On the Steps of the Palace

I've been trying to figure out what I want. You know? I want to figure out something that I desire with all of my being. Like a married couple who can't have kids (or are having trouble getting pregnant) but more than anything want a little life to care for. That's the kind of desire I'd like to have.

Sure, there are things I'd like to have. I'd like to own a few acres of land of rolling hills, pines and oaks, and a creek or California river running through it. I'd like to own a house. so that every payment I make gets it closer to being mine, instead lining the pocket of some jackass with money while he won't even replace a screen that's been missing since before I moved in. I'd like... shit, I don't really know what else I'd like.

A long time ago, I wrote about how much I like Into the Woods. I didn't do a great job talking about the play. Hell, I left out my favorite lyric. There's this moment where Cinderella is sitting on the stairs with the Baker's Wife talking (really singing, but come on, it's a musical) and the Baker's Wife asks her about the prince and ends with, "Is he everything you've ever wanted?" and Cinderella answers, "Would I know? / ... / [H}ow can you know what you want / Till you get what you want / And you see if you like it?" The Baker's wife isn't sure and ponders it over while Cinderella says, "All I know is- / ... / What I want most of all- / ... / Is to know what I want." Which is something that I've been able to relate to for a long time.

Do you remember the last time you blew an eyelash off your finger, or saw a shooting star and made a wish? What did you wish for? The last time I made a wish, I wished to have a wish. It's the same wish I've made since I was eleven.