George Carlin on New Orleans

Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the bullshit going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans... First I would like to say, Sorry for your loss. With that said, let's go through a few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that...Get the hell out. Don't blame the government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (I don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)

#2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See #2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff...it's theirs, not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumb ass who didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave! (It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them)

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, The US Government didn't create the hurricane as a way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you want. McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living.

President Kennedy said it best..."Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." Thank you for allowing me to rant.

Strange Dream

My in-box is empty. My boss is away at lunch. The other co-workers have decided it's okay to waste this time. So, I'm wasting it too.

I had this strange dream last night. I was being forced to live in a judge's house. (I don't know if it's one of the judges here or not. The judge was only referred to as The Judge.) I had all my boxes in my room, which my parent's cats (past and present) had chosen for me by curling up together on the bed. Some kid came in and started to sing that Hillary Duff song that came out with the Lizzie McGuire Movie (I think it's called "So Yesterday") and he wouldn't shut up. So I grabbed his arm and pulled him out onto this huge bridge (sort of like the Bay Bridge, that long but more narrow like for only six or seven people standing side by side) and threatened to push him off if he didn't stop singing the song. He wouldn't stop and I couldn't push. The Sprite, one of my parent's cats, ran across the bridge, leaped and knocked the kid over the edge and into the bay below then trotted home. I stared at her and woke up.

Strange, huh?

I don't know what else to say right now. So, I'm gonna munch on some Cheez-Its and read my book.

Day Off

I had Columbus Day off. Isn't that weird? A day celebrating the man who brought Europe's version of slavery to a new continent just so he could get rich. I know he's my hero.

On another note, not that anyone's asked, I am keeping up with my comics. I have five for the last five weeks that I haven't posted them sitting on my hard drive. Why haven't I posted them, because a few stolen minutes of time to post this isn't quite enough to do the comics.

Halfey Birthday Mom

I wanted to say that to her today

And I wanted to let you all know that I will not be getting regular internet until next month. I know that I’ve written that it’ll be this month, but it can’t be. I have to be sure of the money situation before I can get some real internet connection. See, I just got my PG&E bill this month and on it was a $120 deposit. A deposit for what, I don’t know. Since the power was on in my apartment before I got there I guess it’s not the line into the apartment building from the pole, now is it. Well, that disappearing money made me squinch up inside, deciding to wait on internet unsquinched me.

So, from now until I get connected at my place, I’ll try to write two or three things each week. Maybe long ones the night before then dumped online at work or maybe short ones here at work in a stolen few minutes. (Which is what this one here is.)

Daily

I have a few minutes before I go off and learn what an applicant has to go through when they file their papers here. Because of this class, or whatever, I’m going to miss my usual break, at 10 AM today, so I took it upon myself to take my break early and do a little blogging.

The oddest thing about this job, for me at least, is that it has the same routine every single day. I get up at the same time (or nine minutes later if I hit the snooze) every day. I eat and shower and leave at the same time each morning. I get to work and turn on my computer within the same three minutes each day. I turn on my computer and start my working at 8 AM. 10 AM I have a fifteen minute break. 1 PM I have lunch for an hour. 3 PM I have another fifteen minute break. 5 PM I shut down Windows and leave for the day.

I haven’t had this much structure in my life since I was in high school. Five days a week I do the same thing over and over again.

Even the work is repetitive. Same kind of forms and papers come in. I decide which ones require me to open a new case, which ones I need to pull files for, and which ones I just drop into the file. After I decide which ones require which, I pull the files I need. After that, I put the information on line and start new cases. Some papers just get dropped into the files that line our walls. Some get rubber banded to existing files and dropped into judges’ mail boxes. The rest I pull empty files for and set the new file up; I can’t complete the new ones until the next morning because an address record needs to be printed out and for some reason that happens over night.

I don’t really like this much structure.

Hope you’re all well.

I’m trying for that regular internet connection, but I need to see how much I’m already spending each month before I spend even more.

Here

I'm here.

I'm okay.

My job is boring.

I haven't checked my e-mail, yet.

This is all you get until I get an internet connection. That probably won't happen until October.

Gone

Tomorrow, I head out of here.

Tomorrow, there's a long drive for me and my parents

Tomorrow, I move my crap into my apartment.

Tonight will be the last time I have a regular connection to the internet for, probably, a month. I'll try to post when I can, but the computers at work are more ancient than the one my parent's have and I don't think they want us distracted.

For those who want and address and phone number, e-mail me and I'll get it to you as soon as I can.

See you in a while.

Hurricanes

I made this yesterday because it's what I kept thinking about.

AAAAAAAARGH!

I got off the phone with The Manager at 'Bucks a little while ago. She was trying to convince me to work today (fat chance) and to stay.

"I know you were looking for something new," she said, "but if I could arrange it for you to be promoted in a month or two, would you stay?"

I paused for a while before saying, "I already took the job and found a place to live. Plus it's a huge increase in pay. I can't turn it down now."

"Well," she said, "if you ever want to come back, come and see me first. I'll rehire you as a shift supervisor."

"Thanks."

"I just wanted you to know what I thought of you and how much I want you to stay."

"Thanks," I said wanting to vomit.

"Okay," she said, "I'll see you Monday."

"Yeah," I said and hung up the phone.

I immediately took a shower.

Gas Prices Have Hit $3.159 In Cowtown

Monday was up too early and sitting on my ass too long. I actually showed up at the airport two hours early, 4:30 in the morning, just in case. I spent over an hour waiting to board the plane. That sucked.

There was a layover in Houston. I had quite a march from one terminal to the other. On the way I counted four(!) ‘Bucks and saw a goofy statue of Bush the first, made of bronze, with a flutter tie and a jacket sticking straight out behind him. Crazy.

I sat near a guy who was scared of flying on the way into Pittsburgh. I know how lucky I was to have his wife sitting between us. When we got further east and flew over a huge cloudbank, he started to freak out a little. “Can you see the land?” he asked me. (I sat by the window on all my flights.) The clouds stretched out as far as I could see and when I answered, he paled. When we stared to make our landing run, his eyes were glued on the window and he was squeezing his wife’s hand.

I got off the plane on time and didn’t see Heels. So I went to where I thought she might been. She wasn’t there. Ten or fifteen minutes later, I went back into the building and walked to the escalator I came down and heard my name called. And there she was, looking pregnant, but not quite finished, we’ll know when the baby’s done when her belly button pops like a turkey timer. That’s my theory, at least.

We headed back to her and Johnny Logic’s place for pizza (I requested no mushrooms and was informed that in Pittsburgh all pizza places put canned(!) mushrooms on their pizzas.) and much talking.

Let me say, I had three goals for my weekend with them: 1. Spend time with Johnny Logic and Heels. 2. Give them my baby gift. 3. Visit the Warhol Museum.

Saturday, I woke up early, which surprised me. (Maybe everyone else?) Heels was already awake, we sat at the table and talked, then read, then talked some more. (It seems to me that most of the talking was about the past. Which makes sense, since I’ve know both of them for a long time and I spend a lot of time thinking about my past, over analyzing it and imagining how things could have been better and such.) After Mr. Logic got up a discussion of the day’s events was had. It was decided that we should go to the French bakery for breakfast and a movie after and then the Warhol.

We saw Broken Flowers, with Bill Murray. It’s the story of an aging Don Juan who has never faked his own death to see all the women who had loved him. I like it a lot. Bill Murray is spectacular, but the guy who played his friend stole the show. The movie was very bitter sweet, which is my favorite way to take sweet movies.

As we walked out, Heels and I dropped Johnny Logic off at the bathroom, we heard a lady say, “That movie was awful. Bill Murray from Scrooged, that’s the Bill Murray I like. Why doesn’t he make more movies like that?” Heels looked at me and I looked at her, we both smiled and started to laugh. One of us, I’m not sure who, pointed out how strange it is to go see the same movie with so many other people and to have seen a completely different movie. When Mr. Logic came out, we heard her sharing her love of the movie with the guy who takes the tickets. “That movie,” she said, “was the worst movie I have ever seen. That was the worst movie ever made.” I’m sure the ticket guy was going to tell everyone he saw what she thought.

By that time, we were all hungry, so we went to a bird named restaurant and ate. By then, it was too late to see the Warhol. So, we did a drive through tour of Mr. Logic’s school, it was raining, and the downtown. Then we went back to their place. Heels was very, very tired, and took a nap. Johnny and I watched one of their movies, The Borne Identity. I enjoyed it quite a bit; it was a surprisingly smart action film. So, we popped in the sequel.

