Dear Evan Hansen

Dear Evan Hansen got out about 45 minutes ago. I've been listening to the soundtrack, off and on, for the past year.

The play was excellent. I highly recommend those with the means to see it. However, there are a few elements that I found harder to deal with on the stage than simply listening to the songs.

The play's about a socially awkward and depressed high school senior who tries to do a good thing for a family after their son kills himself and they find a letter addressed to Evan Hansen in the son's pocket. Evan tries to tell them he wrote the letter to himself, but the parent's, in their grief, can't hear what Evan's saying. Evan let's them believe what they want at first, but soon starts actively lying to them because he wants to help and knows that the truth will only hurt the family. And that's what really rubbed me the wrong way. The lying.

I knew from the soundtrack that Evan lied, but it was easier to handle in songs because that's all it was: songs. On stage I saw Evan continuing the lies and adding to them every time he spoke to the family. He dug himself deeper into the lie-pit and the jumped in after. He liked making them feel better and he liked spending time with a "normal" family.

The family not only ate up the lies, but they began actively changing their memories of the dead boy to fit what THEY WANTED him to be. The sister says that her brother pounded on her door saying he wanted to kill her. (This info is not in a song.) Then she sings about how awful he was to her and how she will not sing a requiem for him. She knew he was a monster and didn't want the new information to paint him in a better light. She does read it, though, and begins to forgive the heinous things he did and, maybe, even forget them.

The lie gets spread to the school and then the rest of the world, to the point that our main characters defraud the public out of $50,000 on a Kickstarter campaign. (Yes, the farm gets refurbished and whatnot, but it's still based on a lie and is therefore fraud.)

When the truth comes our the family hate Evan and never want to see him again, but in the end they admit that they are better for Evan's lies. Evan is punished by his girlfriend, the sister, breaking up with him. Even then there's still room for them to be friends, we learn in the end.

I did enjoy the show. I enjoyed it a lot. This just stuck in my craw during the play and after because, ultimately, the play isn't about the lie. It's about isolation and loneliness and family and kids and parents and depression. And all of that is lovely and sad and hopeful.

Recognition

I'm watching Dear White People and the character Lionel makes me ache. My head. My heart. My stomach. I see so much of me in that character. Except for, you know, the talent and ambition and courage. His episodes have easily been the best.

Sorting Hat Quizes

Why is it that every sorting hat quiz that I take puts me in Ravenclaw, the house I'd prefer to be in, except for the one at Pottermore?

I keep getting Gryffindor and I would make a lousy Gryffindor. No one who would stand by watching a first year get wedgied and then feel guilty about it should be put in Gryffindor.

A Thought

I had a thought yesterday:

What if there were a sentient alphabet?

An alphabet that worked to make people understand how to read it and forced them to use it?

An alphabet that reproduces by people writing with it so others would use the same alphabet?

An alphabet whose very twists and edges to had meaning we couldn't understand, but changed how we think?

If there is such an alphabet, could we know?

Old Movie

I'm sitting in a theater waiting for them to start playing South Pacific. You know, the musical by Hammerstein and Rogers.

The weirdest thing is their playing disembodied audience sounds. Mumble, mumble, mumble.

It's disconcerting.

Normally, by now, my phone would be off and I'd be reading the book that's in my lap. This theater is way too dark. It's at the level that most movie theaters use after the previews start; dark enough to see the film on the screen, but bright enough to easily see the aisles and seats.

I know. Have you ever had your eyes dialated at the optometrist? It's at that level. Very uncomfortable, for me. I'm here by myself and I'm not going to ask a stranger, so I don't know if others find it as uncomfortable as I do.

The mumbles are strange. Constant. Part of me wonders if this is what He'll could be like. Unseen people having conversations around you, but you can't make out any words. Just sounds with enough structure to let you know it is language, but nothing distinct enough to be language. Listening to conversations in a language you don't speak would be easier on the brain because you would be able to make out individual words and sentences.

Lots 'O Questions

I think I answer these series of questions to keep myself honest to myself about me.

