Well, my spring malaise has settled in with the subtlety of a train whistle. I go out like nothing's wrong; snigger at jokes made by people at school and co-worker; smile at customers as if they were my best friends who I'm seeing again after a long trip; and scoot my way between here and there without passing my mood onto others.
I don't know what it is about the spring that gets me feeling down. Other people get depressed during the long, cold, dark, damp days of winter, but not me. No. Winter is my time. I enjoy billowing gray clouds flowing as far as I can see. I like the spattering rain; the tick, tick, tick as it falls onto the roof above. Hearing people bitch about the weather makes me grin. Swelling creeks make me excited. Snow on the mountains warms my insides.
Maybe it's because my birthday is so close to the beginning of spring. I don't know. It's not like I'm scared of getting older. If I were, I would have demanded contacts and never touched the glasses I now wear on my face. I'm willing to go bald. Part of me is looking forward to going bald, in fact. No more shampoo, only soap. No, it's not because I'm getting older. I think it's more along the George Costanza line of thinking: "It's a horrible day. You have everyone over at you place and you're thinking to yourself, 'These are my friends?'" (Then Jerry says, "Everyday is my Birthday.") Not that I don't like my friends, but I don't like parties. I don't like giving them and I don't like them when other give them. Yeah, I show up because I like my friends. Maybe it's not my birthday after all. Maybe it's the sunshine and lollipops and rainbows. Maybe it's the people talking about how wonderful the weather is now and how happy they are. Maybe it's knowing that mosquito hordes are coming. I don't know and don't care.
(Since I mentioned my birthday, I'll speak of plans. (Which, for some reason, when ever I tell them to people face to face they look at me like I'm pathetic. Like I should be [more] depressed and embarrassed because I'm not going out and getting stoned or drunk or laid for my birthday.) Okay, I'm taking the day off. I asked for it off during the first week of work here in cowcity because I hate working on my birthday. (I hated going to school on my birthday, but had little or no control over it, now I have control, and I refuse to work.) School is out on spring break for the week, so I don't have any classes that day. I'm spending the day watching movies. I'm going to a theater and will pay for an 11AM show, then sneak into one or two or three (depending on when I work the next day). There I two movies I'm certainly going to see: 1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and 2. Jersy Girl. I've avoided the reviews of both movies so I'll only have the overwhelmingly high expectations that I've built up in my head and no others making the expectations even higher. I think it'll be a good day, or at least a day that won't be as bad as the ones surrounding it.)
Work is stupid. It sucks. I only like a few people who work there. Only a few seem to be willing to accept my weirdness. Very few laugh at my jokes. And all of them make me feel very awkward when I make an off-color remark like "Thank goodness the chocolate ran down my front and not down my pants. I wouldn't want people to think I got so excited I couldn't control myself." There's a girl who I think is trying to flirt with me. She's cute, but her (I think) flirtatious ways make me nervous. She kicks me in the butt, or upper thigh actually. She steps on my feet. She puts hot steam pitcher on my hands. She pushes me around on the already slippery mats. And she does it all with a huge smile on her face. I don't know what to do, do you?
School is hovering in the zone of mediocre. I'm enjoying one of the drawing classes because it's all about actual drawing. Pencil, charcoal, conte, and ink. We don't draw anything overly interesting (shells and pots and trees and such), but I'm learning a lot about shading and different ways to use the material and value and next is a section on texture. The other semester long class really sucks. The teacher is a bigger believer in theory than actually helping us to work. Sure, Gestalts are fascinating, but knowing about them hasn't helped me to produce good work. Maybe she can read my disdain for her and the class because when we are working on things she walks around the room offering encouragement and help to people, but when she gets to me, she looks at the artwork, sniffs, and walks away. When I was in Sonora and was sick, I missed her class for a whole week. I'm looking forward to missing her class for a week again, even if we're working on the computers now. The third class is the basic computer in the Art and New Media area. I've only had one class. It was okay. Very long though. From 5:30PM to 9:50PM. That after getting up at 6AM for work. It was a long day. The teacher is nice and enthusiastic. I hope it's a good one.
(Just finished a board game version of WarCraft 3. It was okay. A little confusing, due to its sort of real time play. I had some fun moment, even though I was losing. We played for a few hours.)
Glasses are strange, but good. My eyes get sore when I'm wearing them and reading for a while or using the computer. Is this usual for the nearsighted? Also, after wearing the glasses from 5AM until too late at night I can feel the weight of them on the bridge of my nose. I hope I get used to it.
(This was written under the influence of an unabridged cassette of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling, if you didn't like the stuff that was written her, you can blame it on her satanic writing.)