Fish Sticks and Other Things

So, I bought a box of fish sticks the last time at the store, big ones. The box proudly proclaims that it now contains "10% more." That brings the count up to 11. Is everyone impressed? I know that that 10% could keep a starving family fed, but I intend to eat it myself.

--onward--

Two weeks ago, I wrote this e-mail to a friend. Well, it was a response, actually. This e-mail included a lot of me bashing myself, even though it was totally off topic for the letter and I insisted that I didn't want a response about the me bashing stuff. For that, I'm sorry. (I recently reread the letter and feel like I was a complete ass for sending it.) I didn't mean to lay it all on you because no one really needs that kind of stuff thrown at them by people who claim to be a friend. Sorry, but I still don't need to read stuff for people that says "You aren't." or "You shouldn't think that way." or something else that tries to stop me from thinking about myself the way I think about myself.

See, I don't have, by anyone's terms, high self-esteem. I think I have a fairly realistic view of myself (here's me interviewing me, for those who missed it), in most ways, and the way I am and what I do (or don't do) in my life are not helpful to boost my esteem in myself.

My Dad would say something along that lines that we are who we want to be and if we want to be better than what we are then we have to work at it. We have to set realistic goals that will help us to become who we want to be. We have to work toward those goals and work hard. As long as we do that, we'll become the person we want, or an even better person than who we thought we wanted to be.

I'm not sure I believe that and I'm not going to try. For the most part, I'm comfortable with who I am. I think I have an understanding of who and what I am. I rarely get lonely because I can be a decent conversationalist when I'm comfortable with the person I'm talking to. I try not to be needy and don't grasp for emotional support from friends or family or strangers; I deal with it myself (or roll it into a big lump, swallow it, and let it live in the hole in my stomach). When I notice myself doing something that could potentially become OCD behavior, I do my best to stop it. I like babies (even if they do all look like insects until the age of one) and animal (many are quite tasty). And I hope for the best in everyone, but avoid them at most costs in case I'm wrong. Is that so wrong?

--onward--

I'm invited to my brother's Halloween party in the Bay this Sunday. I want to go, but am pretty sure I won't be able to. I don't know next week's schedule, but I usually open on Monday's (or go in a 5AM) because there are only two or three of us peons willing to cover that shift. Odds are, I'll be scheduled to be there early and won't be able to trade the day away. So which is more important: Going to party? or Getting money for rent and something that I really want to do?

Yeah, going to the party is more important, but I sort of need money. I think I'll stick with work and just write on my hand some more.