1: Full name
I'm not going to actually give my full name, but I'll let you work it out for yourself:
Jehovah is generous
Yogurt brand
Son of the stuff in ponds
2: Age
The first six prime numbers minus the first prime number
3: 3 Fears
That all the bad stuff I think about myself is true. Roaming packs of people. The possibility of an after life.
4: 3 things I love
I'm loathe to answer questions about this when people, including myself, say they love a movie or a hamburger. Does that really compare with love for family or a spouse or your friends? It also doesn't help that I don't know if I really experience this emotion anymore or if I ever did at all. I care for my family and want them to be well, but is that love? There are people who I've like being near because I felt comfort and at ease, but is that love? Dictionaries define love as feeling deep affection or feeling romantic or sexual attachment. Does that mean love is a feeling of other feelings? I know that I'm totally overthinking this silly question, but when confronted with "What do you love?" my mind's a blank. Nothing. I love nothing. Maybe that's why all the rationalization.
5: 4 turns on
Wit, Intelligence, Enthuse, Eyes (Which is strange because I don't like looking at eyes when eyes are looking back at me.)
6: 4 turns off
Willful Ignorance, Hate, Dismissiveness, Poop
7: My best friend
None of the above
8: Sexual orientation
Asexual and I think I'm becoming more biromatic as I get older. Hooray for fluidity!
9: My best first date
I have never had a good first date and I'd rather not choose best out of bad.
10: How tall am I
About 175 CM
11: What do I miss
Being able to fully trust.
12: What time were I born
About 10:30ish AM.
13: Favourite color
Blue
14: Do I have a crush
Like an orange soda? No. Like on a person I know? No. Like on a celebrity? No.
15: Favourite quote
I've been thinking about this one recently because I'm going there later this week: "The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco." It's attributed to Mark Twain, but there's no actual evidence that it was his.
16: Favourite place
I haven't been there yet.
17: Favourite food
18: Do I use sarcasm
This question seems like a set-up to be sarcastic, but it's hard to hear the inflection in my voice when it's written on the page.
19: What am I listening to right now
The sounds of my office
20: First thing I notice in new person
That really depends on how I meet the person. If I'm looking down when I meet them, usually their shoes. If I'm working, usually their voice. If I'm introduced to them by someone then their hands because almost everyone wants to shake hands or, great celery god forbid, hug and I watch their hands to figure out their move.
21: Shoe size
Honest answer is that I don't know because it depends on how wide the shoes are. I have fat feet, which can add a lot of lenght to a shoe if the shoe is very narrow. I start with American size 9 most often.
22: Eye color
Greenish
23: Hair color
Brownish with some red mixed in.
24: Favourite style of clothing
T-shirt and underwear
25: Ever done a prank call?
Not that I remember.
27: Meaning behind my URL
The handle I choose for myself more than 20 years ago based on my favorite superhero duo
28: Favourite movie
I don't have a single favorite movie. I saw 2001: A Space Odyssey on the big screen for the first time and it blew my mind, again. Fantasia is still the most exciting and interesting animated feature I've seen. Superman: The Movie makes me feel like a kid, lost in wonder. Please Stand By hit me in all the feels and the feels well up when I think about the movie. Young Frankenstein may be the funniest movie of all time (unless it's The Producers or maybe Blazing Saddles). The Pirate Movie is the best bad movie/musical ever made. What do you want from me? There's too much good stuff to just have one favorite anything.
29: Favourite song
I can't even choose a favorite Beatles song. How could I choose one song from all the music I've every heard and enjoyed.
30: Favourite band
They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, "Weird" Al, Amanda Palmer. I've sort of limited to this to people currently making music. I mean, I mentioned The Beatles above and all.
31: How I feel right now
Hungry. It's lunch time.
32: Someone I love
Nope
33: My current relationship status
Single. I assume this is about romantic relationships and not my relationship to co-worker, or the homeless guys by the creek, or the stray cats by my apartments, or with television. Wow, there sure are a lot of different types of relationships.
34: My relationship with my parents
As a grown child
35: Favourite holiday
Easter, but that'll probably change from here on out.
36: Tattoos and piercing i have
None
37: Tattoos and piercing i want
Sometimes I like the idea of the Chinese symbol for penis on my inside left wrist and vagina on right. It's a set. I'd have to get both.
38: The reason I joined Tumblr
Sorry, this isn't tumblr
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?
I have no "ex"
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?
No
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?
Well, it was my mother, so yeah.
42: When did I last hold hands?
I hold my hands at night as I fall asleep.
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?