After the movie, we stayed up even later than the night before talking.

Sunday, The Andy Warhol Museum! (And, later, a baby shower.)

The museum started on the top floor with a John Waters (the director) exhibit. It was mostly photographs he’d taken at his films and strange comparisons of actors and actress to Divine. The best part was the John Waters Curates Andy Warhol’s Porn. Watching old people with very serious expressions watch three girls going down on a guy made me giggle. It was like they were looking for hidden meaning in a blowjob, as opposed to the visceral reaction porn is for.

The rest of the museum was pretty much devoted to Warhol’s stuff. Lots of prints, since that was his thing, but there were other things too. Some painting and sketches. I love looking at quick sketches. They all look so free. Unrushed. Like the artist had no other thought about the work but to get it out. My favorite piece, however, was a self portrait print which is a profile in red, but only a little bit of color for an outline, the rest is white. I’m not sure why I like it so much, but I do.

We moved through the museum a little faster than I would have liked, but we had a baby shower to get for and we had to be on time, since it was for Heels and (to a lesser extent) Johnny Logic.

One word can describe how it was for me: boring. But I was there for my friends, so I did my best to hide my thoughts. The decorations were awful; although it was funny when the hostess asked if the baby was a boy like all her decorations said. (It is a boy, for those who don’t know.) The food was pretty good, though. I was warned early on that the people at the party would be more on the conservative side, so I decided that it wouldn’t be a good idea to wear my “Republicans for Voldemort” shirt. I also had to hold my tongue a lot. One time, I started to say something, three words had escaped my lips before I stopped myself and said, “I’m sorry.” One lady looked at me like she would have liked to hear what I was going to say, but there was no way Heels would have forgiven me if I had said it; many bruises would I have had to live with on the flight back if I had.

Watching Heels open presents was fun. Lots of clothes, a diaper sausage maker, a rocking chair, bibs, and a couple of books. The books were from me; my two favorite Dr. Seuss works, McElligots Pool and Fox in Socks. It was funny that whenever something was unwrapped that had a bear on it the person giving the gift would say, “I know you said you don’t like Teddy Bears, but it was just so cute.” And Heels would say, “Oh, that’s okay, he has a bear sitting in his crib waiting for him. I gave it to my grandmother when I was a kid and now she’s given it back for the baby.” She wasn’t thrilled with the bears, though.

After the party it was back to the house for more jibber jabber, mostly about family, if I remember correctly, and then bed for another early flight. (The only reason it was so early was because originally my parent’s were going to drop me off and pick me up and I didn’t think they’d like to pick me up at 11PM and then have to go to work the next day. It didn’t work out, though.)

The flight back was fine. Katrina didn’t make landfall until a few hours into it and didn’t effect the weather in Houston. The drive back was long and hot and on the hills, my car started to make troubling chugging sounds. I haven’t driven it since.

Strange, isn’t it, how people can spend a weekend together and experience it so differently?

So Long August

A place to live has been found.

Now, off with me to sleep.

Tomorrow, words on another city.

Forgot

Sorry, I don't really have time for tales of my trip today.

I'm heading off to Redtown with my mom to look for a place to live this afternoon through the time we leave tomorrow (probably about 24 hours after we leave here).

So, my take on the trip will be around later this week, but for now you can read Heels's version here.

There and Back Again

Been back a bit, but want to let my brain firm up before I write about it. So, you have to wait for details. Know, however, that I had fun.

Face Time

Be back on Monday.

Take a Look

Because it still makes me laugh when I see it.

Good News, Everyone.

Some people think that I should have put this up yesterday, but yesterday, I just woke up, ate breakfast, and went to work. So, here's the news now:

I got hired at that job in Redtown. I start on the 12th. That means major apartment shopping next week, during some time off from work that I scheduled two months ago (I think).

More importantly, the last day I can be scheduled at 'Bucks is September 5th and I'm taking vacation from tomorrow (Thursday, for those who don't know.) until next Friday!

People at work seem more excited about my new job than me. I think that there are two reasons for this. The first is that I have to find a place to live, once that happens I'm sure I'll be more excited about the job. The second is that I'm extra super excited about visiting Heels and Johnny Logic (who hasn't updated in a while, maybe I'll finally understand what the hell he's studying) this weekend! That's right, I fly out early Friday and pester them for three nights sleep! That's what I'm excited about right now.

Sittin'

I sat on the steps near the front porch for about twenty minutes tonight, petting the cats and thinking.

Somewhere along the way, I think I dropped the ball and haven't been able to find it to pick up.

This Week's

I felt like this all week.

Wanna Go!

The more I think about it, the more I want to go and see Wicked again. Too bad I could only find tickets for $200 or more. Sometimes, rarely though, I wish I lived in New York.

For Me?

Yesterday, just as I started my break, The Manager called to speak with Assistant Manager #1. There were only three people on the floor, so there was no way I was going to pull her off the floor and lose my first break (only ten minute break, actually, even though I was there for eight hours).

So, The Manager decided to chat with me. All I wanted to do was read my book, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

"I'm at a job fair," she said.

"I thought we were having a job fair here tomorrow?" I asked.

"We are, but I want to find tons of people. I'm going to hire tons of great people for you."

Basing "great" on the other hires she's made this summer, the word has fallen in meaning.

"Uh-huh," I said, trying to read while on the phone with her.

"Really," she said, "I'm hiring them for you."

"Yeah."

"No, I really am because I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay and be happy."

And here's the point where I could have, and probably should have, gotten into it with her, again. She knows that the main reason I'm unhappy is because there's no place for me to go in the store. I can't be promoted in this store unless we lose two shift supervisors, The Manager told me. There is no way that two of them are leaving. The one that they want to get rid of is getting paid more than $11 and hour; the next highest person, one who started with this store as a shift supervisor with 'Bucks's base pay, would be about $9.16 an hour; a bit difference. He's not leaving and he's not going to demote himself and lose some pay. None of the others are going to step down, and they shouldn't have to, they're pretty good. So, if I was to be promoted, I'd have to go to the next closest store, which is over 30 miles away from our store, way too far away to make an extra dollar an hour worth the drive; I'd spend more than that in gas money each trip.

Plus, there's that whole thing about our store getting a third assistant manager (which will be an outside hire, of course, since they haven't spoken to the shift supervisor we have who should be promoted), when we're not making enough money to pay for one, which would mean that for me to be promoted we'd need to lose three shift supervisors. Don't I feel better.

So, I said, "Uh-huh."

"Well," she said, "I'm doing it for all of us, I suppose. But I do want you to stay, really."

"Yeah," I said. "I'm on a ten. I'll tell [Assistant Manager #1] you called. She'll call you back in a bit."

"Sure, 'bye."

"'Bye," I said and hung up the phone.

I've been mulling this conversation over in my head all day. I could have been nicer, more interested, but I also could have been much more short with her. I'm sick of all the bullshit going on. I know The Manager wants me to know that she appreciates having me there and thinks I do a good job, but what good do words and empty promises do me?

Another Quiz

the Cutting Edge (66% dark, 53% spontaneous, 36% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 73% on dark You scored higher than 80% on spontaneous You scored higher than 60% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Last Week's

I always smile at this sign. I'm not sure why.

TV

So, I've noticed that a lot of Fridays this summer Fox has been showing two hours of Arrested Development. It's schedule jerked around so much this season that I only saw the first three or four of the season while I still lived in Cowcity. Then I moved back here, where there is no TV hooked up. Sometimes, I like not having TV (apparently, my dad uses the no TV thing as a point of pride with his friends), I read more, write (but don't finish anything) more, I don't zone out as much. But there are shows that I like to watch. I missed half of the Gilmore Girls this season, probably five episodes of Veronica Mars, nearly all of Lost, and at least half of Star Trek: Enterprise in it's best season. So, that's five shows that I like to watch, one of which is gone next season. That's not too bad, is it? I miss the characters and the stories. I miss being able... I guess I just miss TV. I think I wrote that before, but right now, knowing about Arrested Development on tonight really makes me miss the shows that I like.

What To Say About Wicked?

Wicked is, on one level, an attempt to answer the debate over nature vs. nurture. Elsewhere, it's about growing up, or the lengths people go to gain power, or how some idealists are forced to do bad things to get their message across, or how fear unites people, or how much people just want to be liked by others. But, mostly, Wicked is about a friendship between two very different girls.

