1. What was the #1 song in America on the day that you were born? (Warning: This question may require Google dot com, which definitely requires an internet connection, which could result in additional fees.)
“Tragedy” by Bee Gees. It was in the era of the last hurrah of disco. Also, not really one of their best.
2. To the best of your abilities, please draw a symbol that reflects your gender identity.
3. When you can’t sleep at night, what is the one thought you can’t let go of?
All of them. When I can’t sleep it’s because my brain is rushing with all the thoughts. It’s so full of thoughts that it’s essentially gibberish up there that won’t stop. Gibberish that circles around and around. It’s exhausting.
4. With the exceptions of Saga or any other book made by the creators, which one comic would you most like to share with your significant other (or alternately, your platonic best friend) right now?
I think everyone should read Groo by Aragonés, Evanier, Sakai, and Luth. However, if I’m choosing something they would like, well … honestly, I don’t really have any friend and I’ve never had a significant other.
5. Where did you go on your honeymoon? If you haven’t had one, where might you like to go?
Don’t think I’m gonna have a honeymoon, but if I did I’d like to go to the actual moon or, if we have to stay on Earth, Antarctica. The other would have to agree, though. It’s not a decision I should make on my own.
6. Hey, what do you think about sorbet?
I’ve never had a meal where they serve it as a pallet cleanser, but it can be delicious on its own.
7. Do you have any fetishes you’ve never shared with a partner?
No partner to share fetishes with. I assume the question relates to sexual fetishes and not the magical/spiritual things. I’m not a sexual person.
8. If you could draft any living person in the world to be President of the United States for one term, who would it be?
If I was sure he’d live long enough, I’d choose my living Grandpa. He’d work so hard to help everyone. He has such a big heart that he’s tried to keep hidden and I’d love for him to be put him in a position where he could use his compassion.
9. What brand of shoes are you wearing?
No shoes at the moment, but I am wearing Dickies branded socks.
10. How significantly has your relationship with your father contributed to your current situation in life?
This is a hard one because while I know that my dad cared for me he didn’t GET me. Like, he had special things he did with each of my brothers, but didn’t have anything with me. And there are behavioral choices that I made relating to how to be a parent and spouse, but I’m on track to be neither, so I won’t put any of those choices into practice. The impact is definitely there, but I don’t know how significant it is.
11. What are you nostalgic for?
The ignorance we used to have about the minutiae of everyone’s lives.
12. If you could only visit three websites a day, which three would they be?
I don’t know. I mean, I should choose email, but if I couldn’t use it because rules then who’s going to be angry? Do I only want to read three webcomics forever? Which ones? I guess my public library’s website so I can reserve books once I get back to being a heavy reader and My Comic Shop so I can continue to slowly fill in the holes in my collection and maybe a recipe site, something pretty good though, like America’s Test Kitchen.
13. What contemporary slang terms are you surprised to find yourself using regularly and un ironically?
SQUEEEEEE!
14. Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?
No. We do not allow hereditary titles in the United States and Jesus Christ has done nothing that would be considered rescuing me, which is hard to do when you disappear a few days after a resurrection.
15. Have you ever been on a date to a bowling alley?
I have never been on a date. If I were to go on a date, I think bowling would be fun.
16. If you could have a conversation with the men and women who assembled your smartphone in China, what would you ask them?
I’d ask about their families.
17. On a scale of 1 to 10, how worried are you about ISIS?
Even at the time this survey was written, my concern for the USA was a 1 and the rest of the world was 3. I thought that it would collapse in on itself and wither away.
18. When ordering at a bar, what is your traditional drink of choice?
I don’t like the taste of alcohol, so when I’ve gone to a bar with people I usually cola because the soft drink that’s always been available.
19. If you weren’t so afraid, what would you be?
Able to make friends.
20. What level are you at on Candy Crush?
I stopped playing Candy Crush before this survey was written. I don’t remember how far I got.
21. Who are your parents bigoted against?
Transgender people. Which I never expected because they were so progressive and encouraging about the LGB part of that list while I was growing up. It also sucks because one of their grandchildren is transgender and they keep using his birth name instead of his chosen name.
22. Why David Bowie?
I had to look up what was happening with Bowie in 2016 and I gotta say, he lived a long, fruitful, creative life full of performances we can continue to enjoy. He was almost 70. To paraphrase a guy whose writing I enjoy: The death of an old man may be sad, but it is not a tragedy.
23. Which of your hobbies consumes the most of your free time?
I lost the ability to do hobbies when I was poisoned. I’m working my way back into food preservation and sausage making. (I like to know how both laws and sausages are made.)
24. Would you personally execute a convicted death-row inmate if it meant extending the life of your favorite pet by ten years?
No. My favorite pet died well over ten years ago. (My apologies to the cat I’m currently living with. You have a long way to go to be my favorite.) I guess I’d have ten additional years of memories, but I wouldn’t have the pet. Also, I don’t want to take a human life, unless it’s for food.
25. Have you ever been arrested? If so, what for?
Nope. I don’t do interesting things.
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