The "Q" Word

 I don't like the "Q" word.

I don't like saying it and I don't like hearing or reading it.

When I sing along with "All That Jazz" I always stumble over that part.

The word's supposed to have been reclaimed, right? People in the community use the word all the time. It's spoken on news reports by reporters who aren't part of the community. I remember reading an interview with a young actor who said acknowledged that she is both heterosexual and cisgender, but has always considered herself "Q." Then why do I cringe every time I hear the word? Shouldn't I be okay with the word by now? Everyone else seems to be.

Part of it is probably the hate an vitriol that was spewed when the word was used while I was a kid.

Back then the word "gay" was used to mean not good, but I don't remember hearing it said with hate. It was just sort of a casual way to dismiss things that people didn't like.

The "Q" word, on the other hand, was always said with hate. To be called "Q" was to be a horrendous, vile thing.

Boys played a game called smear the "Q" at recess. The goal of the game was to tackle the "Q," the person who caught the ball, as hard as possible. (Why anyone choose to catch the ball is beyond me.) Many walked away with scraped knees and bloody noses. This game was played whenever the year duty teacher was distracted.

All this is burned into my head.

And maybe part of my aversion to the word is because I was rejected by the community. I was told that my identity doesn't exist or doesn't belong within the community because people like me have it easier than others. The community is a weird place. There are lots of Gs who say Bs shouldn't be part of the community and both have people in denial about the Ts. I don't get it. Uplifting anyone helps to uplift everyone. Right?

Anyway...

A long time ago I read an article that compared the reclamation of the "Q" word with the reclamation of the "N" word. Except I've never hear A Martinez or Leila Fadel use the phrase "'N' culture" on Morning Edition, but they use the phrase  "'Q' culture" more than I'm comfortable with.

I'm not writing this to say that people should stop using the word. If you feel like the word's been reclaimed good for you. I'm going to continue to cringe when I read or hear the word. I'm going to continue to not say it. You do you.