Tuesday, April 30, 2019

To Sleep Perchance

When I'm feeling down in the dumps, like the air itself is trying to crush me, I tend to stay up later than I should. That is to say, tonight.

It's an illogical way to put off facing tomorrow for as long as possible. Unfortunately it also makes tomorrow harder because I'm tired.

Sunday, April 28, 2019


Except for my mother, sisters-in-law, and brothers are no longer being followed on Face-A-Gram. I didn't unfriend them. I simply can't see any more of their announcements.

I did this last night.

It's been weird looking at my feed today and seeing the same thing all day long.

I'm still following those few because I'm a good son and I want to see the posted pictures of my nieces and nephew. (Even though I'm uncomfortable with their parents posting pictures of their children because their children have no say in their own privacy.)

People from work keep asking me for friend requests and so do acquaintances I know through my job and people I know and I finally said "screw it" and added them. I just don't want to read their bullshit. I don't care about their kids and grandkids beyond the fact that I care about humankind in general.

There are a few people that I'll miss looking at and I may follow them in the future, but fuck it, for now. We haven't really be friends in a long time. I haven't seen them in five and a half years and I'm exhausted.

Just exhausted.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Two Things Before Bed

1. I keep thinking about a pie made with apple and brie. Crunch top. But does the brie go under the apple or over?
2. The longer I've been on Facebook, the more disturbed I get at parents, grandparents, and other peoples posting pictures of children. There's no real consent. Even if the child wants something posted or was asked, he/she can't really grasp what having that picture posted can mean now and in the future. Not only are kids going to dig up drunken pictures of their parents to try to use in hypocrisy debates, but they're also going to find their childhood, happy times and breakdowns, posted for the world to see. It doesn't seem right to me.

Sunday, December 09, 2018

Dear Evan Hansen

Dear Evan Hansen got out about 45 minutes ago. I've been listening to the soundtrack, off and on, for the past year.

The play was excellent. I highly recommend those with the means to see it. However, there are a few elements that I found harder to deal with on the stage than simply listening to the songs.

The play's about a socially awkward and depressed high school senior who tries to do a good thing for a family after their son kills himself and they find a letter addressed to Evan Hansen in the son's pocket. Evan tries to tell them he wrote the letter to himself, but the parent's, in their grief, can't hear what Evan's saying. Evan let's them believe what they want at first, but soon starts actively lying to them because he wants to help and knows that the truth will only hurt the family. And that's what really rubbed me the wrong way. The lying.

I knew from the soundtrack that Evan lied, but it was easier to handle in songs because that's all it was: songs. On stage I saw Evan continuing the lies and adding to them every time he spoke to the family. He dug himself deeper into the lie-pit and the jumped in after. He liked making them feel better and he liked spending time with a "normal" family.

The family not only ate up the lies, but they began actively changing their memories of the dead boy to fit what THEY WANTED him to be. The sister says that her brother pounded on her door saying he wanted to kill her. (This info is not in a song.) Then she sings about how awful he was to her and how she will not sing a requiem for him. She knew he was a monster and didn't want the new information to paint him in a better light. She does read it, though, and begins to forgive the heinous things he did and, maybe, even forget them.

The lie gets spread to the school and then the rest of the world, to the point that our main characters defraud the public out of $50,000 on a Kickstarter campaign. (Yes, the farm gets refurbished and whatnot, but it's still based on a lie and is therefore fraud.)

When the truth comes our the family hate Evan and never want to see him again, but in the end they admit that they are better for Evan's lies. Evan is punished by his girlfriend, the sister, breaking up with him. Even then there's still room for them to be friends, we learn in the end.

I did enjoy the show. I enjoyed it a lot. This just stuck in my craw during the play and after because, ultimately, the play isn't about the lie. It's about isolation and loneliness and family and kids and parents and depression. And all of that is lovely and sad and hopeful.

Sunday, October 21, 2018


I'm watching Dear White People and the character Lionel makes me ache. My head. My heart. My stomach. I see so much of me in that character. Except for, you know, the talent and ambition and courage. His episodes have easily been the best.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Sorting Hat Quizes

Why is it that every sorting hat quiz that I take puts me in Ravenclaw, the house I'd prefer to be in, except for the one at Pottermore?

I keep getting Gryffindor and I would make a lousy Gryffindor. No one who would stand by watching a first year get wedgied and then feel guilty about it should be put in Gryffindor.

Thursday, August 30, 2018

A Thought

I had a thought yesterday:
What if there were a sentient alphabet?
An alphabet that worked to make people understand how to read it and forced them to use it?
An alphabet that reproduces by people writing with it so others would use the same alphabet?
An alphabet whose very twists and edges to had meaning we couldn't understand, but changed how we think?
If there is such an alphabet, could we know?