Like more than a month.
Well, my excuse is only that my job tends to wear me out. My brain, at least. It drains me of my desire to do much of anything. Even sleep is hard to get. And it's not the work, not at all. The work is interesting and keeps my brain moving every day. It's my god damned boss. One day that man's going to wake up to find that he has no nurse supervisors and no office staff to help him and he's going to be miserable.
(My boss are also the reasons I haven't spent much of any time with anyone up here since I got back. I'm just not in a mood to be able to deal with people who haven't really experienced me on the lower end of my mood spectrum. Sorry about that.)
To rectify my situation I've prepared all the stuff needed to apply for a job with the local community college district.
That, however, creates a new problem. I really, really need to get out of my parents' house. I need to get into the solitude that I had before. I need a space of my own. (My dad insists that the room I'm using is my space, but it's also where he keeps his CD collection, and all their video cassettes and DVDs are, and where their old (like by ten years) computer is, and art books, and on and on. It's not really my space, just a bed and half-bath I'm borrowing for a while.) But the job I'm applying for is in Moo-ville, which is about 75 minutes away, if traffic is good. I'm not commuting like that. So, what's the point of entering into a lease of any kind? If things go really well, and I hope they go really well, there's a possibility of me moving in a couple of months.
Once again, I failed at NaNoWriMo. I wrote. Got maybe 10,000 words total. Not horrible considering how much work has pissed me off and I was pretty damned sick for a week and we spent nine days away from here to visit my brother, his wife, and their new baby in Oregon. Didn't actually finish anything, but that's how my cookie crumbles.
I'm sure there's plenty more to write, but not now. Not tonight. It's time to go and help with dinner, now.
Be well, peoples.
Showing posts with label meh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meh. Show all posts
Monday, December 06, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
That Lunch
My brother requested knowledge about that last (and technically first) lunch I had with my co-workers in the North Bay. Here goes:
My normal lunch back then was at 11:30, but the ladies didn't think they could get out of the office until noon, so I had to wait and explain to the other employees, without actually explaining anything, why I hadn't left for lunch. Me and three others was all I wanted. When asked, I dodged the issue and vaguely suggested that I had to do something but it couldn't be done before noon. Got some looks, but no one asked me anything else.
Noon finally rolled around and I watched the pair of court reporters head out. I waited a little before getting up myself, didn't want to make it look like I was heading out with them to keep some of the others from joining in on their own. The PJ's secretary, who invited me to the small lunch, joined me and we walked out together. One staff member watched us. I'm pretty sure she knew what was up. I didn't care for her anyway and the other people I was going out with either liked her less than I did or pretty much outright hated her. (At lunch, on in particular seem happy that the not-so-great woman knew she wasn't invited.)
As we stepped out the front door of the office I was informed that three more people had been invited to lunch, the three other clerk guys, and asked if it was okay with me. A large part of me wanted to bolt, but I said it was okay.
At lunch, he guys had some beer and sandwiches. The ladies had wine and two had a salad and one had a sandwich. I had iced tea and a sandwich and these spectacular homemade potato chips the brewery makes, really the only reason to eat there if you're not getting beer. The chat was idle and mostly about work and what a pain in the ass it was. Some bitching was made about the woman no one likes. (I made a comment that got that woman in some trouble the next day, which was my last day there.)
When the check came, I pulled out my wallet just like everyone else and made sure to be told that my lunch was on them. Then I admitted I only pulled my wallet out to make sure that they insisted I didn't have to pay. I didn't want to seem like I just expected a free lunch from them.
Back at work, no one made a comment about lunch and how we all came back in as a group.
In general, the lunch was painless. I didn't say much, mostly listened. The chips were wonderful, the sandwich just okay. The guys liked their beers, where were very pale, and that gals like their wine, whites with a rosy hue.
Questions?
My normal lunch back then was at 11:30, but the ladies didn't think they could get out of the office until noon, so I had to wait and explain to the other employees, without actually explaining anything, why I hadn't left for lunch. Me and three others was all I wanted. When asked, I dodged the issue and vaguely suggested that I had to do something but it couldn't be done before noon. Got some looks, but no one asked me anything else.
