Less Than 4 Hours To Go In My Wedge Of The World

 When your day begins with disappointment because you wake up, you'd think that what happens the rest of the day wouldn't effect you. It does, though.

Here's to a new year of hoping for the best and not quite being prepared for the worst!

A Dream Denied

I will never be invited to host Saturday Night Live.

That being said, if I were to be invited I know what my monologue would be:

I'd go out on stage and say how wonderful it is hosting for my 5th time. I'd carry with me a threadbare, button down, Mr. Roger's style sweater with a crappy, cut-out paper "5" pinned to it. An "audience" member insists that I haven't hosted 5 times and we argue. In the end, I'd ignore the "audience" member and start demanding that Candice Bergen and Danny DeVito come out to invite me to the Five Timers Lounge. Finally, Lorne Michaels or a cast member comes out and says no one's coming and makes me understand that it's my first time hosting. I'd fall to my knees in tears and say, "We have a great show tonight..."

Gone to the Movies Now #2: The Handmaid

 The Handmaid opens with one of the leads driving a car. She parks her car and puts on glasses.

This struck me as odd. I've know lots of people who are required, by law, to wear glasses while driving who take them off once the car's parked. (I don't understand this behavior. As one who wears glasses, I like to see as clearly while I'm walking around as I do while I'm driving, but that's just me.) However, I have never met anyone who can drive without glasses who decides to put them on before they get out of the car.

The beginning left me uneasy and that sense of unease didn't leave until about halfway through the movie. None of the leads are telling the full truth. The movie clearly wanted me to feel certain ways about the lead character, but they way that acted in or reacted to situations didn't seem quite right. I couldn't place my finger on it.

I felt the unease for a long time. Like long enough that I was questioning if I wanted to watch the rest of the movie. I wasn't going to leave because I paid my money, but still... did I want to be there?

Then there's an intimate moment when, rather than showing anything, the director moved the camara off the couple and onto an object, which was odd because there was some pretty serious sensuality with naked bodies not long before this scene. Why, I wondered, was that choice made?

And then the shit hit the fan and the movie became more focused and I started to enjoy myself.

I'm not going to say much about what happened, but I will say that I have rarely been so happy to see shoddy police work from a victim blamer.

Gone to the Movies Now #1

I've been holding on to movie tickets since late-ish 1995. Earlier this year, while sick, I entered the tickets into a spreadsheet. I'm sharing it here.

It's only a complete list of tickets I have, not all the movies I've seen in the theater. Also, I'm not always given a ticket when someone buys form me. A few were old style tickets that didn't list dates.

Anyway, here you go:

