Saturday, May 05, 2018

He Lives with Chronic Depression

So, Wil Wheaton wrote a speech about living with depression and posted it to his blog. It's a good read and it's making rounds on Facebook. I hope it's actually read by lots of people, rather than just giving it a thumbs up. I hope that they take it to heart.

To me, the most important line of the whole speech, which I think most people will miss, because it's in the beginning of the speech, is this:

"When I tried to reach out to the adults in my life for help, they didn’t take me seriously."

I was a kid who fell into the depression well and when I tried to talk about it, I was ignored or blown off or told that I didn't really feel that way or that I'd get over it. I quickly learned not to bring it up anymore, not to bring up how I really felt at all. I learned to fake a smile. I learned to eliminate my feelings so that the well grew deeper. I learned the different signs that adults picked up on that made them think that something was wrong (guys growing their hair long, girls cutting their hair short, anyone dying their hair black or odd colors, dressing in too much black, the stink of not bathing enough) and made damn sure that I didn't do any of them because when those kids were talked to, it seemed to only be accusations from authority, no discussion. No understanding. And I didn't want to be hassled about something that they thought was somehow my fault. Even if these things were noticed by adults and taken as cries for help they were ignored. I did my best to hide everything. I kept my hair short. I made sure to shower. I kept my clothes in colors with a joke on the shirt, if I could.

No one would have seen how I felt inside on the outside because no adult would listen to me when I literally cried for help.

I hope that Mr. Wheaton's speech gets more adults to listen to children because usually a haircut is just a haircut and how do you know what it means unless you hear what's being said.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

It's Up

I finally put up the white board I bought month ago. It's being used for writing ideas. The first two columns are novel (pun sort of intended) ideas. The rest is fan fic stuff.

Here's to hoping it helps having things to cross off that I see every time I go to the fridge.

Monday, April 02, 2018


I don't often try to make food look fancy, but chocolate curls are an easy way to do it, even if several three to six year-olds pick them off the top.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Sensitive Persons

Over on Tumblr I reposted this comic strip.

I wrote: "Funny, this comic actually shows why I hate this ship."

This afternoon, when I logged in to see my Tumblr dashboard I had a message from someone saying "That comment on that comic was unkind and unnecessary."

I sent an apology that also was written in a way that would encourage the message-er to tell me which comment on which comic she didn't like.

My intention in reposting the comic and writing my comment was to point out that even though the artist like the ship and made this comic to be a cute moment in the life of Rey and Kylo Ren, I see it reinforcing why I don't like people shipping Rey and Kylo Ren. Maybe if I had spent more time explaining my reasoning, I wouldn't have received the comment.

I write this because I don't like upsetting people when I'm not trying to upset people.

So, here goes:

I enjoy most of Spatziline's work. Her Star stuff is outstanding and her Ladybug comics make me wish I enjoyed the show more.

I don't like Reylo, never have, and never will.

The comic, for those who didn't see it, has Rey standing next to Kylo Ren. She has something in her hand and is trying to open it. She tells Kylo that she wants to open it without using the force. The top flips up and hits her in the face. "Ouch," she says, probably out of surprise. Beat on Kylo's frowny face. "Heh," Kylo says, smiling. Back to his frown. Rey, with tears in her eyes (happy tears) says, "Holy Force, this is the first time I've heard you laugh."

It doesn't bother me that Kylo laughs at the unexpected, little smack Rey gets when she opens the whatever it is. I've been laughed at when something like that has happened to me and I've laughed at people who have had something like this has happened to others. When it happens to us, we feel stupid and the laughter is a release. When it happens to others, it's like watching a moment in the Three Stooges.

What bothers me is that Rey has never seen Kylo laugh. In Spatziline's comics, Rey and Kylo have a kid who's four or five. So, they've been together for a while. And this is the first time she's ever seen him laugh? Even if this is a different AU, they've been "friends," or whatever, long enough that she feels comfortable with him. So, either he's chosen to never laugh in front of Rey until this moment, or he's never felt humor before now, or he's chosen now chosen to show her some emotion. The first two seems good to me. The third is downright manipulative. Especially in light of The Last Jedi.

After spending most of the movie connecting through the Force, maybe even coming to respect one another, after they fight for their lives together, Kylo Ren starts negging Rey. It's like he's some asshole in a club looking for a warm piece of meat to stick his dick in. And the moment that Rey say no to him (Even though she was more like, "You seem nice and I think we should date and get to know each other before we have sex.) he decides to KILL HER! WHAT THE HELL!? RIGHT!?

And then here's this comic that feels emotionally manipulative. And it's supposed to be cute. And that bothers me. Really bothers me.

I'm not trying to stomp on the things that people like that other people like. I've read the Twillight book and hated every moment of Bella and Edwards "relationship." I see it as abusive. It's not the poor writing and lack of character development that bother me, I've read worse, it's the abuse. But I don't shatter the "love story" that my mom and aunt and sister-in-law enjoyed just because I don't see it the same way that they do. However, when a fanon moment occurs, by an artist or writer that I like, that paints what I see as abuse as something funny and cute, it really bothers me, no matter the intention.

I don't expect it to change anyone's mind about Reylo. Like I couldn't change anyone's mind about the abuse in Harry/Snape stories Or Walker Boh/Ilse Witch stories (from back in the day).

I had to say something. Maybe being curt was the wrong way to go about it though. Maybe.

I should probably post a permanent link to my Preemptive Apology post.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

More Questions Found on Tumblr

1: Marvel or DC?
DC. I like the idea of heroes for the sake of good, rather than because of personal tragedy. Also, they have better TV show, live action or cartoons.