Noon finally rolled around and I watched the pair of court reporters head out. I waited a little before getting up myself, didn't want to make it look like I was heading out with them to keep some of the others from joining in on their own. The PJ's secretary, who invited me to the small lunch, joined me and we walked out together. One staff member watched us. I'm pretty sure she knew what was up. I didn't care for her anyway and the other people I was going out with either liked her less than I did or pretty much outright hated her. (At lunch, on in particular seem happy that the not-so-great woman knew she wasn't invited.)
As we stepped out the front door of the office I was informed that three more people had been invited to lunch, the three other clerk guys, and asked if it was okay with me. A large part of me wanted to bolt, but I said it was okay.
At lunch, he guys had some beer and sandwiches. The ladies had wine and two had a salad and one had a sandwich. I had iced tea and a sandwich and these spectacular homemade potato chips the brewery makes, really the only reason to eat there if you're not getting beer. The chat was idle and mostly about work and what a pain in the ass it was. Some bitching was made about the woman no one likes. (I made a comment that got that woman in some trouble the next day, which was my last day there.)
When the check came, I pulled out my wallet just like everyone else and made sure to be told that my lunch was on them. Then I admitted I only pulled my wallet out to make sure that they insisted I didn't have to pay. I didn't want to seem like I just expected a free lunch from them.
Back at work, no one made a comment about lunch and how we all came back in as a group.
In general, the lunch was painless. I didn't say much, mostly listened. The chips were wonderful, the sandwich just okay. The guys liked their beers, where were very pale, and that gals like their wine, whites with a rosy hue.
Questions?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
So, yeah, we'll see what comes out.
There's snow, again in Texas. I assume Geewits is doin' fine, but is annoyed, since she hasn't posted an omigod-I'm-freaking-out-'cause-of-the-snow post. 'Course, she doesn't seem the type who'd freak out anyway.
I wish there was some snow here.
I know that if I always got a lot of snow I'd probably get sick of it and wish for the day there would be no snow at all, but I don't live there and I'd like some snow. I'd like to take a walk down the street in that brief moment of quiet after the storm. Actually I'd like to be out there during the snowstorm. Not that it matters in the place where I live.
Sometimes I think my brain is atrophying. I don't read nearly as fast as I used to. On occasion, it's hard to think about... things.
Criss, this is being very difficult to write. I set out with no aim and nothin' to say and just go, but nothing much is going to come out. Or wants to come out? Dunno.
In a few recent introspective moments, I've been wondering about souls. What would they be made of? If they're some sort of energy, we wouldn't be able to see them, would we? The only reason we see lightening is because it ionize the air around it creating a flash of plasma, right? Plus, the visible part lasts for only a fraction of a second. (Maybe I'm wrong about that.) What would sustain a soul? Why would a souls create shadows or drop temperatures?
Maybe I've been thinking about this crap because the Discovery Channel has one of those ghost hunter shows. I hate those shows. Okay, so I don't totally HATE those shows, but I HATE the way they use pseudo-science and camera tricks and act like they're doing REAL research. Locking a guy who believes in ghosts in a drawer in an abandoned morgue, in the dark, he's going to end up freaking out or feeling cold or seeing a streak of light; that's not research. Those girls who made all the accusations during the Salem witch trials actually felt cold, their skin felt cold to the touch, does that mean there were witches? Is there a God because there are people out there who say He told them to kill their kids?
GAH! It's just upsetting because once upon a time I could believe the Discovery Channel was actually about science. It's not, though. As much as I like the show, I blame MythBusters. It may have science in it, but science and learnin' isn't the point. Entertainment over information.
'Course, I'm in the minority in that whole thing. I really don't want to believe that the population chooses to be dumb, but it's hard not to.
I wish there was some snow here.
I know that if I always got a lot of snow I'd probably get sick of it and wish for the day there would be no snow at all, but I don't live there and I'd like some snow. I'd like to take a walk down the street in that brief moment of quiet after the storm. Actually I'd like to be out there during the snowstorm. Not that it matters in the place where I live.
Sometimes I think my brain is atrophying. I don't read nearly as fast as I used to. On occasion, it's hard to think about... things.
