CBT

Why do psychiatrists always insist on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy after a thirty minute meeting?

I HATE Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. HATE IT!

It's like being given hours of homework for the subject you hate most.

Assignment 1: Do something you hate doing it.

(After Assignment 1: Feel bad about myself.)

Assignment 2: Do something else you hate doing.

(After Assignment 2: Feel bad about myself.)

Theory: Do the things you hate doing over and over and you'll rewire your brain and you'll enjoy it.

FUCK YOU!

The Blurb

I learned the my nephew is my nephew this Sunday because he is starring in a play and used a traditionally masculine name for himself and he/him pronouns in his blurb. It was an unexpected thing to see. (Honestly, I thought he was more likely on a non-binary track.)

Yesterday, I sent him a text letting him know that I saw it and that I want to do everything I can to make him feel safe. (I also preemptively apologized for my future mistakes, because 15 years of habit will not disappear overnight.)

Here's the thing that bothers me, though: During and after the play, my brother, his father, and my parents, who spend far more time with him that I do, all used his birth name and feminine pronouns. Did none of them know? Did none of the see the blurb?

*sigh*

Part of me envies my nephew. I didn't even know the word for my sexuality until I was nearly 30 and didn't understand that it was who I was for another 5+ years.

Part of me is scared for my nephew because we live in a rural area and people who are awful about things like this are more aggressive in these times.

Lost in Location

 It's very rare for me to see a TV show or movie that takes place somewhere that I've spent a large amount of time.

That said, I'm watching Sacramento and been really bothered by some of the geographic choices.

Like the guys driving from LA to Sacramento and for some reason there's a brief point when they're on a two lane road with no building in site. Unless you're pulling off because you're desperate to go to the bathroom, there's no reason to leave the highway on that drive.

Also, they cross the Tower Bridge twice and it seems that both times are coming from West Sacramento into Sacramento. Once, it even suggests that they got of I-5 on to the bridge. There ain't no exit from 5 to the bridge.

Then, they're at Joe's Crab Shack in Oldtown, when they throw the "ashes" into the river, and then go to breakfast. I assume they'd go somewhere close, which is all of downtown and midtown. (It's not that big compared to other cities with a downtown and midtown.) It's Sunday and the road is completely empty. I'm not just talking traffic, but no one is parked on the street. Let me tell you, any place with a decent breakfast in that area, on a Sunday, wouldn't have parking for blocks. It must have been a really shitty diner.

While it didn't ruin the movie for me, it did take me out of the story.

Is it like this all the time for people who live in New York or LA or, London, or Paris?

I'm sorry, if it is. I don't like this feeling.

3 On a Scale of 10

 So, it's official: I'm on the autism spectrum.

I found out yesterday morning. I still don't know what I think/how I feel about this information.

It seem, though, that I was never/am never going to be able to be who/how I wanted. That makes me feel sad/hopeless, at the moment. Not because of what I am, but because of what I can't/couldn't be.

Processing will continue. I have to screw my courage to the sticking place and read the full report. Probably won't happen for a few days, though.

FOOOOOOD!

So, one great thing about being a BIG city for a while is the variety of foods.

Except for breakfast, which comes with the hotel stay, I've only eaten food that I can't get at home. (Things in the cold case at the supermarket don't count.)

I don't often eat out and the variety is so much fun.

One more full day surrounded by too much humanity.

Here's to delicious survival.

A Tale of Two Introverts

My brother and I are both introverts. However, he loved living in big cities and I hated it.

For him, living in cities meant anonymity. He said people looked past him and he never ran into people he knew, who didn't own/work in the stores he regularly visited. In a small town, he feels like he's always noticed and constantly runs into people he knows. (Although, I think his life would be more anonymous in town if his wife and children weren't so involved in the theater community. I mean, I live in the same town and work in human resources at a place that employs over 1000 people and I recognize someone at the store maybe three or four times a year.)

For me, living in a city is a constant crush of humanity. I can feel it pushing in on me from all angles. (I'm currently in a hotel in a BIG city. I'm surrounded by humanity from five sides. Thank goodness for a window.) It's horrible and uncomfortable and I don't understand how people can stand it. Yeah, I know I miss out on lots of things, like music and theater and comic book stores, but being able to do those things a few times a month do not lessen the crush of humanity.

I have another brother. He's an extrovert. Cities or towns, he's happy because he can always find people to be with. New people, old people, whatever people. He's happy with all people.

Less Phasers, More Politics

Since we know that Strange New Worlds will be ending in about 20 episodes and don't have a clue if Starfleet Academy will go beyond the first season, I've been thinking about what I'd like to come next for Star Trek.

If it were up to me, I'd like to expand Star Trek TV shows beyond Starfleet. One of the things I liked most about the first season of Picard (and I think the first season was the most interesting and the best season) was that many of our heroes may have come from Starfleet, but none of them were Starfleet officers. Starfleet was there, but wasn't central. I'd like to see more of that sort of thing.

If we're not on a Starfleet starship, I think we should focus on a group from the Federation's diplomatic corp.

A smallish diplomatic team of Federation citizens from many different worlds would have a starship and travel around the Alpha and Beta Quadrants to different worlds and starbases getting involved with political and diplomatic intrigue.

I'd set the series after Picard so the show can explore things like the Alpha Quadrant's recovery from the Dominion War, the destruction of Romulus (which was ignored after the first season of Picard), and the Ferengi joining the Federation.

New worlds would be visited.

Alliances would be forged.

If the series need to have a legacy character to be hung on, I'd bring back Molly O'Brien. After Picard she'd be in her late 30s/early 40s which is the perfect age for her to be leading a diplomatic team for the Federation. She was born on a starship. She grew up, practically, on Bajor and (if you count the relaunch books) Cardassia. She has experience with lots of non-humans and non-Federation citizens.

I don't know if Hana Hatae is still acting. It'd be great to use the same actress, but -- for no good reason that I know of -- they recast Bruce Maddox, so... you know, there's precedence.

I see great potential for political and spy stories with this setup. Which I guess means Section 31 could show up. If they do, can we please go back to how they were portrayed in Deep Space 9 and Enterprise? You know, when they were the bad guys. Section 31 is the antithesis to what the Federation and Starfleet stand for. They should always be the enemy. They are never in the right.

And, while I often enjoy serialization in TV shows, can we tone it down some? Take it back to an older style of TV serialization? One of the things I disliked about Picard and Discovery was how our heroes kept losing over and over until the last episode. Why can't they have some real victories? Wven if the victories don't relate to the season long arc? Maybe move to the Enterprise season 4 style of serialization and do 2-3 episode arcs. I thought that worked really well.

That's what I'd like to see out of a new Star Trek. I'll be there for whatever, though.