I Have To Ask:

I read this post a couple of days ago and when I read this: "[T]he reason women don't date 'nice guys' like you is that we can actually SEE the bitterness and entitlement."

I know it's out of context, but even in context, I don't understand it. I don't like it. And I'm a bit upset by it.

I wondered, why does it upset me?

Today, I got the answer. See, I try to check out Kalinara's blog everyday. She finds some interesting memes that I've copies, she tends to be funny when she writes, and when she turns on her pink flame of righteousness, the posts get that extra crispy goodness to them. One thing she always seems to acknowledge is that she does not represent all feminists or all women, even though she wrote a post called All Women are Me, Damnit, but that she represents herself. So, to read a blanket statement about "nice guys" from her that claims they are bitter toward women because they see many of them dating "jerks" and saying so "smacks of an entitlement and bitterness." Saying that "nice guys" go around "pinning all the bitterness and dissatisfaction of his own life on [the woman's] shoulders," also seems really unfair. (Hell, blanket statements are rarely fair for anyone under the blanket. I imagine feminists know that.)

Maybe, I thought to myself the more I pondered the post, Kalinara meant to keep those statements under the "nice guy" POV for "good guy/bad boy type rivalry" fiction, but "You could be the nicest guy in the world, genuinely, and just incredibly shy, but if we sense that frustration and resentment toward our gender, we're probably not going to date you." made me think, maybe not because in that kind of fiction, the "nice guy" ends up with the girl and they live happily ever after once the jerk gets embarrassed in front of the whole school or the local bar or at work or wherever.

And part of it is that I've always thought of myself as a nice guy, but not in that "he's really a jerk like Anthony from For Better or For Worse" way. I have that shy thing going on, but not always the thoughtful thing because there are many times when my mouth works faster than my brain. When I was junior high age, I figured out why girls and women are attracted to "jerks" so much: it's the confidence. I'm not saying that there aren't confident nice people out there or that there aren't jerks without confidence, but the vast majority of jerks I've met in my life, male and female, were all very confident in themselves and their ideas. Confidence is attractive and confidence that radiates off a person and into others is even more attractive. I know it.

I also know that I don't have it. I don't blame women for that. I blame myself. With effort and the right medications maybe I could be the confident one for once, but I don't put forth the effort and I'm not on the medications and I'm not confident in myself. It's all on me.

Most nice guys and "nice guys" probably aren't like me though. They're probably like everyone else and are looking for someone outside of them to blame. Do most of them blame the girl they're on a date with? I don't think so. Do they feel bitter because she may have dated a "jerk" or two before dating them? I don't know, maybe, no one likes feeling like second or third prize.

The only thing I know for sure is that each nice guy, or "nice guy," is an individual and it's unfair to lump them all into one bitter, resentful, woman blaming, and possibly woman hating group.