Criss, this is being very difficult to write. I set out with no aim and nothin' to say and just go, but nothing much is going to come out. Or wants to come out? Dunno.
In a few recent introspective moments, I've been wondering about souls. What would they be made of? If they're some sort of energy, we wouldn't be able to see them, would we? The only reason we see lightening is because it ionize the air around it creating a flash of plasma, right? Plus, the visible part lasts for only a fraction of a second. (Maybe I'm wrong about that.) What would sustain a soul? Why would a souls create shadows or drop temperatures?
Maybe I've been thinking about this crap because the Discovery Channel has one of those ghost hunter shows. I hate those shows. Okay, so I don't totally HATE those shows, but I HATE the way they use pseudo-science and camera tricks and act like they're doing REAL research. Locking a guy who believes in ghosts in a drawer in an abandoned morgue, in the dark, he's going to end up freaking out or feeling cold or seeing a streak of light; that's not research. Those girls who made all the accusations during the Salem witch trials actually felt cold, their skin felt cold to the touch, does that mean there were witches? Is there a God because there are people out there who say He told them to kill their kids?
GAH! It's just upsetting because once upon a time I could believe the Discovery Channel was actually about science. It's not, though. As much as I like the show, I blame MythBusters. It may have science in it, but science and learnin' isn't the point. Entertainment over information.
'Course, I'm in the minority in that whole thing. I really don't want to believe that the population chooses to be dumb, but it's hard not to.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
ticknart's away, no messages, please.
Okay, so, I'm done with blogging for a while.
I'll be reading stuff, can't keep away from that, but I won't be writing anything on this blog or at What's Distracting Us for a while. I'm also not planning on writing any comments on any blogs anywhere, like that'd make much of a difference in my commenting these past few weeks.
Be well.
I'll be reading stuff, can't keep away from that, but I won't be writing anything on this blog or at What's Distracting Us for a while. I'm also not planning on writing any comments on any blogs anywhere, like that'd make much of a difference in my commenting these past few weeks.
Be well.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
First Person Pronounless
Took tomorrow off to go into SF for the weekend. Spendin' money don't really have.
Haven't been much into writing. Ah, well.
Been worried about paying for the trip and a place to stay for my brother's wedding. Parents may rent a house though, and that'd solve where to stay, and how much it costs. Now more worried about taking time off work and how to get there. Probably driving.
Need to get up to Cowtown in the next few weeks and talk to parents. (Unrelated to thing in above paragraph.)
Amazoned near sister-in-law her birthday present on Monday. Tracking hasn't really tracked it all week. Hope it gets there by her birthday on Saturday.
To get to SF whenever, bought a card that beeps at the front of the bus instead of carrying cash. Think it's a good investment.
Think DVD player is dying, almost 10 years-old. Hasn't been reading the Sabrina set Mom loaned me too well. Hasn't been reading Deadwood too well, either.
Job's changed, sort of. Trying to catch-up the DEU stuff. Slow going when the I&A guys are also there to boss me around.
Wonder if the reason people thing glasses make one look smarter is because the first people who wore glasses were ones who read and wrote a lot.
Want food processor. Even more, want more counter space so there is room to use food processor.
Possibility of winning ticket to see advance Watchmen. Would like to win so don't have to pay for movie will see, but not particularly excited about.
Feel stinky sweaty. Yucky.
Done. 'Bye
Edit 4:25: PS Wish WingB and her beau a safe flight and a fun trip to Italy! They leave in a few days.
Haven't been much into writing. Ah, well.
Been worried about paying for the trip and a place to stay for my brother's wedding. Parents may rent a house though, and that'd solve where to stay, and how much it costs. Now more worried about taking time off work and how to get there. Probably driving.
Need to get up to Cowtown in the next few weeks and talk to parents. (Unrelated to thing in above paragraph.)
Amazoned near sister-in-law her birthday present on Monday. Tracking hasn't really tracked it all week. Hope it gets there by her birthday on Saturday.
To get to SF whenever, bought a card that beeps at the front of the bus instead of carrying cash. Think it's a good investment.
Think DVD player is dying, almost 10 years-old. Hasn't been reading the Sabrina set Mom loaned me too well. Hasn't been reading Deadwood too well, either.
