Monday, March 29, 2004

Good News Everybody.

I was greatly surprised that the package in the mailbox was for me. I opened it as I was walking and saw the spine of a book which reads: "The Norsemen 1980-81." It looked like a year book.

I asked myself, "Who is so fucking cruel that they'd send me some stupid old year book and why did they shrink wrap it?"

I pulled it out and saw the seal on the cover, "William McKinley High School."

"Could it be?" I asked. "Is it possible?"

I ripped the shrink wrap off and opened the book to a page full of pictures and a caption that says, "These Are The Days We Will Always Treasure." I recognized the people. I flipped to the back of the book... DVDs!

My birthday present to myself arrived today.

When I ordered it, over a month ago, I thought I read that it wasn't shipping until the week after my birthday; this morning I got an e-mail saying that it was sent off yesterday; and now it's here, cradled in one arm because I don't feel like letting go. What did I get, you may be asking. I got the special edition 8 disc set of Freaks and Geeks, one of (if not THE) greatest shows from TV.

I had no idea it was coming.

I'm going to pop some corn and watch an episode or two. I'm not answering the phone. And I hope to go to bed much happier tonight than I was yesterday.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Springtime Sport Spectacularly Spearing Sparsely Spat Speculative Spineless Spoiled Spume

Well, my spring malaise has settled in with the subtlety of a train whistle. I go out like nothing's wrong; snigger at jokes made by people at school and co-worker; smile at customers as if they were my best friends who I'm seeing again after a long trip; and scoot my way between here and there without passing my mood onto others.

I don't know what it is about the spring that gets me feeling down. Other people get depressed during the long, cold, dark, damp days of winter, but not me. No. Winter is my time. I enjoy billowing gray clouds flowing as far as I can see. I like the spattering rain; the tick, tick, tick as it falls onto the roof above. Hearing people bitch about the weather makes me grin. Swelling creeks make me excited. Snow on the mountains warms my insides.

Maybe it's because my birthday is so close to the beginning of spring. I don't know. It's not like I'm scared of getting older. If I were, I would have demanded contacts and never touched the glasses I now wear on my face. I'm willing to go bald. Part of me is looking forward to going bald, in fact. No more shampoo, only soap. No, it's not because I'm getting older. I think it's more along the George Costanza line of thinking: "It's a horrible day. You have everyone over at you place and you're thinking to yourself, 'These are my friends?'" (Then Jerry says, "Everyday is my Birthday.") Not that I don't like my friends, but I don't like parties. I don't like giving them and I don't like them when other give them. Yeah, I show up because I like my friends. Maybe it's not my birthday after all. Maybe it's the sunshine and lollipops and rainbows. Maybe it's the people talking about how wonderful the weather is now and how happy they are. Maybe it's knowing that mosquito hordes are coming. I don't know and don't care.

(Since I mentioned my birthday, I'll speak of plans. (Which, for some reason, when ever I tell them to people face to face they look at me like I'm pathetic. Like I should be [more] depressed and embarrassed because I'm not going out and getting stoned or drunk or laid for my birthday.) Okay, I'm taking the day off. I asked for it off during the first week of work here in cowcity because I hate working on my birthday. (I hated going to school on my birthday, but had little or no control over it, now I have control, and I refuse to work.) School is out on spring break for the week, so I don't have any classes that day. I'm spending the day watching movies. I'm going to a theater and will pay for an 11AM show, then sneak into one or two or three (depending on when I work the next day). There I two movies I'm certainly going to see: 1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and 2. Jersy Girl. I've avoided the reviews of both movies so I'll only have the overwhelmingly high expectations that I've built up in my head and no others making the expectations even higher. I think it'll be a good day, or at least a day that won't be as bad as the ones surrounding it.)

Work is stupid. It sucks. I only like a few people who work there. Only a few seem to be willing to accept my weirdness. Very few laugh at my jokes. And all of them make me feel very awkward when I make an off-color remark like "Thank goodness the chocolate ran down my front and not down my pants. I wouldn't want people to think I got so excited I couldn't control myself." There's a girl who I think is trying to flirt with me. She's cute, but her (I think) flirtatious ways make me nervous. She kicks me in the butt, or upper thigh actually. She steps on my feet. She puts hot steam pitcher on my hands. She pushes me around on the already slippery mats. And she does it all with a huge smile on her face. I don't know what to do, do you?

