I wanted to get a good idea of where this was going before I wrote it all out. Actually, I think I wanted to understand what was happening, I think I have some of it, but not all. Oh well, here goes:
I didn't work on Monday, which was all well and good, I did my laundry and a lot of nothing. That's just the way my life is. OWGAWE always has the weekends off (no one else is allowed to have those two days off every week of the year) and my schedule was really fucked up last week, so I didn't see her at all. Monday, she did something that's affected my whole work week so far.
Tuesday at 'Bucks
I opened with Assistant Manager #2, she who started at this store in July and has only worked for 'Bucks for four months total. She was there ten minutes before the scheduled time. Happiness filled me (which is pathetic because there's really no reason to be happy to work for ten extra minutes at a job you don't want to do anymore). I followed #2 in, she had me lock the door behind her, even though, as the person in charge of the shift, she's supposed to. I clocked in. I want my extra--let me do the math... $7 something an hour, divided by six is--dollar for clocking in ten minutes before my official time, who wouldn't? I turned to walk to the back room to put my book away (Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, for those who are interested) and saw that one of the wipe off boards was filled with big, black writing. Basically, it said that a day had been decided to "celebrate" our getting the best average snapshot (secret shopper stuff I'm breezed over in other posts, go ahead and look, I dare you) in the district.
This "celebration" is to take place next Tuesday, the 31st, I believe is the date. That evening, other people from other stores will come in and work the last fourish hours and close the store. (Which means that the people who open the next morning, of which I am not one, will not be able to find many of the things they'll need and not all the prep work will be complete. Their morning will not go smoothly. I'm sure I'll hear all about it when I go in at eightish.) OWGAWE decided that everyone should go to dinner on a boat that'll paddle out into the river while the food is being consumed. This would cost each person $21. OWGAWE had a very clever idea, she would take $7 from each person's tips for the next three weeks to pay for this trip. She ended this thing saying that she was looking forward to seeing all of us there. Under all of this was a piece of paper which, carefully, had everyone's name written and next to each name were two boxes. One box was under the heading YES. Can you guess what the heading to the other box was? That's right, it was NO.
I immediately grabbed a Sharpie and put an X in a box. I bet all of you can guess which box I checked. That's right, it was the NO box. Why would I want to pay $21 to spend time with people I don't want to spend time with when I'm getting paid? No reason. The people at work like me enough. Being completely honest, I wouldn't call any of them my friend. (To be fair, though, it takes me a while to call a person friend and I have to know more about him or her than what he or she is like at work. I have to get a good idea of sense of humor and other senses (just listen to the Animaniacs song, you'll understand) and then I may call him or her my friend. I just don't understand those people who claim that the person they just met is his or her friend. I'm looking forward to hearing one of those people say, "My friend, who's a pimp, charged me only $15 buck for the blow-job that his ugliest ho gave me. I'm so lucky to have a friend like that." Wouldn't that be fun.) There are two who are close to the label of friend. One is GIESW, who I've written about before. The other is MOTWAWL. They main reason they're almost friends is because I feel safe telling them my frustrations about work and verifying rumors through them. But to actually call them my friends, I'd have to do something with them out in the real world, but I doubt that'll happen.
Where was I? Oh... Yeah.
Okay, Assistant Manager #1, who's be working in this store since April, but has been with 'Bucks for five years now, came in at about nine Tuesday morning. She's the one who spoke to me about this thing before, but turned the conversation into something else entirely. I forgot that she was coming in that day, she'd be on vacation for the past two weeks, it was wonderful. While I was on a break, or just in the back room, or something that I can't remember, she asked me why I wasn't going.
"I don't want to," I said.
"What?" she asked.
"I don't want to go. I won't have fun. Besides, I have school." Which is sort of a lie, since I'm only in class until five that night.
She left it at that and I got the reward of going back to work.
Later, I was coming out of the back room and OWGAWE was washing the dishes and asked, "Why aren't you going next Tuesday?"