Elphaba, who eventually becomes the Wicked Witch of the West, was born green and was always very smart and, therefore, immediately is disliked by everyone. Galinda, later Glinda the Good, was blonde and beautiful and, therefore, immediately liked by everyone. They met at Shiz, an Ozian University, and were forced to be roommates. One day, Galinda accidently did something nice for Nessarose, Elphaba's sister, which led Elphaba to do a kind thing for Galinda who then realized that just because she has a creepy skin color doesn't mean that Elphaba was a bad person and Galinda helped to get Elphaba accepted by the other students. And they started to become friends, sometimes despite their differences and sometimes because of them.

From there, the audience watches the making of a wicked witch and development of one of the most unlikely, but wonderful, friendships I've ever seen.

I've read and enjoyed the novel (Wicked by Gregory Maguire) which the play is based on and was worried that I'd hate the play, but I didn't. They cut down some of the plots to focus on the friendship between the two witches and I think that was a smart move. I liked Elphaba from the start, probably because she's a lot like me, and couldn't stand Galinda, but as their friendship grew, I saw Galinda grow as a person as her love for Elphaba grew and I ended up liking Galinda as much as Elphaba did. One of the songs they sing together (I lost my playbill, so I can't give the title, sorry) they say to each other that they're not sure if knowing the other changed them for the better, but it changed them for good. I think that's a great statement for their friendship.

The second really smart thing that the play did was mix it up with the mythology everyone knows from the Judy Garland movie, rather than the books, like Maguire did. We see the creation of the Cowardly Lion (which actually is in the book), the Tin Woodsman, and the Scarecrow. That was fun for most of the audience because it really put the story in the Oz that they've know for their whole lives. For me, who's read many of the Baum books, I found the creation of the Scarecrow and Tin Woodsman distracting because my insides were screaming, "That's not how it happened in the Oz books, dammit!" I got over it, for the most part.

Dorothy is in the play, but you never see her. She takes Nessarose's shoes, she weeps in the castle, and she melts the Elphaba, but the audience is never allowed to see her or get to know her. If we did get to see Dorothy, would we have a harder time seeing Elphaba as a decent, but flawed, person? If we saw her, would it ruin the original that so beloved because she melts the hero of the play? I'm not sure, but maybe.

The sets were simply amazing. A giant moving puppet/robot head for the Wizard to speak out of. An enormous clock face with moving gears. A huge map of Oz as the curtain. A giant bubble for Glinda to fly down on. Flying monkeys. And a witch that flies because of a broom.

My only problem with the play, which is usually my problem with everything, is the ending. Maguire ends his book in the way he has to. I'm going to put it here for you all to see:

And of the Witch? In the life of a Witch, there is no after, in the ever after of a Witch, there is no happily; in the story of a Witch, there is no afterword. Of that part that is beyond the life story, beyond the story of life, there is--alas, or perhaps thank mercy--no telling. She was dead, dead and gone, and all that was left of her was the carapace of her reputation for malice.

For me, it was like seeing/reading Rozencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. These characters have to die because it's written. The play, however, ends on a much happier note. I'm sure most of the audience was pleased with this, but sometimes isn't it nice to have things end in a way that's not so perfect?

So, go and see and enjoy. It's not the Oz you grew up. It's better.

Amazing

The play was absolutely spectacular. If you have the money and a day to get to The Bay (or NY, if you're on that side of the country) go and see Wicked.

I'll try to do a better post on it tomorrow. I'm tired now.

Play

Tomorrow, I'm off to see Wicked in The Bay. I adore the book and hope that the play lives up to it.

Brief Interview

JtI: So, how's work been going.

JtA: Well, I've been having a recurring fantasy that a guy comes into the store with a gun to rob the place. He yells and screams and waves his gun around a lot. The cops arrive and he decided to take everyone hostage, which is silly, considering most of the front of the store is window, but I digress. To prove to the police he's serious, he shoots me in the head.

JtI: Uhh... That's all the time we have, folks.

Funny-ish

Always strange, but that's what I like.


One of the best looking strips out there. I wish it was in US alternatives.


I pulled this from Scott McCloud, who, I think, pulled it off of this site, who, apparently, claimed this guy was the creator. Is it wrong to stare at?


This one's the background for my desktop right now.

Hours and Hearts

I was given ten hours more than I want next week. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to pawn one of the days off on SRMB. He'll probably take it because he's rarely given more than 15-20 hours a week, since he sucks and never should have been hired in the first place. It's too bad you can't fire someone for incompetence without the fear of being sued anymore.

One of my uncles is in the hospital and my parent's went down with my aunt to somewhere near Joe's Ville yesterday before I got back from my interview. Last I heard no one knew exactly what the problem is, only that it has to do with his heart, so he's being moved to another hospital for lots of tests. I hope nothing too bad is going on. I don't want there to be any chest cracking involved.

Interview

I think it went well. It was brought up, by the head judge guy, not the woman who would be my direct supervisor, that I don't have much office experience, but he seemed to warm up to me. The two lady's in there were really nice, but let the judge ask all the question.

I wouldn't mind working there, even though the city has over 100,000 people.

Oh, I forgot to say that I won't hear anything back until after the 16th because the judge is going on vacation. Long wait.

It's Comicing Time

One for last week and one for this week.

I Don't Know

So, there was no crazy phone call today. That's good because I haven't answered the phone before the machine picks up in two weeks and that means my mom would have answered it and gotten the earful. (I pre-apologized to her on the way home last night.) It's bad because she might be saving up for tomorrow night, which is a dinner for a cousins birthday, to nail me in person.

Wait, she isn't like that. It would be rude to ruin someone else's night. So it won't happen.

I have an interview on Thursday in Redtown. I don't want to be disappointed when I don't get the job, but I want it so bad. I have no idea what I'd be doing and I've even forgotten what the place is, but I need to get out of this place and into some where different.

That evil question keeps coming up, "What do you want to do?" My uncle asked me last night. In my brain, I have an answer, it's just not one that anyone wants to hear. So, I say, "I don't know." Are you who keep asking me what I want sick of that answer? If so, quit asking the evil question. Please, I'm sick of hearing it and I'm about to fall into the sarcastic.

I'm tired. I'm going to sleep soon. First, though, I'm going to finish an article about Serenity, the movie I'm most looking forward to this fall. The week before the movie, I'm planning on watching all of Firefly again.

'Night.

Guess Who's Stuck At Dinner

I didn't bring a book. That's the biggest problem.

The first, of the very few rules I have for my life is: "Always bring a book." I usually do.

Tonight, I didn't.

But I didn't know.

I thought that we were just stopping by dropping off gifts. I thought that after the opening, we would be off for home. I didn't expect that we'd be here for dinner, and the cooking of dinner, and the preparation of dinner.

So, we've been here for over an hour now, my mom and me. I'm bored. I watched some TV with my cousins, but they kept flipping the channels in the middle of the show. I'm only a channel flipper during the commercials. It's like a race to see how many times I can get through all the channels before the show starts up again, but once the show starts, I watch. My cousins don't.

That's when I got up and spoke with Mom, quietly so my grandma couldn't hear us, to see if we were staying for dinner and found out I'm stuck.


Every day I've worked for the past two weeks, Mom has asked me to tell her one good thing about the day. Usually, I just tell her about the day and she points out something good, or better than expected.

Today, after asking her about dinner, she asked me. My answer was getting to leave. My grandma said, "Now, I don't believe that. You need to focus on the positive things that..." It was the beginning of a lecture that I don't want to hear, considering I heard more bad news at work. Fortunately, my mom interrupted her, distracting her with a question about dinner. Thank you, Mom.

I escaped the kitchen/dining room and perused the bookshelf. Not much that interests me there. How many volumes of Reader's Digest versions of books do you need? A 200 page version of War and Peace? That's nuts. So I headed to the computer to play solitaire.

Ten games later and I'm sitting at my grandma's computer, typing about how much I don't want to be here. I can hear my mom, my grandma, and my uncle talk about things. The topics may be different, but it always ends with Grandma lecturing. She doesn't know how to have an active conversation. She constantly interrupts the person speaking, often saying something similar to what the original speaker was going to say.

