A Work Week Rant

Words are not here for me today.

I'm bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

(I'm also tired. So very tired. Sleep would be a wonderful thing. If I can't sleep properly during the night, should I expect to sleep properly during the day? Maybe pills are the answer; I've met people who think they are. Does anyone know of a quack who'll write me a prescription for valium just because I ask?)

Yes, I do have work at my desk, but if I finish it today, I won't have any on Monday and then someone will take it upon herself to find me something to do and I don't want that to happen. Does anyone out there want that to happen? I barely have enough work to make me look busy during the day if I really spread it out. On the days, like today, when I don't have enough I get worried.

Why do I get worried? I get worried because when other people decide that they have to find other things for me to do it's utterly useless crap. What good does it do me to pick up the paperclips in someone else’s area? Shouldn't I clean my own cubic-type area before cleaning someone else’s? Except, of course, if I have time to really clean-up over here, I'm not busy enough doing work, therefore I should be served a handful of someone else’s work because that person doesn't know how to manage time, or can't stop speaking with coworkers while not on breaks, or has no clue how to actually do the job she was hired for. Wait, maybe it's all three of those reasons.

And so I'm sitting, writing this and hitting Alt-Tab quickly whenever I think I hear someone coming up behind me.

There's a scene in Office Space where Peter is speaking with the two Bobs about his work and he says, "That's my only real motivation, not to be hassled..." and I'm starting to feel the same way. Sure, I don't have the insanity of eight different bosses, but still, if I'm seen as not busy, even if I am (which, oddly enough is when I'm hassled the most, when I'm actually working) busy my supervisor, or the nosey secretary, will come around and ask me if I have stuff to do, if I'm busy enough. At least there are no TPS reports. Although, two weeks ago we had to fill out this stupid language survey. It was filled with all these pre-written hash marks that I had to use a pencil to mark on, but I couldn't actually see the mark I made on the already black hash mark. What ever happened to filling in the freaking bubbles?

Blah blah blah? Blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah. Blahblah, blah blah blah'blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blahblah. Blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah?

I just learned that we're hiring a new person. So, that means less actual work. More pretending to work. And an unhappier me.

I suppose I should be happy that it's a guy who's close to my age, but I don't see how that's a good thing. It may seem crazy, but I'd rather there be only me or two of us paper pushers here so that I'm actually kept busy during the day. I'd like to be so busy that I don't have time to sit and think about... stuff. With enough work I could just shut my brain down and run on autopilot, I'd only occasionally have to remind myself to chew my gum.

Sure, I remember complaining about those couple of days where it was just me working here, but on those days the woman who's in charge of the front counter wasn't here either, so I was stuck with all the paperwork and dealing with the idiot masses at the counter. As long as she's here to run interference with lawyers and such, and my only job is to get my paperwork done, I think I'd be fine. But that's not going to happen.

What I really don't understand is why the people in charge think we need someone else? Just because the people even higher up say that our office can have another person, does that mean we should when it's just a waste of money? I work for the state, though, and everyone knows that the state won't let common sense and a multi-billion dollar deficit, for the past couple of years, stand in the way of getting something that they think they deserve.

Well, part of it could be, if I actually try to think highly of the people in this place, that they're also trying to prepare for the possible worst. A couple of years ago, there was a hiring freeze in this department and as people left for other positions within the state this office had to handle the same workload with less and less people, including the calendar clerk and the secretaries. So, if I want to think well of the people I work for, they're trying to keep the number of people currently here at a maximum just in case there's another freeze on hiring and we, who currently work her, take advantage.

I really want to leave. It's 4:23 by the clock in the corner of my monitor. I'm not supposed to leave. They won't let me leave, even though I'm here five to ten minutes early every day. Sure, I don't actually start doing work until sometime after eight. (How long after eight depends on whether my supervisor is here, how much work I have left from the day before, if I've found something interesting to read on the 'net, and other variable that I can't think of at this moment.) I tried, right before Christmas, to convince my supervisor to let me come in an hour earlier each day and let me leave an hour earlier. She said no. She said no because when I'm second on the counter (every third week now, every fourth week when the new guy gets here) they need me here until five. Does she even realize that between four and five we get, maybe, three people at the front counter and rarely do any of them need help. So far today, we haven't had anyone at the front counter.

Alright, my look busy and redo the same work I've been doing all afternoon is now over. My supervisor has gone back to her seat by the windows and the nosey secretary has finally realized that to use her e-mail and get the document that she wanted e-mailed to her, she has to be at her desk using her computer.

I'm not really a lazy person. Well, not at work, at least. I may not like the work that I'm doing, I may not think it's fun, but I do it quickly and accurately. If there is more that needs to be done, I'll do it. But there are some things that I don't like: 1) When the work is split evenly between three of us and only one of us can't seem to complete it so that almost every week her work is then divided between the three of us. 2) Having people from other areas come to me and demand that I go make copies for them or doing their filing even though I'm working and it's not my job to be making copies or doing their filing. 3) Having said people get upset and then go complain to my supervisor that I'm not helping them so that my supervisor comes to me and tells me that I should put down what I'm doing, remember that it's actual work that I'm paid to do, and go make the copies or do the filing. 4) People finding me on my break, I'm usually reading, and their not and they want to speak with me about work--what's going on, the amount, any bullshit that keeps them from doing their work--and they get a upset at me for not looking up from my book because, you know, I'm the one who's being rude.

I'm stopping this list now. It's only making me more upset.

The fact that it's Friday isn't making me feel any better because it means I'm just that much closer to another week of bullshit.

"Welcome to the 'real world,' Josh. Sorry you're not enjoying you stay, but that's the way it is until you figure out what you want to do that you actually can do."

If I actually thought that I'd be happy working as a laborer at one of the too many vineyards around here, I'd apply. Too bad I know I wouldn't be happy there.

I guess some words were here for me today.