Title	Date Watched
Mortal Kombat	8/19/1995
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar	9/16/1995
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls	11/11/1995
Toy Story	12/3/1995
Executive Decision	?/?/1996
James and the Giant Peach	4/14/1996
Dragon Heart	6/4/1996
Independence Day	7/13/1996
Mutliplicity	7/17/1996
Jack	8/25/1996
In and Out	?/?/1997
Scream	1/25/1997
Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope Special Edition	1/31/1997
Star Wars Episode 6: Return of the Jedi Special Edition	3/14/1997
Batman and Robin	6/23/1997
Hercules	6/27/1997
Men In Black	7/3/1997
Face/Off	7/22/1997
Contact	8/6/1997
Spawn	8/7/1997
Contact	8/11/1997
Event Horizon	9/1/1997
The Full Monty	9/28/1997
The Game	10/12/1997
I Know What You Did Last Summer	10/18/1997
Bean	11/8/1997
Starship Troopers	11/8/1997
Gattaca	11/22/1997
Anastasia	11/22/1997
Alien Resurrection	11/28/1997
Scream 2	12/14/1997
Les Miserables	?/?/1998
Lost in Space	?/?/1998
As Good As It Gets	?/?/1998
Tomorrow Never Dies	1/2/1998
Good Will Hunting	1/18/1998
Titanic	1/19/1998
L.A. Confidential	2/15/1998
Primary Colors	3/23/1998
Grease	4/5/1998
The Object of My Affection	4/17/1998
The Truman Show	6/6/1998
Mulan	6/23/1998
Saving Privat Ryan	7/26/1998
The X-Files: Fight the Future	7/29/1998
There's Something About Mary	8/22/1998
Antz	10/17/1998
Pratical Magic	11/5/1998
Plesantville	11/14/1998
Star Trek Insurrection	12/12/1998
Prince of Egypt	12/19/1998
A Bugs Life	12/26/1998
Prince of Egypt	1/2/1999
Patch Adams	1/4/1999
Payback	2/6/1999
Shakespeare in Love	2/19/1999
Doug's First Movie	3/28/1999
The Matrix	4/2/1999
Elizabeth	4/30/1999
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace	5/22/1999
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me	7/14/1999
Muppets From Space	7/15/1999
South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut	7/16/1999
The Blair Witch Project	8/8/1999
American Beauty	11/9/1999
Pokémon: The First Movie	11/11/1999
Dogma	11/15/1999
Sleepy Hollow	11/23/1999
Toy Story 2	12/27/1999
Fantasia 2000	1/4/2000
Galaxy Quest	1/9/2000
The Talented Mr. Ripley	1/15/2000
High Fidelity	4/11/2000
High Fidelity	4/26/2000
Battlefield Earth	5/18/2000
Mission Impossible II	5/24/2000
Titan A.E.	6/19/2000
Chicken Run	7/12/2000
X-Men	7/16/2000
Scary Movie	8/1/2000
Almost Famous	10/1/2000
Bedazzled	10/22/2000
Charlie's Angels	11/10/2000
Fantasia 2000	12/14/2000
Emperor's New Groove	12/23/2000
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon	1/30/2001
Thirteen Days	1/30/2001
O Brother, Where Art Thou?	2/3/2001
Recess: School's Out	2/16/2001
Traffic	3/6/2001
Traffic	3/20/2001
Blow	4/7/2001
Shrek	5/28/2001
Evolution	6/9/2001
A.I. Artificial Intellengence	7/16/2001
Atlantis: The Lost Empire	7/22/2001
Planet of the Apes	7/28/2001
Legally Blonde	8/14/2001
Rat Race	8/18/2001
American Pie 2	8/24/2001
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back	8/26/2001
Harry Potter and the Sorcer's Stone	11/23/2001
Harry Potter and the Sorcer's Stone	12/11/2001
Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings	12/23/2001
Ocean's 11	12/31/2001
The Royal Tenebaum	1/4/2002
Beauty and the Beast	1/12/2002
A Beautiful Mind	1/22/2002
Gosford Park	1/29/2002
Ice Age	3/20/2002
Death to Smoochy	3/30/2002
Big Trouble	4/5/2002
The Business of Others	4/17/2002
Novocaine	4/24/2002
Storytelling	5/1/2002
Spider-Man	5/4/2002
Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones	5/17/2002
About a Boy	6/10/2002
Lilo and Stitch	6/29/2002
Men In Black II	7/12/2002
Spike and Mike's Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation	10/19/2002
The Santa Clause 2	11/11/2002
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets	11/20/2002
Solaris	11/29/2002
Star Trek: Nemesis	12/14/2002
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers	12/24/2002
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers	12/28/2002
The Triplets of Belleville	?/?/2003
Catch Me If You Can	1/19/2003
8 Women	1/28/2003
Igby Goes Down	2/4/2003
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind	2/6/2003
Roger Dodger	2/11/2003
Adptation	2/13/2003
The Crime of Padre Amaro	2/18/2003
Chicago	2/18/2003
Standing in the Shadow of Mowtown	2/25/2003
The Man From Elysium Fields	3/4/2003
Interview With the Assassin	3/25/2003
Chicago	3/27/2003
Bowling for Columbine	4/1/2003
The Quiet American	4/9/2003
Read My Lips	4/9/2003
Nicholas Nickleby	4/15/2003
Talk to Her	4/22/2003
Holes	4/28/2003
The Matrix Reloaded	5/19/2003
Bowling for Columbine	5/19/2003
Finding Nemo	6/7/2003
The Hulk	6/20/2003
American Wedding	8/2/2003
Man on the (?)	9/10/2003
Spellbound	9/17/2003
Under the Same Sky (?)	9/24/2003
Northfork	10/1/2003
The Good Thief	10/8/2003
L' Auberge Espagnole	10/15/2003
Kill Bill vol 1	10/15/2003
Winged Migration	11/12/2003
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World	11/26/2003
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King	12/21/2003
Big Fish	1/11/2004
Lost in Translation	1/31/2004
Jersey Girl	4/5/2004
Hellboy	4/10/2004
Kill Bill vol 2	4/18/2004
13 Going on 30	5/9/2004
Troy	5/16/2004
Shrek 2	5/22/2004
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban	6/4/2004
Saved	6/19/2004
Fahrenheit 911	6/28/2004
Spider-Man 2	7/1/2004
Garden State	8/28/2004
Hero	9/12/2004
Garden State	9/15/2004
I Heart Hukabees	11/3/2004
The Incredibles	11/13/2004
Polar Express	11/13/2004
The Spongebob Squarepants Movie	11/20/2004
Sideways	12/28/2004