"I don't want to." I find it much easier to tell her the truth because I found out that she's leaving to work Italy in a few weeks. That makes me happy.
#1 was by OWGAWE and said, "He has school." at the same time as my answer.
I pushed my way past them both and was once again rewarded with serving ungrateful, over-caffeinated, extremely picky people useless, over-complicated coffee drinks.
Finally, the end of my shift came. I was counting out my drawer and singing Mrs. Robinson to myself when #1 came back and sat down at the desk.
Oh, shit, I thought.
"Do you really have school next Tuesday?" she asked, looking at the computer monitor.
"Yeah," I said, then got quiet, "but only until five."
"Why do you have to be so anti-social?"
"Because it's easier and I don't have to put up with other people and, frankly, I have more fun playing with myself."
She didn't laugh at my joke. Instead, she said, "But it's a free meal."
"No it's not," I said. "It'll cost me $21."
"Yeah, but it'll be fun."
"For you, maybe, but I'll be miserable and uncomfortable and will only complain to myself that I wasted money that I could have saved for a trip next January."
"I'll pay for you," she said, finally looking at me.
"[#1]," I said, "it's not about the money, it's about me not wanting to be miserable on an evening that's supposed to be a reward. A reward that doesn't even count for me because I don't work Tuesday nights, I go to school and then to sleep so I can work the next morning."
I finished my drop, grabbed my book, headed out front, clocked off, and ran to school.
Wednesday at 'Bucks
Only one thing happened that relates to this story on Wednesday.
GIESW didn't work Tuesday, so I didn't know her reaction to the whole "celebration" thing. Wednesday, she did work and during a lull in customers, when OWGAWE and the others left the front, she came over to me.
"[ticknart], my anti-social friend, I see you're not going to the thing, also."
"Yup," I said, "I was the first to say no."
By this time, MOTWAWL had also marked NO.
"Yeah, I was going to," said GIESW, "but [The Manager] saw me and started to lay on the guilt. I tried to make it seem like it was a money thing, but then she offered to pay for me."
"[#1] did that to me yesterday, but I told her it wasn't about the money it's just I don't like people."
"Don't like people." she said at the same time as me. "Me, too. Plus it's on a boat. I hate boats. I have that whole fear of being over open water thing."
"Too bad," I said, "boats are cool. Are you gonna mark NO?"
"No, I'm just not going to mark any box. Leave it blank and then not show up and not spend the money." She turned away from me and took a step then turned back and said, "I told [The Manager] to not even bother trying to convince you, that there's nothing she could do, that you aren't going to go."
"Thanks, [GIESW]."
She went to help a customer. I wrote the cup and made the drink.
Thursday at 'Bucks
I got to work early because I couldn't sleep last night and figured, what the hell. I was sitting at the back desk copying down my schedule (created by Assistant Manager #1) when GIESW came back.
"Look at this," I said. "[#1]gave me Tuesday off and doesn't have me come into work until eight-thirty on Wednesday. I bet she'll tell me that I have no excuse, now, for not going to the thing."
"Fuck," said GIESW, "She gave me Wednesday off. I bet she'll say the same thing to me."
OWGAWE called GIESW out front to help with customers, I copied the rest of my schedule then read.
Later, GIESW and I were working on the bar together.
"[#1] is in at eight-thirty," GIESW said.
"Fuck," I said. "She's not going to stop hassling me about next Tuesday. She take it way too personally, that I'm not going."
For the record, I think all of them have the right to take it personally that I don't want to spend time with them, that I don't really like them. If they don't, they should. It is personal. I just don't think that they should take it too personally, because I don't want to spend time with nearly everyone on the planet. I WANT to spend time with, like, only .0000000033333 percent of the people on the planet. So they should realize, they'll have lots of company visiting with all the people I don't want to do stuff with.
"Yeah," said GIESW, "she kinda suck that way doesn't she."
"Especially with me. It's like she's on a mission to get me to do stuff with the people in this store. What can we do?"
