Yesterday, while talking with one of my relatives, answering the unanswerable question, “What do you want to do?” I realized that I have information about my work:
I am not going to be promoted.
A week and a half ago, I had a talk with The Manager. She wanted to know why I was cutting my hours at work. (I don’t want to work anymore than 25 a week.) I told her it’s because I hate the place and it’s making me hate the people I work with and I don’t want that. Why? Because she told me, when we found our Mr. Asshole was going to be our DM, that I had no chance of being promoted. She insisted she never said that. Then she insisted that, if in fact she had, it was a joke. Then she said that she didn’t know I wanted to be promoted. I said I did and asked what I’d have to do to get there. She said that no one in the store is going to be promoted until two shift supervisors are gone. Fired, quit, promoted, or demoted. What are the odds of that happening? Zero. But, she said, there will be a new store in The Town That Jack’s Son Built in nine months that’ll need supervisors, especially ones who know what they’re doing. I’m not movie to that town for an extra buck an hour, and I’m definitely not driving the 100-120 mile (I haven’t measured) round trip for shit pay. No one who lives in Cowtown is going to make that drive, and, probably, none of them want to move their either. Well, she said, they’re talking about opening a store in The Town of Jim in a year, probably. And then she suggested that I work there.
A year? I asked.
A year. I said.
And I walked away from her.
So, I am not going to be promoted.
Unless I wait a year, probably.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
A Story In As Many Parts As It Takes, The Finale
Ada's Dance
Almost the End In the Middle Near the Beginning In the Beginning
“No worries,” said Chip, picking himself up and dusting himself off.
Ada couldn’t look away. She had run into Chip? How? Why? Was this supposed to be funny? She looked through the haze, but couldn’t see, what she was sure was, Derrick’s smiling--probably laughing--face. What a jerk. She couldn’t believe he would do something like this. She couldn’t believe she had come to this dance with him. How did that jackass convince her to come with him? Never again, she thought. She’d never, ever, do something like this for Derrick.
“Need some help?”
Ada blinked, “What?”
“Do you need some help up?” Chip asked, offering his hand to her.
“Uh... sure.” She took his hand--his firm, calloused, manly hand--and felt him pull her up. A chill ran though her body. This was it, her moment. Time to make him hers. “Thanks.”
“That was pretty wild, huh?” When she was almost to her feet, he grabbed her other hand.
“Sure.” She started to feel sweaty.
“The way you came crashing into, out of no where, you know?” His hands squeezed hers.
“Yeah.” Her stomach folded into itself.
“What happened? Did you trip?” He put one of his hands on her waist.
The music changed to a faster song. Ada’s heart beat was faster than the beat of the song. Three things were going through her mind: touching Chip; not blowing chunks on perfection in a black shirt; and how it was too dark to get a look at his eyes. She didn’t know what color his eyes were and wanted to know.
“Well, my friend, sort of--”
“There you go, back on your feet, right?” he asked, taking his hands off her. “Don’t I know you?”
“Yeah, we’re in, uh, math together.” She wanted to pull his hands back to her body.
“Right. You’re the smart one, right?”
“Not really. I’m more of a music--”
He eyed her in a way that made her knees wiggle and said, “You don’t look as fat here, you know? More pudgy than whaley, right?”
“Really?” She felt her whole body flush. “I didn’t think that you ever noticed me in class.”
“Sure, you always have your hand up and sit in front of me, don’t you? How could I have not noticed?” He started looking around the room.
“Actually, I sit behind you and to the--”
“Yeah, did you seen where Debbie went?” he asked, still scanning the room.
Debbie? Why was he asking about Debbie? Ada thought he should be focused on her, not some slut who only like him for his looks. He need some one who could look beyond his perfect hair, wide shoulders, and rippled stomach. He need someone like her. She knew she could look beyond those things, in time, and learn to lust after the rest of him as much as she lusted for what she could see.
“I don’t think she went down in the crash, do you? She’d have been under me, right?”
“You mean she hasn’t been under you?” Ada asked.
“What?”
“Nothing. I, uh, I don’t see her anywhere.” She admired the silhouette of his jaw as the lights from the DJ booth lowered.
“Your name, it’s like that song, right?”
“Uh--”
“Yeah, that song barbershops sing.” He started to sing, “Sweet Adeline, my Adeline. Right?”
Ada grimaced, “Right, but I go by Ada.” Because she hated that song. That song was the number one thing she hated most because people had been singing to her since her birth. Every new teacher she’d had sang it. Every person her parent’s introduced her to sang it. Every friend she’d ever made sang it to her when they first met, except for Derrick. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if people actually knew what came after the line with her name. Maybe.
“Sure. Yeah, I remember. Yeah. Where is she?”
“Were you dancing close?”
“Huh? No, she said she’s not big on slow dances. She likes the stuff where she can move, you know? She says it’s the way dancing should be.”
If I tits like hers,thought Ada, I’d be afraid of falling out of my dress. Of course, that may be just what she wants.
“That’s probably why she didn’t get knocked over.”
“I guess.”
“I’m surprised you weren’t dancing close together. It seemed to me that she liked to push her body up against yours.” Ada took a small step toward Chip.
“Yeah, sure.”
“So, would you, um, like to, uh, dance with me?” She took another small step.
“What?”
“Just until she gets back?”
“Okay, sure,” he said and started to move.
To Ada, it looked like he was trying not to vomit while holding in an enormous crap. She was a bit scared, but wanted to dance with him. She started to move. Who cared what other people thought, she was dancing with Chip, every girl’s dream. This girl’s reality.
“Chip!” A shrill voice came from the darkness behind Ada. “Where are you? CHIP!”
She stopped moving and turned around. Debbie. Shit. Debbie, with her carefully mussed blonde hair and a Wonder Bra, walking to where she and Chip were dancing together. The only person who could ruin the moment short of Jesus coming back and bringing the end of the world with him.
Ada stepped back, trying to hide in the darkness as Debbie strode up to Chip.
“Where were you?” she asked, shoving him.
“What?” he asked as he stopped dancing. “I’ve been right here.”
“‘Right here’?” She shoved him again. “You should have been with me.” She stepped close to him. “Some geek in a Garfield tie pulled me away and danced with me. With me! Without asking!” She put her arm around his neck. “Don’t let that happen again!” And she kissed him, hard, on the mouth.
“I won’t.” He kissed her.
“Promise.”
“I promise, alright?” They kissed again.
Debbie started to grind her hips into his. Chip started to grind back.
Ada’s eyes felt heavy, but she wasn’t going to cry. Not over him. Not over the guy who picked her up from the floor. Not over the guy who wanted to dance with her. Not over perfection. She breathed in a ragged breath. She wouldn’t cry. Not her.
She wanted out. Her vision was blurry, she couldn’t see where she was going, but started to walk anyway. She bumped into a couple, stumbled through a circle of people, and got a full on blast of fake smoke before she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Ada?”
“Derrick?”
“H-here,” he said, putting her coat over her shoulders. “L-let’s get out of h-here.”
Almost the End In the Middle Near the Beginning In the Beginning
“No worries,” said Chip, picking himself up and dusting himself off.
Ada couldn’t look away. She had run into Chip? How? Why? Was this supposed to be funny? She looked through the haze, but couldn’t see, what she was sure was, Derrick’s smiling--probably laughing--face. What a jerk. She couldn’t believe he would do something like this. She couldn’t believe she had come to this dance with him. How did that jackass convince her to come with him? Never again, she thought. She’d never, ever, do something like this for Derrick.
“Need some help?”
