreciate how great the cartoon we grew up with was. Go and rent a disk of the cartoon after seeing the movie, you'll see what I mean.

Oh, and Katie Holmes is starting to look like a skeleton. She was much cuter when her face was more round while she was on The Creek.

Okay, fire should be ready by now.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Tay Dripper

The drive was long and the test was easy. Everything was on computer, so we got our scores right away. I did really well. I'm in the fourth group to be called on, which means that I did as good as a person can do who isn't already a state employee (3) or a veteran (2) or a disabled veteran (1). After the test, I found myself hoping that the people working for the state are idiots and then took it back because my stomach started to fill with guilt.

After the test, I cruised through the mall, since everything that involves the state in Cow City is right by a mall. Strange, but true. Anyway, there was a duel purpose to the cruising finding a gift for father's day and getting my parking validated. Luckily, I did that at one store. I also found something for myself, but that's not important.

I drove across town, then, to visit the store I used to work at and head out to lunch with GIESW.

During my last six weeks at that store, I got the feeling that if I put even a little effort forth (like just barely above nothing) and she would sleep with me. For a while, I considered it, but she was sad. (And still is.) I'm smart enough to know that I don't need a sad person to really depend on me. Of course there was that whole I could have sex with her thing, but I didn't want to hurt her which would have made me guilty which would have hurt me which would have hurt her, and created a horrible cycle of hurt and guilt that no one needs. After talking with her yesterday, I know that if I had put forth that effort she would have hated me for it. I'm glad that I didn't.

Next Tuesday is when my name goes on the state list for jobs. Looking forward to that.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Tuesday, June 14, 2005


Right now, my life is like that point where you lose (hopefully) or gain (usually) some weight and your waist is between holes on a belt where one hole is a little too tight to wear all day and leaves a mark on your body that doesn't disappear until the next morning and the other hole is a little too loose and your pants sag just a bit so you're constantly pulling at your waist just above your butt and people give you weird looks.

On Thursday, I take a step toward finding a permanent hole to settle in. Thursday's the day I take a civil service test thing up in Cow City.

I plan on being a little crazy and stopping in at the old store. Hopefully, someone good will be there, like GIESW or FLIG, but there's no way to know for sure.

Monday, June 13, 2005

"If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

My computer is finally back on the internet.

What? You didn't know it wasn't connected? That's okay, I doubt I ever mentioned it wasn't connected.

I worked early this morning, came back and my dad gave me the phone number to the ISP. It was lost for a while. Don't know where he found it, but I'm glad he did.

Why am I glad? I'm glad because I can load all my music into iTunes so I can put all of it on my iPod. I'm starting with Bloodhound Gang, They Might Be Giants, and Bare Naked Ladies. I need the songs that make me smile along with he ones that make old ladies cringe ("You've had a lot of dick Chasey / But you ain't had mine").

I've decided that I need some Dandy Warhols CDs. I guess that means the next time I'm in The Bay, I'll be hitting a "real" music store since stupid Columbia House (which I joined when I just started college) doesn't have any for sale. It also doesn't have any Everclear for sale, which surprised me since they're played on the pop rock/alternative stations all the time.

Speaking of radio stations, the last time I was in Cow City I discover that my favorite radio station was destroyed by the man. It was mainly an alternative station (and had been for like 14 years) that played music ranging from twenty years, or more, ago to just released. Usually the harder stuff. This station was the first place where I ever heard The Pixies followed by Everclear followed by The Violent Femmes. Awesome. Now it plays anything at anytime, but mostly on the softer side of rock. I heard a Celine Dion (or however you spell that shrew's name) my last day in the city and freaked out. Never again will I be able to bring myself to listen to that station.


I'm also catching up with comics and blogs and such that I like to check out but have complicated addresses so they don't stick in my head. Some of the comics are on live journal, which makes it even more difficult since people are crazy and have long usernames or common ones and you have to remember which number they are.

I napped earlier. I didn't mean to. I was reading (currently Little Big Man) and just drifted off. Lucky I didn't roll over and squarsh my glasses. When I woke (to a phone call from my grandma for my mom, which I didn't answer because I wanted to get back to my dream about cloud cats) I had a headache (still do) and my parents were gone (still are) leaving a note saying they're on a bike ride (which I could check on if I really wanted to, but I'm lazy).

If my brothers are out there, here's a Cat and Girl to check out. You'll know why I want you to look at it.

