There are people out there that I know, not well, who are dying or already dead and I don't know what to do about it.
I suppose I've been lucky. The only deaths in my family, that I've been alive for, have been great-grand parents. It was obviously their time to go, they were very old. I barely remember the first that went. The second just went two months ago.
Neither brought me closer to a so called "god." Neither made me want to find religion. The most recent was more of a relief because watching someone die slowly isn't fun, even if it isn't accociated with a disease. Many reations told me that she was "in a better place now" and I couldn't help but think that she had a pretty good place here, what could be better? I didn't say it because we were minutes away from the keg that was at the memorial luncheon (dinner? Whatever!).
How does a person deal with this? Do I say, "I'm sorry" like so many do? I don't understand that phrase at a death. I could say, "Pray for [insert pronoun here]," but I wouldn't mean it and I'm sure that phrase has become utterly useless now to all involved. What can be said? What can I do? "Be there"? Shit, that lost meaning to me before I ever had it said to me. "Be there." I don't understand. Help?
I feel sick.
I need to sleep.