Ada blinked, “What?”
“Do you need some help up?” Chip asked, offering his hand to her.
“Uh... sure.” She took his hand--his firm, calloused, manly hand--and felt him pull her up. A chill ran though her body. This was it, her moment. Time to make him hers. “Thanks.”
“That was pretty wild, huh?” When she was almost to her feet, he grabbed her other hand.
“Sure.” She started to feel sweaty.
“The way you came crashing into, out of no where, you know?” His hands squeezed hers.
“Yeah.” Her stomach folded into itself.
“What happened? Did you trip?” He put one of his hands on her waist.
The music changed to a faster song. Ada’s heart beat was faster than the beat of the song. Three things were going through her mind: touching Chip; not blowing chunks on perfection in a black shirt; and how it was too dark to get a look at his eyes. She didn’t know what color his eyes were and wanted to know.
“Well, my friend, sort of--”
“There you go, back on your feet, right?” he asked, taking his hands off her. “Don’t I know you?”
“Yeah, we’re in, uh, math together.” She wanted to pull his hands back to her body.
“Right. You’re the smart one, right?”
“Not really. I’m more of a music--”
He eyed her in a way that made her knees wiggle and said, “You don’t look as fat here, you know? More pudgy than whaley, right?”
“Really?” She felt her whole body flush. “I didn’t think that you ever noticed me in class.”
“Sure, you always have your hand up and sit in front of me, don’t you? How could I have not noticed?” He started looking around the room.
“Actually, I sit behind you and to the--”
“Yeah, did you seen where Debbie went?” he asked, still scanning the room.
Debbie? Why was he asking about Debbie? Ada thought he should be focused on her, not some slut who only like him for his looks. He need some one who could look beyond his perfect hair, wide shoulders, and rippled stomach. He need someone like her. She knew she could look beyond those things, in time, and learn to lust after the rest of him as much as she lusted for what she could see.
“I don’t think she went down in the crash, do you? She’d have been under me, right?”
“You mean she hasn’t been under you?” Ada asked.
“What?”
“Nothing. I, uh, I don’t see her anywhere.” She admired the silhouette of his jaw as the lights from the DJ booth lowered.
“Your name, it’s like that song, right?”
“Uh--”
“Yeah, that song barbershops sing.” He started to sing, “Sweet Adeline, my Adeline. Right?”
Ada grimaced, “Right, but I go by Ada.” Because she hated that song. That song was the number one thing she hated most because people had been singing to her since her birth. Every new teacher she’d had sang it. Every person her parent’s introduced her to sang it. Every friend she’d ever made sang it to her when they first met, except for Derrick. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if people actually knew what came after the line with her name. Maybe.
“Sure. Yeah, I remember. Yeah. Where is she?”
“Were you dancing close?”
“Huh? No, she said she’s not big on slow dances. She likes the stuff where she can move, you know? She says it’s the way dancing should be.”
If I tits like hers,thought Ada, I’d be afraid of falling out of my dress. Of course, that may be just what she wants.
“That’s probably why she didn’t get knocked over.”
“I guess.”
“I’m surprised you weren’t dancing close together. It seemed to me that she liked to push her body up against yours.” Ada took a small step toward Chip.
“Yeah, sure.”
“So, would you, um, like to, uh, dance with me?” She took another small step.
“What?”
“Just until she gets back?”
“Okay, sure,” he said and started to move.
To Ada, it looked like he was trying not to vomit while holding in an enormous crap. She was a bit scared, but wanted to dance with him. She started to move. Who cared what other people thought, she was dancing with Chip, every girl’s dream. This girl’s reality.
“Chip!” A shrill voice came from the darkness behind Ada. “Where are you? CHIP!”
She stopped moving and turned around. Debbie. Shit. Debbie, with her carefully mussed blonde hair and a Wonder Bra, walking to where she and Chip were dancing together. The only person who could ruin the moment short of Jesus coming back and bringing the end of the world with him.
Ada stepped back, trying to hide in the darkness as Debbie strode up to Chip.
“Where were you?” she asked, shoving him.
“What?” he asked as he stopped dancing. “I’ve been right here.”
“‘Right here’?” She shoved him again. “You should have been with me.” She stepped close to him. “Some geek in a Garfield tie pulled me away and danced with me. With me! Without asking!” She put her arm around his neck. “Don’t let that happen again!” And she kissed him, hard, on the mouth.
“I won’t.” He kissed her.
“Promise.”
“I promise, alright?” They kissed again.
Debbie started to grind her hips into his. Chip started to grind back.
Ada’s eyes felt heavy, but she wasn’t going to cry. Not over him. Not over the guy who picked her up from the floor. Not over the guy who wanted to dance with her. Not over perfection. She breathed in a ragged breath. She wouldn’t cry. Not her.
She wanted out. Her vision was blurry, she couldn’t see where she was going, but started to walk anyway. She bumped into a couple, stumbled through a circle of people, and got a full on blast of fake smoke before she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Ada?”
“Derrick?”
“H-here,” he said, putting her coat over her shoulders. “L-let’s get out of h-here.”
Monday, July 18, 2005
Potter
I tried to resist, but I couldn't.
Yesterday, I bought the new Harry Potter book. It was only $15.78 at Wal*Mart and they only had four copies left.
I had a total of twenty minutes at work to read it, that got me to page 25.
I got off work at 1:00PM.
I finished it at 11:36PM last night.
If I hadn't taken two hours to eat and watch a movie with my parents, I would have been done sooner.
It sucks when 650 pages isn't enough.
Yesterday, I bought the new Harry Potter book. It was only $15.78 at Wal*Mart and they only had four copies left.
I had a total of twenty minutes at work to read it, that got me to page 25.
I got off work at 1:00PM.
I finished it at 11:36PM last night.
If I hadn't taken two hours to eat and watch a movie with my parents, I would have been done sooner.
It sucks when 650 pages isn't enough.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Britain
We live in a sucky world, don't we.
For those who don't know, London was bombed today. Here's the AP's account and here's Reuters's account.
Somewhere toward the bottom, the AP says, "Terrorism experts agreed that the explosions had the hallmarks of al-Qaida." Of course, al-Qaida is mentioned at the top of both articles.
Yes, I feel horrible about this, but my cynicism immediately went off and shouted that now no one, or very few people, are going to care about about the letter between Bush Jr. and Blair about there not being chemical and nuclear weapons in Iraq, but intelligence can be doctored. And then there's the whole bizarro thing with the G8 summit in Scotland. Oh, and then the whole British opposition to the occupation of Iraq and how it's going to crumble because they're hurt now.
Should the British people be angry? Hell, yes. I just don't want them to lose their heads and jump into blindly doing everything the government says after this morning.
I'm sad so many people died, but relieved that it was a small number compared to what it could have been, being rush hour and all.
I wish that something positive will come out of this, but I'm pretty sure that only more hatred and violence will be the result. Neither of which seems to be helping the world at all.
For those who don't know, London was bombed today. Here's the AP's account and here's Reuters's account.
Somewhere toward the bottom, the AP says, "Terrorism experts agreed that the explosions had the hallmarks of al-Qaida." Of course, al-Qaida is mentioned at the top of both articles.
Yes, I feel horrible about this, but my cynicism immediately went off and shouted that now no one, or very few people, are going to care about about the letter between Bush Jr. and Blair about there not being chemical and nuclear weapons in Iraq, but intelligence can be doctored. And then there's the whole bizarro thing with the G8 summit in Scotland. Oh, and then the whole British opposition to the occupation of Iraq and how it's going to crumble because they're hurt now.
