Yesterday completed three full years at this job. 1096 days with this job. 157840 minutes.
God, I wish I were happy about this.
Three years ago, I'm not supposed to be here still.
Here was my reasonable, if a little rose colored, plan:
1. Work and do a good job.
2. Take any tests that were available to me.
3. 12 to 18 months after being hired, find a job somewhere there is potential for growth.
4. Move to other job, perhaps in the same clerking position, but hopefully in a higher class.
5. Work and do a good job.
6. Take tests that could move me up the pay ladder.
7. In time bump up a level because they know I do my work.
8. Buy a house with a healthy bit of land five to seven years later.
9. Retire when I'm 65.
What's happened:
1. Worked hard and did a pretty good job.
2. Took the one test I'm qualified for, that was offered in the last three years, only to have the score eliminated six month, and two failed interviews, later even though the score was supposed to last for two years.
3. Been to about a dozen more interviews.
4. Paid off two student loans and pulled down my credit card debt to a point where I can pay it in full each month and now have actual money in savings account.
5. Broke a car miles from anywhere, got it towed, repaired it, engine started smoking.
6. Spent twenty dollars and saw my brother happier and more excited than I ever remember seeing him.
7. Free car from my parents, tire pops on way to their house for Christmas. Also tore the break line.
8. Tortured by worst computer program I've ever worked with.
9. Between those things, amassed a largish (to me) DVD collection with alternates between making me depressed and happy, which depresses a whole other way.
If the things that I dreamed that seemed reasonable don't happen, even when I work hard to make them happen, what does that mean for the more outlandish, but in the realm of possibility, dreams?
'Course that a rhetorical question. I know what it means.
I shouldn't have come today. I should have stayed in my apartment and just wallowed. I didn't want to feel weak, though.
4 comments:
I know this is just me talking, but try to focus on
"4. Paid off two student loans and pulled down my credit card debt to a point where I can pay it in full each month and now have actual money in savings account."
And look for something outside of work to fulfill you and to help you feel better. The MUST be someone around there that you could get into clay with. Someone at the open air markets perhaps?
yeah, I know, this coming from the person who really wants out of her job and comes home and whines about it. maybe I should take my own suggestion?
The best laid plans of mice and men...
Yeah, I know. So what.
I think the Mooooo is right in saying you need to find something to do that you really love outside the job. Otherwise it just becomes a vicious circle of hating your job then hating your life in general.
I've been thinking about that hobby thing for about five years. Too bad things outside of my apartment involve other people.
Damn those other people!
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