If I rush, 10 minutes.
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?
No
45: Where am I right now?
Work
46: If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?
Me
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
Reasonable level to soft.
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?
Not at the moment
49: Am I excited for anything?
No
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
No
51: How often do I wear a fake smile?
Most of the time.
52: When was the last time I hugged someone?
Saturday, probably. I saw my parents and brother. I try not to hug if I can help it and try to forget it if I do.
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?
Meh
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?
I don't feel like I really TRUST anyone. At least when it's important.
55: What is something I disliked about today?
Work
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
On this Earth, like still alive? Maybe Mel Brooks? Although, "don't meet your heroes" seems to be a pretty good rule.
57: What do I think about most?
Pop culture.
58: What’s my strangest talent?
First I'd have to have a talent.
59: Do I have any strange phobias?
Not that I've come across, but the future is wide open.
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Behind. Like waaaaaaay behind.
61: What was the last lie I told?
That I am having a good day.
62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
Crisco! Neither. I prefer my communication like during the California Gold Rush: every couple of months when I go into town for groceries.
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
I believe in the possibility of ghost, but am doubtful of their existence. I think the universe would be full of wasted space (HA, pun) if there aren't other beings out there.
64: Do I believe in magic?
I've seen Penn and Teller on TV.
65: Do I believe in luck?
When I think about it, I'm not exactly sure what luck is. Is it lucky that a person is born into a rich family when their parent's were trying to have kids or is it biology? Is it lucky that I wasn't seriously injured when the police car ran over my toe or was it me having awareness enough to stop walking? Is finding a penny on the street lucky or is it someone being careless? I guess not.
66: What’s the weather like right now?
Clear and warm. Not nearly as hot as late August days normally are for this part of the world.
67: What was the last book I’ve read?
Dragon Wing
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?
My, no.
69: Do I have any nicknames?
Technically the name I go by is a nickname because it's the shortened version of my full name.
70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?
Probably road burn from riding my bicycle down a too steep hill while wearing shorts.
71: Do I spend money or save it?
Both? I mean, I have rent and enjoy eating.
72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?
Nope.
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?
I'm fairly pink.
74: Favourite animal?
Walruses, Sea Turtles, Cats (big and small)
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?
Sleeping.
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?
God
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?
I've been so severely depressed in my life that there were times when no song could make me happy. So, there is no song that ALWAYS makes me happy.
78: How can you win my heart?
You can kill all the other competitors and cut through my breast bone, and finally remove my heart. Victory!
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
"Fuck Off!"
80: What is my favorite word?
Whampum is a great word to say.
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr
That would require access to my tumblr account and I don't have access to that while I'm at work.
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?
"Fuck Off!"
83: Do I have any relatives in jail?
To the best of my knowledge, no. However, if you believe that all mankind is related through a single ancestor, then I have lots of relatives in jail.
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?
Safe teleportation over short and massive distances.
85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
What would make you feel better.
86: What is my current desktop picture?
The moon Titan.
87: Had sex?
Nope
88: Bought condoms?
Yup
89: Gotten pregnant?
That would be a miracle of science!
90: Failed a class?
No
91: Kissed a boy?
I've kissed family on the cheek.
92: Kissed a girl?
Yes, but no tongue.
93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?
No
94: Had job?
Currently, in fact.
95: Left the house without my wallet?
Yes, but I find it much worse to forget my keys. Especially if I locked the door on the way out.
96: Bullied someone on the internet?
No, but I used to troll an economics forum.
97: Had sex in public?
No. Not even with myself. I'm so repressed.
98: Played on a sports team?
When I was much younger.
99: Smoked weed?
I tell people I have, but I haven't. With the right story it keeps people from offering it to me when they want to go smoke.
100: Did drugs?
Like ibuprofen? Yes. Like meth? No.
101: Smoked cigarettes?
Yuck, not.
102: Drank alcohol?
Not really.
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
Never even seriously considered it.