Should the British people be angry? Hell, yes. I just don't want them to lose their heads and jump into blindly doing everything the government says after this morning.
I'm sad so many people died, but relieved that it was a small number compared to what it could have been, being rush hour and all.
I wish that something positive will come out of this, but I'm pretty sure that only more hatred and violence will be the result. Neither of which seems to be helping the world at all.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Attack
Yesterday, I saw the dipshit DM in the store. So much for the two promises The Manager gave me. (To review, the first was that I wouldn't be scheduled when the dipshit is scheduled to visit and the second is that he wouldn't just drop in.) No one sure why he came, but her was there. I saw him, turned around, walked outside, and sat with my back to the door so I wouldn't have to see his goatee bearded face. Jackass.
I knew I shouldn't go to work today. I should have called in sick. I could tell as I walked out the door that this wasn't a day for working.
I got to the parking lot twenty minutes before work (11:55 AM) and just sat listening to music. I didn't want to go in, but I did. That's when I felt the tightening of the chest, the closing of the throat, and the clammy palms. All the warning signs of a panic attack. All except one time, when I've felt this way, I walk away until I feel better. At parties, I head home or at least outside into the air where I can get some good air. At school, I'd pick up my bag and head out. In my car, I pull over and get out. At work, I couldn't see a way out, so I started working.
I was put on drive-thru and just stood over there and stared out into the parking lot taking deep breaths and telling myself I'd be okay. When I felt worse, I walked into the back room and sat on the step ladder until I didn't feel too overwhelmed.
On my break at two, I just sat there. Assistant Manger #2, who was in charge, asked me if I was okay and I said that I wasn't. She asked me what she could do and I said she could send me home. She laughed. I looked at her and said that I meant it. She said I could sit back there for as long as I wanted. I looked away and played with my headset. When my break was over, I went out front and started taking orders again while staring out into the parking lot.
Eventually, TGMM came in and started talking to me. I wasn't talking back. She asked me how I was. I said bad. She asked what could be done to make it better. I said I should go home. She went and talked to #2 and then came back to say I could leave. So I did and felt bad about it, which made me feel worse.
I sat in my car for ten minutes until I felt like I could safely drive and then drove at least five miles under the speed limit the whole way.
When I got home, I crawled into bed and stared at the wall and ceiling for the next three hours.
I'm feeling better now.
I knew I shouldn't go to work today. I should have called in sick. I could tell as I walked out the door that this wasn't a day for working.
I got to the parking lot twenty minutes before work (11:55 AM) and just sat listening to music. I didn't want to go in, but I did. That's when I felt the tightening of the chest, the closing of the throat, and the clammy palms. All the warning signs of a panic attack. All except one time, when I've felt this way, I walk away until I feel better. At parties, I head home or at least outside into the air where I can get some good air. At school, I'd pick up my bag and head out. In my car, I pull over and get out. At work, I couldn't see a way out, so I started working.
I was put on drive-thru and just stood over there and stared out into the parking lot taking deep breaths and telling myself I'd be okay. When I felt worse, I walked into the back room and sat on the step ladder until I didn't feel too overwhelmed.
On my break at two, I just sat there. Assistant Manger #2, who was in charge, asked me if I was okay and I said that I wasn't. She asked me what she could do and I said she could send me home. She laughed. I looked at her and said that I meant it. She said I could sit back there for as long as I wanted. I looked away and played with my headset. When my break was over, I went out front and started taking orders again while staring out into the parking lot.
Eventually, TGMM came in and started talking to me. I wasn't talking back. She asked me how I was. I said bad. She asked what could be done to make it better. I said I should go home. She went and talked to #2 and then came back to say I could leave. So I did and felt bad about it, which made me feel worse.
I sat in my car for ten minutes until I felt like I could safely drive and then drove at least five miles under the speed limit the whole way.
When I got home, I crawled into bed and stared at the wall and ceiling for the next three hours.
I'm feeling better now.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
War of the Worlds
Saw War of the Worlds today and enjoyed it.
For those who may be curious, while watching it, I couldn't help but think of the whole attack as a cross between September 11th and what the US is doing to Iraq. Pictures of missing family members posted on fences and walls reminded me of the walls in New York after the towers fell. And it was made clear that the alien had come to Earth for something they wanted and just rolled over the native population. Of course, in the end Earth is freed from its conquers, I don't see that happening to Iraq anytime soon.
How does it stack up to the other versions? It's not as good as the book, but that almost always is the case, isn't it. It's better than the 1953 movie. And it's really different from the Wells radio broadcast.
Heard lots of people complain about the ending, but other than the fact that Boston is nearly untouched (I guess even evil aliens are scared of the rich people who live in Brown Stones) and another thing that may ruin something if I wrote it here, I liked the end. It was the end of the book, which is a great twist, if you don't know what it is.
I'm being careful not to spoil this movie for you, but I do want you to know that I had other problems with the movie, but not enough to destroy my enjoyment.
Oh, one that I can tell you about is Morgan Freeman doing the voice over at the beginning and ending of the movie. They could have found a more intense voice actor for the roll. My choice would have been Keith David (Goliath in Gargoyles and Spawn in Spawn), he has one of the best voices out there.
If you want to know more and don't mind spoilers, let me know.
For those who may be curious, while watching it, I couldn't help but think of the whole attack as a cross between September 11th and what the US is doing to Iraq. Pictures of missing family members posted on fences and walls reminded me of the walls in New York after the towers fell. And it was made clear that the alien had come to Earth for something they wanted and just rolled over the native population. Of course, in the end Earth is freed from its conquers, I don't see that happening to Iraq anytime soon.
How does it stack up to the other versions? It's not as good as the book, but that almost always is the case, isn't it. It's better than the 1953 movie. And it's really different from the Wells radio broadcast.
Heard lots of people complain about the ending, but other than the fact that Boston is nearly untouched (I guess even evil aliens are scared of the rich people who live in Brown Stones) and another thing that may ruin something if I wrote it here, I liked the end. It was the end of the book, which is a great twist, if you don't know what it is.
I'm being careful not to spoil this movie for you, but I do want you to know that I had other problems with the movie, but not enough to destroy my enjoyment.
Oh, one that I can tell you about is Morgan Freeman doing the voice over at the beginning and ending of the movie. They could have found a more intense voice actor for the roll. My choice would have been Keith David (Goliath in Gargoyles and Spawn in Spawn), he has one of the best voices out there.
If you want to know more and don't mind spoilers, let me know.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Favorite
Probably my favorite line from the musical version on The Producers is when Max is in jail singing a song that recaps the play. It's near the end of the song and he says, "Just like Julius Caesar was betrayed by Brutus / Who'd think an accountant would turn out to be a Judas."
The reason that I like it so much? Judas was an accountant. Funny stuff.
PS Finally it's July and the temp here is cresting above 100. I'm looking forward to the amazing sunrises and sunsets fire season brings with it.
The reason that I like it so much? Judas was an accountant. Funny stuff.
PS Finally it's July and the temp here is cresting above 100. I'm looking forward to the amazing sunrises and sunsets fire season brings with it.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Thanks, but...
I want to thank those of you who offered up advice, but you have to understand that I'm just a worrier.
Here's an example: During the brief time that Heels and Johnny Logic lived in Cowtown and I lived here too, I was invited to their house to go to dinner and then watch The Office. Before getting into my car I started to wonder why I was invited. Did they not have any better plans? Am I just comic relief in the TV show of their life together? Why not someone else? Isn't there someone better than me they can hang out with?