Job's changed, sort of. Trying to catch-up the DEU stuff. Slow going when the I&A guys are also there to boss me around.
Wonder if the reason people thing glasses make one look smarter is because the first people who wore glasses were ones who read and wrote a lot.
Want food processor. Even more, want more counter space so there is room to use food processor.
Possibility of winning ticket to see advance Watchmen. Would like to win so don't have to pay for movie will see, but not particularly excited about.
Feel stinky sweaty. Yucky.
Done. 'Bye
Edit 4:25: PS Wish WingB and her beau a safe flight and a fun trip to Italy! They leave in a few days.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Glat
No pictures up from Mom for Christmas. I hope that means she's using her new oxygen concentrator to make beads. It'll be good for her to get back to it.
Nothing else to report.
Nothing else to report.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Bhef
I got back from some (useful) training in O'Town about an hour ago and I should really be doing some work. I don't wanna, though.
If my supervisor hadn't gone to the training, too, I wouldn't have come back to work today. I would have headed right back to my apartment, turned on the heater, pulled on comfy pants, and done nothing important.
As for that thing I wrote about last Wednesday, it didn't happen. On Thursday, I left work early, for my appointment, and when I got back to my apartment there was a message on my machine from the psychiatrist telling me he had a meeting that afternoon and he'd already taken the liberty of rescheduling me for Tuesday. At least he remembered that I preferred afternoon appointment because it's really hard to go to work after crap.
If my supervisor hadn't gone to the training, too, I wouldn't have come back to work today. I would have headed right back to my apartment, turned on the heater, pulled on comfy pants, and done nothing important.
As for that thing I wrote about last Wednesday, it didn't happen. On Thursday, I left work early, for my appointment, and when I got back to my apartment there was a message on my machine from the psychiatrist telling me he had a meeting that afternoon and he'd already taken the liberty of rescheduling me for Tuesday. At least he remembered that I preferred afternoon appointment because it's really hard to go to work after crap.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Upcoming
Tuesday morning I fly out of Cowcity to head off to the green and gray state of Oregon.
Monday, hopefully around 10AM PST, I post but will not post again until the following Monday.
Monday, hopefully around 10AM PST, I post but will not post again until the following Monday.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Cross Cultural
As my brother's girlyfriend says, "不想念书不想干活."
Although, I suppose only the second half really relates to me.
Although, I suppose only the second half really relates to me.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Part of the Day
Long day today.
Honestly, though, when has there been a short day?
If I ever wrote about one, I don't remember it.
Ah, well, at least the work part of the day is almost over. Soon comes the laze around watching a DVD part of the day. Next comes the dinner and more DVD part. Then the read in bed part. And finally the sleep part.
How unfortunate it starts again a few hours later.
Honestly, though, when has there been a short day?
If I ever wrote about one, I don't remember it.
Ah, well, at least the work part of the day is almost over. Soon comes the laze around watching a DVD part of the day. Next comes the dinner and more DVD part. Then the read in bed part. And finally the sleep part.
How unfortunate it starts again a few hours later.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Spatters on a Window
I leave work early today and may, if I can get the note thingy, be doing this every Tuesday for the next 12-16 weeks. Although with Christmas and New Year's Day landing on a Tuesday this year, one or two of those days may be on Wednesday instead.
In other news, there's not much to write.
The weather is drizzly. It looks more like fog than clouds, but it's clouds. And the temperature is warmer than it was last week.
Not one of the clerks has gone to lunch yet. Does that mean that from 1:00 to 1:30 there won't be anyone in the front office?
I've fallen way behind on e-mails. Not that I have many e-mails, ever. Still, some have sat there more than a month waiting for a response. I'm tired of trying to find new ways of saying that what I'm doing hasn't changed/isn't changing to the same people over and over. It's not fair to them because it probably comes out sounding like whining when it's just the truth and shouldn't be read with any sort of emotion behind it.
Inspiration. I don't understand it. If a person feels inspired, shouldn't that person want to create right away? Why then do so many people claim they feel inspired by something, but don't create anything?
I read through the most recent issue of Madman last night. It's a really good, really odd comic book. It made me wish I could draw.
In other news, there's not much to write.
