Thursday, April 29, 2004


I'm sitting in class, right now, thinking about how much I'd like to be somewhere else. I'm bored. I don't want to do the work. I'm missing the second to last episode of F*R*I*E*N*D*S. I losing valuable reading time. I'm angry because I had to leave work late and couldn't check out the other place for a gift for the wedding. And I didn't get a haircut.


Saturday I can get a haircut. I'll just get in Cowtown, that's where I've gotten almost all of my cuts before in my life. I'll go to the cheap place. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

Class isn't over until 9:30, I think. I'm not exactly sure. I'm not finished with my classwork. Nope. It's not that it's hard, because it isn't, it's just that I'm trying to make it too complicated. I have knowlecge of this program that most students don't and I want to use it, but I can't. Ugh.

Draw a square. Draw a circle. Use the swirl tool. Try some of the other things. Ugh.

Okay, nose to the grindstone, only an hour left.

Babysteps to 9:30...

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

When all else fails, go SHOPPING!

Today, I decided that I've waited too long and that I should probably get the soon to be wedded couple a gift. I went to Macy's and checked out their registry. When I saw it I thought it was okay, there were things I could afford. Unfortunately, everything that I could afford, the store didn't have. Neither did the big one downtown. Neither could they order the items. On two occasions, the person I asked to help me looked at the item name on the list and said, "We've never had that." and once I heard a, "I didn't even know they made that." So it was a failure.

Tomorrow, I'm checking Linens and Things, the other place their supposedly registered. Keep your fingers crossed because I don't think these two will appreciate an ice bucket filled with candy.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

What have you read?

Take this long list and highlight everything you've read (I stole this from Johnny Logic who stole it from Pharyngula who stole it from Reflections in d minor).

I've decided to include commentary because it's my blog and I can.