104: Been overweight?
Since the day I was born.
105: Been underweight?
Not one day in my life.
106: Been to a wedding?
Too many.
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
Five hours is nothing!
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?
Five hours is nothing!
109: Been outside my home country?
I've been just over the boarder to Mexico.
110: Gotten my heart broken?
No, but I fully expect my arteries to harden enough and get covered in plaque to have it broken, eventually.
111: Been to a professional sports game?
Yes.
112: Broken a bone?
Chicken, turkey, cow, pig, lamb. Never a human bone, though.
113: Cut myself?
Only on accident. Never on purpose.
114: Been to prom?
Did not go to prom.
115: Been in airplane?
Big and little ones.
116: Fly by helicopter?
I remember flying past a helicopter in one of the little airplanes I rode in.
117: What concerts have I been to?
"Weird" At, They Might Be Giants, The Dead Hensons, Australian Pink Floyd, The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Amanda Palmer, others that I don't remember. Oh, Alanis Morissette. (There were these two hardcore guys sitting in front of me singing along with each song. They were so excited when she sang You Oughta Know.)
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
Briefly, but he had a girlfriend that I crushed on at the same time, too.
119: Learned another language?
I'm still trying to learn this one.
120: Wore make up?
Hasn't almost everyone in the USA worn makeup on Halloween?
121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?
It's too late for that. Also, 18 what?
122: Had oral sex?
No.
123: Dyed my hair?
Temporary dye.
124: Voted in a presidential election?
For many years now.
125: Rode in an ambulance?
"Ridden" in an ambulance, and no.
126: Had a surgery?
They pulled my tonsils out when I was eight years old.
127: Met someone famous?
Who decides who famous? Also, no.
128: Stalked someone on a social network?
I've looked for certain people on social media and it took me a long time, but I don't visit their stuff much after that.
129: Peed outside?
Many, many times.
130: Been fishing?
In a lake and along a river.
131: Helped with charity?
No, and sometimes I feel bad about that.
132: Been rejected by a crush?
You can't be rejected if you don't try. You don't try because there are plenty of things worse than a person saying no.
133: Broken a mirror?
Probably, but I can't remember any specific times.
134: What do I want for birthday?
Enough money so that I can live fairly comfortably and never have to work again.
135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?
I want zero kids. As for names, I always thought it would be funny to have a girl named Clara and a boy named Phil. Only for the joke, or course.
136: Was I named after anyone?
I mean, my name's been used for centuries, but I wasn't named after anyone specifically.
--OR--
Of course I was named after someone. A lot of someones. There are billions of years of history here on Earth.
137: Do I like my handwriting?
I like the way I write certain letters.
138: What was my favourite toy as a child?
If I were to go for the easy joke, I'd say my ding-a-ling.
139: Favourite Tv Show?
I'm excited that The Good Place will be back soon.
140: Where do I want to live when older?
A house I own.
141: Play any musical instrument?
I sort of played the saxophone in elementary school. I played the trumpet in high school. I learned to sort of play the piano in college. I can currently nail a few chords on my uke, but I can't strum the darned thing correctly.
142: One of my scars, how did I get it?
Whacked in the head with an oar.
143: Favourite pizza toping?
Just about anything is good on a pizza. I'm mostly always happy. Pepperoni is pretty safe for everyone. Or is the answer cheese. I don't like to eat pizza without cheese on it.
144: Am I afraid of the dark?
Only of stubbing my toe or banging my shin.
145: Am I afraid of heights?
I'm more afraid that the bridge I'm walking across will collapse, not so much how high up I am.
146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?
I don't do things that I bad. I was a boring teen and as I approach middle age I'll be boring at my mid-life crisis.
147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?
Yes. Hasn't everyone?
148: What I’m really bad at
Pooping while standing up.
149: What my greatest achievements are
I don't have enough self-esteem to thing I've had any good achievements, let alone great.
150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me
I don't remember. If someone says something mean to me, I usually say something even meaner back to them. Also, I'm much meaner to myself than anyone has ever been to me.
151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery
That really depends on how much I win. Can't even pay for a movie ticked if I only win $5.
152: What do I like about myself
Nothing much.
153: My closest Tumblr friend
I don't have any friends on tumblr. Barely have followers. I'm not good at being part of a community. (Or is that taking part in a community? Probably both.)
154: Something I fantasise about
Walking on the Moon and looking up at a crescent Earth.
155: Any question you’d like?
Well, this is silly since I'm not following the rules as originally posted.