The Aviator	3/6/2005
Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy	4/29/2005
Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith	5/19/2005
Madagascar	5/27/2005
Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith	5/28/2005
Crash	5/31/2005
Batman Begins	6/16/2005
War of the Worlds	7/5/2005
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory	7/15/2005
Broken Flowers	8/27/2005
The 40-Year-Old Virgin	9/4/2005
The Corpse Bride	9/24/2005
Serenity	9/30/2005
The Weatherman	10/31/2005
Capote	11/5/2005
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire	11/18/2005
Serenity	11/19/2005
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire	11/23/2005
Shopgirl	12/3/2005
Rent	12/4/2005
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe	12/23/2005
The Producers	1/18/2006
Munich	1/22/2006
Good Night and Goodluck	2/12/2006
V For Vendetta	3/19/2006
Thank You For Smoking	3/31/2006
Sentinel	4/29/2006
Art School Confidential	5/29/2006
X-Men: The Last Stand	5/30/2006
Prairie Home Companion	6/9/2006
Cars	6/9/2006
Superman Returns	6/27/2006
An Inconvient Truth	7/9/2006
Clerks 2	7/22/2006
Strangers With Candy	8/15/2006
Little Miss Sunshine	8/19/2006
Pirates of the Caribbean: Deadman's Chest	9/26/2006
This Film is Not Yet Rated	9/30/2006
Hollywoodland	10/9/2006
Infamous	10/24/2006
The Queen	11/4/2006
Death of a President	11/9/2006
Stranger than Fiction	11/10/2006
Casino Royal	11/24/2006
For Your Consideration	12/16/2006
Dreamgirls	1/13/2007
Volver	2/10/2007
Pan's Labyrinth	2/12/2007
300	3/10/2007
Spider-Man 3	5/4/2007
Shreck the Third	5/19/2007
Waitress	5/28/2007
Hot Fuzz	5/29/2007
Knocked Up	6/24/2007
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End	6/26/2007
Sicko	7/4/2007
Transformers	7/7/2007
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix	7/14/2007
Hairspray	8/7/2007
The Bourne Ultimatum	8/11/2007
Super Bad	10/27/2007
In the Shadow of the Moon	10/28/2007
My Kid Could Paint That	11/6/2007
No Country for Old Men	11/17/2007
The Golden Compass	12/7/2007
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street	12/30/2007
Juno	1/1/2008
Cloverfield	1/18/2008
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street	1/29/2008
The Bank Job	3/9/2008
Forgetting Sarah Marshall	4/18/2008
Smart People	4/29/2008
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian	5/17/2008
Forgetting Sarah Marshall	5/20/2008
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull	5/25/2008
Iron Man	6/3/2008
Wall-E	6/27/2008
The X-Files: I Want to Believe	7/27/2008
The Dark Knight	8/9/2008
The Dark Knight	9/2/2008
Hamlet 2	9/16/2008
Tropic Thunder	9/23/2008
Pineapple Express	9/30/2008
Choke	10/21/2008
Zack and Miri Make a Porno	10/31/2008
Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist	11/4/2008
Burn After Reading	11/11/2008
Coraline	2/14/2009
Waltz With Bashir	2/21/2009
Adventureland	5/5/2009
Star Trek	5/8/2009
I Love You Man	5/12/2009
Star Trek	7/12/2009
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince	7/17/2009
Away We Go	7/24/2009
Moon	8/11/2009
District 9	8/22/2009
Capitalisism: A Love Story	10/2/2009
The Men Who Stare at Goats	11/11/2009
The Fantastic Mr. Fox	1/5/2010
The Princess and the Frog	1/19/2010
Up in the Air	3/9/2010
Alice in Wonderland	3/13/2010
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief	3/23/2010
She's Out of My League	4/13/2010
Diary of a Wimpy Kid	4/20/2010
Iron Man 2	6/29/2010
The Last Airbender	8/10/2010
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World	8/14/2010
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World	8/26/2010
Easy A	9/24/2010
Megamind	11/11/2010
Paul	3/19/2011
Your Highness	4/16/2011
Scream 4	4/23/2011
Thor	5/8/2011
Bridesmaids	5/21/2011
Green Lantern	6/17/2011
Super 8	6/23/2011
Bad Teacher	7/12/2011
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2	7/17/2011
Captain America: The First Avenger	7/29/2011
Rise of the Planet of the Apes	8/27/2011
Moneyball	10/8/2011
Puss in Boots	11/5/2011
The Muppets	11/23/2011
The Adventures of Tintin	12/31/2011
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace 3D	2/11/2012
The Secret World of Arrietty	2/20/2012
The Hunger Games	4/6/2012
Cabin in the Woods	4/28/2012
Dark Shadows	5/17/2012
Prometheus	6/16/2012
The Avengers	6/23/2012
Brave	6/30/2012
Ted	7/12/2012
The Amazing Spider-Man	7/13/2012
The Dark Knight Rises	7/20/2012
The Bourne Legacy	8/18/2012
The Odd Life of Timothy Green	9/16/2012
Wreck-It Ralph	11/4/2012
Cloud Atlas	11/11/2012
Lincoln	11/17/2012
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey	12/16/2012
The Guilt Trip	12/22/2012
Les Miserables	12/30/2012
Man of Steel	?/?/2013
Warm Bodies	2/3/2013
Iron Man 3	5/4/2013
Star Trek Into Darkness	5/19/2013
This Is the End	6/15/2013
Now You See Me	6/19/2013
Pacific Rim	7/14/2013
The Heat	7/20/2013
We're the Millers	8/11/2013
The World's End	8/24/2013
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters	9/7/2013
Gravity	10/4/2013
Ender's Game	11/3/2013
Ender's Game	11/10/2013
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire	11/26/2013
Saving Mr. Banks	12/22/2013
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug	1/1/2014
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty	1/5/2014
That Awkward Moment	2/2/2014
Veronica Mars	3/13/2014
Divergent	3/22/2014
Muppets Most Wanted	3/31/2014
Captain America: The Winter Soldier	4/8/2014
X-Men: Days of Future Past	5/26/2014
A Million Ways to Die in the West	6/7/2014