I like them epic poems. I miss the days when poetry was a form of story telling rather than pubescent love. This is the original superhero (in the English language, at least). I mean he had the strength of ten men in each arm. How is that not the beginning of superstrength?
Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart
Agee, James - A Death in the Family
Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice
Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain
Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot
Ah, the birth of subtraction theater. As excellent to read as it is to watch, which is rare for any play. I'm also impressed that its first performance was in a California prison and the inmates loved it. Wonderful.
Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March
Brontë, Charlotte - Jane Eyre
Brontë, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Camus, Albert - The Stranger
Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales
Many excellent stories all in verse form. If only people were better at translating this and keeping a rhyme scheme, that's the way it was meant to be read. my favorite is "The Tale of Sir Thopas," which is a riot. If only the other pilgrims let the Host finish the tale.
Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard
While reading this, I kept thinking that most of the people deserved to lose their home, almost all of them were thoughtless jerks.
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening
Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness
Yeah, I get it. "The horror." Yeah. I think it would have made a better ghost story, though.
Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans
Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage
"Dulce et decorum est / Pro patria mori." That's what this book was about to me. Maybe I read it wrong, it was sixth grade after all. Still, why not have “The Open Boat”? A most excellent short story.
Dante - Inferno
de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote
I told my creative writing teacher that I thought this book was sad and felt sorry for Quixote, he said I was wrong. I like the book, I laugh when I read it, but it's still sad.
Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe
After you read this book, read Foe by JM Coetezee, it'll then be a really great novel.
Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment
Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
Sure, he was a great man, but if you want a fun autobiography that's full of exaggerations, read the one Ben Franklin wrote.
Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy
Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers
Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss
Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man
Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays
When being forced to read his essays in school, I kept wondering what he'd think of the state of literature in the modern age, and the more I thought, the more I thought he wouldn't like it at all. Although, I don't think he cared for most of the literature of his age, either.
Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying
Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury
Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby
I've read it thrice for school and once for me. I love the description of the billboard. How it watches over the land. Is it judging them? And that ending image is brilliant.
Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust
Golding, William - Lord of the Flies
Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter
Upon my second read of this novel, I wasn't as impressed as I was the first time. Sure, it's still good, but his short stories are better. Read "Young Goodman Brown," it's my favorite of his.
Heller, Joseph - Catch 22
Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms
Okay, so I haven't finished it. I bought it last week and started it, but figured it would be better to finish a book that I don't own first. So far it's good, but I liked The Sun Also Rises better, but I suppose people prefer a "love story."
Homer - The Iliad
Greek mythology is one of my favorite things in the world. This story is more of a history lesson than mythology, I suppose. I'm looking forward to seeing the movie that they made based on this material, though. (You know, it stars an Elf, the Hulk, and Brad Pitt.) I hope they remember to make Achilles arrogant and Odysseus sly.
Homer - The Odyssey
Here's the mythology I crave from the ancient Greeks. Islands with gods on them. Winds being trapped in bags. Ten years on the sea. Traveling to Hades and back. Oh yeah.
Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God
Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World
Thank goodness we don't worship Henery Ford.
Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House
James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady
James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw
Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis
I'd like to think I'd have been treated better by my family if I had turned into a cockroach, wouldn't you?
Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt
London, Jack - The Call of the Wild
Why? Dear god, why did I read this book?
Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain
Marquez, Gabriel García - One Hundred Years of Solitude
Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener
It didn't inspire me to run out and pick up the next book on the list, but it was good.
Melville, Herman - Moby Dick
Miller, Arthur - The Crucible
Probably his best play. Read it or watch it performed live. Avoid the movie, it just doesn't work (even though Miller worked on it). The dangers of mob mentality and believing in your fears more than each other even rings true with the crap that's going on today.
Morrison, Toni - Beloved
I had a teacher who complained that the movie made the story out to be merely a ghost story, but that's what this book is, a brilliant ghost story.
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
This wasn't what I expected it to be, but I was blown away almost as much as the lady in the story.
O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night
If you read nothing else in this play, set dressing. That booklist describes the father perfectly.
Orwell, George - Animal Farm
First, I hate that people believe this books about Communism, it's about FASCISM people. Great read. I love the end: "The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which."
Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar
Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales
I've read them all. I love his hypnotic use of rhyme and meter, especially in "Annabel Lee."
Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way
Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49
Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front
Finally, a novel about war that's honest, not the crap foisted upon the readers in The Red Badge of Courage. I was, however, disturbed that it was written by a guy who died and the novel didn't end with his death. Disturbing.
Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac
Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep
Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye
Shakespeare, William - Hamlet
Great, great, great. The story of a man pretending to go insane to keep from going insane. Brilliant. And without this play, one of my favorite plays would never have been written.
Shakespeare, William - Macbeth
Not at good as the one above, but still nice. The best scene is the one with the porter ("it provokes the desire, but it takes / away the performance"), brilliant.
Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Probably my favorite of the bunch. None is more fun or lyrical, to me.
Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet
Am I the only person in the world who doesn't think this is the greatest love story of all time, but instead it's making fun of teenage love? I think I am, but I know that I'm right, even if you all refuse to acknowledge my brilliance.
Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion
My Fair Lady has better emotion and some great songs. Go see that instead.
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein
I think that the monster should have just left the doctor alone to go mad, that would have been a more fitting punishment.
Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Sophocles - Antigone
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
It was the Oracle's fault. If it hadn't have sent the prophecy, Oedipus wouldn't have been left out to die and he wouldn't have killed his father and he wouldn't have married his mother and he wouldn't have had to blind himself. It was the Oracle's fault.
Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath
Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island
Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels
Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair
Thoreau, Henry David - Walden
I don't think he knew what he was writing about. Three miles out of city isn't a wilderness, even in the 1800s.
Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace
Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons
Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
I don't read the last ten or fifteen chapters of this book anymore. I hate them. If I had the nerve, I'd rip the pages from my copy and burn them.
Voltaire - Candide
Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Slaughterhouse-Five
Walker, Alice - The Color Purple
Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth
Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories
Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray
Excellent story, but even better is the preface. But it doesn't matter because, to quote Wilde, "All art is quite useless."
Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie
Why this one instead of A Streetcar Named Desire? I do like this one, I just think the other is better, that's all.
Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse
Wright, Richard - Native Son

So, if you made it through the list, what surprised you that I didn't have bolded? What surprised you that I did? What should I read that's on the list? Why, do you think, there aren't more late 20th century writers on this list?

'Night all.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Noteworthy Notes

I have traded Paul Simon for Steven Sondheim.

The dark, doom-filled clouds of depression have departed and the grey haze of indifference has settled.

I'm feeling much better today. It is no longer a struggle to smile at work or make weak (and safe) jokes to customers. I can walk around humming the Baby Elephant Dance and mean it.

Other than a grumbly in my tumbly, life is acceptable.

Friends are getting married this Saturday in Sonora. I'll be there. I have no gift, but a trip to Pottery Barn should fix that, right?

Friday, April 23, 2004

Get Rid of Those Seven

When something goes right
Well it's likely to lose me, mm
It's apt to confuse me
It's such an unusual sight

----Paul Simon

I just wanted to know if there were certain kinds of blog posts that got more comments than others. That was the reason for those sickeningly sweet, but vapid blog posts last week. I figured, since the one that was written before those seven got inane comments, why bother telling the truth and sharing myself with others. Hell, I’m only sure that five people even read those seven posts.

The Moo thinks that I did it for a laugh. No, it wasn’t for a laugh. Sure, it was a little funny at first, but then it wasn’t. I’m sure in a few years it’ll really funny, but it isn’t right now.

