Monday, May 04, 2009


Heels wrote about having a pregnancy dream.

She dreamed "that [her] midwife started to engage [her] in a theological debate while [she] was in labor."

My response was that at least her midwife wasn't performing an exorcism.

Now I can't stop imagining the birthing process as an exorcism:

The priest sits between the woman's legs and shouts, "The power of Christ compels you!" Holy water gets flicked at her crotch. "Leave this woman's body! You don't belong there!" A rosary is fingered and prayers are muttered. "Get thee from this Holy vessel and return from where you came!"

Eventually, out comes slime coated creature that starts screaming as soon as it draws a breath. The creature is wrapped and set aside. The exorcism is not over. More prayers and water are hurled between the woman's legs until, finally, out comes the deep red and gray goo, which is captured to be incinerated because it is the evil that had been driven from the woman and the creature. (Of course, there's no way to drive out all the evil and the woman may even become possessed again.)

The creature, which came out first, is given to the woman to be raised in righteousness and to be blessed with baptism to help keep its inherit evil at bay.


geewits said...

That sounds about right. But then we'd be tossing out the stem cells with the evil.

AE said...

That's disgusting.

Your Mother said...

I read Rosemary's Baby while I was pregnant with you. It totally creeped me out!

ticknart said...

Geewits -- Naw, they'd have to keep the stem cells, otherwise they'd be killing the creature.

AE -- Well, that's birth. Babies come out slimy and the placenta is this red and gray blob of goo.

Your Mother -- Well, as long as you weren't drinking tannis root.

Jazz said...

That is so great. And maybe your bizarre imagination comes from your mom reading Rosemary's baby when she was pregnant with you.

ticknart said...

Jazz -- I'm sure that many of the quirks I have come from my mother and her reading habits.

Your Mother said...

Yup! :-D