Look, Another List of Questions

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? strawberry lemonade iced tea (homemade)

2. Do you sleep naked? On occasion.

3.Worst physical pain? Probably when I was born. I imagine that was really painful.

4. Worst emotional pain in your life? I lost most of my emotions about 20 years ago. I'm slowly bringing them back. I think I'd like some serious emotional pain to prove I'm getting better.

5. Favorite place you’ve been to? A small beach just as the fog burns off.

6. How late did you stay up last night? 9:20 PMish

7. If you could move somewhere else, where would it be? The Moon.

8. Which of your Facebook friends lives the closest? Blarg. Who cares? I'm not even sure any of them are really friends.

9. When was the last time you cried? I was a senior in high school. So, around 21 years ago.

10. Who took your profile pic? I drew the one here, but I took a photo of the painting I use as my Facebook profile pic.

11. What's your favorite season? Winter.

12. If you could have any career what would it be? Eccentric Billionaire.

13. What was the last book you read? Dragon Wings, book one of the Deathgate Cycle, for the ninth or tenth time.

14. If you could talk to ANYONE right now, who would it be? My parents circa 1990.

15. Are you a good influence? I don't believe I am an influence.

16. Does pineapple belong on a pizza? Of course.

17. You have a remote, what channel will you be watching? Which has the best cartoon on right now.

18. 2 people who you think will play along? Does anyone check this blog semi-regularly?

19. Last concert you attended? Weird Al. It'll probably always be Weird Al

20. Favorite type of food? Is questions about way food is presented, i.e. sandwich, pizza, pie, etc.? Is it about the nation of origin, i.e. Thai, Mexican, Ethiopian, etc.? I like all kinds of foods and my favorites are usually what I'm cramming into my face at any given time.

Trickster

A fanfic story I wrote was listed as one of this person's favorites.

I'm flattered, but part of me feels like I tricked this person.

I know I didn't, but still.

The Humor of the Situation

Even with all the medication and seeing a brain whisperer every week, there's still a voice in my head that would like me to get rid of me. Probably the most dangerous part of that voice is that it's funny. And funny is seductive. And funny is comforting. And funny is insidious.

Y'know

I just want to feel good about being me for once. Is that too much to ask for?

He Lives with Chronic Depression

So, Wil Wheaton wrote a speech about living with depression and posted it to his blog. It's a good read and it's making rounds on Facebook. I hope it's actually read by lots of people, rather than just giving it a thumbs up. I hope that they take it to heart.

To me, the most important line of the whole speech, which I think most people will miss, because it's in the beginning of the speech, is this:

"When I tried to reach out to the adults in my life for help, they didn’t take me seriously."

