A Leave It To Beaver We Never Got To See

And perhaps, never should see.
Written by me.

Wally: Dad, can I ask you for some advice?

Ward: Certainly, son.

Wally: Well, there a dance coming up at school and I don't know who to ask.

Ward: Who were you thinking of asking?

Wally: There's Cindy. She's really neat. She's a member of the pep squad. And then there's Sarah. She pretty and she gave me a plate of cookies she made in her Home Economics class.

Ward: I see.

Wally: I just don't know which one to ask. What should I do?

Ward: Son, have you considered asking both of them to the dance?

Wally: Gee, dad, I couldn't do a thing like that. What if they both said yes?

Ward: (wistfully) What if...?

Wally: I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Ward: Wally, the way I see it is there are three possibilities: First, they both say no and you need to find someone else to take. Second, one says yes and the other says n" and that solves your problem. Third, they both say yes and that opens up a whole world of possibilities.

Wally: What do I do if they both say yes?

Ward: You tell them, separately, that you'll meet them at the dance.

Wally: But won't they get mad when they see each other?

Ward: Maybe, but what if they don't, son? What if they're into it? What if, after the dance, they want to see more of you and they take you to that seedy motel out by the highway? Think of the possibilities?

Wally: Dad...

Ward: And what if they both get angry. Cindy may run to her big, mean, football playing friends and have them rough you up. They might throw you to the ground and give it to you until they're too exhausted and have to fall asleep.

Wally: Dad?

Ward: Either way, son, I want you to tell me all about it when you’re done. What's the point of having a son in high school if you can't live your life through him?