As I got in the car, I knew I was being silly, but my stomach was still moving in funny ways.
Then I started to think about ways that I could be entertaining. Stupid stories about stupid people at work. Some of the crazy things my mother has said during my life. Monkeys going to heaven. You know, things that I thought would make them laugh.
Then I started in with the horrible questions again. All the while, my stomach flipped and flopped.
When I got there, though, everything was fine. My stomach settled and I was who I am. I think it was a fun night and I doubt that either one knew what I thought on my way to see them.
And this isn't an isolated incident.
When I went to Cowcity a couple of weeks ago and headed over to the 'Bucks I used to work I got the horribles. Every time I go to The Bay to see friends and brothers. Trips into Mooville for comics. Practically every time I go anywhere.
My worrying about what did happen and what will happen in deeply ingrained and probably won't go away soon.
Thanks, though. It's nice to know you care.
Here's an example: During the brief time that Heels and Johnny Logic lived in Cowtown and I lived here too, I was invited to their house to go to dinner and then watch The Office. Before getting into my car I started to wonder why I was invited. Did they not have any better plans? Am I just comic relief in the TV show of their life together? Why not someone else? Isn't there someone better than me they can hang out with?
As I got in the car, I knew I was being silly, but my stomach was still moving in funny ways.
Then I started to think about ways that I could be entertaining. Stupid stories about stupid people at work. Some of the crazy things my mother has said during my life. Monkeys going to heaven. You know, things that I thought would make them laugh.
Then I started in with the horrible questions again. All the while, my stomach flipped and flopped.
When I got there, though, everything was fine. My stomach settled and I was who I am. I think it was a fun night and I doubt that either one knew what I thought on my way to see them.
And this isn't an isolated incident.
When I went to Cowcity a couple of weeks ago and headed over to the 'Bucks I used to work I got the horribles. Every time I go to The Bay to see friends and brothers. Trips into Mooville for comics. Practically every time I go anywhere.
My worrying about what did happen and what will happen in deeply ingrained and probably won't go away soon.
Thanks, though. It's nice to know you care.
Chruning
About a month ago, while I was house sitting, I re-met this girl from highschool. I didn’t really know her then because we didn’t have any classes together, maybe one, but I had my own little corner with friends that I wasn’t about to leave. She came into ‘Bucks and we talked for a while and then she gave me her number and e-mail on a napkin.
After she left, I started to freak out. I didn’t know what to do.
That night, I woke up, still freaked out, but decided that I should e-mail her. I figured it’d be nice to have someone around who I could do things with, who’s near my age.
In the morning, I couldn’t find the napkin. Instead of writing her, I wrote to someone I trusted to get some advice that could help me stop freaking out. It did. A couple of days later, doing laundry, I found the napkin in a pocket, big surprise. I e-mailed her right away and we set up a trip to Mooville to see a movie.
We went and I think I wasn’t the only one who had fun talking on the trip there and back. I liked hearing her thoughts on the movie. It had been a long time since I’d been to a movie with someone who would say more than whether or not she liked it. This girl had actual opinions and was willing to support them. Finally.
During the movie, I thought, at one point, about taking her hand. I didn’t.
After the drive back, we walked from my grandparent’s house and went to dinner on the main street in the Town of Jim. It was so-so Mexican. I wasn’t really hungry, probably because I was nervous. I didn’t finish all of my food, which is odd for me.
We walked back and stood near her car talking for a while. We said our good-byes. She stood in a way that seemed odd to me at the time. I started walking backward toward the house, waving. She got in the car and drove away. I suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe, the way she was standing meant she wanted a hug. Then I started to obsess over it, which is never good. I’m still obsessing over it, which is why I’m up so early in the morning writing this before I go to work.
I don’t initiate the touching thing. To the best of my recollection, I never have. I do my best to slide around people in tight places without touching them (a hard feat with a belly). I learn new peoples’ names at work right away so I don’t have to touch them to get their attention (Hell, I’m not comfortable with people at work touching me to get my attention.). I don’t start the handshakes when I meet, others do (but I will grab with my left hand to make it awkward). I hate it when people feel the need to kiss hello; I let them do it to me, but don’t do it back. When family says good-bye, I never initiate the hug, they do with arms spread and a step toward me.
I’m not sure why I’m this way, I just am. Only my parents can say if I’ve always been this way.
Anyway, we’re going to see a play tonight, A Comedy of Errors, and tomorrow night, Hamlet. It’s an outdoor theater and we’re picnicking before.
My stomach is churning.
After she left, I started to freak out. I didn’t know what to do.
That night, I woke up, still freaked out, but decided that I should e-mail her. I figured it’d be nice to have someone around who I could do things with, who’s near my age.
In the morning, I couldn’t find the napkin. Instead of writing her, I wrote to someone I trusted to get some advice that could help me stop freaking out. It did. A couple of days later, doing laundry, I found the napkin in a pocket, big surprise. I e-mailed her right away and we set up a trip to Mooville to see a movie.
We went and I think I wasn’t the only one who had fun talking on the trip there and back. I liked hearing her thoughts on the movie. It had been a long time since I’d been to a movie with someone who would say more than whether or not she liked it. This girl had actual opinions and was willing to support them. Finally.
During the movie, I thought, at one point, about taking her hand. I didn’t.
After the drive back, we walked from my grandparent’s house and went to dinner on the main street in the Town of Jim. It was so-so Mexican. I wasn’t really hungry, probably because I was nervous. I didn’t finish all of my food, which is odd for me.
We walked back and stood near her car talking for a while. We said our good-byes. She stood in a way that seemed odd to me at the time. I started walking backward toward the house, waving. She got in the car and drove away. I suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe, the way she was standing meant she wanted a hug. Then I started to obsess over it, which is never good. I’m still obsessing over it, which is why I’m up so early in the morning writing this before I go to work.
I don’t initiate the touching thing. To the best of my recollection, I never have. I do my best to slide around people in tight places without touching them (a hard feat with a belly). I learn new peoples’ names at work right away so I don’t have to touch them to get their attention (Hell, I’m not comfortable with people at work touching me to get my attention.). I don’t start the handshakes when I meet, others do (but I will grab with my left hand to make it awkward). I hate it when people feel the need to kiss hello; I let them do it to me, but don’t do it back. When family says good-bye, I never initiate the hug, they do with arms spread and a step toward me.
I’m not sure why I’m this way, I just am. Only my parents can say if I’ve always been this way.
Anyway, we’re going to see a play tonight, A Comedy of Errors, and tomorrow night, Hamlet. It’s an outdoor theater and we’re picnicking before.
My stomach is churning.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tagged!
Been tagged by green apron monkey (even though he hasn’t been a green apron monkey for nine or ten months). The tagging involves me listing six songs and six albums that mean something to me and why. So, in the order in which I type them, here goes.
Songs:
Light Up My Room---Barenaked Ladies---Stunt
There’s something about melancholy songs with weird imagery that I can’t get enough of and this is one of the best. I think a large part of why I like so much was my surprise at when I heard it. I had only heard the songs that were played on the radio, which I liked so I bought the album. The first two songs were constantly played on the radio, so I knew them well, and then this one came on. It sounded so different and the wistful sound just pulled me in. I had to play it again right away and when I was done listening to the album, this was the song I was hearing.
A Self Called Nowhere---They Might Be Giants---John Henry
Sort of in the same category as the one above, but musically different. The words are sung pretty softly and that’s the way the music starts, but it changes, gets harder, then goes back. It also talks about that obsessive nature that people (me) can get. So obsessed by one thing that we forget other things that may have been important and may be important.
