Chruning

About a month ago, while I was house sitting, I re-met this girl from highschool. I didn’t really know her then because we didn’t have any classes together, maybe one, but I had my own little corner with friends that I wasn’t about to leave. She came into ‘Bucks and we talked for a while and then she gave me her number and e-mail on a napkin.

After she left, I started to freak out. I didn’t know what to do.

That night, I woke up, still freaked out, but decided that I should e-mail her. I figured it’d be nice to have someone around who I could do things with, who’s near my age.

In the morning, I couldn’t find the napkin. Instead of writing her, I wrote to someone I trusted to get some advice that could help me stop freaking out. It did. A couple of days later, doing laundry, I found the napkin in a pocket, big surprise. I e-mailed her right away and we set up a trip to Mooville to see a movie.

We went and I think I wasn’t the only one who had fun talking on the trip there and back. I liked hearing her thoughts on the movie. It had been a long time since I’d been to a movie with someone who would say more than whether or not she liked it. This girl had actual opinions and was willing to support them. Finally.

During the movie, I thought, at one point, about taking her hand. I didn’t.

After the drive back, we walked from my grandparent’s house and went to dinner on the main street in the Town of Jim. It was so-so Mexican. I wasn’t really hungry, probably because I was nervous. I didn’t finish all of my food, which is odd for me.

We walked back and stood near her car talking for a while. We said our good-byes. She stood in a way that seemed odd to me at the time. I started walking backward toward the house, waving. She got in the car and drove away. I suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe, the way she was standing meant she wanted a hug. Then I started to obsess over it, which is never good. I’m still obsessing over it, which is why I’m up so early in the morning writing this before I go to work.

I don’t initiate the touching thing. To the best of my recollection, I never have. I do my best to slide around people in tight places without touching them (a hard feat with a belly). I learn new peoples’ names at work right away so I don’t have to touch them to get their attention (Hell, I’m not comfortable with people at work touching me to get my attention.). I don’t start the handshakes when I meet, others do (but I will grab with my left hand to make it awkward). I hate it when people feel the need to kiss hello; I let them do it to me, but don’t do it back. When family says good-bye, I never initiate the hug, they do with arms spread and a step toward me.

I’m not sure why I’m this way, I just am. Only my parents can say if I’ve always been this way.

Anyway, we’re going to see a play tonight, A Comedy of Errors, and tomorrow night, Hamlet. It’s an outdoor theater and we’re picnicking before.

My stomach is churning.