School is hovering in the zone of mediocre. I'm enjoying one of the drawing classes because it's all about actual drawing. Pencil, charcoal, conte, and ink. We don't draw anything overly interesting (shells and pots and trees and such), but I'm learning a lot about shading and different ways to use the material and value and next is a section on texture. The other semester long class really sucks. The teacher is a bigger believer in theory than actually helping us to work. Sure, Gestalts are fascinating, but knowing about them hasn't helped me to produce good work. Maybe she can read my disdain for her and the class because when we are working on things she walks around the room offering encouragement and help to people, but when she gets to me, she looks at the artwork, sniffs, and walks away. When I was in Sonora and was sick, I missed her class for a whole week. I'm looking forward to missing her class for a week again, even if we're working on the computers now. The third class is the basic computer in the Art and New Media area. I've only had one class. It was okay. Very long though. From 5:30PM to 9:50PM. That after getting up at 6AM for work. It was a long day. The teacher is nice and enthusiastic. I hope it's a good one.

(Just finished a board game version of WarCraft 3. It was okay. A little confusing, due to its sort of real time play. I had some fun moment, even though I was losing. We played for a few hours.)

Glasses are strange, but good. My eyes get sore when I'm wearing them and reading for a while or using the computer. Is this usual for the nearsighted? Also, after wearing the glasses from 5AM until too late at night I can feel the weight of them on the bridge of my nose. I hope I get used to it.

(This was written under the influence of an unabridged cassette of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling, if you didn't like the stuff that was written her, you can blame it on her satanic writing.)

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

F--- This

"Do you know what life is? Life's a shit sandwich, and if you're lucky there's enough bread so you won't taste the shit."


I'm wearing an idiot's grin today because there's evidience of a saltwater sea on Mars.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Fornicating Frogs and other Fables

The frogs were croaking as I walked past the ditch this evening on my way back from the Mall, crying out for mates. Earlier, on my way to the Mall, I saw a guy booming music out of his car and giving a group of girls a look of longing. That is what I thought of listening to the frogs sing.

I went to the mall this evening to do some 'ratting. I have money from tips and it wants to hop from my pocket and cram itself into some clerks sweaty fist while I leave with Futurama Season 3, or The Critic, or Dilbert, or The Office, or The Simpsons Season 3, or King of the Hill Season 2, or something that I haven't found yet. I don't need to spend my money. I want to, but I don't need to. I would have, if the Mall wasn't closing as I cruised through.

It was six and, apparently, the Mall closes at six on Sunday. The Mall closing is quite different than the Mall opening. In the morning, the Mall is quiet, soundless. The hum of the escalators are the only thing to be heard. The floors are so polished that to look at them is to be blinded. The few people there are sipping Starbucks or nibbling Cinnabon. At closing, it's a mad rush for the door. People shoving past people. People ducking under metal grates lowered from ceiling. Pay strollers pushed erratically toward the stroller dispenser. Kids trying to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap, one more time. Babies screaming their heads off at pooped parents. And a last call for young couples to prove their love by depositing drool in each others mouths, but ultimately being ignored by almost everyone.

I prefer the Mall at opening.

I spoke with Venus this evening. She didn't have anything to say to me, but it was nice speaking. She listened well and left it to me to answer the questions I asked. She's a good friend to have.

Friday, March 19, 2004

Photo Time

This is what I look like first thing in the morning with glasses:

Maybe I should get a "hipper" haircut, glasses may make me a nerd.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Glasses on My Face, and Aches Everywhere

After work, Monday, I headed to Sonora, as was the plan. It was a long, hot, boring drive. The radio was flipped between NPR for current events (as much as I hate the shit going on in Iraq, I'm not sure Spain pulling it's troops out is a good idea, since they helped to cause the problem, in the first place, oy) and all the music stations my radio would scan so I could sing the words to songs louder than the air flowing through the windows.

I made it into town somewhere after five, and found myself hoping that the glasses doctor would still be open. Open until five, that makes sense for a doctor's office. Open until six? That seemed unlikely, but what would I lose except a minute or two if I did? I lost more like fifteen minutes because the place was open. I rang the bell, a lady took me to the back, and I was handed my glasses. I put them on and she gave me a paper with many sizes of print to read. I looked at it. I looked at her. I looked at it again. I looked at her again and asked, "Am I supposed to read this?" "Does it look clearer? Can you read it better? Can't you make out the letter easier?" she asked. "No," I said. She looked worried. "But I don't need these for reading, only distance." "Oh, well, then," she said, "If you want, put them on in the morning when your eyes are more relaxed, so they won't have to be forced into focus." "Okay, but I think I want to see what it's like with them while driving, since I'm sure they'll help the there." I left.

I noticed, while driving, that things in the distance did look better. The leaves on the kind of distant shrubs looked like leaves, instead of small splotches of different greens massed together. Words on signs were sharper. I supposed that I really did need glasses. I wore the glasses all the way up to the point where I turn from the highway to Longeway where I couldn't bear the pain developing behind my eyes. Like long needles slowly skewering them from behind. I took them off, and didn't wear them again until Tuesday morning and didn't experience any pain all day.