Once, my grandparents paid me to come down and help with cleaning the yard and one day was spent pulling nails from the wood that was once a roof. Grandma joined me. And she spoke at me. Topics ranged from the president (Clinton at the time) to single mothers to the greatness of Rush Limbah (or however you spell that blow-hard's name) to people needing religion to save society and on and on. I don't think I said more than twenty words to her in five hours of nail pulling. When I got home, my mom had already spoken with my grandma who said, "I just love speaking with him." I figure the only reason is because I didn't say much and that made her thing that I agreed with her, which I didn't.

Tomorrow, she'll probably read this and have some choice words for my mother about people being polite and things that should be said in private and how not to say anything if you have nothing to say.

To that I say, I don't need a lecture. Get over yourself. You don't have to read this page if you don't want to.

Soon it will be time for dinner. Wish me luck.

A Year, Probably

Yesterday, while talking with one of my relatives, answering the unanswerable question, “What do you want to do?” I realized that I have information about my work:

I am not going to be promoted.

A week and a half ago, I had a talk with The Manager. She wanted to know why I was cutting my hours at work. (I don’t want to work anymore than 25 a week.) I told her it’s because I hate the place and it’s making me hate the people I work with and I don’t want that. Why? Because she told me, when we found our Mr. Asshole was going to be our DM, that I had no chance of being promoted. She insisted she never said that. Then she insisted that, if in fact she had, it was a joke. Then she said that she didn’t know I wanted to be promoted. I said I did and asked what I’d have to do to get there. She said that no one in the store is going to be promoted until two shift supervisors are gone. Fired, quit, promoted, or demoted. What are the odds of that happening? Zero. But, she said, there will be a new store in The Town That Jack’s Son Built in nine months that’ll need supervisors, especially ones who know what they’re doing. I’m not movie to that town for an extra buck an hour, and I’m definitely not driving the 100-120 mile (I haven’t measured) round trip for shit pay. No one who lives in Cowtown is going to make that drive, and, probably, none of them want to move their either. Well, she said, they’re talking about opening a store in The Town of Jim in a year, probably. And then she suggested that I work there.

A year? I asked.
A year. I said.

And I walked away from her.

So, I am not going to be promoted.

Unless I wait a year, probably.

A Story In As Many Parts As It Takes, The Finale

Ada's Dance

Almost the End In the Middle Near the Beginning In the Beginning


“No worries,” said Chip, picking himself up and dusting himself off.

Ada couldn’t look away. She had run into Chip? How? Why? Was this supposed to be funny? She looked through the haze, but couldn’t see, what she was sure was, Derrick’s smiling--probably laughing--face. What a jerk. She couldn’t believe he would do something like this. She couldn’t believe she had come to this dance with him. How did that jackass convince her to come with him? Never again, she thought. She’d never, ever, do something like this for Derrick.

“Need some help?”

Ada blinked, “What?”

“Do you need some help up?” Chip asked, offering his hand to her.

“Uh... sure.” She took his hand--his firm, calloused, manly hand--and felt him pull her up. A chill ran though her body. This was it, her moment. Time to make him hers. “Thanks.”

“That was pretty wild, huh?” When she was almost to her feet, he grabbed her other hand.

“Sure.” She started to feel sweaty.

“The way you came crashing into, out of no where, you know?” His hands squeezed hers.

“Yeah.” Her stomach folded into itself.

“What happened? Did you trip?” He put one of his hands on her waist.

The music changed to a faster song. Ada’s heart beat was faster than the beat of the song. Three things were going through her mind: touching Chip; not blowing chunks on perfection in a black shirt; and how it was too dark to get a look at his eyes. She didn’t know what color his eyes were and wanted to know.

“Well, my friend, sort of--”

“There you go, back on your feet, right?” he asked, taking his hands off her. “Don’t I know you?”

“Yeah, we’re in, uh, math together.” She wanted to pull his hands back to her body.

“Right. You’re the smart one, right?”

“Not really. I’m more of a music--”

He eyed her in a way that made her knees wiggle and said, “You don’t look as fat here, you know? More pudgy than whaley, right?”

“Really?” She felt her whole body flush. “I didn’t think that you ever noticed me in class.”

“Sure, you always have your hand up and sit in front of me, don’t you? How could I have not noticed?” He started looking around the room.

“Actually, I sit behind you and to the--”

“Yeah, did you seen where Debbie went?” he asked, still scanning the room.

Debbie? Why was he asking about Debbie? Ada thought he should be focused on her, not some slut who only like him for his looks. He need some one who could look beyond his perfect hair, wide shoulders, and rippled stomach. He need someone like her. She knew she could look beyond those things, in time, and learn to lust after the rest of him as much as she lusted for what she could see.

“I don’t think she went down in the crash, do you? She’d have been under me, right?”

“You mean she hasn’t been under you?” Ada asked.

“What?”

“Nothing. I, uh, I don’t see her anywhere.” She admired the silhouette of his jaw as the lights from the DJ booth lowered.

“Your name, it’s like that song, right?”

“Uh--”

“Yeah, that song barbershops sing.” He started to sing, “Sweet Adeline, my Adeline. Right?”

Ada grimaced, “Right, but I go by Ada.” Because she hated that song. That song was the number one thing she hated most because people had been singing to her since her birth. Every new teacher she’d had sang it. Every person her parent’s introduced her to sang it. Every friend she’d ever made sang it to her when they first met, except for Derrick. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if people actually knew what came after the line with her name. Maybe.

“Sure. Yeah, I remember. Yeah. Where is she?”

“Were you dancing close?”

“Huh? No, she said she’s not big on slow dances. She likes the stuff where she can move, you know? She says it’s the way dancing should be.”

If I tits like hers,thought Ada, I’d be afraid of falling out of my dress. Of course, that may be just what she wants.

“That’s probably why she didn’t get knocked over.”

“I guess.”

“I’m surprised you weren’t dancing close together. It seemed to me that she liked to push her body up against yours.” Ada took a small step toward Chip.

“Yeah, sure.”

“So, would you, um, like to, uh, dance with me?” She took another small step.

“What?”

“Just until she gets back?”

“Okay, sure,” he said and started to move.

To Ada, it looked like he was trying not to vomit while holding in an enormous crap. She was a bit scared, but wanted to dance with him. She started to move. Who cared what other people thought, she was dancing with Chip, every girl’s dream. This girl’s reality.

“Chip!” A shrill voice came from the darkness behind Ada. “Where are you? CHIP!”

She stopped moving and turned around. Debbie. Shit. Debbie, with her carefully mussed blonde hair and a Wonder Bra, walking to where she and Chip were dancing together. The only person who could ruin the moment short of Jesus coming back and bringing the end of the world with him.

Ada stepped back, trying to hide in the darkness as Debbie strode up to Chip.

“Where were you?” she asked, shoving him.

“What?” he asked as he stopped dancing. “I’ve been right here.”

“‘Right here’?” She shoved him again. “You should have been with me.” She stepped close to him. “Some geek in a Garfield tie pulled me away and danced with me. With me! Without asking!” She put her arm around his neck. “Don’t let that happen again!” And she kissed him, hard, on the mouth.

“I won’t.” He kissed her.

“Promise.”

“I promise, alright?” They kissed again.

Debbie started to grind her hips into his. Chip started to grind back.

Ada’s eyes felt heavy, but she wasn’t going to cry. Not over him. Not over the guy who picked her up from the floor. Not over the guy who wanted to dance with her. Not over perfection. She breathed in a ragged breath. She wouldn’t cry. Not her.

She wanted out. Her vision was blurry, she couldn’t see where she was going, but started to walk anyway. She bumped into a couple, stumbled through a circle of people, and got a full on blast of fake smoke before she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Ada?”

“Derrick?”

“H-here,” he said, putting her coat over her shoulders. “L-let’s get out of h-here.”

Potter

I tried to resist, but I couldn't.

Yesterday, I bought the new Harry Potter book. It was only $15.78 at Wal*Mart and they only had four copies left.

I had a total of twenty minutes at work to read it, that got me to page 25.

I got off work at 1:00PM.

I finished it at 11:36PM last night.

If I hadn't taken two hours to eat and watch a movie with my parents, I would have been done sooner.

It sucks when 650 pages isn't enough.

You Oughta Know

I am a fan.



The concert was wonderful.

Comics

Missed last week, have next weeks, too.

Britain

We live in a sucky world, don't we.

For those who don't know, London was bombed today. Here's the AP's account and here's Reuters's account.

