Tuesday, May 03, 2011

It's Not Doing What You Love...

I dreamed again of a baby. This one involved me and it in a car, an old sedan I think, where the drive had jumped out shortly before I started dreaming. The baby never cried, they never do, but its breathing got deep and it made worry noises. (I don't know how I knew it, but it's my dream and I knew.) The car was going down a steep, curvy road. For a long time, I didn't move. Not because I was scared but because I knew that if I hopped into the driver's seat and took control then I'd be stuck. At first we were going slow enough and the road was banked well enough that the car stayed on the road. After several curves I grabbed onto the steering wheel. The car kept going faster though. I screamed at the road, "No, goddammit! I won't fucking drive!" After a very steep corner, I moved over, but I straddled the two seats. I was just far enough over to reach the break pedal. (Never noticed a parking break.) The whole time I was breaking and steer I yelled at the world, "Fuck you, you rock fucking whore! This isn't my fucking car!" I only slowed the car enough to make it around the turns, but some were close calls because at least one tire wasn't touching the ground a couple of times. When I finally woke, we were still barreling down the endless road swing from right to left to right trying not to go over the edge on one side or into the hill on the other, but there was no fucking way I was going to stop the car.

On a possibly related note, I've been reading everyone's blogs, but I haven't felt up to commenting. Haven't felt like commenting on comments either. (Hi there y'all!) At least I've been reading them. Except for yesterday, to remind myself that sometimes I write good (hur hur), I haven't visited that forum I've been known to frequent. When I did check it out yesterday I didn't read anything except for stuff to try to make myself feel better about myself. Not sure if it worked, but I don't want to get involved at the moment. 'Course that sets me behind and in a position where I have to catch up.

I've been contemplating joining Facebook. It sickens me to even think about it. Still, at least I could pretend that I'm part of the lives of people.

And now it's time for me to turn off the light, huddle under the covers, and hope that there are no more babies in my dreams.



Anonymous said...

I've been commenting on blogs but can't seem to write anything anymore.

- Jazz

Schmoozyschlepp said...

I had a similar dream about 20 years ago - apparently the baby represents the part of yourself you want to take care of - the car is about your will to power/driving ambition etc. So, think on't.

Of course it might not be in your case - or you may not believe that dreams give us any insight. I was just passing by so thought I'd make this offering.

cbeck said...

You want to know what I love? It's eating warm fudge brownies. The Mrs. made some the other night. If you are not doing that, then shame on you. I insist you get straight to it.

Do you know what I hate? People that ask questions and then answer before I get a chance to respond to them.