Jersey Boys	7/15/2014
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles	8/18/2014
Guardians of the Galaxy	8/22/2014
This Is Where I Leave You	10/1/2014
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1	11/25/2014
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1	12/14/2014
Big Hero 6	12/17/2014
Into the Woods	12/25/2014
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies	1/3/2015
Cinderella	3/15/2015
Avengers: The Age of Ultron	5/3/2015
Avengers: The Age of Ultron	5/16/2015
Spy	6/7/2015
Inside Out	7/5/2015
Minions	8/2/2015
The Martian	10/26/2015
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2	11/27/2015
Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens	12/17/2015
The Big Short	1/9/2016
5th Wave	1/30/2016
Hail Caesar!	2/8/2016
Deadpool	2/20/2016
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot	3/6/2016
The Boss	4/9/2016
Keanu	4/30/2016
The Avengers	5/6/2012
Captain America: Civil War	5/7/2016
X-Men: Apocalypse	5/29/2016
Ghostbusters	7/25/2016
Star Trek Beyond	7/26/2016
Star Trek Beyond	7/27/2016
Suicide Squad	8/6/2016
Ant-Man	8/9/2016
Blair Witch	9/16/2016
Snowden	9/18/2016
The Accountant	10/15/2016
Doctor Strange	11/13/2016
Arrival	11/17/2016
Moana	11/29/2016
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story	12/17/2016
Hidden Figures	1/15/2017
The Lego Batman Movie	2/11/2017
Get Out	2/26/2017
Power Rangers	4/4/2017
Beauty and the Beast	4/9/2017
Alien: Covenant	5/20/2017
Wonder Woman	6/1/2017
Spider-Man: Homecoming	7/8/2017
War for the Planet of the Apes	7/16/2017
Wonder Woman	7/22/2017
Baby Driver	7/27/2017
The Dark Tower	8/5/2017
It	9/15/2017
Battle of the Sexes	10/8/2017
Thor: Ragnarok	11/4/2017
Justice League	11/20/2017
Coco	12/3/2017
Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi	12/17/2017
The Greatest Showman	12/31/2017
The Shape of Water	1/28/2018
The Post	1/30/2018
Black Panther	2/19/2018
Game Night	2/24/2018
A Wrinlke in Time	3/11/2018
Pacific Rim: Uprising	3/28/2018
Ready Player One	4/2/2018
A Quiet Place	4/8/2018
Isle of Dogs	4/15/2018
Avengers: Infinity War	4/28/2018
Deadpool 2	5/19/2018
Solo: A Star Wars Story	5/27/2018
Ocean's 8	6/9/2018
The Incredibles 2	6/17/2018
Ant-Man and the Wasp	7/7/2018
Teen Titans GO! To the Movies	7/28/2018
South Pacific	8/29/2018
The Happytime Murders	8/30/2018
Bad Times at the El Royale	10/17/2018
First Man	10/18/2018
Halloween	10/21/2018
Bohemian Rhapsody	11/12/2018
Fantastic Beasts: The Crime of Grindewald	11/17/2018
Widows	11/19/2018
Anna and the Apocalypse	12/8/2018
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse	12/15/2018
Aquaman	12/31/2018
Vice	1/7/2019
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World	3/12/2019
Captain Marvel	3/18/2019
The Lego Move 2: The Second Part	4/1/2019
Shazam!	4/5/2019
Avengers: Endgame	4/27/2019
Long Shot	5/14/2019
Godzilla: King of the Monsters	6/1/2019
Rocketman	6/12/2019
Late Night	6/21/2019
Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood	8/16/2019
The Farewell	8/25/2019
Spider-Man: Far From Home	8/31/2019
Spider-Man: Far From Home	9/4/2019
It Chapter 2	9/7/2019
Brittany Runs a Marathon	9/23/2019
Downtown Abbey	9/26/2019
Ad Astra	9/30/2019
Abominable	10/7/2019
Joker	10/17/2019
Zombieland: Double Tap	10/24/2019
Doctor Sleep	11/12/2019
Jojo Rabbit	11/15/2019
Kives Out	12/8/2019
Star Wars Episode 9: The Rise of Skywalker	12/27/2019
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood	1/1/2020
Frozen II	1/4/2020
Little Women	1/18/2020
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn	2/7/2020
Onward	3/8/2020
Invisible Man	3/11/2020
The Personal History of David Copperfield	9/6/2020
New Mutants	9/16/2020
Star Wars Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back 40th Anniversary	9/26/2020
The Suicide Squad	8/7/2021
Free Guy	8/13/2021
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings	9/11/2021
Jungle Cruise	9/18/2021
Dear Evan Hansen	9/25/2021
Dune	10/24/2021
Spider-Man: No Way Home	1/17/2022
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness	5/23/2022
The Bob's Burgers Movie	5/28/2022
Thor: Love and Thunder	7/10/2022
Thor: Love and Thunder	8/22/2022
Black Adam	10/30/2022
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever	11/19/2022
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish	1/15/2023
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania	2/17/2023
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves	4/7/2023
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3	5/6/2023
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse	6/7/2023
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts	6/15/2023
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem	8/12/2023
Blue Beetle	8/26/2023
Marvels	11/10/2023
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom	12/23/2023
Argylle	2/8/2024
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes	5/10/2024
Furiosa	5/29/2024
Deadpool and Wolverine	8/3/2024
Red One	12/1/2024
Flow	1/18/2025
Captain America: Brave New World	2/15/2025
Companion	2/17/2025
Mickey 17	3/9/2025
Death of a Unicorn	4/1/2025
Thuderbolts*	5/3/2025
Superman	7/12/2025
The Muppet Movie	7/13/2025
Fantastic 4	7/26/2025
Toxic Avenger	8/31/2025
Spinal Tap II: The End Continues	9/12/2025
The Long Walk	9/19/2025
Predator: Badlands	11/11/2025
Wicked: For Good	11/23/2025
Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery	11/29/2025
The Handmaid	12/20/2025