Somewhere toward the bottom, the AP says, "Terrorism experts agreed that the explosions had the hallmarks of al-Qaida." Of course, al-Qaida is mentioned at the top of both articles.

Yes, I feel horrible about this, but my cynicism immediately went off and shouted that now no one, or very few people, are going to care about about the letter between Bush Jr. and Blair about there not being chemical and nuclear weapons in Iraq, but intelligence can be doctored. And then there's the whole bizarro thing with the G8 summit in Scotland. Oh, and then the whole British opposition to the occupation of Iraq and how it's going to crumble because they're hurt now.

Should the British people be angry? Hell, yes. I just don't want them to lose their heads and jump into blindly doing everything the government says after this morning.

I'm sad so many people died, but relieved that it was a small number compared to what it could have been, being rush hour and all.

I wish that something positive will come out of this, but I'm pretty sure that only more hatred and violence will be the result. Neither of which seems to be helping the world at all.

Attack

Yesterday, I saw the dipshit DM in the store. So much for the two promises The Manager gave me. (To review, the first was that I wouldn't be scheduled when the dipshit is scheduled to visit and the second is that he wouldn't just drop in.) No one sure why he came, but her was there. I saw him, turned around, walked outside, and sat with my back to the door so I wouldn't have to see his goatee bearded face. Jackass.

I knew I shouldn't go to work today. I should have called in sick. I could tell as I walked out the door that this wasn't a day for working.

I got to the parking lot twenty minutes before work (11:55 AM) and just sat listening to music. I didn't want to go in, but I did. That's when I felt the tightening of the chest, the closing of the throat, and the clammy palms. All the warning signs of a panic attack. All except one time, when I've felt this way, I walk away until I feel better. At parties, I head home or at least outside into the air where I can get some good air. At school, I'd pick up my bag and head out. In my car, I pull over and get out. At work, I couldn't see a way out, so I started working.

I was put on drive-thru and just stood over there and stared out into the parking lot taking deep breaths and telling myself I'd be okay. When I felt worse, I walked into the back room and sat on the step ladder until I didn't feel too overwhelmed.

On my break at two, I just sat there. Assistant Manger #2, who was in charge, asked me if I was okay and I said that I wasn't. She asked me what she could do and I said she could send me home. She laughed. I looked at her and said that I meant it. She said I could sit back there for as long as I wanted. I looked away and played with my headset. When my break was over, I went out front and started taking orders again while staring out into the parking lot.

Eventually, TGMM came in and started talking to me. I wasn't talking back. She asked me how I was. I said bad. She asked what could be done to make it better. I said I should go home. She went and talked to #2 and then came back to say I could leave. So I did and felt bad about it, which made me feel worse.

I sat in my car for ten minutes until I felt like I could safely drive and then drove at least five miles under the speed limit the whole way.

When I got home, I crawled into bed and stared at the wall and ceiling for the next three hours.

I'm feeling better now.

War of the Worlds

Saw War of the Worlds today and enjoyed it.

For those who may be curious, while watching it, I couldn't help but think of the whole attack as a cross between September 11th and what the US is doing to Iraq. Pictures of missing family members posted on fences and walls reminded me of the walls in New York after the towers fell. And it was made clear that the alien had come to Earth for something they wanted and just rolled over the native population. Of course, in the end Earth is freed from its conquers, I don't see that happening to Iraq anytime soon.

How does it stack up to the other versions? It's not as good as the book, but that almost always is the case, isn't it. It's better than the 1953 movie. And it's really different from the Wells radio broadcast.

Heard lots of people complain about the ending, but other than the fact that Boston is nearly untouched (I guess even evil aliens are scared of the rich people who live in Brown Stones) and another thing that may ruin something if I wrote it here, I liked the end. It was the end of the book, which is a great twist, if you don't know what it is.

I'm being careful not to spoil this movie for you, but I do want you to know that I had other problems with the movie, but not enough to destroy my enjoyment.

Oh, one that I can tell you about is Morgan Freeman doing the voice over at the beginning and ending of the movie. They could have found a more intense voice actor for the roll. My choice would have been Keith David (Goliath in Gargoyles and Spawn in Spawn), he has one of the best voices out there.

If you want to know more and don't mind spoilers, let me know.

Favorite

Probably my favorite line from the musical version on The Producers is when Max is in jail singing a song that recaps the play. It's near the end of the song and he says, "Just like Julius Caesar was betrayed by Brutus / Who'd think an accountant would turn out to be a Judas."

The reason that I like it so much? Judas was an accountant. Funny stuff.

PS Finally it's July and the temp here is cresting above 100. I'm looking forward to the amazing sunrises and sunsets fire season brings with it.

Thanks, but...

I want to thank those of you who offered up advice, but you have to understand that I'm just a worrier.

Here's an example: During the brief time that Heels and Johnny Logic lived in Cowtown and I lived here too, I was invited to their house to go to dinner and then watch The Office. Before getting into my car I started to wonder why I was invited. Did they not have any better plans? Am I just comic relief in the TV show of their life together? Why not someone else? Isn't there someone better than me they can hang out with?

As I got in the car, I knew I was being silly, but my stomach was still moving in funny ways.

Then I started to think about ways that I could be entertaining. Stupid stories about stupid people at work. Some of the crazy things my mother has said during my life. Monkeys going to heaven. You know, things that I thought would make them laugh.

Then I started in with the horrible questions again. All the while, my stomach flipped and flopped.

When I got there, though, everything was fine. My stomach settled and I was who I am. I think it was a fun night and I doubt that either one knew what I thought on my way to see them.

And this isn't an isolated incident.

When I went to Cowcity a couple of weeks ago and headed over to the 'Bucks I used to work I got the horribles. Every time I go to The Bay to see friends and brothers. Trips into Mooville for comics. Practically every time I go anywhere.

My worrying about what did happen and what will happen in deeply ingrained and probably won't go away soon.

Thanks, though. It's nice to know you care.

Chruning

About a month ago, while I was house sitting, I re-met this girl from highschool. I didn’t really know her then because we didn’t have any classes together, maybe one, but I had my own little corner with friends that I wasn’t about to leave. She came into ‘Bucks and we talked for a while and then she gave me her number and e-mail on a napkin.

After she left, I started to freak out. I didn’t know what to do.

That night, I woke up, still freaked out, but decided that I should e-mail her. I figured it’d be nice to have someone around who I could do things with, who’s near my age.

In the morning, I couldn’t find the napkin. Instead of writing her, I wrote to someone I trusted to get some advice that could help me stop freaking out. It did. A couple of days later, doing laundry, I found the napkin in a pocket, big surprise. I e-mailed her right away and we set up a trip to Mooville to see a movie.

We went and I think I wasn’t the only one who had fun talking on the trip there and back. I liked hearing her thoughts on the movie. It had been a long time since I’d been to a movie with someone who would say more than whether or not she liked it. This girl had actual opinions and was willing to support them. Finally.

During the movie, I thought, at one point, about taking her hand. I didn’t.

After the drive back, we walked from my grandparent’s house and went to dinner on the main street in the Town of Jim. It was so-so Mexican. I wasn’t really hungry, probably because I was nervous. I didn’t finish all of my food, which is odd for me.

We walked back and stood near her car talking for a while. We said our good-byes. She stood in a way that seemed odd to me at the time. I started walking backward toward the house, waving. She got in the car and drove away. I suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe, the way she was standing meant she wanted a hug. Then I started to obsess over it, which is never good. I’m still obsessing over it, which is why I’m up so early in the morning writing this before I go to work.

I don’t initiate the touching thing. To the best of my recollection, I never have. I do my best to slide around people in tight places without touching them (a hard feat with a belly). I learn new peoples’ names at work right away so I don’t have to touch them to get their attention (Hell, I’m not comfortable with people at work touching me to get my attention.). I don’t start the handshakes when I meet, others do (but I will grab with my left hand to make it awkward). I hate it when people feel the need to kiss hello; I let them do it to me, but don’t do it back. When family says good-bye, I never initiate the hug, they do with arms spread and a step toward me.

I’m not sure why I’m this way, I just am. Only my parents can say if I’ve always been this way.

Anyway, we’re going to see a play tonight, A Comedy of Errors, and tomorrow night, Hamlet. It’s an outdoor theater and we’re picnicking before.

My stomach is churning.

Tagged!

Been tagged by green apron monkey (even though he hasn’t been a green apron monkey for nine or ten months). The tagging involves me listing six songs and six albums that mean something to me and why. So, in the order in which I type them, here goes.