2: Do you have any siblings?

3: Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed?
On occasion.

4: How old are you?
Old enough to know better.

5: What is your favorite sport?
None of the above.

6: Favorite soda/beverage?
Iced tea.

7: What is your favorite tv show?
It depends on the day of the week and what you consider TV. Here's a small list of current shows that I currently enjoy: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The Detour, Bob's Burgers, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisle, The Good Place, Star vs the Forces of Evil, Blackish, Alone Together.

8: Do you marathon shows or watch a few episodes at a time?
Both. It depends on the show. If it's new to me it tends to be a marathon. If I've watched it before then a few at a time. (FYI, I recently rewatched Chuck. It's still great.)

9: How often do you exercise?
I ride my stationary bike five days a week. I'm still fat, though.

10: Do you wear makeup? How often?
Only on Halloween. Although I've been known to let my faced be used for makeup practice.

11: Favorite Disney movie?

12: Would you rather watch a movie or a tv show?
I don't want to make a choice. There are good and crappy movies and there are good and crappy TV shows.

13: Do you have your driver’s license?

14: What is your favorite animal?

15: Black widow or Catwoman?
Uh, how about Batgirl or Invisible Woman. I like good girls far more that bad ones.

16: favorite youtuber?
Lindsay Ellis.

17: What is your earliest memory?
Throwing a glass bottle onto the kitchen floor.

18: Favorite video game?
Mario Kart. All of them.

19: What is your biggest pet peeve?
I don't keep peeves as pets.

20: Dinosaurs or dragons?
Which kind of dragons? D&D dragons are different from Pern dragons are different from Scottish dragons are different from Chinese dragons and so on. Or is it just dragons in general? The answer is dragons.

21: What is the worst injury you have ever had?
I scraped up my whole leg once skidding on my bike on a gravel driveway. It wasn't that bad, though.

22: What piercings do you have/want?
No and none.

23: Any tattoos? if not, would you get any?
Have none, but if I were to get some I'd tattoo the Chinese symbol for vagina on my right wrist and penis on my left.

24: Sexual orientation?

25: What is your best subject in school?
I did well in all subjects in school. Except PE.

26: What is your favorite book series?
I've read a whole bunch of series and none are perfect, but are still good. Uh, maybe the Dark is Rising Sequence? I keep coming back to those. But I keep going back to the Wheel of Time series, too.

27: Do you have a crush on anyone currently?
No one that I actually know.

28: Single or in a relationship?
Single, but I have non-romantical relationships with a few people.

29: What character would you most like to cosplay?

30: Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Introvert, like to dangerous levels.

31: Cats or dogs?

32: What is the most embarassing thing to ever happen to you?
I don't know. I mean, I used to be very embarrassed reading out loud in school, but I got over it.

33: Tell me a story.
No, thanks. I'll wait.

34: What is the strangest thing you've ever seen someone wear?
Duct tape.

35: Where in the world would you most like to travel?
The bottom of the sea.

36: Favorite Pokemon?

37: favorite color?

38: Are you religious?

39: Post a selfie

40: Have you ever left your home country/state?

41: Do you prefer to travel by car or airplane?

42: Are you a fan of rollercoasters?

43: What is your favorite OTP?
Daria and Jane's friendship.

44: Who is your favorite Disney princess?
My gut says Belle.

45: Who is your favorite Disney prince?
They all suck. Unless I can choose Flint Rider.

46: Who is your favorite Disney villain?
I waiver between Maleficent and Ursula.

47: Do you sing along to the radio?
Oh, yes.

48: Who is your favorite Harry Potter character?
Luna Lovegood.

49: Any headcanons?
Yes, lots of them.

50: If you could have one of the Deathly Hallows (cloak of invisibility, Elder Wand, or Resurrection Stone), which would it be?
The wand.

51: What house would you be in Hogwarts?

52: When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Like said the actual word? I can't remember.

53: Do you have any weird habits?
Probably, but they must not seem weird to me.

54: What do you do when you're bored?
Watch TV. Eat. Read. Worry.

55: What is the strangest thing you've seen at Walmart?
A dog in a stroller being pushed by a three-year old.

56: What color are your eyes?

57: What is your natural hair color?
Brown with hints of red.

58: Have you ever broken a bone? How?

59: What is your favorite food?
Too many to write because it depend on mood and time of day and what I've eaten recenly.

60: What do you look for in a relationship?
Another person who I can talk to without feeling like I want to crawl inside myself.

61: If you could live in any era, which would it be and why?
I'm cool with this one because it's probably the best for all types of people. I'd like to visit Moorish Spain, though.

62: How late do you usually stay up?
I usually go to sleep by 8:30 PM, but I also get up at 4 AM-ish.

63: What is your favorite website?
I don't have a favorite.

64: Have you been to any concerts?

65: Are you involved in any extracurriculars at school?
I don't go to school anymore.

66: If you could be the opposite gender for a day, what would you do?
Things that would make people blush.

67: What are you most proud of?
I'm not.

68: Do you have any big regrets?
Not that I can think of.

69: What was the best day of your life?
I don't think I had it, yet.

70: Do you crack your knuckles?
On occasion.

71: Do you play any instruments?
Not well.

72: First kiss story?
It was a game and chaste and unimpressive.

73: Do you like hot or cold weather?
I prefer cold. It keeps the people away.

74: What is your favorite song of all time?
How can anyone decide?

75: Any weird talents?
I don't think so.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

No Black Ink

Have you ever wanted to see what a comic book page looks like with the black ink:

From Firestorm: The Nuclear Man #27, 2006; colors by David Baron