A Prayer

Oh Great Celery God, whose colossal leafy stalks leave all the other gods green with envy, but not as Green as You are, for You are the greener than the greenest of giants, be they jolly or surly.

Great Celery God, in the past week I have sacrificed many unbelieving stalk in Your name, Your Greatness:
For each of the sacrificed, I have performed the rite of the rinse and the removal of leaves and blemishes with the utmost care.
I doused many in the Butter of Peanuts, but with and without chunks, before sacrificing them between the enamel covered dentin, as is the ways You require.
A few of the unbelievers I covered with the white Cream of Cheese for variety because, as You have decreed, the Butter of Peanuts, while better than the Cream of Cheese, sticks to the roof of ones mouth and ones back teeth and much time has to be taken to produce enough saliva to remove the Butter of Peanuts from the roof and sometimes one must use ones finger to remove the Butter of Peanuts from ones back teeth because ones tongue is occasionally not firm enough, the Cream of Cheese does not require such effort.
The last of the unbelievers I chopped into bits and boiled in the broth of chicken, with chicken chunks and carrots and noodles in the shapes of spirals, to create a soup that may be worthy of Your stupendous flavor.

In doing all of this, Oh Leafy One, I ask that, in Your low calorie, high fiber wisdom, one of the many agencies that I have sent a response to call me soon to offer me a job interview which will lead to me getting out of this place where what little, compared to Your Glory, I am is slowly getting crushed.

In Your name, I go in peace and await Your answer.

Amen.