I was a kid who fell into the depression well and when I tried to talk about it, I was ignored or blown off or told that I didn't really feel that way or that I'd get over it. I quickly learned not to bring it up anymore, not to bring up how I really felt at all. I learned to fake a smile. I learned to eliminate my feelings so that the well grew deeper. I learned the different signs that adults picked up on that made them think that something was wrong (guys growing their hair long, girls cutting their hair short, anyone dying their hair black or odd colors, dressing in too much black, the stink of not bathing enough) and made damn sure that I didn't do any of them because when those kids were talked to, it seemed to only be accusations from authority, no discussion. No understanding. And I didn't want to be hassled about something that they thought was somehow my fault. Even if these things were noticed by adults and taken as cries for help they were ignored. I did my best to hide everything. I kept my hair short. I made sure to shower. I kept my clothes in colors with a joke on the shirt, if I could.

No one would have seen how I felt inside on the outside because no adult would listen to me when I literally cried for help.

I hope that Mr. Wheaton's speech gets more adults to listen to children because usually a haircut is just a haircut and how do you know what it means unless you hear what's being said.

May the Fourth Be With You

It's Up

I finally put up the white board I bought month ago. It's being used for writing ideas. The first two columns are novel (pun sort of intended) ideas. The rest is fan fic stuff.

Here's to hoping it helps having things to cross off that I see every time I go to the fridge.

Pie

I don't often try to make food look fancy, but chocolate curls are an easy way to do it, even if several three to six year-olds pick them off the top.

Sensitive Persons

Over on Tumblr I reposted this comic strip.

I wrote: "Funny, this comic actually shows why I hate this ship."

This afternoon, when I logged in to see my Tumblr dashboard I had a message from someone saying "That comment on that comic was unkind and unnecessary."

I sent an apology that also was written in a way that would encourage the message-er to tell me which comment on which comic she didn't like.

My intention in reposting the comic and writing my comment was to point out that even though the artist like the ship and made this comic to be a cute moment in the life of Rey and Kylo Ren, I see it reinforcing why I don't like people shipping Rey and Kylo Ren. Maybe if I had spent more time explaining my reasoning, I wouldn't have received the comment.

I write this because I don't like upsetting people when I'm not trying to upset people.

So, here goes:

I enjoy most of Spatziline's work. Her Star stuff is outstanding and her Ladybug comics make me wish I enjoyed the show more.

I don't like Reylo, never have, and never will.

The comic, for those who didn't see it, has Rey standing next to Kylo Ren. She has something in her hand and is trying to open it. She tells Kylo that she wants to open it without using the force. The top flips up and hits her in the face. "Ouch," she says, probably out of surprise. Beat on Kylo's frowny face. "Heh," Kylo says, smiling. Back to his frown. Rey, with tears in her eyes (happy tears) says, "Holy Force, this is the first time I've heard you laugh."

It doesn't bother me that Kylo laughs at the unexpected, little smack Rey gets when she opens the whatever it is. I've been laughed at when something like that has happened to me and I've laughed at people who have had something like this has happened to others. When it happens to us, we feel stupid and the laughter is a release. When it happens to others, it's like watching a moment in the Three Stooges.

What bothers me is that Rey has never seen Kylo laugh. In Spatziline's comics, Rey and Kylo have a kid who's four or five. So, they've been together for a while. And this is the first time she's ever seen him laugh? Even if this is a different AU, they've been "friends," or whatever, long enough that she feels comfortable with him. So, either he's chosen to never laugh in front of Rey until this moment, or he's never felt humor before now, or he's chosen now chosen to show her some emotion. The first two seems good to me. The third is downright manipulative. Especially in light of The Last Jedi.

After spending most of the movie connecting through the Force, maybe even coming to respect one another, after they fight for their lives together, Kylo Ren starts negging Rey. It's like he's some asshole in a club looking for a warm piece of meat to stick his dick in. And the moment that Rey say no to him (Even though she was more like, "You seem nice and I think we should date and get to know each other before we have sex.) he decides to KILL HER! WHAT THE HELL!? RIGHT!?

And then here's this comic that feels emotionally manipulative. And it's supposed to be cute. And that bothers me. Really bothers me.