Kiss Off---Violent Femmes---Violent Femmes
There are three reasons this song gets me: 1) The first Violent Femmes I ever heard. Acoustic punk, amazing. 2) The list of reasons. 3) The fact that their best song uses a phrase that I heard for ten minutes back in the fourth or fifth grade.
I’m Going To Go Back There Someday---The Great Gonzo (Dave Goelz)---The Muppet Movie Soundtrack
Not the remixed/revamped version from Muppets From Space, but the good, simple one from The Muppet Movie. Most people would probably pick Kermit singing Rainbow connection, and that would be a great choice, but fast forward to about fifteen/twenty minutes before the end, just before (I think) Kermit talks with himself and listen to the emotion. He says, “I’ve never been there but I know the way / I’m going to go back there someday.” I feel like that every day.
We Used to be Friends---The Dandy Warhols---Welcome to the Monkey House
It reminds me of the one who was my best friend (read this post for all the info on her). I miss the goofiness of being with her. Every time I’ve seen her in the last couple of years I feel like she wants to forget how fun it was to be the weird ones. She’s not like this with her brother, but I suppose that’s a different relationship altogether. I don’t know what happened, but we’re not the friends we used to be.
3 AM---Matchbox 20---Yourself of Someone Like You
Probably the most embarrassing song on this list, but it helped me to get through my first year of college. Jane, from the show Daria and to the character, once said, “You didn’t make any friends at that camp, did you.” That was my first year at school. I went there thinking that there would be lots more people like my friends. People who were willing to talk about anything (And I mean anything, we once talked, on a bus headed to Disneyland surrounded by our classmates, about turning breast milk into cheese and how it could be sold as an aphrodisiac. We weren’t the most popular, but we had the most fun.), but there weren’t any that I could find. People there, except for many in the Christian club for some odd reason, were just as concerned with their surface as most people in highschool were. This song described how I felt at the time and still makes my insides crinkle when I hear it.
Albums:
Flood---They Might Be Giants
My brother gave me a copy of the cassette when I was in eighth grade. I wanted it for the songs that were on Tiny Toons, but found something special. I’d listen to it everyday, on my cheap-o walkman, at least two times. My obsession started with the slippery lyrics and the strange staccato sounds, but the more I listened to it the more I thought I was hearing something new, something that was all for me. I kept it my secret until I discovered that they had made other albums, better albums, but this was the first I knew. Hell, I can still sing almost the entire album without any help.
Rubber Soul---The Beatles
I can’t remember when my Beatles obsession began, but the summer after my freshman year, it came to a head. When the family was gone, I’d play all the records he had (nearly all of them, I think) and sing along with them. One day, as I listened to this, I noticed that here was their transition point. This album was The Beatles moving away from the pop of With the Beatles into the stranger sounds of Magical Mystery Tour. It’s a strange balance of both sticking to the old and trying to find the new. I really like hearing the most popular band of the sixties searching for something new, maybe better, rather than sticking to the old stuff because it works.
Violent Femmes---Violent Femmes (Special Edition or whatever it’s called)
I owned the compilation album (Add It Up) that everyone seems to own first, but then got this one and was blown away by the magnitude of it. It has demos and live versions and all sorts of extra things that made it stand out. If I hadn’t bought this one, Add It Up would be on the list. Acoustic punk kicks ass, what else can I say?
Okay, that’s only three albums, but it’s all I can think of right now.
Songs:
Light Up My Room---Barenaked Ladies---Stunt
There’s something about melancholy songs with weird imagery that I can’t get enough of and this is one of the best. I think a large part of why I like so much was my surprise at when I heard it. I had only heard the songs that were played on the radio, which I liked so I bought the album. The first two songs were constantly played on the radio, so I knew them well, and then this one came on. It sounded so different and the wistful sound just pulled me in. I had to play it again right away and when I was done listening to the album, this was the song I was hearing.
A Self Called Nowhere---They Might Be Giants---John Henry
Sort of in the same category as the one above, but musically different. The words are sung pretty softly and that’s the way the music starts, but it changes, gets harder, then goes back. It also talks about that obsessive nature that people (me) can get. So obsessed by one thing that we forget other things that may have been important and may be important.
Kiss Off---Violent Femmes---Violent Femmes
There are three reasons this song gets me: 1) The first Violent Femmes I ever heard. Acoustic punk, amazing. 2) The list of reasons. 3) The fact that their best song uses a phrase that I heard for ten minutes back in the fourth or fifth grade.
I’m Going To Go Back There Someday---The Great Gonzo (Dave Goelz)---The Muppet Movie Soundtrack
Not the remixed/revamped version from Muppets From Space, but the good, simple one from The Muppet Movie. Most people would probably pick Kermit singing Rainbow connection, and that would be a great choice, but fast forward to about fifteen/twenty minutes before the end, just before (I think) Kermit talks with himself and listen to the emotion. He says, “I’ve never been there but I know the way / I’m going to go back there someday.” I feel like that every day.
We Used to be Friends---The Dandy Warhols---Welcome to the Monkey House
It reminds me of the one who was my best friend (read this post for all the info on her). I miss the goofiness of being with her. Every time I’ve seen her in the last couple of years I feel like she wants to forget how fun it was to be the weird ones. She’s not like this with her brother, but I suppose that’s a different relationship altogether. I don’t know what happened, but we’re not the friends we used to be.
3 AM---Matchbox 20---Yourself of Someone Like You
Probably the most embarrassing song on this list, but it helped me to get through my first year of college. Jane, from the show Daria and to the character, once said, “You didn’t make any friends at that camp, did you.” That was my first year at school. I went there thinking that there would be lots more people like my friends. People who were willing to talk about anything (And I mean anything, we once talked, on a bus headed to Disneyland surrounded by our classmates, about turning breast milk into cheese and how it could be sold as an aphrodisiac. We weren’t the most popular, but we had the most fun.), but there weren’t any that I could find. People there, except for many in the Christian club for some odd reason, were just as concerned with their surface as most people in highschool were. This song described how I felt at the time and still makes my insides crinkle when I hear it.
Albums:
Flood---They Might Be Giants
My brother gave me a copy of the cassette when I was in eighth grade. I wanted it for the songs that were on Tiny Toons, but found something special. I’d listen to it everyday, on my cheap-o walkman, at least two times. My obsession started with the slippery lyrics and the strange staccato sounds, but the more I listened to it the more I thought I was hearing something new, something that was all for me. I kept it my secret until I discovered that they had made other albums, better albums, but this was the first I knew. Hell, I can still sing almost the entire album without any help.
Rubber Soul---The Beatles
I can’t remember when my Beatles obsession began, but the summer after my freshman year, it came to a head. When the family was gone, I’d play all the records he had (nearly all of them, I think) and sing along with them. One day, as I listened to this, I noticed that here was their transition point. This album was The Beatles moving away from the pop of With the Beatles into the stranger sounds of Magical Mystery Tour. It’s a strange balance of both sticking to the old and trying to find the new. I really like hearing the most popular band of the sixties searching for something new, maybe better, rather than sticking to the old stuff because it works.
Violent Femmes---Violent Femmes (Special Edition or whatever it’s called)
I owned the compilation album (Add It Up) that everyone seems to own first, but then got this one and was blown away by the magnitude of it. It has demos and live versions and all sorts of extra things that made it stand out. If I hadn’t bought this one, Add It Up would be on the list. Acoustic punk kicks ass, what else can I say?