I'm mostly happy with what's on this list. Some of the movies I don't really remember. That's not a good sign for those movies.

The Word, Not the Sentiment?

While driving home today, "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails started playing on the radio.

I know the song pretty well, from back in the day, but I didn't have cable TV at that time and don't think I ever heard it on the radio before.

I wasn't surprised that "fuck" was was edited out of "I want to fuck you like an animal." I live in the USA and we have issues with this word, for some reason.

However, I was a little surprised that the line "I want to feel you from the inside" was left unedited. I mean, that's just fucking, right? And as a lyric, I always thought it was more graphic imagery.

Does this seem weird to anyone else? Is it just me?

Laugh and Cry and Mostly Meh

 I've been watching Family Guy and... it's not very good.

But... there are moments:

• Hank Hill's dream.
• Obama singing "Honestly Sincere."
• The OJ Simpson opera that sounds like an actual opera.

There's not much, but it's enough that I keep watching.

Yes, I'm taking someone else's pain and making it about me in a passive aggressive way, but it's been a while.

Just once, after giving someone physical comfort, and I don't mean right after, but days or even a couple of weeks later, I'd like for a person to come to me and say, "Thank you for that hug and holding me while I was upset. I understand that you don't like touching or being touched by people and the fact that you did it for me while it caused you discomfort shows that you are not the cold, unfeeling person that you can appear to be. Thank you."

It doesn't have to be those exact words, but it would be nice to have it acknowledged that while I was giving a person the physical comfort they desired I was physically, emotionally, and mentally uncomfortable because of the touching. It had nothing to do with the sniffling or the awkward way they reached out for me. The touching.