Oh, when I asked for questions, only one person (a brother) out there actually put one to me. He asked, "Waht do you WANT to do?" I think the first word is supposed to be "What" so I'll answer the question "What do you WANT to do?" Is that okay? What I'd like to do is be able to say that I've walked a continuous mile in every country and on every continent because I've actually walked a continuous mile in ever country and on every continent. I've got the US pretty well covered, since I've lived here all my life. I think I've got Mexico covered from my brief visit to Calexico (a very sad city across the boarder) with my uncle several years ago. So, that leave six continents and over a hundred countries. Will this ever happen in my life time? Right now it doesn't seem likely, but I could find a winning Powerball ticket that some orphanage running nun carelessly dropped and was swept away by the wind. If that happens, you won't be seeing me in person, but I'll be sure to update here to make all of you all turn all the shades of envy.

A month ago, I found out the former manager of the 'Bucks I currently work at, who was the reason I quit for those fourish months over a year ago, may become the district manager of the store I'm currently employed at. When I found out, I told The Manager that on the day it happens, I'm putting in my notice. I was serious. I can't work for that guy again. When The Manager rehired me, oh-so-long-ago, she spoke with him and he said to her: "Why did you rehire him? He was gone. We don't need people like him at our stores." Of course, The Manager felt the need to rush right out and tell me what was said by the jackass, and it was only my second day back. Nice, right. A week and a halfish ago, DHOH, who is permanently on disability, so was just visiting, started talking about the jackass coming back and I told her that if he actually became our DM, I'm putting in my notice or transferring to the next closest store where he's not DM. DHOH was shocked. (She keeps imagining that she's coming back to the store, even though she's in so much pain she takes a morphine pill every four hours just to be able to sit for a time.) Today, NBJW asked me not to quit is the jackass becomes our DM. She insists that he'll only be around once a month and I can always get those days off. She claims that The Manager will make sure that I'm not scheduled for those days. I'm not convinced that I could avoid him, especially since he'd be calling the store every week or so. NBJW said I should just avoid answering the phone, which I suppose I could. So, I'm not sure what I'll do if the jackass becomes the DM of our district, but I'm getting worried that NBJW knows something that other don't since she brought this up today.

We'll see.


Your Birthdate: April 5

With a birthday on the 5th of the month you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them.

You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas.

You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel.

You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable.

Your mind is quick, clever and analytical.

A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine.

You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

If I'm supposed to "work well with people and enjoy them" because I was born on the fifth day of the month, I must have been born with another day in mind.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Pig Thing

It's like the man said, "Still. Ya gotta make an exception for Don Hertzfeld"

pig plane
for absolutely no apparent reason at all you are
that random thing with the head of a pig that
flies by. when pigs fly!

don hertzfeldt's REJECTED! ...the quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, June 09, 2005


I think that should be a word, but what should it mean?

I Forgot

Yesterday was my grandparent's 61st anniversary.

To me, that number is astounding. They've been married 35 years longer than I've been alive, and I'm their oldest grandchild.

If I got married tomorrow, something that I know won't happen, I'll have to live to be 87 years and 66 days old to match that. Amazing.

Congratulations Grandpa and Grandma, if you're reading this. If science makes it possible, I'm looking forward to your 122nd anniversary.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I don’t know what to say here anymore.

Stories from work have become repetitive. Here, unlike in Cowcity, the people I work with understand that I’m not social, so they don’t try to force me to do things that I don’t want to do. It probably helps that there are three employees over forty (of the rest, only two are older than me, the rest younger) and six employees are mothers. I think that limits how much people want to hang out with each other. Plus, The Manager live forty miles west of the store; Assistant Manager #1 lives forty miles north of the store (closer to another ‘Bucks); and Assistant Manager #2 lives twenty miles to the east. The likely hood of these three wanting to get the store together for a party of any sort is very unlikely. Which is okay with me.

My work days are, as I wrote in the paragraph above, pretty much the same. I go (recently at 4:15AM); I serve (to people who would probably be better spending their money on cigarettes); and I leave (stinking of the stuff I serve). (I wish I spoke Latin. That phrase would be much better in Latin.)

At the end of April, I saw one of the two movies I was/am most excited about this year. The other doesn’t come out until September. It seems funny, to me, that the movies I most want to see are both out side of the summer and winter rush of movies. Sure, I’ve been to the movies since April and I’ll go before September, but the months that bookend the summer hold the ones that I want to see.

I’ve signed up to take one of the many civil service tests for this state. I find it unlikely that it’ll help me to find a job that will become my passion... my reason for living, but it may get me away from ‘Bucks and that’d be very nice. My aunt took the test six months, or so, ago and found a job at the prison, where her husband works, shortly after. She told me that since I can type, I’d get an immediate bump in pay, which would be nice. The test is up in Cowcity at the end of the month, keep your fingers and other crossable extremities crossed for me. I’d appreciate it.

What else to say? I don’t have a clue. Is there anything that YOU, the few there are, want to know? A question YOU really want answered? Something that I can do to help YOU? A wish YOU think I can grant? Let me know in the comments.

Once Again

Next week? More of the same!

Free Image Hosting at

Saturday, June 04, 2005