Songs:

Light Up My Room---Barenaked Ladies---Stunt
There’s something about melancholy songs with weird imagery that I can’t get enough of and this is one of the best. I think a large part of why I like so much was my surprise at when I heard it. I had only heard the songs that were played on the radio, which I liked so I bought the album. The first two songs were constantly played on the radio, so I knew them well, and then this one came on. It sounded so different and the wistful sound just pulled me in. I had to play it again right away and when I was done listening to the album, this was the song I was hearing.

A Self Called Nowhere---They Might Be Giants---John Henry
Sort of in the same category as the one above, but musically different. The words are sung pretty softly and that’s the way the music starts, but it changes, gets harder, then goes back. It also talks about that obsessive nature that people (me) can get. So obsessed by one thing that we forget other things that may have been important and may be important.

Kiss Off---Violent Femmes---Violent Femmes
There are three reasons this song gets me: 1) The first Violent Femmes I ever heard. Acoustic punk, amazing. 2) The list of reasons. 3) The fact that their best song uses a phrase that I heard for ten minutes back in the fourth or fifth grade.

I’m Going To Go Back There Someday---The Great Gonzo (Dave Goelz)---The Muppet Movie Soundtrack
Not the remixed/revamped version from Muppets From Space, but the good, simple one from The Muppet Movie. Most people would probably pick Kermit singing Rainbow connection, and that would be a great choice, but fast forward to about fifteen/twenty minutes before the end, just before (I think) Kermit talks with himself and listen to the emotion. He says, “I’ve never been there but I know the way / I’m going to go back there someday.” I feel like that every day.

We Used to be Friends---The Dandy Warhols---Welcome to the Monkey House
It reminds me of the one who was my best friend (read this post for all the info on her). I miss the goofiness of being with her. Every time I’ve seen her in the last couple of years I feel like she wants to forget how fun it was to be the weird ones. She’s not like this with her brother, but I suppose that’s a different relationship altogether. I don’t know what happened, but we’re not the friends we used to be.

3 AM---Matchbox 20---Yourself of Someone Like You
Probably the most embarrassing song on this list, but it helped me to get through my first year of college. Jane, from the show Daria and to the character, once said, “You didn’t make any friends at that camp, did you.” That was my first year at school. I went there thinking that there would be lots more people like my friends. People who were willing to talk about anything (And I mean anything, we once talked, on a bus headed to Disneyland surrounded by our classmates, about turning breast milk into cheese and how it could be sold as an aphrodisiac. We weren’t the most popular, but we had the most fun.), but there weren’t any that I could find. People there, except for many in the Christian club for some odd reason, were just as concerned with their surface as most people in highschool were. This song described how I felt at the time and still makes my insides crinkle when I hear it.

Albums:

Flood---They Might Be Giants
My brother gave me a copy of the cassette when I was in eighth grade. I wanted it for the songs that were on Tiny Toons, but found something special. I’d listen to it everyday, on my cheap-o walkman, at least two times. My obsession started with the slippery lyrics and the strange staccato sounds, but the more I listened to it the more I thought I was hearing something new, something that was all for me. I kept it my secret until I discovered that they had made other albums, better albums, but this was the first I knew. Hell, I can still sing almost the entire album without any help.

Rubber Soul---The Beatles
I can’t remember when my Beatles obsession began, but the summer after my freshman year, it came to a head. When the family was gone, I’d play all the records he had (nearly all of them, I think) and sing along with them. One day, as I listened to this, I noticed that here was their transition point. This album was The Beatles moving away from the pop of With the Beatles into the stranger sounds of Magical Mystery Tour. It’s a strange balance of both sticking to the old and trying to find the new. I really like hearing the most popular band of the sixties searching for something new, maybe better, rather than sticking to the old stuff because it works.

Violent Femmes---Violent Femmes (Special Edition or whatever it’s called)
I owned the compilation album (Add It Up) that everyone seems to own first, but then got this one and was blown away by the magnitude of it. It has demos and live versions and all sorts of extra things that made it stand out. If I hadn’t bought this one, Add It Up would be on the list. Acoustic punk kicks ass, what else can I say?

Okay, that’s only three albums, but it’s all I can think of right now.

Fat or Thin

The other day, at work, The Manager and Some Customer were talking about clothes and The Manager said, "I don't like shopping there. I can never find something that fits."

"I know what you mean," said Some Customer. "Some things are just too small."

"I know," said The Manager.

And I was confused. The Manager may not be as thin as she once was, but she must be a size five or six. Some Customer was even thinner than The Manager.

Where are they shopping that they can't find clothes big enough to fit? The kids department?

I've never heard a conversation like that one. Skinny girls on the verge of saying they're too fat.

As a fat person, I find it very disturbing.

Many Questions

I just wanted you to have to scroll for a long time.

I pulled this off of Heels's blog and then saw the one Slackbastard did. Go, tell her her baby is beautiful, but don't tell her I told you to.

Smoked a cigarette? Yeah, but barfed right afterward. Nothing like vomit to turn yourself off of something.
Smoked a cigar? If it’s really like smoking 3 cigarettes at once, I’ll need more stomachs.
Made out with a member of the same sex? Nope
Crashed a friend’s car? I’ve never even driven a friend’s car.
Stolen a car? No.

Been in love? I’m pretty sure, but she didn’t know about it.
Been dumped? To be dumped would mean I’ve dated someone more than once.
Shoplifted? A Tootsie Roll.
Been fired? No, I quit.
Been in a fist fight? Nope, I make a confusing remark then run.

Snuck out of my parents house? To go where, the creek?
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? All the time.
Been arrested? No.
Made out with a stranger? No.
Gone on a blind date? No.

Lied to a friend? Who hasn’t?
Had a crush on a teacher? No.
Skipped school? Yes.
Slept with a co-worker? No.
Seen someone die? No, but I think I’d like to be there with a sleeping old person and just watch then slip away, all peaceful like.

Been to Canada? No, but saw it from the top of a roller coaster.
Been to Mexico? Calexico, yuck.
Been on a plane? Yes.
Thrown up in a bar? No.

Purposely set a part of myself on fire? Yes, it’s main reason I have rubbing alcohol.
Eaten sushi? Once. I wish I had tried the white tuna.
Been snowboarding? No.

Taken painkillers? Yes, but mostly aspirin.
Love someone or miss someone right now? Of course.
Laid on your back and watched the cloud shapes go by? Yes.
Made a snow angel? Yup, even when there wasn’t any snow.

Had a tea party? Had cookie parties, not tea.
Flown a kite? Yes.
Built a sand castle? Yes, mostly those turd looking ones.
Gone puddle jumping? Yes, this morning at work when the ice machine flooded the back room.
Played dress up? My favorite part of Halloween.

Jumped into a pile of leaves? Yes.
Gone sledding? Yes.
Cheated while playing a game? Yes, but I’m usually caught, unless it’s Risk and I get the others into fights.
Been lonely? Mostly at parties.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Nope.

Used a fake ID? No.
Watched the sun set? Yes. Fire season sunsets are the best. So are fire season sunrises.
Felt an earthquake? Yup.
Touched a snake? Yes.

Been tickled? Yes.
Been robbed? Yeah.
Robbed someone? No.
Been misunderstood? I think I have, but that’s really a question for others to answer, but they’d probably lie to me.
Pet a reindeer/goat? Reindeer: no. Goat: yes. Homosexual Goat: yes.

Won a contest? Only if auctions are contests.
Run a red light? Yes. It was early in the morning and I just blew through it without thinking. Thank goodness it didn’t have one of those cameras.
Been suspended from school? No.
Had a detention? Yup, for reading a newspaper.
Been in a car accident? A tappy one where there was no damage caused to anyone and I wasn’t driving.

Had braces? Nope. A few crooked teeth give character, right?
Felt like an outcast? I’m going with Heel’s answer, “I was in High School.”
Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night? More than a pint.
Had deja-vu? Not like Neo had deja-vu.
Danced in the moonlight? Alone.

Witnessed a crime? Only the ones politicians commit.
Pole danced? No, but made up stories about a horrible teacher pole dancing with dyes.
Questioned your heart? Yes.
Been obsessed with post-it notes? Oddly enough, I always end up losing post-its.

Squished barefoot through the mud? Oh yeah.
Been lost? In freakin’ SF while trying to drive in the city.
Been to the opposite side of the country? No, but hope to get there soon.
Swam in the ocean? Only one of them.
Felt like dying? Recently?