Okay, that’s only three albums, but it’s all I can think of right now.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Fat or Thin
The other day, at work, The Manager and Some Customer were talking about clothes and The Manager said, "I don't like shopping there. I can never find something that fits."
"I know what you mean," said Some Customer. "Some things are just too small."
"I know," said The Manager.
And I was confused. The Manager may not be as thin as she once was, but she must be a size five or six. Some Customer was even thinner than The Manager.
Where are they shopping that they can't find clothes big enough to fit? The kids department?
I've never heard a conversation like that one. Skinny girls on the verge of saying they're too fat.
As a fat person, I find it very disturbing.
"I know what you mean," said Some Customer. "Some things are just too small."
"I know," said The Manager.
And I was confused. The Manager may not be as thin as she once was, but she must be a size five or six. Some Customer was even thinner than The Manager.
Where are they shopping that they can't find clothes big enough to fit? The kids department?
I've never heard a conversation like that one. Skinny girls on the verge of saying they're too fat.
As a fat person, I find it very disturbing.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Many Questions
I just wanted you to have to scroll for a long time.
I pulled this off of Heels's blog and then saw the one Slackbastard did. Go, tell her her baby is beautiful, but don't tell her I told you to.
Smoked a cigarette? Yeah, but barfed right afterward. Nothing like vomit to turn yourself off of something.
Smoked a cigar? If it’s really like smoking 3 cigarettes at once, I’ll need more stomachs.
Made out with a member of the same sex? Nope
Crashed a friend’s car? I’ve never even driven a friend’s car.
Stolen a car? No.
Been in love? I’m pretty sure, but she didn’t know about it.
Been dumped? To be dumped would mean I’ve dated someone more than once.
Shoplifted? A Tootsie Roll.
Been fired? No, I quit.
Been in a fist fight? Nope, I make a confusing remark then run.
Snuck out of my parents house? To go where, the creek?
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? All the time.
Been arrested? No.
Made out with a stranger? No.
Gone on a blind date? No.
Lied to a friend? Who hasn’t?
Had a crush on a teacher? No.
Skipped school? Yes.
Slept with a co-worker? No.
Seen someone die? No, but I think I’d like to be there with a sleeping old person and just watch then slip away, all peaceful like.
Been to Canada? No, but saw it from the top of a roller coaster.
Been to Mexico? Calexico, yuck.
Been on a plane? Yes.
Thrown up in a bar? No.
Purposely set a part of myself on fire? Yes, it’s main reason I have rubbing alcohol.
Eaten sushi? Once. I wish I had tried the white tuna.
Been snowboarding? No.
Taken painkillers? Yes, but mostly aspirin.
Love someone or miss someone right now? Of course.
Laid on your back and watched the cloud shapes go by? Yes.
Made a snow angel? Yup, even when there wasn’t any snow.
Had a tea party? Had cookie parties, not tea.
Flown a kite? Yes.
Built a sand castle? Yes, mostly those turd looking ones.
Gone puddle jumping? Yes, this morning at work when the ice machine flooded the back room.
Played dress up? My favorite part of Halloween.
Jumped into a pile of leaves? Yes.
Gone sledding? Yes.
Cheated while playing a game? Yes, but I’m usually caught, unless it’s Risk and I get the others into fights.
Been lonely? Mostly at parties.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Nope.
Used a fake ID? No.
Watched the sun set? Yes. Fire season sunsets are the best. So are fire season sunrises.
Felt an earthquake? Yup.
Touched a snake? Yes.
Been tickled? Yes.
Been robbed? Yeah.
Robbed someone? No.
Been misunderstood? I think I have, but that’s really a question for others to answer, but they’d probably lie to me.
Pet a reindeer/goat? Reindeer: no. Goat: yes. Homosexual Goat: yes.
Won a contest? Only if auctions are contests.
Run a red light? Yes. It was early in the morning and I just blew through it without thinking. Thank goodness it didn’t have one of those cameras.
Been suspended from school? No.
Had a detention? Yup, for reading a newspaper.
Been in a car accident? A tappy one where there was no damage caused to anyone and I wasn’t driving.
Had braces? Nope. A few crooked teeth give character, right?
Felt like an outcast? I’m going with Heel’s answer, “I was in High School.”
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night? More than a pint.
Had deja-vu? Not like Neo had deja-vu.
Danced in the moonlight? Alone.
Witnessed a crime? Only the ones politicians commit.
Pole danced? No, but made up stories about a horrible teacher pole dancing with dyes.
Questioned your heart? Yes.
Been obsessed with post-it notes? Oddly enough, I always end up losing post-its.
Squished barefoot through the mud? Oh yeah.
Been lost? In freakin’ SF while trying to drive in the city.
Been to the opposite side of the country? No, but hope to get there soon.
Swam in the ocean? Only one of them.
Felt like dying? Recently?
Cried yourself to sleep? No, I’m usually done crying and into the deep self loathing part.
Played cops and robbers? Yes.
Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers? Yes.
Sung karaoke? Nope.
Paid for a meal with only coins? Yes, and the bitch deserved it.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Not yet.
Made prank phone calls? No.
Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? Not yet.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.
Kissed in the rain? No.
Written a letter to Santa Claus? Yes.
Been kissed under mistletoe? By relatives.
Watched the sunset with someone you care about? It depends on what you mean by "someone you care about."
Blown bubbles? With my spit.
Made a bonfire on the beach? No, but I hear about them all the time from my brother.
Crashed a party and took their tap? No.
Gone roller-skating? Yes.
Had a wish come true? Never.
Humped a monkey? She wasn’t that hairy.
Worn pearls? No.
Jumped off a bridge? No.
Screamed penis in class? Yes, and vagina.
Eaten dog/cat food? A dog biscuit, once. It was the thing to do. Don’t judge by just one question.
Told a complete stranger you loved/hated them? I reserve those words people I actually care about.
Sang in the shower? Show tunes. Cabaret is a favorite.
Have a little black dress? No.
Fucked in the park? No.
Had a dream that you married someone? Yes.
Glued your hand to something? Yes.
Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No, the metal thing in the freezer.
Kissed a fish? No.
Worn the opposite sexes clothes? For Halloween. And I was pregnant.
Been a cheerleader? If I had, I’d be dead, or visiting a camp that has Ru Paul without his wig.
Sat on a roof top? Yes.
Had sex in church? Nope.
Screamed at the top of your lungs? No.
Done a one-handed cartwheel? Let’s get through the two-handed cartwheel first.
Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours? No, I like the letter thing or face-to-face thing too much.
Stayed up all night? Yes, see the post from a couple of days ago.
Haven’t take a shower for a week? Yeah, but there were probably baths during that week.
Pick and ate an apple right off the tree? Yes.
Climbed a tree? Yes.
Had a tree house? No, because the trees around here suck.
Are scared to watch scary movies alone? No.
Believe in ghosts? Only the ones of my past and future and present.
Have more than 30 pairs of shoes? In my lifetime?
Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say? I've worn ugly outfits to school, but I didn’t care what others would say. They probably didn’t even notice since I wore the same type of clothes the day before.
Gone streaking? No
Played ding-dong-ditch? Is this a game that involves a doorbell? We don’t have doorbells where I come from.
Played monster in the bucket? Not that I know of. And I hope I haven't.
Played chicken fight? I couldn’t find two chickens that would fight.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? I jumped.
Been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? I’ve never even imagined that scenario.
Broken a bone? No.
Been easily amused? It’s my whole life so far.
Caught a fish and ate it? I’ve caught fish, but I think they were always thrown back.
Made porn? Only in my mind, and even there I get performance anxiety.