The weather is drizzly. It looks more like fog than clouds, but it's clouds. And the temperature is warmer than it was last week.
Not one of the clerks has gone to lunch yet. Does that mean that from 1:00 to 1:30 there won't be anyone in the front office?
I've fallen way behind on e-mails. Not that I have many e-mails, ever. Still, some have sat there more than a month waiting for a response. I'm tired of trying to find new ways of saying that what I'm doing hasn't changed/isn't changing to the same people over and over. It's not fair to them because it probably comes out sounding like whining when it's just the truth and shouldn't be read with any sort of emotion behind it.
Inspiration. I don't understand it. If a person feels inspired, shouldn't that person want to create right away? Why then do so many people claim they feel inspired by something, but don't create anything?
I read through the most recent issue of Madman last night. It's a really good, really odd comic book. It made me wish I could draw.
Monday, December 03, 2007
News to Report!
Well, no, not really.
When I went to Wal*Mart on Sunday, I didn't buy the thing I went there for. I don't remember my reasoning, either. I bought the other things I needed. (And I actually stayed away from the DVDs, so I only bought stuff that I actually needed to keep the apartment in its semi-clean status and to keep my car running, instead of something that I'd just really like to have, but don't necessarily even want.)
I wish I could remember why.
It wasn't expensive, either. Just $30-$40 and I was expecting to spend more than $50.
*sigh*
I mailed off my dad's birthday present today. It's very, very and a half late. His birthday was in September. I forgot it at Thanksgiving, but it's on its way now, that's good.
My brother birthday present was sent today, too. His birthday is in a week, but I probably would have forgotten to send it on time, like our mom will, and the I'd have to make sure to remember to get it and his Christmas present and his girlfriend/fiancée's Christmas present to our parents so they can get everything to them during the week after. Now I have one less thing to remember.
Do you want to know the worst thing about the "holiday season"?
Twice, in just over four weeks, I have to come back here.
When I went to Wal*Mart on Sunday, I didn't buy the thing I went there for. I don't remember my reasoning, either. I bought the other things I needed. (And I actually stayed away from the DVDs, so I only bought stuff that I actually needed to keep the apartment in its semi-clean status and to keep my car running, instead of something that I'd just really like to have, but don't necessarily even want.)
I wish I could remember why.
It wasn't expensive, either. Just $30-$40 and I was expecting to spend more than $50.
*sigh*
I mailed off my dad's birthday present today. It's very, very and a half late. His birthday was in September. I forgot it at Thanksgiving, but it's on its way now, that's good.
My brother birthday present was sent today, too. His birthday is in a week, but I probably would have forgotten to send it on time, like our mom will, and the I'd have to make sure to remember to get it and his Christmas present and his girlfriend/fiancée's Christmas present to our parents so they can get everything to them during the week after. Now I have one less thing to remember.
Do you want to know the worst thing about the "holiday season"?
Twice, in just over four weeks, I have to come back here.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
A Non-Holy Holiday
Thanksgiving was really pretty great this year.
It was at my parents' house, which isn't quite set up for parties, since a third of the square footage is downstairs, and things can get crowded quickly. My mom's parents were there and her brother and two of his kids (nine and six). Neither of my brothers were there. (One's in Peru, and that's quite a trip to make for a weekend.) My mom also invited Johnny Logic and Heels and their son (two) over, since their family Thanksgiving was on Friday.
There was noshing and talking and card playing and Guess Who playing and watching the two-year old play with the cats' water dish and probably other things that I've forgotten. (The dish is a big glass thing with marbles and water in it. Hell, here's a picture of him playing. The towel wasn't there when he started.)
At one point, Heels mentioned the notion of a possibility of a job where she works. In fact, it'd sort of be as assistant to her, which would probably change the whole tone of this blog ("You know, that Heels is the greatest boss in the world. She's so smart and beautiful. I'm surprised that she doesn't run the place. She should. She just so damn good. Everyone pales in comparison to her. And the way she treats her subordinates is spectacular. I've never seen anyone go out of their way to make people feel so useful and needed in a company.") because she reads this stuff when her Bloglines gets pinged. Still, if it actually comes up, I actually have stuff that could be put into a portfolio. I'm happy to know that there's a notion of a possibility of a job that could actually put some of my schooling to use.