Cried yourself to sleep? No, I’m usually done crying and into the deep self loathing part.
Played cops and robbers? Yes.
Recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers? Yes.
Sung karaoke? Nope.
Paid for a meal with only coins? Yes, and the bitch deserved it.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Not yet.
Made prank phone calls? No.
Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? Not yet.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes.
Kissed in the rain? No.

Written a letter to Santa Claus? Yes.
Been kissed under mistletoe? By relatives.
Watched the sunset with someone you care about? It depends on what you mean by "someone you care about."
Blown bubbles? With my spit.
Made a bonfire on the beach? No, but I hear about them all the time from my brother.

Crashed a party and took their tap? No.
Gone roller-skating? Yes.
Had a wish come true? Never.
Humped a monkey? She wasn’t that hairy.

Worn pearls? No.
Jumped off a bridge? No.
Screamed penis in class? Yes, and vagina.
Eaten dog/cat food? A dog biscuit, once. It was the thing to do. Don’t judge by just one question.
Told a complete stranger you loved/hated them? I reserve those words people I actually care about.

Sang in the shower? Show tunes. Cabaret is a favorite.
Have a little black dress? No.
Fucked in the park? No.
Had a dream that you married someone? Yes.
Glued your hand to something? Yes.
Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No, the metal thing in the freezer.
Kissed a fish? No.
Worn the opposite sexes clothes? For Halloween. And I was pregnant.
Been a cheerleader? If I had, I’d be dead, or visiting a camp that has Ru Paul without his wig.
Sat on a roof top? Yes.

Had sex in church? Nope.
Screamed at the top of your lungs? No.
Done a one-handed cartwheel? Let’s get through the two-handed cartwheel first.
Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours? No, I like the letter thing or face-to-face thing too much.
Stayed up all night? Yes, see the post from a couple of days ago.

Haven’t take a shower for a week? Yeah, but there were probably baths during that week.
Pick and ate an apple right off the tree? Yes.
Climbed a tree? Yes.
Had a tree house? No, because the trees around here suck.
Are scared to watch scary movies alone? No.

Believe in ghosts? Only the ones of my past and future and present.
Have more than 30 pairs of shoes? In my lifetime?
Worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say? I've worn ugly outfits to school, but I didn’t care what others would say. They probably didn’t even notice since I wore the same type of clothes the day before.
Gone streaking? No
Played ding-dong-ditch? Is this a game that involves a doorbell? We don’t have doorbells where I come from.
Played monster in the bucket? Not that I know of. And I hope I haven't.

Played chicken fight? I couldn’t find two chickens that would fight.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? I jumped.
Been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? I’ve never even imagined that scenario.
Broken a bone? No.
Been easily amused? It’s my whole life so far.

Caught a fish and ate it? I’ve caught fish, but I think they were always thrown back.
Made porn? Only in my mind, and even there I get performance anxiety.
Caught a butterfly? Yes.
Laughed so hard you cried? Yes, I usually gets hiccups.
Cried so hard you laughed? No, but it made others laugh.

Mooned/flashed someone? No one wants to see that.
Had someone moon/flash you? Why would they want to?
Cheated on a test? Yes, but it was the ASFAB and that doesn’t count.
Forgotten someone’s name? Yeah, all those people who come into ‘Buck day after day.

Slept naked? On occasion, but it’s not as fun, or interesting, when you’re alone.
French braided someone’s hair? No, but I think I could.
Gone skinny dipping in a pool? 12 hours by myself.

It's "That" Time

Hope it's funny.

Awake

Of course it has to happen when I have to be at work by 4:15 in the morning.

I should really be sleeping right now. In fact, up until about fifteen minutes ago, I had been in bed for over three hours trying to sleep. There were some times that I think I drifted off, but they must have been short because I would look at the clock and it would only be a few minutes after I last looked.

Ninish, I tried reading a bit. That usually helps me to fall asleep because my usual routine is get in bed, read for fifteen/twenty minutes, sleep. Not tonight, apparently.

I've, sort of, had this problem other nights, but usually I get to sleep and then wake up at one or two to pee and then can't sleep.

The problem, or one problem, is that an idea pops into my head that wants to get out. Tonight's was an idea of how to actually start that novel I started jotting ideas down for a long time ago. (I mention it at the bottom of this post.) Getting up and putting it down is a double edged sword, you know? On the one hand, I don't lose the idea that I think is great. On the other hand, I'm going to have to be at work at 4:15. Usually, I just stay in bed and drift in and out, but never really fall asleep. Tonight, apparently, I won't even get a couple of hours of real sleep.

Maybe part if it is stress. I don't want to go to work. I walk through the door feeling fine, sometimes I'm even up-beat, but within the first hour, my head starts throbbing. I think that last week I took more aspirin than I had in the whole year leading up to it. Not a good sign. At one point the headache got so bad I thought I was gonna barf. I didn't, but I was afraid I would. Tonight, I have a headache. Not the barfy kind, but the same kind I get at work. They seem to start at my eyeballs and swoop up under my skull, then split into two near my brain stem, and flows down the sides of my neck.

On another note, I finished a book today. This time I read Primary Colors. I've always like the movie and when I found the book at some used bookstore, I snatched it. Like most good books turned into movies, it seemed so full, more rich. Two things surprised me though. The first is that my favorite scene in the movie isn't in the book. In the movie, when everyone meets Henry (a black man and grandson to a civil rights leader) they all say that they knew his grandfather, or admired his grandfather, or something like that. But when Susan Stanton meets she says (to the best of my memory), "I met you once. It was at your grandfathers and you were running around in the sprinkler in your underwear." One of my favorite movie moments. The second surprise is how Kathy Bates owned her roll as Libby Holden in the movie. Even before I knew who was speaking, I heard Kathy Bates's voice in my head and couldn't get it out for the rest of the novel.

Okay, I'm off to try sleep again.

'Night.

Oh Yeah

I forgot to mention that today's the summer solstace. The days only get darker from here on out.

Of Mice

So, The Manager told me, yesterday, that Fuckburger is going to be our DM. Then she asked me not to quit. Then she promised that I'd never be scheduled when Fuckburger is coming to the store. Then she asked me not to quit again. Then she asked me to promise not to quit. I told her that I won't quit unless I have another job lined up. (I never told her the reason for the test I took in Cow City.) She asked me to promise not to quit. I told her I couldn't make promises that I couldn't keep and walked out of the back room.

Effin' Late

Work sucks. Two people, both closers, called in sick. From nine until 11:30, there were only two of us. PSBG kicked everyone out thirty minutes early, so it only took us ninety minutes to get the store closed.

The old manager will become our District Manager July 1st.

I really want to quit.

Early

I'm sitting here waiting for the fire to catch enough for me to close it all the way down and pondering the people I have to close with.

Tonight, I realized why I don't really like closing. It's the people I close with. They're not bad people, their just night people. And their friends are night people. That means that the employees stop and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and... well, you get the idea. The drinks line up. The people in the drive-thru start getting angry and I'm the one who has to face angry customers.

I have two more days of this to face. Oy.

On another note, I saw the new Batman today. It was pretty good. I had three major problems with it. Several not so major problems. And lots of suggestions that could have cleaned it up nicely, but I'm not important enough because those Hollywood people know I'll see whatever crap they put out and slap the word Batman to it.

One thing it did was really made me appreciate how great the cartoon we grew up with was. Go and rent a disk of the cartoon after seeing the movie, you'll see what I mean.

Oh, and Katie Holmes is starting to look like a skeleton. She was much cuter when her face was more round while she was on The Creek.

Okay, fire should be ready by now.

Tay Dripper

The drive was long and the test was easy. Everything was on computer, so we got our scores right away. I did really well. I'm in the fourth group to be called on, which means that I did as good as a person can do who isn't already a state employee (3) or a veteran (2) or a disabled veteran (1). After the test, I found myself hoping that the people working for the state are idiots and then took it back because my stomach started to fill with guilt.

After the test, I cruised through the mall, since everything that involves the state in Cow City is right by a mall. Strange, but true. Anyway, there was a duel purpose to the cruising finding a gift for father's day and getting my parking validated. Luckily, I did that at one store. I also found something for myself, but that's not important.

I drove across town, then, to visit the store I used to work at and head out to lunch with GIESW.