Caught a butterfly? Yes.
Laughed so hard you cried? Yes, I usually gets hiccups.
Cried so hard you laughed? No, but it made others laugh.
Mooned/flashed someone? No one wants to see that.
Had someone moon/flash you? Why would they want to?
Cheated on a test? Yes, but it was the ASFAB and that doesn’t count.
Forgotten someone’s name? Yeah, all those people who come into ‘Buck day after day.
Slept naked? On occasion, but it’s not as fun, or interesting, when you’re alone.
French braided someone’s hair? No, but I think I could.
Gone skinny dipping in a pool? 12 hours by myself.
I pulled this off of Heels's blog and then saw the one Slackbastard did. Go, tell her her baby is beautiful, but don't tell her I told you to.
Smoked a cigarette? Yeah, but barfed right afterward. Nothing like vomit to turn yourself off of something.
Smoked a cigar? If it’s really like smoking 3 cigarettes at once, I’ll need more stomachs.
Made out with a member of the same sex? Nope
Crashed a friend’s car? I’ve never even driven a friend’s car.
Stolen a car? No.
Been in love? I’m pretty sure, but she didn’t know about it.
Been dumped? To be dumped would mean I’ve dated someone more than once.
Shoplifted? A Tootsie Roll.
Been fired? No, I quit.
Been in a fist fight? Nope, I make a confusing remark then run.
Snuck out of my parents house? To go where, the creek?
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? All the time.
Been arrested? No.
Made out with a stranger? No.
Gone on a blind date? No.
Lied to a friend? Who hasn’t?
Had a crush on a teacher? No.
Skipped school? Yes.
Slept with a co-worker? No.
Seen someone die? No, but I think I’d like to be there with a sleeping old person and just watch then slip away, all peaceful like.
Been to Canada? No, but saw it from the top of a roller coaster.
Been to Mexico? Calexico, yuck.
Been on a plane? Yes.
Thrown up in a bar? No.
Purposely set a part of myself on fire? Yes, it’s main reason I have rubbing alcohol.
Eaten sushi? Once. I wish I had tried the white tuna.
Been snowboarding? No.
Taken painkillers? Yes, but mostly aspirin.
Love someone or miss someone right now? Of course.
Laid on your back and watched the cloud shapes go by? Yes.
Made a snow angel? Yup, even when there wasn’t any snow.
Had a tea party? Had cookie parties, not tea.
Flown a kite? Yes.
Built a sand castle? Yes, mostly those turd looking ones.
Gone puddle jumping? Yes, this morning at work when the ice machine flooded the back room.
Played dress up? My favorite part of Halloween.
Jumped into a pile of leaves? Yes.
Gone sledding? Yes.
Cheated while playing a game? Yes, but I’m usually caught, unless it’s Risk and I get the others into fights.
Been lonely? Mostly at parties.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Nope.
Used a fake ID? No.
Watched the sun set? Yes. Fire season sunsets are the best. So are fire season sunrises.
Felt an earthquake? Yup.
Touched a snake? Yes.
Been tickled? Yes.
Been robbed? Yeah.
Robbed someone? No.
Been misunderstood? I think I have, but that’s really a question for others to answer, but they’d probably lie to me.
Pet a reindeer/goat? Reindeer: no. Goat: yes. Homosexual Goat: yes.
Won a contest? Only if auctions are contests.
Run a red light? Yes. It was early in the morning and I just blew through it without thinking. Thank goodness it didn’t have one of those cameras.
Been suspended from school? No.
Had a detention? Yup, for reading a newspaper.
Been in a car accident? A tappy one where there was no damage caused to anyone and I wasn’t driving.
Had braces? Nope. A few crooked teeth give character, right?
Felt like an outcast? I’m going with Heel’s answer, “I was in High School.”
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night? More than a pint.
Had deja-vu? Not like Neo had deja-vu.
Danced in the moonlight? Alone.
Witnessed a crime? Only the ones politicians commit.
Pole danced? No, but made up stories about a horrible teacher pole dancing with dyes.
Questioned your heart? Yes.
Been obsessed with post-it notes? Oddly enough, I always end up losing post-its.
Squished barefoot through the mud? Oh yeah.
Been lost? In freakin’ SF while trying to drive in the city.
Been to the opposite side of the country? No, but hope to get there soon.
Swam in the ocean? Only one of them.
Felt like dying? Recently?
Cried yourself to sleep? No, I’m usually done crying and into the deep self loathing part.
Played cops and robbers? Yes.
Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers? Yes.
Sung karaoke? Nope.
Paid for a meal with only coins? Yes, and the bitch deserved it.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Not yet.
Made prank phone calls? No.
Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? Not yet.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.
Kissed in the rain? No.
Written a letter to Santa Claus? Yes.
Been kissed under mistletoe? By relatives.
Watched the sunset with someone you care about? It depends on what you mean by "someone you care about."
Blown bubbles? With my spit.
Made a bonfire on the beach? No, but I hear about them all the time from my brother.
Crashed a party and took their tap? No.
Gone roller-skating? Yes.
Had a wish come true? Never.
Humped a monkey? She wasn’t that hairy.
Worn pearls? No.
Jumped off a bridge? No.
Screamed penis in class? Yes, and vagina.
Eaten dog/cat food? A dog biscuit, once. It was the thing to do. Don’t judge by just one question.
Told a complete stranger you loved/hated them? I reserve those words people I actually care about.
Sang in the shower? Show tunes. Cabaret is a favorite.
Have a little black dress? No.
Fucked in the park? No.
Had a dream that you married someone? Yes.
Glued your hand to something? Yes.
Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No, the metal thing in the freezer.
Kissed a fish? No.
Worn the opposite sexes clothes? For Halloween. And I was pregnant.
Been a cheerleader? If I had, I’d be dead, or visiting a camp that has Ru Paul without his wig.
Sat on a roof top? Yes.
Had sex in church? Nope.
Screamed at the top of your lungs? No.
Done a one-handed cartwheel? Let’s get through the two-handed cartwheel first.
Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours? No, I like the letter thing or face-to-face thing too much.
Stayed up all night? Yes, see the post from a couple of days ago.
Haven’t take a shower for a week? Yeah, but there were probably baths during that week.
Pick and ate an apple right off the tree? Yes.
Climbed a tree? Yes.
Had a tree house? No, because the trees around here suck.
Are scared to watch scary movies alone? No.
Believe in ghosts? Only the ones of my past and future and present.
Have more than 30 pairs of shoes? In my lifetime?
Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say? I've worn ugly outfits to school, but I didn’t care what others would say. They probably didn’t even notice since I wore the same type of clothes the day before.
Gone streaking? No
Played ding-dong-ditch? Is this a game that involves a doorbell? We don’t have doorbells where I come from.
Played monster in the bucket? Not that I know of. And I hope I haven't.
Played chicken fight? I couldn’t find two chickens that would fight.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? I jumped.
Been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? I’ve never even imagined that scenario.
Broken a bone? No.
Been easily amused? It’s my whole life so far.
Caught a fish and ate it? I’ve caught fish, but I think they were always thrown back.
Made porn? Only in my mind, and even there I get performance anxiety.
Caught a butterfly? Yes.
Laughed so hard you cried? Yes, I usually gets hiccups.
Cried so hard you laughed? No, but it made others laugh.
Mooned/flashed someone? No one wants to see that.
Had someone moon/flash you? Why would they want to?
Cheated on a test? Yes, but it was the ASFAB and that doesn’t count.
Forgotten someone’s name? Yeah, all those people who come into ‘Buck day after day.