Tuesday was meant to be a day of coloring schoolwork and an evening that was to be, hopefully spent, with two friends (at least for a short period of time), but it didn't work out. I got sick. Really sick. I won't go into detail, as much as I'd like to, but I woke up seven or eight times Monday night to visit Mr. Flushy. Yesterday was spent shivering, watching TV, getting used to glasses, and sipping 7up mixed with water. Not fun.

I was supposed to be on my way back to Cowcity today, but that ain't gonna happen. I'm still shivery and my body is doing that extra-sensitive thing where when something touches your skin waves of tingly pain radiate through your body and I ache all over. There are two good things, though: first, I slept all through the night, almost ten hours of sleep, and second, I don't work until Friday, so I won't lose out of pay.

Today is to be spent coloring and painting for school and watching funny movies. Currently it's Return of the Pink Panther.

Smile, you're not sick!

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Uh Oh

I fear he may be getting his move on. What is a confused man-child to do?

What do you're CDs say about you?

"If ev'ry tongue was still the noise would still continue
The rocks and stones themselves would start to sing

Violent Femmes Violent Femmes: 20th Anniversary Edition (currently playing)
Jesus Christ Superstar: Original Broadway Cast Recording
Weezer Green
Cleavland Rocks: The Music from The Drew Carey Show
Sublime Sublime
Chicago: Motion Picture Soundtrack
Barenaked Ladies Maroon
Fiona Apple Tidal
Cake Comfort Eagle
Macy Gray On How Life Is
Mozart: The Classics
Andrew Sisters Their All-Time Greatest Hits

And this is just the stuff that's sitting out! Just try to imagine what the rest is like.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Only Tests!

You're Ulysses!

by James Joyce

Most people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense. What people do understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once brilliant and repugnant. Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Hard to complain agout that one.

You're Colombia!

You do a lot of drugs, and these have kind of distorted your view of reality, to the point that everyone looks like an enemy.  You keep trying to restore order over your schizophrenic world view, but you don't even know which goal is your own and which is someone else's.  You're pretty sure someone needs to be punished for all this, but who that is changes all the time.  Things would be a lot better for you if you switched to coffee, or even to decaf, but all this money would be hard to give up.

the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

This one came out of nowhere.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Monday, Monday, Monday! Be there!

To begin with, we must all congratulate Johnny Logic on getting accepted to a real good school in a far away land. At least one of Kevin Smith's films was shot there. Get a camera and take pictures of places from the movie. That'd be pretty cool. Aside from the fact that I'll miss those crazy bastiches, if they move, I'm happy that someone is following his educational dreams. (Anyone who wants to send a condolence note, click here. Anyone with a congratualtions note for the person above, click here.)

Well, Monday will be the day I wear my new glasses for actual vision, rather than seeing how they look on my bulbous head. The lady who's paid to help choose glasses and some lady who brought her mother to the eye doctor liked them on me, and I thought they were decent, too. I guess I'll see what my parents think of them on Monday. I'm ditching class that day, already talked to my teacher, got paint from her and eveything, so, I should be back to Sonora by 6 depending on traffic (Evil, horrible, traffic. I hate it. One day, I will sick someones undead army of lawyers on traffic and it will be eliminated from where I am!) and what time I'm off work and if I got packed Sunday.

I'm planning on being there until Wednesday. Want to pet cats. Want to see the stars again. Want to be reminded of how much cowcity sucks. Want to hear the sounds of silence. Want to see the gramma deer. Want to throw veggies and such down the hill. Want to waste much time.

Altered Ego made a scary proposition today. (FILTHY! YOUR MIND IS FILTHY!!) I'm not sure what to do about it. I have nothing physical to offer, only snippets of ideas blown over the rainbow with the windmill of my mind to Oz where they get further separated from eachother until the gap becomes as uncrossable as the Deadly Desert. Perhaps a quest is in order, but where can I find a champion? And how exciting can a quest be in a land where animals can't die and chicken eggs produce chicks with no rooster?

Thinking about visiting Comic Relief for the 24 Hour Comic Day. Maybe bring some cookies or Starsucks coffee to support the artists. I'm not sure though. I don't think I'll have much money, considering I've already spent a portion of my up-coming birthday stash on a special 8-DVD set of Freaks and Geeks. We'll see. Maybe if others were willing to go to. Anyone, besides Wings (because I'm sure she'll want to) up for it?

Now to bed, to dream a little dream of Alec Guinness in fishnets.

A Conversation

This has to be re-posted somewhere else, because I laugh everytime I reread it.

From Altered Ego Monday, March 08, 2004 and is continued in the comments.

You know, I really don't think I'd have the strength to hammer in the morning and hammer out danger...

