Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Look, Another List of Questions

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? strawberry lemonade iced tea (homemade)

2. Do you sleep naked? On occasion.

3.Worst physical pain? Probably when I was born. I imagine that was really painful.

4. Worst emotional pain in your life? I lost most of my emotions about 20 years ago. I'm slowly bringing them back. I think I'd like some serious emotional pain to prove I'm getting better.

5. Favorite place you’ve been to? A small beach just as the fog burns off.

6. How late did you stay up last night? 9:20 PMish

7. If you could move somewhere else, where would it be? The Moon.

8. Which of your Facebook friends lives the closest? Blarg. Who cares? I'm not even sure any of them are really friends.

9. When was the last time you cried? I was a senior in high school. So, around 21 years ago.

10. Who took your profile pic? I drew the one here, but I took a photo of the painting I use as my Facebook profile pic.

11. What's your favorite season? Winter.

12. If you could have any career what would it be? Eccentric Billionaire.

13. What was the last book you read? Dragon Wings, book one of the Deathgate Cycle, for the ninth or tenth time.

14. If you could talk to ANYONE right now, who would it be? My parents circa 1990.

15. Are you a good influence? I don't believe I am an influence.

16. Does pineapple belong on a pizza? Of course.

17. You have a remote, what channel will you be watching? Which has the best cartoon on right now.

18. 2 people who you think will play along? Does anyone check this blog semi-regularly?

19. Last concert you attended? Weird Al. It'll probably always be Weird Al

20. Favorite type of food? Is questions about way food is presented, i.e. sandwich, pizza, pie, etc.? Is it about the nation of origin, i.e. Thai, Mexican, Ethiopian, etc.? I like all kinds of foods and my favorites are usually what I'm cramming into my face at any given time.

Sunday, July 15, 2018


A fanfic story I wrote was listed as one of this person's favorites.

I'm flattered, but part of me feels like I tricked this person.

I know I didn't, but still.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

The Humor of the Situation

Even with all the medication and seeing a brain whisperer every week, there's still a voice in my head that would like me to get rid of me. Probably the most dangerous part of that voice is that it's funny. And funny is seductive. And funny is comforting. And funny is insidious.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018


I just want to feel good about being me for once. Is that too much to ask for?

Saturday, May 05, 2018

He Lives with Chronic Depression

So, Wil Wheaton wrote a speech about living with depression and posted it to his blog. It's a good read and it's making rounds on Facebook. I hope it's actually read by lots of people, rather than just giving it a thumbs up. I hope that they take it to heart.

To me, the most important line of the whole speech, which I think most people will miss, because it's in the beginning of the speech, is this:

"When I tried to reach out to the adults in my life for help, they didn’t take me seriously."

I was a kid who fell into the depression well and when I tried to talk about it, I was ignored or blown off or told that I didn't really feel that way or that I'd get over it. I quickly learned not to bring it up anymore, not to bring up how I really felt at all. I learned to fake a smile. I learned to eliminate my feelings so that the well grew deeper. I learned the different signs that adults picked up on that made them think that something was wrong (guys growing their hair long, girls cutting their hair short, anyone dying their hair black or odd colors, dressing in too much black, the stink of not bathing enough) and made damn sure that I didn't do any of them because when those kids were talked to, it seemed to only be accusations from authority, no discussion. No understanding. And I didn't want to be hassled about something that they thought was somehow my fault. Even if these things were noticed by adults and taken as cries for help they were ignored. I did my best to hide everything. I kept my hair short. I made sure to shower. I kept my clothes in colors with a joke on the shirt, if I could.

No one would have seen how I felt inside on the outside because no adult would listen to me when I literally cried for help.

I hope that Mr. Wheaton's speech gets more adults to listen to children because usually a haircut is just a haircut and how do you know what it means unless you hear what's being said.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

It's Up

I finally put up the white board I bought month ago. It's being used for writing ideas. The first two columns are novel (pun sort of intended) ideas. The rest is fan fic stuff.

Here's to hoping it helps having things to cross off that I see every time I go to the fridge.