Friday was a slow day. I did a lot of laundry.
Saturday was spent at Costco and my grandparents' (my dad's parents) house and a restaurant. We pre-celebrated my grandma's and uncle's birthday, which was actually yesterday.
I spent Sunday in a bad mood and left a hour later than I wanted to.
Then I got here and put stuff away and slept.
It was at my parents' house, which isn't quite set up for parties, since a third of the square footage is downstairs, and things can get crowded quickly. My mom's parents were there and her brother and two of his kids (nine and six). Neither of my brothers were there. (One's in Peru, and that's quite a trip to make for a weekend.) My mom also invited Johnny Logic and Heels and their son (two) over, since their family Thanksgiving was on Friday.
There was noshing and talking and card playing and Guess Who playing and watching the two-year old play with the cats' water dish and probably other things that I've forgotten. (The dish is a big glass thing with marbles and water in it. Hell, here's a picture of him playing. The towel wasn't there when he started.)
At one point, Heels mentioned the notion of a possibility of a job where she works. In fact, it'd sort of be as assistant to her, which would probably change the whole tone of this blog ("You know, that Heels is the greatest boss in the world. She's so smart and beautiful. I'm surprised that she doesn't run the place. She should. She just so damn good. Everyone pales in comparison to her. And the way she treats her subordinates is spectacular. I've never seen anyone go out of their way to make people feel so useful and needed in a company.") because she reads this stuff when her Bloglines gets pinged. Still, if it actually comes up, I actually have stuff that could be put into a portfolio. I'm happy to know that there's a notion of a possibility of a job that could actually put some of my schooling to use.
Friday was a slow day. I did a lot of laundry.
Saturday was spent at Costco and my grandparents' (my dad's parents) house and a restaurant. We pre-celebrated my grandma's and uncle's birthday, which was actually yesterday.
I spent Sunday in a bad mood and left a hour later than I wanted to.
Then I got here and put stuff away and slept.
Friday, October 12, 2007
I Have To Ask:
I read this post a couple of days ago and when I read this: "[T]he reason women don't date 'nice guys' like you is that we can actually SEE the bitterness and entitlement."
I know it's out of context, but even in context, I don't understand it. I don't like it. And I'm a bit upset by it.
I wondered, why does it upset me?
Today, I got the answer. See, I try to check out Kalinara's blog everyday. She finds some interesting memes that I've copies, she tends to be funny when she writes, and when she turns on her pink flame of righteousness, the posts get that extra crispy goodness to them. One thing she always seems to acknowledge is that she does not represent all feminists or all women, even though she wrote a post called All Women are Me, Damnit, but that she represents herself. So, to read a blanket statement about "nice guys" from her that claims they are bitter toward women because they see many of them dating "jerks" and saying so "smacks of an entitlement and bitterness." Saying that "nice guys" go around "pinning all the bitterness and dissatisfaction of his own life on [the woman's] shoulders," also seems really unfair. (Hell, blanket statements are rarely fair for anyone under the blanket. I imagine feminists know that.)
Maybe, I thought to myself the more I pondered the post, Kalinara meant to keep those statements under the "nice guy" POV for "good guy/bad boy type rivalry" fiction, but "You could be the nicest guy in the world, genuinely, and just incredibly shy, but if we sense that frustration and resentment toward our gender, we're probably not going to date you." made me think, maybe not because in that kind of fiction, the "nice guy" ends up with the girl and they live happily ever after once the jerk gets embarrassed in front of the whole school or the local bar or at work or wherever.
And part of it is that I've always thought of myself as a nice guy, but not in that "he's really a jerk like Anthony from For Better or For Worse" way. I have that shy thing going on, but not always the thoughtful thing because there are many times when my mouth works faster than my brain. When I was junior high age, I figured out why girls and women are attracted to "jerks" so much: it's the confidence. I'm not saying that there aren't confident nice people out there or that there aren't jerks without confidence, but the vast majority of jerks I've met in my life, male and female, were all very confident in themselves and their ideas. Confidence is attractive and confidence that radiates off a person and into others is even more attractive. I know it.