During my last six weeks at that store, I got the feeling that if I put even a little effort forth (like just barely above nothing) and she would sleep with me. For a while, I considered it, but she was sad. (And still is.) I'm smart enough to know that I don't need a sad person to really depend on me. Of course there was that whole I could have sex with her thing, but I didn't want to hurt her which would have made me guilty which would have hurt me which would have hurt her, and created a horrible cycle of hurt and guilt that no one needs. After talking with her yesterday, I know that if I had put forth that effort she would have hated me for it. I'm glad that I didn't.

Next Tuesday is when my name goes on the state list for jobs. Looking forward to that.

Last One

Like this at least.


Here are the others: 1 2 3 4 5

Testy?

Right now, my life is like that point where you lose (hopefully) or gain (usually) some weight and your waist is between holes on a belt where one hole is a little too tight to wear all day and leaves a mark on your body that doesn't disappear until the next morning and the other hole is a little too loose and your pants sag just a bit so you're constantly pulling at your waist just above your butt and people give you weird looks.

On Thursday, I take a step toward finding a permanent hole to settle in. Thursday's the day I take a civil service test thing up in Cow City.

I plan on being a little crazy and stopping in at the old store. Hopefully, someone good will be there, like GIESW or FLIG, but there's no way to know for sure.

"If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

My computer is finally back on the internet.

What? You didn't know it wasn't connected? That's okay, I doubt I ever mentioned it wasn't connected.

I worked early this morning, came back and my dad gave me the phone number to the ISP. It was lost for a while. Don't know where he found it, but I'm glad he did.

Why am I glad? I'm glad because I can load all my music into iTunes so I can put all of it on my iPod. I'm starting with Bloodhound Gang, They Might Be Giants, and Bare Naked Ladies. I need the songs that make me smile along with he ones that make old ladies cringe ("You've had a lot of dick Chasey / But you ain't had mine").

I've decided that I need some Dandy Warhols CDs. I guess that means the next time I'm in The Bay, I'll be hitting a "real" music store since stupid Columbia House (which I joined when I just started college) doesn't have any for sale. It also doesn't have any Everclear for sale, which surprised me since they're played on the pop rock/alternative stations all the time.

Speaking of radio stations, the last time I was in Cow City I discover that my favorite radio station was destroyed by the man. It was mainly an alternative station (and had been for like 14 years) that played music ranging from twenty years, or more, ago to just released. Usually the harder stuff. This station was the first place where I ever heard The Pixies followed by Everclear followed by The Violent Femmes. Awesome. Now it plays anything at anytime, but mostly on the softer side of rock. I heard a Celine Dion (or however you spell that shrew's name) my last day in the city and freaked out. Never again will I be able to bring myself to listen to that station.

Onward:

I'm also catching up with comics and blogs and such that I like to check out but have complicated addresses so they don't stick in my head. Some of the comics are on live journal, which makes it even more difficult since people are crazy and have long usernames or common ones and you have to remember which number they are.

I napped earlier. I didn't mean to. I was reading (currently Little Big Man) and just drifted off. Lucky I didn't roll over and squarsh my glasses. When I woke (to a phone call from my grandma for my mom, which I didn't answer because I wanted to get back to my dream about cloud cats) I had a headache (still do) and my parents were gone (still are) leaving a note saying they're on a bike ride (which I could check on if I really wanted to, but I'm lazy).

If my brothers are out there, here's a Cat and Girl to check out. You'll know why I want you to look at it.

Oh, when I asked for questions, only one person (a brother) out there actually put one to me. He asked, "Waht do you WANT to do?" I think the first word is supposed to be "What" so I'll answer the question "What do you WANT to do?" Is that okay? What I'd like to do is be able to say that I've walked a continuous mile in every country and on every continent because I've actually walked a continuous mile in ever country and on every continent. I've got the US pretty well covered, since I've lived here all my life. I think I've got Mexico covered from my brief visit to Calexico (a very sad city across the boarder) with my uncle several years ago. So, that leave six continents and over a hundred countries. Will this ever happen in my life time? Right now it doesn't seem likely, but I could find a winning Powerball ticket that some orphanage running nun carelessly dropped and was swept away by the wind. If that happens, you won't be seeing me in person, but I'll be sure to update here to make all of you all turn all the shades of envy.

A month ago, I found out the former manager of the 'Bucks I currently work at, who was the reason I quit for those fourish months over a year ago, may become the district manager of the store I'm currently employed at. When I found out, I told The Manager that on the day it happens, I'm putting in my notice. I was serious. I can't work for that guy again. When The Manager rehired me, oh-so-long-ago, she spoke with him and he said to her: "Why did you rehire him? He was gone. We don't need people like him at our stores." Of course, The Manager felt the need to rush right out and tell me what was said by the jackass, and it was only my second day back. Nice, right. A week and a halfish ago, DHOH, who is permanently on disability, so was just visiting, started talking about the jackass coming back and I told her that if he actually became our DM, I'm putting in my notice or transferring to the next closest store where he's not DM. DHOH was shocked. (She keeps imagining that she's coming back to the store, even though she's in so much pain she takes a morphine pill every four hours just to be able to sit for a time.) Today, NBJW asked me not to quit is the jackass becomes our DM. She insists that he'll only be around once a month and I can always get those days off. She claims that The Manager will make sure that I'm not scheduled for those days. I'm not convinced that I could avoid him, especially since he'd be calling the store every week or so. NBJW said I should just avoid answering the phone, which I suppose I could. So, I'm not sure what I'll do if the jackass becomes the DM of our district, but I'm getting worried that NBJW knows something that other don't since she brought this up today.

We'll see.

Stupid

Your Birthdate: April 5

With a birthday on the 5th of the month you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

If I'm supposed to "work well with people and enjoy them" because I was born on the fifth day of the month, I must have been born with another day in mind.

Pig Thing

It's like the man said, "Still. Ya gotta make an exception for Don Hertzfeld"


for absolutely no apparent reason at all you are
that random thing with the head of a pig that
flies by. when pigs fly!


don hertzfeldt's REJECTED! ...the quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

Squink

I think that should be a word, but what should it mean?

I Forgot

Yesterday was my grandparent's 61st anniversary.

To me, that number is astounding. They've been married 35 years longer than I've been alive, and I'm their oldest grandchild.

If I got married tomorrow, something that I know won't happen, I'll have to live to be 87 years and 66 days old to match that. Amazing.

Congratulations Grandpa and Grandma, if you're reading this. If science makes it possible, I'm looking forward to your 122nd anniversary.

I don’t know what to say here anymore.

Stories from work have become repetitive. Here, unlike in Cowcity, the people I work with understand that I’m not social, so they don’t try to force me to do things that I don’t want to do. It probably helps that there are three employees over forty (of the rest, only two are older than me, the rest younger) and six employees are mothers. I think that limits how much people want to hang out with each other. Plus, The Manager live forty miles west of the store; Assistant Manager #1 lives forty miles north of the store (closer to another ‘Bucks); and Assistant Manager #2 lives twenty miles to the east. The likely hood of these three wanting to get the store together for a party of any sort is very unlikely. Which is okay with me.

My work days are, as I wrote in the paragraph above, pretty much the same. I go (recently at 4:15AM); I serve (to people who would probably be better spending their money on cigarettes); and I leave (stinking of the stuff I serve). (I wish I spoke Latin. That phrase would be much better in Latin.)

At the end of April, I saw one of the two movies I was/am most excited about this year. The other doesn’t come out until September. It seems funny, to me, that the movies I most want to see are both out side of the summer and winter rush of movies. Sure, I’ve been to the movies since April and I’ll go before September, but the months that bookend the summer hold the ones that I want to see.

I’ve signed up to take one of the many civil service tests for this state. I find it unlikely that it’ll help me to find a job that will become my passion... my reason for living, but it may get me away from ‘Bucks and that’d be very nice. My aunt took the test six months, or so, ago and found a job at the prison, where her husband works, shortly after. She told me that since I can type, I’d get an immediate bump in pay, which would be nice. The test is up in Cowcity at the end of the month, keep your fingers and other crossable extremities crossed for me. I’d appreciate it.

What else to say? I don’t have a clue. Is there anything that YOU, the few there are, want to know? A question YOU really want answered? Something that I can do to help YOU? A wish YOU think I can grant? Let me know in the comments.

Once Again

Next week? More of the same!

Almost Missed It

Last day of the week, but I remembered.