Slept naked? On occasion, but it’s not as fun, or interesting, when you’re alone.
French braided someone’s hair? No, but I think I could.
Gone skinny dipping in a pool? 12 hours by myself.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Awake
Of course it has to happen when I have to be at work by 4:15 in the morning.
I should really be sleeping right now. In fact, up until about fifteen minutes ago, I had been in bed for over three hours trying to sleep. There were some times that I think I drifted off, but they must have been short because I would look at the clock and it would only be a few minutes after I last looked.
Ninish, I tried reading a bit. That usually helps me to fall asleep because my usual routine is get in bed, read for fifteen/twenty minutes, sleep. Not tonight, apparently.
I've, sort of, had this problem other nights, but usually I get to sleep and then wake up at one or two to pee and then can't sleep.
The problem, or one problem, is that an idea pops into my head that wants to get out. Tonight's was an idea of how to actually start that novel I started jotting ideas down for a long time ago. (I mention it at the bottom of this post.) Getting up and putting it down is a double edged sword, you know? On the one hand, I don't lose the idea that I think is great. On the other hand, I'm going to have to be at work at 4:15. Usually, I just stay in bed and drift in and out, but never really fall asleep. Tonight, apparently, I won't even get a couple of hours of real sleep.
Maybe part if it is stress. I don't want to go to work. I walk through the door feeling fine, sometimes I'm even up-beat, but within the first hour, my head starts throbbing. I think that last week I took more aspirin than I had in the whole year leading up to it. Not a good sign. At one point the headache got so bad I thought I was gonna barf. I didn't, but I was afraid I would. Tonight, I have a headache. Not the barfy kind, but the same kind I get at work. They seem to start at my eyeballs and swoop up under my skull, then split into two near my brain stem, and flows down the sides of my neck.
On another note, I finished a book today. This time I read Primary Colors. I've always like the movie and when I found the book at some used bookstore, I snatched it. Like most good books turned into movies, it seemed so full, more rich. Two things surprised me though. The first is that my favorite scene in the movie isn't in the book. In the movie, when everyone meets Henry (a black man and grandson to a civil rights leader) they all say that they knew his grandfather, or admired his grandfather, or something like that. But when Susan Stanton meets she says (to the best of my memory), "I met you once. It was at your grandfathers and you were running around in the sprinkler in your underwear." One of my favorite movie moments. The second surprise is how Kathy Bates owned her roll as Libby Holden in the movie. Even before I knew who was speaking, I heard Kathy Bates's voice in my head and couldn't get it out for the rest of the novel.
Okay, I'm off to try sleep again.
'Night.
I should really be sleeping right now. In fact, up until about fifteen minutes ago, I had been in bed for over three hours trying to sleep. There were some times that I think I drifted off, but they must have been short because I would look at the clock and it would only be a few minutes after I last looked.
Ninish, I tried reading a bit. That usually helps me to fall asleep because my usual routine is get in bed, read for fifteen/twenty minutes, sleep. Not tonight, apparently.
I've, sort of, had this problem other nights, but usually I get to sleep and then wake up at one or two to pee and then can't sleep.
The problem, or one problem, is that an idea pops into my head that wants to get out. Tonight's was an idea of how to actually start that novel I started jotting ideas down for a long time ago. (I mention it at the bottom of this post.) Getting up and putting it down is a double edged sword, you know? On the one hand, I don't lose the idea that I think is great. On the other hand, I'm going to have to be at work at 4:15. Usually, I just stay in bed and drift in and out, but never really fall asleep. Tonight, apparently, I won't even get a couple of hours of real sleep.
Maybe part if it is stress. I don't want to go to work. I walk through the door feeling fine, sometimes I'm even up-beat, but within the first hour, my head starts throbbing. I think that last week I took more aspirin than I had in the whole year leading up to it. Not a good sign. At one point the headache got so bad I thought I was gonna barf. I didn't, but I was afraid I would. Tonight, I have a headache. Not the barfy kind, but the same kind I get at work. They seem to start at my eyeballs and swoop up under my skull, then split into two near my brain stem, and flows down the sides of my neck.
On another note, I finished a book today. This time I read Primary Colors. I've always like the movie and when I found the book at some used bookstore, I snatched it. Like most good books turned into movies, it seemed so full, more rich. Two things surprised me though. The first is that my favorite scene in the movie isn't in the book. In the movie, when everyone meets Henry (a black man and grandson to a civil rights leader) they all say that they knew his grandfather, or admired his grandfather, or something like that. But when Susan Stanton meets she says (to the best of my memory), "I met you once. It was at your grandfathers and you were running around in the sprinkler in your underwear." One of my favorite movie moments. The second surprise is how Kathy Bates owned her roll as Libby Holden in the movie. Even before I knew who was speaking, I heard Kathy Bates's voice in my head and couldn't get it out for the rest of the novel.
Okay, I'm off to try sleep again.
'Night.
Oh Yeah
I forgot to mention that today's the summer solstace. The days only get darker from here on out.
Of Mice
So, The Manager told me, yesterday, that Fuckburger is going to be our DM. Then she asked me not to quit. Then she promised that I'd never be scheduled when Fuckburger is coming to the store. Then she asked me not to quit again. Then she asked me to promise not to quit. I told her that I won't quit unless I have another job lined up. (I never told her the reason for the test I took in Cow City.) She asked me to promise not to quit. I told her I couldn't make promises that I couldn't keep and walked out of the back room.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Effin' Late
Work sucks. Two people, both closers, called in sick. From nine until 11:30, there were only two of us. PSBG kicked everyone out thirty minutes early, so it only took us ninety minutes to get the store closed.
The old manager will become our District Manager July 1st.
I really want to quit.
The old manager will become our District Manager July 1st.
I really want to quit.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Early
I'm sitting here waiting for the fire to catch enough for me to close it all the way down and pondering the people I have to close with.
Tonight, I realized why I don't really like closing. It's the people I close with. They're not bad people, their just night people. And their friends are night people. That means that the employees stop and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and... well, you get the idea. The drinks line up. The people in the drive-thru start getting angry and I'm the one who has to face angry customers.
I have two more days of this to face. Oy.
On another note, I saw the new Batman today. It was pretty good. I had three major problems with it. Several not so major problems. And lots of suggestions that could have cleaned it up nicely, but I'm not important enough because those Hollywood people know I'll see whatever crap they put out and slap the word Batman to it.
One thing it did was really made me appreciate how great the cartoon we grew up with was. Go and rent a disk of the cartoon after seeing the movie, you'll see what I mean.
Oh, and Katie Holmes is starting to look like a skeleton. She was much cuter when her face was more round while she was on The Creek.
Okay, fire should be ready by now.
Tonight, I realized why I don't really like closing. It's the people I close with. They're not bad people, their just night people. And their friends are night people. That means that the employees stop and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and... well, you get the idea. The drinks line up. The people in the drive-thru start getting angry and I'm the one who has to face angry customers.
I have two more days of this to face. Oy.
On another note, I saw the new Batman today. It was pretty good. I had three major problems with it. Several not so major problems. And lots of suggestions that could have cleaned it up nicely, but I'm not important enough because those Hollywood people know I'll see whatever crap they put out and slap the word Batman to it.
One thing it did was really made me appreciate how great the cartoon we grew up with was. Go and rent a disk of the cartoon after seeing the movie, you'll see what I mean.
Oh, and Katie Holmes is starting to look like a skeleton. She was much cuter when her face was more round while she was on The Creek.
Okay, fire should be ready by now.
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