Un-Fucking-Happy

I didn't get the last job that I interviewed for up in Cowtown. I got the letter saying so yesterday.

The first interview I had, this year, was early in February. The last was early in August. Between those two were nine or ten other interviews. For all of these interviews, I have received on phone call telling me I wasn't going to be hired, and four letters telling me the same thing. If I was an optimist, I'd still be hoping that one of the other jobs might be mine. I'm not an optimist, though, so I'm not holding onto any kind of hope.

I know that I have more education than many of the other people who interviewed for these positions. I want to move back to Cowtown because there's family and friends already living there, so it's no problem. I have two years experience doing the filing and the greeting and the pointing and the problem solving within the state at the same level most of the interviews were for and even if they're worried about me having too little experience I'd hope that the copy of my performance review and a quick phone call with my supervisor would show that I can learn to do almost anything. In interviews, I try to show a sense of humor along with my knowledge and desire to learn to show that I can get along with people just fine and that I want to work with the rest of the team. I shake everyone's hand and I smile so hard that my cheeks hurt and I make sure that the smile reaches my eyes because a smile that doesn't show in a person's eyes is just a bullshit smile.

So, why haven't I been hired?

The most straight forward answer that I can think of is that they wanted to go with someone who already works there. Someone they know. Someone they think will be able to do the job based on work they--the people conducting the interview--have seen. Someone who won't have opinions that are contrary to people above them. Someone who will do the job, but won't actually think about the work. They want a fucking warm body that's missing the brain.

The crazy answer, but the answer that I think/fear is true, is that I am un-hirable if there isn't desperate need for someone.

Let me break it down for you:
Summer after I graduated high school, I interviewed at Taco Bell, McDonald's, and a couple of pizza places. (There were several more applications turned in, but no other interviews.) I did McDonald's twice. The second time was after a bunch of my friends got hired there and I hoped they could put in a good word for me. I didn't get hired at any of those places and spent my summer reading and watching TV.

First year of college, away at a university, during the week before school started, I went all over campus applying for jobs. I interviewed for two positions in the library, where I would have been so happy working. Didn't get either one. During the first week of classes, three people who worked at the front counter of my dorm quit. I was called in for an interview and got along with the people well. At the end, I was asked when I could start if they were to hire me, I told them tomorrow. I got a call the next day, got trained the day after, and worked my first shift the day after that. I worked there all through that school year. I showed up for every shift, or got mine covered, and I took nearly each shift someone wanted to give away. If I had gone back to that school the next year, I would have had a guaranteed job.

First year of junior college, I started off just puttering around. I didn't want to work if I could help it. Around October, my dad got tired of driving me out to the college three days a week, so I got a ride twice a week with at friend and on Friday's my dad drove to work, then I took the car to school, dropped it off at his office, and then waited for him to get off, or rode the "bus" home. By December that wasn't working, so I bought a car and started looking for a job. I interviewed at McDonald's, Taco Bell, the movie theater, Best Western, and Orchard Supply in January and February. No hire. In March I turned in applications all over the county hoping that one would pick up. In April, I learned that an old client of my dad had a husband who had opened a sandwich shop. I handed him a resume and a week later I was hired. He wasn't desperate for people; his wife told him that my dad had helped her out a lot and that he should hire me. By the end of summer, I was his only employee and I stayed with him until I moved to another university a year and a half later.

At the second university, I took my time looking for a job. I had plenty of savings and figured it would be better to find a job after the rush at the beginning of the school year. I started applying in October all over town and on campus. I only had one interview. At the movie theater. The usual thing occurred. Throughout my first year there I kept applying all over the place. I didn't have another interview. During the summer, I house sat for some people and earned a few hundred dollars that went to insurance. The next year, I applied all over town and on campus continuously. Never had an interview. Thank goodness for financial aid, but I left school with only $10 in my savings and checking by the time I left.

I knew that I was going back to Cowtown after graduation, so when my dad called me at the beginning of May and told me that a 'Bucks was being built and was holding interviews the Friday before Memorial day, I asked him to pick me up an application and sign me up for an interview during the mid afternoon. A week later, I was hired. They wanted me to start the next day, but I still had a week of classes, a week of finals, and graduation before I could start. When I finally started my training, at the nearest store, at the time, I found out that during those missing two weeks, only two people had been training. I started my training with one other person, and the next person to start training for our store didn't begin until a week later, which was one week before our store opened. And the manager was still doing interviews to find people.

During my three months away from 'Bucks a year later, I put in a lot of applications to places. I was interviewed twice, at Blockbuster, and Wal*Mart. I wasn't hired.

I got back into 'Bucks because the old manager had left (We'd had a few problems.) and the new manager wanted good people for the Christmas season and she hadn't been able to find many. She was happy to have me back and I was happy to have a job again.

I stuck with 'Bucks until I started working here. The only interview out of thirty applications I sent out. After I started here, I found out that when I interviewed, there were four empty OT slots and they had only interviewed five people. One took a position somewhere else. One they couldn't get a hold of. One didn't come in for her first day of work and never called. One took an empty slot. And one was me.

And here we are.

And here I sit.

I don't want to have to look for people who were clients of my father to get hired as a favor. I'm tired of not getting interviews at 90% of the places I put in applications. I can't stand thinking that I can only get hired because businesses are desperate for an employee.

And I really don't want to hear or read any more crap about how the right job will come to me and I'll get it when I need to. As much as I'd like the "right" job now, I'd really like a different job in Cowtown or Cowcity. A job with a bit of security and the possibility for growth. I want to be recognized as a hard worker and a good person, for once, before I'm hired and not seen as some sort of happy accidental hire.

Is that too fucking much to ask for, world?