Awake

Of course it has to happen when I have to be at work by 4:15 in the morning.

I should really be sleeping right now. In fact, up until about fifteen minutes ago, I had been in bed for over three hours trying to sleep. There were some times that I think I drifted off, but they must have been short because I would look at the clock and it would only be a few minutes after I last looked.

Ninish, I tried reading a bit. That usually helps me to fall asleep because my usual routine is get in bed, read for fifteen/twenty minutes, sleep. Not tonight, apparently.

I've, sort of, had this problem other nights, but usually I get to sleep and then wake up at one or two to pee and then can't sleep.

The problem, or one problem, is that an idea pops into my head that wants to get out. Tonight's was an idea of how to actually start that novel I started jotting ideas down for a long time ago. (I mention it at the bottom of this post.) Getting up and putting it down is a double edged sword, you know? On the one hand, I don't lose the idea that I think is great. On the other hand, I'm going to have to be at work at 4:15. Usually, I just stay in bed and drift in and out, but never really fall asleep. Tonight, apparently, I won't even get a couple of hours of real sleep.

Maybe part if it is stress. I don't want to go to work. I walk through the door feeling fine, sometimes I'm even up-beat, but within the first hour, my head starts throbbing. I think that last week I took more aspirin than I had in the whole year leading up to it. Not a good sign. At one point the headache got so bad I thought I was gonna barf. I didn't, but I was afraid I would. Tonight, I have a headache. Not the barfy kind, but the same kind I get at work. They seem to start at my eyeballs and swoop up under my skull, then split into two near my brain stem, and flows down the sides of my neck.

On another note, I finished a book today. This time I read Primary Colors. I've always like the movie and when I found the book at some used bookstore, I snatched it. Like most good books turned into movies, it seemed so full, more rich. Two things surprised me though. The first is that my favorite scene in the movie isn't in the book. In the movie, when everyone meets Henry (a black man and grandson to a civil rights leader) they all say that they knew his grandfather, or admired his grandfather, or something like that. But when Susan Stanton meets she says (to the best of my memory), "I met you once. It was at your grandfathers and you were running around in the sprinkler in your underwear." One of my favorite movie moments. The second surprise is how Kathy Bates owned her roll as Libby Holden in the movie. Even before I knew who was speaking, I heard Kathy Bates's voice in my head and couldn't get it out for the rest of the novel.

Okay, I'm off to try sleep again.

'Night.