I also know that I don't have it. I don't blame women for that. I blame myself. With effort and the right medications maybe I could be the confident one for once, but I don't put forth the effort and I'm not on the medications and I'm not confident in myself. It's all on me.
Most nice guys and "nice guys" probably aren't like me though. They're probably like everyone else and are looking for someone outside of them to blame. Do most of them blame the girl they're on a date with? I don't think so. Do they feel bitter because she may have dated a "jerk" or two before dating them? I don't know, maybe, no one likes feeling like second or third prize.
The only thing I know for sure is that each nice guy, or "nice guy," is an individual and it's unfair to lump them all into one bitter, resentful, woman blaming, and possibly woman hating group.
I know it's out of context, but even in context, I don't understand it. I don't like it. And I'm a bit upset by it.
I wondered, why does it upset me?
Today, I got the answer. See, I try to check out Kalinara's blog everyday. She finds some interesting memes that I've copies, she tends to be funny when she writes, and when she turns on her pink flame of righteousness, the posts get that extra crispy goodness to them. One thing she always seems to acknowledge is that she does not represent all feminists or all women, even though she wrote a post called All Women are Me, Damnit, but that she represents herself. So, to read a blanket statement about "nice guys" from her that claims they are bitter toward women because they see many of them dating "jerks" and saying so "smacks of an entitlement and bitterness." Saying that "nice guys" go around "pinning all the bitterness and dissatisfaction of his own life on [the woman's] shoulders," also seems really unfair. (Hell, blanket statements are rarely fair for anyone under the blanket. I imagine feminists know that.)
Maybe, I thought to myself the more I pondered the post, Kalinara meant to keep those statements under the "nice guy" POV for "good guy/bad boy type rivalry" fiction, but "You could be the nicest guy in the world, genuinely, and just incredibly shy, but if we sense that frustration and resentment toward our gender, we're probably not going to date you." made me think, maybe not because in that kind of fiction, the "nice guy" ends up with the girl and they live happily ever after once the jerk gets embarrassed in front of the whole school or the local bar or at work or wherever.
And part of it is that I've always thought of myself as a nice guy, but not in that "he's really a jerk like Anthony from For Better or For Worse" way. I have that shy thing going on, but not always the thoughtful thing because there are many times when my mouth works faster than my brain. When I was junior high age, I figured out why girls and women are attracted to "jerks" so much: it's the confidence. I'm not saying that there aren't confident nice people out there or that there aren't jerks without confidence, but the vast majority of jerks I've met in my life, male and female, were all very confident in themselves and their ideas. Confidence is attractive and confidence that radiates off a person and into others is even more attractive. I know it.
I also know that I don't have it. I don't blame women for that. I blame myself. With effort and the right medications maybe I could be the confident one for once, but I don't put forth the effort and I'm not on the medications and I'm not confident in myself. It's all on me.
Most nice guys and "nice guys" probably aren't like me though. They're probably like everyone else and are looking for someone outside of them to blame. Do most of them blame the girl they're on a date with? I don't think so. Do they feel bitter because she may have dated a "jerk" or two before dating them? I don't know, maybe, no one likes feeling like second or third prize.
The only thing I know for sure is that each nice guy, or "nice guy," is an individual and it's unfair to lump them all into one bitter, resentful, woman blaming, and possibly woman hating group.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Gectherthe
I wasn't gonna bother writing anything today, but then it got to be now and I'm really bored.
There's nothing for me to say. Usually, when I write a post in the afternoon, I sort of muse over what I can write all day long so that, in the end, something will be written. And so now this post will be all "meh" because I thought I had stuff to do all the way up until I had to leave.
The guy who sits next to me has spent about four or five hours of the last two days on the phone with his mobile phone company so he could get his broken phone replaced. He got angry and he got loud and he did it while people were coming in from the outside world. How is it he can do this? Maybe in a private office, I can see how a person can get away with this, but the only offices here are for judges, not for us peons.
I just heard a Far and Away reference. That was odd.
I am sooooooo looking forward to getting out of here. I need the weekend. I need the time away from work. I'm not going to do anything this weekend but not be at work.
Christ, I want it to be over. Just let it end.