I’m not angry. Sorry if those paragraphs make you think that. And despite the tone of this post, so far, I’m feeling better. Happier. My throat doesn’t close at work anymore and my chest isn’t constricting. The false smile I’m paid to wear comes easier now than it has in several weeks. (I’m not sure that’s a good thing, though.) I don’t scowl at the employees at stores anymore, so when I’m browsing through books or movies or music they actually approach me and ask if I need help. I often consider telling them “Yes, but not the kind that you’re offering.” but I don’t think they want to be treated that way, I know that I don’t like to be. It’s like when you answer the greeting (and why the hell has this become a greeting?) “How are you?” with a “Miserable.” all you get is a long silence, a look at their back, and then pitying looks for the rest of the day. Why ask if you don’t want an answer?

(Sometimes I hate what our language has become, like the phrase “No problem.” from someone following a “Thank you.” What the hell do they mean? That doing whatever wasn’t a problem for them, thus implying that it was a problem for you? What happened to “Your welcome.”? When did “take” start to mean “bring”? Why do people think “eager” and “anxious” mean the same thing? And why is “cannot” a word, but not “alot”?)

Any way, this post is mostly about getting those seven off the page, no more to be viewed unless you really want to view them. I don’t want to view them when (if?) I visit my blog page. They’re stupid. I could delete them, but they serve a purpose and are meant to remind me . . .

I don’t want any comments on this one. If I could disable it, just for this one post, I would, but I can’t, so I’m just asking you to leave the comments alone. If you do write one, I promise that I won’t reply or even read it. Thank you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The internet connection is slow right now. The roommate must has set up a major download thing. This is slower than the dial-up at my parents’ house. I figure I can add to my “Get Rid of Those Seven” post.

I’ve found that I check blogs that aren’t updated daily/semi-daily more often than those that are.

I check each that are on the right over there at least once a day (when the connection doesn’t suck!) to read what’s on their minds. The ones that post daily/semi-daily I only check once (unless I can’t find other things to do), but I check the ones that post very infrequently much more often. When Johnny Logic wasn’t posting (due to trip and/or computer problems) I checked his site three or four times when I was on-line. I’m currently doing that with Altered Ego’s blog. I’ve been doing that with Heels’s blog for months now. Maybe I should ask her for an update, last time I asked, she posted (although she thought someone else had asked her). If she won’t post, I’d at least like to be able to look at her past posts. I didn’t know about her blog (and my other friends’ blogs) until a month before I started posting. I can read their backlog of thought, but not hers, and that does, I’m embarrassed to admit, annoy me. I’ll get over it, though.

2nd brother is coming to Cowcity. He’ll be at the bus station in a under an hour. I’m picking him up. I should probably prepare myself for driving downtown. I have to face one-way streets and the possibility of paying for parking. This is why I’ve only been downtown twice since I moved here, and didn’t drive either time.

Wish me luck.

Monday, April 19, 2004


There's a glow to the world, just waiting to be embraced.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Friday, April 16, 2004

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Thursday, April 08, 2004

A Complete Thought

I've been pretty short with people today.

It's not good.

Even with the Springtime Depression, I managed to be pleasant to my friends and coworkers and (jackass) customers up until yesterday.

Yesterday was when I saw next weeks schedule.

I'm scheduled for only three days next week.

Cut from over thirty hours down to just over twenty.

Only one non-supervisor person has kept the same hours as previous weeks.

I wish I could keep my hours.

I thought it was because we're getting a second assistant manager.

The new assistant is only part of it.

We also got a new "partner" this week. Today is her first day.

My hours were cut by a third.

I feel screwed.

I spent the day with my heart pounding, head throbbing, chest constricting, and throat closing.

If I didn't know better, I'd say I was on the verge of a panic attack.

When I got away, I felt better.

I watched the new trailer for Harry Potter, today.

I'm really looking foward to Garden State.

I have no money in my wallet.

My stomach is full, though.

Easter is Sunday, how many people will die out there and not rise anew?

Finished the second book of Stephen King’s Dark Tower books.

I don’t know if I want to read the third, but I probably will.

I think my roommate would like to move away and I’m afraid I’m the reason he’s not trying.

I want to move away.

Cowcity is awful.

It’s loud and smells and the people pretend they’re the only ones in the world.

Politeness is dead here.

When will the world come to an end?

I need some new thoughts.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Little Said

I think that the only words I've said to another human being today were, "I'd like one for Jersy Girl, please." I also saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Both were great. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is the better of the two, but Jersy Girl is certianly easier on audiences.


Saturday, April 03, 2004

Thursday, April 01, 2004


It appears that my parents are coming to Cowcity this Sunday. I'm guessing that my day will be work, followed by lunch, followed by The Simpsons. I'm inviting all of you, the few that there are, to come to Cowcity this Sunday and lunch with us. It's unknown where, but when will be after one (aka after work). If you are from Cowtown and need a ride, call my parents and ask, they have a new car with comfy seats (not to be confused with a Monty Python torture device). People not from Cowtown will have to find their own ride. People in Cowcity should be close enough already. If you have any questions e-mail here because I don't want to be in charge.