The Office is Not a Reflection of Life

To borrow a phrase, "Il pleut comme vache qui pisse."

Well, not now, but earlier. From my desk, looking out the window, the rain was coming down so hard it looked like fog. Wasn't fog, though, because I could hear it pounding on the roof. Co-workers were gathered at a window mocking the people who were outside.

I think one of my co-workers is going to get fired. (What a transition, right?) This morning he played a joke on TMSV, the one who told that inane story, the one who never shuts up, the one who thinks her business is sometimes (too often) ours and our business is always hers. He took everything on her desk and moved it back to the desk that she was supposed to start using when she was promoted last year. She came in and freaked out, although I didn't hear her since she was in the back and I just don't care. Then she left and never came back.

Since then there have been whispered conversations and phone calls and such. Some people think that the problem is with TMSV because she's quick to threaten action when things don't go her way. (I have no idea if she's actually gone through with it.) Some think that they want to be prepared for Monday when she comes in and starts to throw out threats.

I disagree.

I think GICS may get fired because he's consistently late and calls in sick a lot. (Like he's in the sick day hole by something like 80 hours.) He's a hard worker and gets stuff done, but he's loud and obnoxious and quite often a jerk. He's been in lots of private meetings, although not recently, that ended with many sour faces. I think that by next Friday, he's gone.

I hope, however, that TMSV will be banished to the desk in the back. It's so much more peaceful without her around.

On Time, Work, and Idioms

Today has moved surprisingly fast. Time seems to move in large jumps petween the moments I glance at the clock. It probably helps that I don't actually remember doing my work, although my desk is cleaned off, and that TMSV has been away from her desk most of the day and therefore isn't a distraction.

It was nice to be plugging along at whatever I was plugging along at this morning then look into the corner of my main monitor and see that the time was 11:00 AM, thirty minutes before lunch. It was a surprise to get back from lunch and do whatever I did then look down and notice that it was after three.

I truly have no memory of doing my work.

I must have searched and screened and scanned and data entered this morning, but I don't remember doing it.

I don't remember pulling up much to read. I do remember posting on that other blog. I don't remember playing online games. I do remember replying to comments in the last post and on other people's blogs. I don't really remember my lunch hour, but I must have left the office because otherwise I'd have to pee, probably pretty badly. Like a racehorse, I suppose, but since I've never seen a racehorse, or any horse, pee I'm not sure exactly what that mean. Although I suppose it means pee a lot because, I assume, that an animal that much larger than a human has a larger bladder than me and therefore pees a large quantity when it pees.

Where do you think the phase "pee like a racehorse" came from? Do other cultures have a similar phrase?

That's one thing I sometimes wonder about when I watch science fiction. Idioms, I mean. An alien must get really confused when a human says something was "tongue-in-cheek." Even with a translator that can translate one language perfectly into another language, would it recognize the phrase as an idiom and translate it as "humorously" or "jokingly," or would it do a direct translation of the words? Then the alien would be wondering what the human is doing with his (or her) tongue in his (or her) cheek. And isn't it hard to talk with one's tongue in one's cheek. That's assuming the alien even knows what a tongue is!

Thing should work the other way, too. I mean shouldn't aliens be going around saying things like, "Your words are feglaios on a bentomej to me." What the hell does that mean, right? Hell, even if there's some kind of context around it, maybe it's an argument that's gotten personal, does it mean the words are hurtful? Meaningless? Stupid? Unhelpful? Helpful? What?

Huh, I guess my brother's girlfriend, who's from China, has this problem. Well, on occasion. I can't remember it coming up, but she's only been in the US a few years. It was probably worse early on. Wouldn't it suck to have someone make up idioms then you use them...

You know, I bet my brother's done that to her at least once. I would.

So, yeah, we'll see what comes out.

There's snow, again in Texas. I assume Geewits is doin' fine, but is annoyed, since she hasn't posted an omigod-I'm-freaking-out-'cause-of-the-snow post. 'Course, she doesn't seem the type who'd freak out anyway.

I wish there was some snow here.

I know that if I always got a lot of snow I'd probably get sick of it and wish for the day there would be no snow at all, but I don't live there and I'd like some snow. I'd like to take a walk down the street in that brief moment of quiet after the storm. Actually I'd like to be out there during the snowstorm. Not that it matters in the place where I live.