I'm not trying to stomp on the things that people like that other people like. I've read the Twillight book and hated every moment of Bella and Edwards "relationship." I see it as abusive. It's not the poor writing and lack of character development that bother me, I've read worse, it's the abuse. But I don't shatter the "love story" that my mom and aunt and sister-in-law enjoyed just because I don't see it the same way that they do. However, when a fanon moment occurs, by an artist or writer that I like, that paints what I see as abuse as something funny and cute, it really bothers me, no matter the intention.

I don't expect it to change anyone's mind about Reylo. Like I couldn't change anyone's mind about the abuse in Harry/Snape stories Or Walker Boh/Ilse Witch stories (from back in the day).

I had to say something. Maybe being curt was the wrong way to go about it though. Maybe.

I should probably post a permanent link to my Preemptive Apology post.

More Questions Found on Tumblr

1: Marvel or DC?
DC. I like the idea of heroes for the sake of good, rather than because of personal tragedy. Also, they have better TV show, live action or cartoons.

2: Do you have any siblings?
Yes.

3: Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed?
On occasion.

4: How old are you?
Old enough to know better.

5: What is your favorite sport?
None of the above.

6: Favorite soda/beverage?
Iced tea.

7: What is your favorite tv show?
It depends on the day of the week and what you consider TV. Here's a small list of current shows that I currently enjoy: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, The Detour, Bob's Burgers, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisle, The Good Place, Star vs the Forces of Evil, Blackish, Alone Together.

8: Do you marathon shows or watch a few episodes at a time?
Both. It depends on the show. If it's new to me it tends to be a marathon. If I've watched it before then a few at a time. (FYI, I recently rewatched Chuck. It's still great.)

9: How often do you exercise?
I ride my stationary bike five days a week. I'm still fat, though.

10: Do you wear makeup? How often?
Only on Halloween. Although I've been known to let my faced be used for makeup practice.

11: Favorite Disney movie?
Fantasia

12: Would you rather watch a movie or a tv show?
I don't want to make a choice. There are good and crappy movies and there are good and crappy TV shows.

13: Do you have your driver’s license?
Yes.

14: What is your favorite animal?
Kiwis.

15: Black widow or Catwoman?
Uh, how about Batgirl or Invisible Woman. I like good girls far more that bad ones.

16: favorite youtuber?
Lindsay Ellis.

17: What is your earliest memory?
Throwing a glass bottle onto the kitchen floor.

18: Favorite video game?
Mario Kart. All of them.

19: What is your biggest pet peeve?
I don't keep peeves as pets.

20: Dinosaurs or dragons?
Which kind of dragons? D&D dragons are different from Pern dragons are different from Scottish dragons are different from Chinese dragons and so on. Or is it just dragons in general? The answer is dragons.

21: What is the worst injury you have ever had?
I scraped up my whole leg once skidding on my bike on a gravel driveway. It wasn't that bad, though.

22: What piercings do you have/want?
No and none.

23: Any tattoos? if not, would you get any?
Have none, but if I were to get some I'd tattoo the Chinese symbol for vagina on my right wrist and penis on my left.

24: Sexual orientation?
Asexual.

25: What is your best subject in school?
I did well in all subjects in school. Except PE.

26: What is your favorite book series?
I've read a whole bunch of series and none are perfect, but are still good. Uh, maybe the Dark is Rising Sequence? I keep coming back to those. But I keep going back to the Wheel of Time series, too.

27: Do you have a crush on anyone currently?
No one that I actually know.

28: Single or in a relationship?
Single, but I have non-romantical relationships with a few people.

29: What character would you most like to cosplay?
Smaug?

30: Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Introvert, like to dangerous levels.

31: Cats or dogs?
Cats.

32: What is the most embarassing thing to ever happen to you?
I don't know. I mean, I used to be very embarrassed reading out loud in school, but I got over it.

33: Tell me a story.
No, thanks. I'll wait.

34: What is the strangest thing you've ever seen someone wear?
Duct tape.

35: Where in the world would you most like to travel?
The bottom of the sea.

36: Favorite Pokemon?
Psyduck.

37: favorite color?
Blue.

38: Are you religious?
No.

39: Post a selfie
No.