You're probably more of a night person than a morning person. Maybe you could hammer in the evening? Of course, it could be too late by then...
-The Moooo

By then it'd be more for justice.

And Freedom.

And isn't love between brothers and sisters sort of, well, wrong?
-The Moooo

That's why we need someone to hammer out warnings...

ALL over this land!
-The Moooo

Will I Ever Stop This

"Just empty calories and male curiosity, eh, George?"

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Again With This

"Kids are so accepting and loving. You can always cound on the sweetness and innocence of children!"

Still Dreamin'

At some point this morning, I dreamt that Alec Guinness was still alive and he was in a new movie in which he was a cross-dresser. I got to see a test screening and thought it was the most brilliant movie yet made. Alec was brilliant in it. His performance blew away his performance in The Bridge on the River Kwai. I had an idiots grin on my face when I woke.

All day I've been listening to a bird (possibly more than one) who imitate a car alarm sound. It even changes the pattern of sounds like a real alarm. It's amazing. I'd like it to stop though. I didn't think something could be as bad a car alarm, but I think I've found something that bad, at least close.

More of This

"He's not going to attack. He's a pussyfest."


"Aww, whatever."

Just This

"Monday Monkey lives for the weekend, sir."

Monday, March 08, 2004


View some art from one of my favorite comic artists, you philistines.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!

Okay, this is a little late, but I've been busy. Here's my look at who won the Oscars and what I thought about the show in general.

The funniest thing in the whole show was the beginning where Billy Crystal was in all those different movies. Micheal Moore popping up saying "You have to stop this war. Hobbits, you're fighing a fictional war." had me on the floor laughing. I also enjoyed the songs Crystal sang about the best picture nominees. That was all for the funny, I hope Steve Martin hosts next year, he's the best.

On to the winners (only one of my picks won, by the way):


Okay. He was nominated three times before and he won for the one he actually showed up for. That's nice.

Charlize Theron - MONSTER

Haven't seen the movie. Don't know if I want to. I heard her called a good rolemodel for women. It's nice that a serial killer can be a rolemodel.

Tim Robbins - MYSTIC RIVER

Okay, he's a good actor. I respect that he won. I almost fell asleep during his speech, though.

Renée Zellweger - COLD MOUNTAIN

Nope. I don't see how she did it. I just don't. Yes, she's a decent actress, but I don't think this was the role that sould have won her an award, that should have been Bridget Jones's Diary. It's like Russel Crowe winning for Gladiator instead of The Insider, what the fuck was that about?


Honestly, he should have won for The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring because it just felt better. More surprising. More amazing. I don't know what it was, exactly, but that would have been the right time. I guess the academy felt guilty for ignoring the other installment of the trilogy, but they sure made up for it with this year's awards.


Didn't the music in this film sound exactly like the music in the other two? If it didn't win then, why now? Guilt, plain and simple.


It was nominated for three years in a row but only won this year. It shouldn't have. The voters should have know better, too.


Here's where I was most thrilled for the night. I thought this movie was brilliant and the writing was wonderful. This was my happiest moment during the telecast.


Okay, I relly like this movie. It's not as good as Toy Story 2, but it was very good. I still laugh at it, a lot.


Was anyone surprised by the time this one was handed out? I wasn't. I was disappointed.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Seeing Eye Bird

Sonora was nice. Quiet. No noise at all (except for the cat jumping onto the bed). Lots of stars shimmered for me in the deep blue sky. Stuffed peppers were munched. Frost coated my car's windows in eerie fractal like patterns. Smoke rose out of chimneys, only to get stuck against an invisible ceiling and spread out flat. Rod Stewart rasped out of speakers. Scantron bubbles were filled. Extreme disappointment in the voters of California condemning the people of my generation to even more massive debts and setting a poor precedent for bond usage was experienced. And a first pair of glasses were picked by a young man.

I hope that by the time, if ever, I go blind, I can get a seeing eye bird, rather than a dog. I don't particularly care for dogs.

Test! Again

stone heart
Heart of Stone

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

I think this quiz is written poorly. It's like if you're not a weepy, outwardly emotionaly person, you have a heart of stone. If I was registered at Quizilla, I'd give this quiz a very bad grade, or whatever.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004


The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)

    Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.

    We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.

Your exact opposite:
The 5-Night Stand

Deliberate Brutal Sex Master

    On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.

    More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.

Take the OK Cupid test here.

Monday, March 01, 2004


I'm off to work, then Kinkos (ugh), then school, then Sonora. Why Sonora? Because I have an eye doctor appointment to get to before I'm kicked off my parents insurance, and I need to vote tomorrow (never got an absentee thing), and I need to go somewhere where I can see stars on a clear night that will only cost me the price of gas. I'm gonna try and ditch school early so I can be there close to six, wish me luck.