There's nothing for me to say. Usually, when I write a post in the afternoon, I sort of muse over what I can write all day long so that, in the end, something will be written. And so now this post will be all "meh" because I thought I had stuff to do all the way up until I had to leave.
The guy who sits next to me has spent about four or five hours of the last two days on the phone with his mobile phone company so he could get his broken phone replaced. He got angry and he got loud and he did it while people were coming in from the outside world. How is it he can do this? Maybe in a private office, I can see how a person can get away with this, but the only offices here are for judges, not for us peons.
I just heard a Far and Away reference. That was odd.
I am sooooooo looking forward to getting out of here. I need the weekend. I need the time away from work. I'm not going to do anything this weekend but not be at work.
Christ, I want it to be over. Just let it end.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Funk Me
In case you couldn't tell by last week's postings, I've been in a bit of a funk. Where did it come from? I can't say because my funks are more like sink holes that you didn't know existed until your house is suddenly swallowed by the earth. It's just something you deal with until you find a way to get out if it.
Crap, I don't really want to get into all this self serving, emotional stuff. It never helps me when I write it out. I never feel better. I don't want pity or any kind of emotional support. I just want to write something.
The trouble with that is when I'm in a funk, all I think about is the funk. I'm pretty darn shut down to the rest of the world. Sure, I can still do my job, but the only time that requires any thought is when the people around me want to have a conversation and even then thought is kept to a minimum.
I suppose I could write about the wedding, but the way I'm feeling I'd write about it with a more cynical style than I usually would, and, in general, I view marriage in a pretty cynical way and I think that, on the whole, wedding ceremonies for younger people (you know, in their twenties) are rarely about the two people who are actually getting married and are more about their parents and grandparents. Which is okay, I suppose, because it keeps most of those people from getting married on a summer's day near a lake around sunset when the mosquitoes attack and near places that are easy to find.
Crap, I don't really want to get into all this self serving, emotional stuff. It never helps me when I write it out. I never feel better. I don't want pity or any kind of emotional support. I just want to write something.
The trouble with that is when I'm in a funk, all I think about is the funk. I'm pretty darn shut down to the rest of the world. Sure, I can still do my job, but the only time that requires any thought is when the people around me want to have a conversation and even then thought is kept to a minimum.
I suppose I could write about the wedding, but the way I'm feeling I'd write about it with a more cynical style than I usually would, and, in general, I view marriage in a pretty cynical way and I think that, on the whole, wedding ceremonies for younger people (you know, in their twenties) are rarely about the two people who are actually getting married and are more about their parents and grandparents. Which is okay, I suppose, because it keeps most of those people from getting married on a summer's day near a lake around sunset when the mosquitoes attack and near places that are easy to find.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Allergy Burn?
I feel like I've been sunburned, although I don't look it.
It started on Saturday at APE. Suddenly the flesh on my face felt very warm and a little sting-y.
I don't think I'm sunburned. I walked, under cloud cover, for forty minutes on Saturday morning. Spent much of the day inside wandering between tables.
Bought something from this guy, and this guy (I saw the basic form of the next book, awesome), and this guy (I keep hoping he'll do more Don Quixote, but the shadow stuff is good, too), and this guy (I wish there were four of him so he could do more stories for his other characters, but I understand wanting to be creative and do other things). And asked this guy if he was going to make a soundtrack of the opera. He said he was thinking about it. Maybe for Christmas.
Don't know why I feel sunburned. Maybe I'll just blame it on allergies. That works.
It started on Saturday at APE. Suddenly the flesh on my face felt very warm and a little sting-y.
I don't think I'm sunburned. I walked, under cloud cover, for forty minutes on Saturday morning. Spent much of the day inside wandering between tables.
Bought something from this guy, and this guy (I saw the basic form of the next book, awesome), and this guy (I keep hoping he'll do more Don Quixote, but the shadow stuff is good, too), and this guy (I wish there were four of him so he could do more stories for his other characters, but I understand wanting to be creative and do other things). And asked this guy if he was going to make a soundtrack of the opera. He said he was thinking about it. Maybe for Christmas.
Don't know why I feel sunburned. Maybe I'll just blame it on allergies. That works.
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