40: Have you ever left your home country/state?
Yes.

41: Do you prefer to travel by car or airplane?
Airplane.

42: Are you a fan of rollercoasters?
Yes.

43: What is your favorite OTP?
Daria and Jane's friendship.

44: Who is your favorite Disney princess?
My gut says Belle.

45: Who is your favorite Disney prince?
They all suck. Unless I can choose Flint Rider.

46: Who is your favorite Disney villain?
I waiver between Maleficent and Ursula.

47: Do you sing along to the radio?
Oh, yes.

48: Who is your favorite Harry Potter character?
Luna Lovegood.

49: Any headcanons?
Yes, lots of them.

50: If you could have one of the Deathly Hallows (cloak of invisibility, Elder Wand, or Resurrection Stone), which would it be?
The wand.

51: What house would you be in Hogwarts?
Ravenclaw.

52: When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Like said the actual word? I can't remember.

53: Do you have any weird habits?
Probably, but they must not seem weird to me.

54: What do you do when you're bored?
Watch TV. Eat. Read. Worry.

55: What is the strangest thing you've seen at Walmart?
A dog in a stroller being pushed by a three-year old.

56: What color are your eyes?
Green.

57: What is your natural hair color?
Brown with hints of red.

58: Have you ever broken a bone? How?
No.

59: What is your favorite food?
Too many to write because it depend on mood and time of day and what I've eaten recenly.

60: What do you look for in a relationship?
Another person who I can talk to without feeling like I want to crawl inside myself.

61: If you could live in any era, which would it be and why?
I'm cool with this one because it's probably the best for all types of people. I'd like to visit Moorish Spain, though.

62: How late do you usually stay up?
I usually go to sleep by 8:30 PM, but I also get up at 4 AM-ish.

63: What is your favorite website?
I don't have a favorite.

64: Have you been to any concerts?
Yes.

65: Are you involved in any extracurriculars at school?
I don't go to school anymore.

66: If you could be the opposite gender for a day, what would you do?
Things that would make people blush.

67: What are you most proud of?
I'm not.

68: Do you have any big regrets?
Not that I can think of.

69: What was the best day of your life?
I don't think I had it, yet.

70: Do you crack your knuckles?
On occasion.

71: Do you play any instruments?
Not well.

72: First kiss story?
It was a game and chaste and unimpressive.

73: Do you like hot or cold weather?
I prefer cold. It keeps the people away.

74: What is your favorite song of all time?
How can anyone decide?

75: Any weird talents?
I don't think so.

No Black Ink

Have you ever wanted to see what a comic book page looks like with the black ink:

From Firestorm: The Nuclear Man #27, 2006; colors by David Baron

Hourly Comic Day 2018

I haven't done this in a while.
I usually wake up on the 2nd or 3rd cursing myself.
Not this year.
At least not for missing Hourly Comic Day.

Farewell, Master Wordsmith

Ursula K. Le Guin died today.

I read the Earthsea Trilogy, the only three that had been written, when I was 9-years old. Immediately after I read the Chronicles of Narnia. I didn’t understand what I read. At all.

Things had “true” names. Names have power. The ghost was Ged? Girls walked ancient tombs in the dark. As songs are forgotten people die?

The books were short, like the Narnia books, but they were as deep as the oceans Sparrowhawk crossed. Some in Fourth graders may be ready for the depths, but I wasn’t. I didn’t like them.

As I grew and began a journey into the novels of science fiction and fantasy in earnest, I continued to see her name, but I didn’t read her books. I assumed that because I didn’t like Earthsea, I wouldn’t like anything else by her.

I was wrong. Very, very wrong. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn how wrong I was until nearly 20 years later when I bought a book of her short stories on a whim. Suddenly, the beauty of her worlds exploded within me and my expanded. I devoured her books and stories and snippet of writing.

She became one of my beacons. One of the writers I look to for guidance. One whose prose always teaches me.

I wrote her a letter once. I even sent her a copy. She wrote me back.

I never told her that she was an inspiration, though.