Monday, October 20, 2003

Late Night/Early Morning TV

I live without cable, therefore the possibility of finding something good on late night/early morning TV is nearly impossible. While I sometime enjoy Conan and Craig (Kimmel needs to go back to fucking empty beer cans and Adam Carrola on Comedy Central), those carbon-copy (if carbon produced white instead of black) talk shows are not the type of late night TV I'm talking about. I'm talking about bizarre infomercials, old syndicated shows, and weird locally created and produced shows.

Here, right now, is News (people died in Iraq and the weather is unseasonably warm {and the president says there's no global warming} at 89 degrees), David Letterman (was he ever funny), Will and Grace (pure shit), That '70s Show (only two and a half funny seasons and this episode isn't from one of them), and Home Improvement (which was great when I was ten). And they don't get better as the night goes on, although 3rd Rock From the Sun still makes me laugh a lot. Whatever happened to showing classic TV during the late night/early morning hours? I miss the days when I could stay up and watch All In the Family, I Love Lucy, The Munsters, The Beverly Hillbillies, and The Adams Family. What happened? Did these shows become to expensive? Did TV Land make it impossible to show them on old-fashioned broadcast TV? Shit, Who Wants to be a Millionaire is coming on soon. ABC canceled that show for a reason and that reason is no one likes a quiz show that only has ten questions in a half hour.

Much later the infomercials will come on, but they're all the same: Chef Tony selling knives, Chef Tony selling a food processor, Ron Popiel selling his "New" Showtime Rotisserie, Jan Something selling the FoodSaver, the hand held vacuum that can suck up bolts, the steam cleaner. Maybe one day soon there will be a new infomercial for me. How about a bigger and faster food dehydrator Mr. Popiel, or bring back the thing that scrambles an egg inside its shell.

The weird local TV is mostly about Hispanics, so it's not aimed at me, nor is it aimed at teaching me about Hispanics, so I don't watch them. A note to those people, if they're reading, try to make it interesting to whitey so whitey will learn and understand and peace and friendship between the ethnic groups will exist in the real world and not just in movies.

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