12:48
Tenish minutes before I leave for the day. It's not a recovery from coming back to work thing, it's more of a therapy thing.
I haven't written about this much, so I'll explain.
In the last quarter of last year, I signed myself up to go see a therapist (he turned out to be a LCSW, not an analrapist, for those Arrested Development fans). He encouraged me to do this group thing to help with my social anxiety problems because I really don't want to take drugs. I have enough things I have to remember to do each day.
I went to the pre-meeting thing where they sort of talk about anxiety and the general ways it affects people. You know, stuff I learned on my own years ago.
From there I was put in a four week "group" thing (which lasted six weeks because of Christmas and New Year's Day) that started several weeks later. It was mixed with general anxiety people and social anxiety people. And I was very uncomfortable with aspects of it.
Today, six weeks after the last other thing, the actual social anxiety group starts. I'm not ready for the level of trust I'm suppose to put into these people I've had trouble not sharing the things that the other people have said in the group with all of you. I haven't broken that trust, yet, but how can I be sure that husbands and wives aren't sharing things that the people in the group say to their spouses?
That bothers me. Hell, it bothers me thinking that the PhD guy might be talking about something I, or one of the others, said to a colleague.
6 comments:
sigh, I love AD. I heard there is a movie coming out..
-wings
Ask yourself: What does it really matter if someone shares the stuff you said with someone you neither know nor will ever meet.
In the scheme of things, is it really that important?
Understand that I'm not trying to downplay your fears and anxiety in this. Really. I mean, what do I know, I don't have to deal with that type of problem.
This is a totally incoherent comment, isn't it?
Not suppose to tell?
Re-work it and write it. That's what I say! ;)
Q
Wings -- I read that rumor, too. Dunno how true it is though.
Jazz -- No, you make sense.
The thing is that I have some pretty big issues with trust and imagining that I might be partially the topic of someone's conversation makes me very uncomfortable. (Even thinking about it makes me feel sick. Even thinking that family may be speaking about me makes me feel horrible.)
It's totally irrational, a bit narcissistic, and in the scheme of things meaningless, but knowing all that doesn't make me feel better. In fact, it makes me feel stupid.
Q -- The problem with that is time. There have been some things said that I wanted to tell everyone about right away because they were just so... weird that changing what was said would have hurt it.
Damn, I was going to say what Jazz said! It's a shame you are against medicine. If I didn't take medicine, I would never leave my house. The only thing I worry about people saying about me is that I've gotten fat. And they have every right to. I should walk on the treadmill now. Good luck with everything!
Geewits -- I think that if I had a hard time leaving my apartment, I'd have gone the pills path, but I can get out, I just can't communicate with people when I'm out (or not in a work related environment).
I'm not bothered by what people may be saying about me, they can say anything they want. I'm bothered by the fact they are (or may be) talking about me. It really doesn't make any sense.
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