"I'm going to tell her I don't like boats, and stick to that."
#1 came in, did her thing. GIESW went on her lunch and had a run in with #1 on her way back.
"Well, the thing's not on a boat anymore," she gave me a sardonic smile, "because of me."
"Shit," I said.
"Yeah. She said, 'You can even bring my boyfriend.' Like I'd force him to do something that I don't even want to do. That'll be lots of fun."
"What are we gonna do?"
"I don't know. I'll probably drop in. Make a quick appearance. In, say 'hi,' and out."
"I'm not going," I said. "I'm not going. I'm to going to give into all this store is great bullshit. #1 can bend over and kiss her own ass."
GIESW laughed and we had to start making drinks again.
I go on my lunch and guess who comes to the back room? That's right, it's #1. Joy.
"Are you coming on Tuesday?" she asked.
"Did the X in the box next to my name jump from YES to NO?" I asked. I figured it was time to be honest and use the power of sarcasm I was blessed with. She didn't deserve lies and pleasantries any more.
She looked at me like she wanted to smack me and said, "It's not on a boat, you know."
"I like boats, why would that make any difference?"
"Well, it's not on a boat, and it won't cost you anything. Will you come?"
"No."
"Come on, [OWGAWE] is leaving, next Friday is her last day. I want us all to do this for her."
I sighed, "No."
"But it's [OWGAWE]'s last week. We have to do something special for her."
"[#1], it's no good trying to use [OWGAWE] as a way to get me to go, I don't ever want to go to a party for her."
She looked surprised. As if she never thought I could say something so... mean.
"Even if I had been around, I wouldn't have gone to [BCTB]'s going away party because it was for her. I refuse to do anything for [OWGAWE].
She looked stunned. I turned back to my book, thinking that I might be able to read some.
"Come on," she said, "just come."
"No," I said and turned toward her. She looked sad.
"You don't have come for [OWGAWE] if you don't want to. Come for us. You deserve some fun. Come for everyone in the store. We all deserve some fun. It's been a tough summer for all of us."
"No, I don't want to."
"Do it as a favor for me," she said. "You do me a favor and I'll do one for you. Do you want some time off? Do you want Thanksgiving off?"
"I've already requested Thanksgiving off."
"That doesn't mean you'll get it off. Who does the schedule?"
A chill ran through my body.
"You do," I said.
"That's right."
Holy shit, I thought. This fucking sucks.
"Come on. You don't have to stay. Just pop in. Have a drink, say 'hi,' and go."
I wanted to tell her I don't drink, but figured it didn't matter. Instead, I said, "Maybe."
"Just say, 'yes,'" she said.
"Maybe," I said again. "I'm not going to make a promise that I can't be sure I'm going to keep, that I don't want to keep."
She sighed, "Fine, but it'd only have to be a quick visit."
"Maybe," I said again.
She sighed again and went out front, hopefully to help them.
Thursday Night In My Room
I've decided that when I work tomorrow, in the evening until closing to tell #1 that I'm not going at all. If she isn't there, I'll write her a note. Fuck Thanksgiving. If she wants to be so petty that she'll threaten not giving me the day off (even though I'm the first person to ask for the day off) then there's no reason to go somewhere that won't help my so called career or me in general.
I have to say it: Fuck her. Fuck the people who think like her. Fuck the people in my store. Fuck the customers. Fuck 'Bucks, in general. It's not your job to get involved in my life outside of work unless it's effecting my ability to do my job. My life outside of work isn't hurting my ability to do my job. Instead, my job is effecting my life outside of work by making me miserable and it's effecting my ability to actually perform my job because my stress level goes from mild to burn-your-asshole-off spicy each time I walk through the door.
I'm loathing going into work tomorrow.
PS This isn't some chemical imbalance or diabetes or other problem, this is just me hating my job and the place that I live (no offence, Slackbastard). I've got to get out of this place, but have yet to see an exit that leads me forward or sideways, instead of back. Right now, I'd rather be miserable and angry than take a step backward.
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