Farewell, Mon Capitaine

Based on this sketch, the sketch "Show & Tell" that also appeared that night, his appearance on Extras, and pretty much all of Blunt Talk, I think Mr. Stewart had a really great sense of humor.

Parents... amirite?

Went to the Valley and saw Wildwood today. It was great. Highly recommended.

But the movie's not what I want to write about...

I went with my parents. In the past few years they've dropped some guilt on me because I don't invite them to go to the movies with me. They won't go on their own, but if I'm going then they'll go to. Also, they said they would drive the 70 or so minutes there and back.

But that's not what I want to write about...

There's a scene in Wildwood, a homecoming. Warriors come home and their families come out to meet them. Lots of guys hugging kids. Then Niamh, the (only?) female warrior hugs a grown woman and my mom leans over to me and says, "Of course they had to that kind of a hug."

*sigh*

10 years ago, she never would have made a comment like that. NEVER. If she had noticed the moment in the movie, if it had bothered her, she never would have said anything. She would have let it pass.

She doesn't do that anymore.

My dad has become the same way.

All this is to say that they refuse to call my nephew by his chosen name and insist on calling him by the name he was given at birth. They refuse to call him him. They refuse to accept him as he is.

They came to me a month or so ago, when they learned the my nephew had started binding his chest. I told them that I didn't know about the binding, but I expected it was coming because of what he wrote in a blurb a year ago. They asked how I was okay with this... change. (They're word.)

I said that first and foremost, it's not about me. It's about him. It's about giving safety and, hopefully, love to a young person by accepting him as he is.

They both kind of looked at me like they were surprised at my statements. My mom said, "I guess you're just a better person than I am."

"It's not about being a good or better person," I said. "It's about my nephew and making something that's hard to do at anytime being done at a hard time in life and making sure he knows that there is at least one place that he's safe."

The conversation ended there.

My parents were so pro-homosexual when I was a kid. When other kids were using the word "gay" to mean something bad they sat me and my brothers down and explained why we shouldn't use it that way. There is nothing wrong or bad about being homosexual, they said. They said that if we used it that way we would be harming both ourselves and those who were gay.

I'm grateful they took the time to do that then.

I don't think my parents would do it today.

Happy Birthday!

Today, we are the same number of years old. But we’ll never be the same age, will we.

I started thinking about you a couple of weeks ago. While I was on breaks at work, I started a list of horror and horror adjacent movies to watch in October and The Rocky Horror Picture Show was a must watch. That was your favorite movie in high school. You watched it three or four times a week after you got your own copy of the video. In fact, I’m watching the movie right now because it’s your birthday and I was going to watch it anyway.

Remember the first time we watched it together? We borrowed C-----‘s copy. You took it home and watched it the first afternoon. I got it the second afternoon. And on Saturday we watched it together. You dragged me off the sofa and (forcefully) encouraged me to do the Time Warp with you. It was nice having a person who was more obsessed with this movie than I was. Someone who was willing and able to talk about the sheer… wonderfulness of it.

Anyway, the last time I saw you was at your wedding in the summer of 2007. You’ve stopped by my parents’ house when you were in their neck of the woods during holidays, but you were never there when I was. And I didn’t know where your parents had moved to. I knew the subdivision, but not which of the hundreds of houses was theirs or even which street they were on. I couldn’t search you out. I couldn’t even call you or email you because you had changed your phone number a few times and your email address, too, but never told me. Hell, the only reason I knew about your wedding was because you finally accepted my Facebook friend request the week before it took place and when I congratulated you, you invited me.

Not that I want to be like this, right now.

You were my best friend. Did you know that? I’m sure I never told you, but did you know? I think I was yours for a short time, too. It didn’t last though. You found others in our group that I think you liked more. I’m grateful for you and the time we had together, but I do wonder what happened sometime.

Not specifically to us, but in general, what happened to you.

You were so close with some of us, that I never expected you to cut certain people out of you life, but you did. You were especially close with two people and then you, well, hated them. When they were willing to write me back, neither one would explain why the sudden shift between the three of you from being so close. Close enough that there were rumors. From what information I have gathered, I have inferred that maybe one or more of you wanted to be closer in a way that others were unwilling or unable to be close and that forced you all apart. For a time, early in your college career, you were so happy that most of your friends were gay and then you had a falling out with them, too.

Did they ask you questions or imply things about you that you weren’t comfortable with?

I guess what I’m wondering is, are you still a fan of The Rocky Horror Picture Show? When your children discovered the movie, were you cool about it? When one fell in love with it, did you encourage that love?

Your brother was at my brother’s “Fuck Cancer! I’m Still Alive!” party last week. He said that you had moved to Australia, but not where on that continent. It’s a big place and a lot of it is hot, dry, and dusty. I hope your not out there, but are somewhere near beautiful beaches and far away from the horrifying spiders, but you were never that lucky before.

I think of you around this time each year.

I hope you and your family are well.

I hope you are happy and joyful more often than any other emotions.

I miss what we were.

Happy birthday.