Been pretty much ignoring this place this week, haven't I?
The week did start off with me having actual work to do since I had several hundred files at my desk that needed to be boxed and shipped to storage. I got them boxed, but the state's (or the department's) contract with UPS expired so I wasn't able to ship them. Now they just sit in the back in a pile waiting for the state (or the department) to get all up in DHL's face and get a new contract so we're not using a service that cost three times as much as we used to.
Been singing certain songs over and over again in my head. Beatles's "Girl" has been going through my head a lot lately. As has the Fruity Oaty Bars song from Serenity. There's no logic to any of it, they're just there on alternating cycles.
Been thinking a lot about what a waste going to college was. My job isn't dependent on having gone to college. I'm still more than ten thousand dollars in debt. I didn't make any lasting friendships. I was told by someone, who I had a huge crush on, that talking to me was just like talking to her sister, right after I asked her out. (Up until that point, I thought that line was just made up by John Hughes or some other teen angst writer.) The moments of academic enjoyment were few and far between. I think, if I had the chance to, I'd stop my high school self from going to college. I'd encourage the younger me to sign up for the test that I took 18 months ago and go work for the state. I'd tell me that I could go to a JC part time and eventually work my way to a university if I wanted to. I doubt I'd be any happier or healthier, but I wouldn't be so paranoid about money and maybe I'd have done some interesting things in these past nine years. Also, I can't see how me making a decision like that would negatively effect anyone around me.
That's one of the two points in my life that I can look back at and see that if I had just made one simple choice, things would be different. There's no way for me to know if they'd be way better, but I know that a couple of things would be better. Not going to college/university right out of high school would make money better. The other point would make a different thing better, but money would probably be pretty much the same.
Everyone can see moments like those, right?
We all think like this sometimes, right?
The weirdest thing is that I don't want to go peeking into those two worlds in the MWI because I'd hate to know if there's another me who's worse off and I'd hate to be the me that's worse off.
Does that make sense?
4 comments:
Uhm... Maybe her sister was really butch and manly-like?
I went to college right out of high school also, and ended up doing tons of exams that I had no real interest in. I had to quit and take a looong breather before I actually found out what would be my thing.
At least you took that breather before you went through it. I've gone through and now I'm as lost about what my thing is as I ever was.
Yes, I hum that song all the time, but that's because I'm crazy. Heh.
I can relate, but in a slightly different way. Whereas you regret having gone to college, I regret having dropped out of a university program, specifically Architecture.
I was quite lost for so many years after that.
I eventually went back to school and got a degree, but not in Architecture. I sometimes wonder, what life would have been like, if I'd just stuck it out with my initial goal of being an Architect But mostly, I don't bother looking back, as I'd just be stuck with regrets. Just move, make the best of life as it is now.
Well, fruityoaty, even though you'll probably never be back here, I've been pretty lost for the past couple of years and I'm still not found. And I don't regret going to college, I regret not getting anything out of it except a bit of paper that tells people I read more Milton than a person should ever have to. All of that is my fault.
As for moving on, when you have no marketable skills, except the ablity to type a decent speed with few error, but want to get benefits, life doesn't seem to work that way.
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