Sometimes I think my brain is atrophying. I don't read nearly as fast as I used to. On occasion, it's hard to think about... things.

Criss, this is being very difficult to write. I set out with no aim and nothin' to say and just go, but nothing much is going to come out. Or wants to come out? Dunno.

In a few recent introspective moments, I've been wondering about souls. What would they be made of? If they're some sort of energy, we wouldn't be able to see them, would we? The only reason we see lightening is because it ionize the air around it creating a flash of plasma, right? Plus, the visible part lasts for only a fraction of a second. (Maybe I'm wrong about that.) What would sustain a soul? Why would a souls create shadows or drop temperatures?

Maybe I've been thinking about this crap because the Discovery Channel has one of those ghost hunter shows. I hate those shows. Okay, so I don't totally HATE those shows, but I HATE the way they use pseudo-science and camera tricks and act like they're doing REAL research. Locking a guy who believes in ghosts in a drawer in an abandoned morgue, in the dark, he's going to end up freaking out or feeling cold or seeing a streak of light; that's not research. Those girls who made all the accusations during the Salem witch trials actually felt cold, their skin felt cold to the touch, does that mean there were witches? Is there a God because there are people out there who say He told them to kill their kids?

GAH! It's just upsetting because once upon a time I could believe the Discovery Channel was actually about science. It's not, though. As much as I like the show, I blame MythBusters. It may have science in it, but science and learnin' isn't the point. Entertainment over information.

'Course, I'm in the minority in that whole thing. I really don't want to believe that the population chooses to be dumb, but it's hard not to.

Is this story at all interesting?

It's one a coworker's been telling all day. Feel free to be brutal, if it so inspires you. Name has been changed because that's what I do.

Last night I ran Lulu at Safeway. There she was with her list and there I was with mine.

(laughs)

I mean, I was pushing pushing my cart around the store and I turned the corner and there she was, hanging over a cart, her list in hand. And there I was with my cart and my list.

(laughs)

I don't even usually go to that Safeway, you know? But the girls were down town getting their nails done and I thought, what the hell, I need to get some shopping done. And there was Lulu. At the Safeway I never use.

(laughs)

I just can't believe I saw Lulu at Safeway. With her list.

(laughs)

I've heard her tell that story at least four times today to four different people and I don't understand why it was worth telling the first time.

Here's the background: Lulu's a part-time retired secretary. Lulu hasn't been in much for the last month-and-a-half because her judge went in for surgery at the beginning of January.

And that's it!

Is the story worth telling, let alone worth listening to?

GAH!

Have You Got the Buzz?

I don't understand Google Buzz. Is it supposed to compete with Twitter? Facebook? What? I don't get it. I don't twit. I don't face. I don't think I want to buzz.

I really wish they had given me some warning before it showed up so I could take steps to not be involved.

Yes, I went and I unbuzzed everyone on my list (sorry if you were one of 'em and it upset you) and then hid the buzz link, but it really shouldn't have shown up at all unless I wanted it there in the first place.

Christ, it sort of reminds me of when Microsoft got a hold of Hotmail and started adding links and scrolls and all sorts of other crap that drove me to Gmail in the first place. What happened to just having a simple, free(ish) e-mail account that didn't try to constantly "lead" me to content that I may be interested in?

Other people may love this kind of shit, getting force fed snippets of information, but I don't.

Fuck you Google for this bullshit. From what I've checked out, you're still the cleanest free e-mail I can get (since I can take steps hide all crap I don't want to use). Let me control my fucking content before it appears. You're not making my interblogs time easier or more fun, you just creating clutter.

And I'm not a fan of clutter fucks.

What's in a name? Returns again.

Sometimes I see a name, here at work, that's just screams at me. Today's: Enrique Goldbaum.

There's probably no story behind the name other than his parents like the name Enrique, but still...

On My Mind

Why is it so much easier to figure out all the things you are not as opposed to the things you are?

Hourly Comic '10

All For Today

Hourly Comicking today.

Hope to have them posted tomorrow morning, 7:45ish, PST, of course.